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5 weeks ago I was planning my wedding. Today I am single.I'd only been engaged for 5 months and the hardest thing is having to explain to people who are still trying to catch up congratulating me / us is that actually we're now not getting married, in fact we're not together at all.
So what went wrong and what I have learned from this awful experience that I can share with others ?♥ > 4 weeks ago ♥
Les and I met through work about 3 1/2 years ago. He had been married before and was just going through a divorce that hit him badly. I was there for him as a friend when he needed me most and over a period of time we grew closer and closer until our relationship went from being just good friends to something more. To be honest, with hindsight the first 6 months was rocky to say the least - we'd have a brilliant few weeks then he'd start getting all worried that he'd rushed into a new relationship too quickly and blamed himself for his break-up and we'd call things off. Well, for at least a day anyway and then we'd patch things up and off we went again.They say opposites attract and I have to say that was the only justification for Les and I got together. 12 years older than me, quiet, sporty - he was the total opposite of me and we didn't really have very much in common but somehow we also seemed to make time fly and slowly but surely started to find things we both enjoyed doing and the relationship bloomed.
We did everything together - holidays, watching Liverpool at Anfield, travelling round the country for his triathlons, meals out, in fact we were inseperable.It is only now looking back that I realise the relationship that bloomed was one of best friends and not of lovers destined to spend the rest of their lives together but I wasn’t able to see that until now...
At the back end of last year we started to chat about marriage. I wanted to make sure we both wanted to same things, and as I couldn't imagine my life without Les in it, it seemed the natural next step. On Valentines day this year Les popped the big question, I said yes and voila - we were engaged and planning the wedding.So what went wrong ?
♥ 4 weeks ago ♥Approx 4 weeks ago it hit me. I was about to commit the rest of my life to one man - and it scared the hell out of me. But this wasn't just pre-wedding jitters, this was me realising that I just couldn't go ahead with it. Don't get me wrong; I still loved him and probably more than ever, but only in a 'best friend' kind of way. I loved him in a 'don't ever want anything bad to happen to you, would do anything for you' sort of way.
I didn't know what to do - I told a couple of close friends who all told me it was just natural pre-wedding nerves and not to worry but I knew deep down it was more. I tried to talk to Les a couple of times but he didn't understand and said he was happy with things are they were. Anyway, it all got too much and I spent the next week just drinking heavily every night and trying to forget what was bothering me.I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my mum - I broke down and it all came tumbling out and I got the reaction I needed.
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