Member Advice on Bullying

I have decided to give the toy reviews a little rest and concentrate on something completely different. I am going to give a bully's view to bullying and yes I know I may get some stick from certain members but I was a bully in more ways than one whilst at school and it was only when I left school that I realized the damage I had caused. Firstly I feel it is important that you understand the up bringing I had from a young age as I believe this contributed ...
...bear with me as I try and let you into my mind. Please read this entire review as it is important to see where I began and ended up to fully understand my purpose in writing this review. In two parts the first my home life the second the flip side whilst attending school.

The Life Of Bazzaoleary77 At Home
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My life began on a sunny summer afternoon at a grubby South London ... more

I have decided to give the toy reviews a little rest and concentrate on something completely different. I am going to give a bully's view to bullying and yes I know I may get some stick from certain members but I was a bully in more ways than one whilst at school and it was only when I left school that I realized the damage I had caused. Firstly I feel it is important that you understand the up bringing I had from a young age as I believe this contributed to the way in which I turned out so please bear with me as I try and let you into my mind. Please read this entire review as it is important to see where I began and ended up to fully understand my purpose in writing this review. In two parts the first my home life the second the flip side whilst attending school.

The Life Of Bazzaoleary77 At Home
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My life began on a sunny summer afternoon at a grubby South London Hospital in Lewisham on the 4th August 1977 born to a mother whom was 18 years old and already married and divorced and giving birth to her first successful pregnancy as two miscarriages had previously occurred. I was taken back to a run down South London Flat in Bellingham and that's where my life began to be shaped. My father had gone and was never on the seen and a series of men had entered and left my mothers life. At the age of 4 I was out playing in the streets unsupervised whilst mum entertained her various male friends and smoked pot all day, no care for what I was up to and learning and boy was I learning the fast way. In 1981 a little piece of stability entered my life in the form of Michael the man whose name I eventually took and along came my brother. I was given to my Grandparents whilst the whole birth process passed and given back when my mum decided that she was ready to have me back.

Through no fault of my brother I was suddenly bottom of the pile and the little attention I had received disappeared and I was left to my own devices entirely. Michael did his best to raise me as his own but at the age of 6 I was constantly witnessing him and mum fighting both as bad as each other and just before turning 7 I was asleep in bed when the Armed Police broke in and arrested my Step Father dragging him out at gunpoint. Mum had decided that him going to prison for a series of Armed robberies was a step to far for her and decided to start seeing other men whilst he was in Prison. Soon after a man by the name of Richard entered my mums life and one day at about 12pm in the afternoon I had the audacity to enter her bedroom because I wanted some lunch what a mistake. As I entered I was pounced on by him and he sat on top of me strangling me I passed out. I now understand they were in the middle of sex and I had upset him, my mum had done nothing to stop him and even told me I deserved it. For a few months afterwards I was subjected to regular beatings from both my mum and Richard on one occasion having my head fractured due to being hit so hard I hit a wall.

The Richard phase soon passed over my mum and I suddenly began to feel safe when he had gone but a series of men were to follow none of which wanted me about so again I was left to my own devices. At the age of 8 I was being left to look after my brother whilst mum went out at night with her fancy men and when she could be bothered we would have a child minder these were the times I dreaded the most. She used to have her friends over they must have been about 15 and used to play with me in way's that I was not happy with. I was constantly teased and even hit on occasions when I complained. When I mentioned these issues to my mum she just said I can't be with you all the time you know I need my space.

Then came mum's next semi stable man Noel who was a very strange man who not only liked men but women as well who was also not to bothered about the age if you get what I mean. He did try molesting me on one occasion inviting me into his bed. I was lucky I kicked off in a huge way and ran out many others are not so lucky. My way of dealing with this at the age of 8 was to set fire to his house whilst he and my mum were inside. They escaped after a neighbor noticed the smoke and called the Fire Brigade when I was eventually caught about 10 hours later I tried to explain to the Police why I had done it but they were not interested at all. Noel eventually went after about a year and a half only to be replaced by the worst of all Tony.

Me my brother and mum all moved to a house from our crappy block of flats in a much nicer area and I really thought my life would change but this is where it got much worse. I was bullied daily by my mums new and soon to be husband. Tony appeared at first to be the first decent man she had met but once he had his feet under the table, had moved in and married my mum he turned. As well as nightly beatings of my mum he would beat me to release his frustration and he would beat me like he was beating on a fully grown man. I found a solution eventually and that was to fight back. I would still come out really bad on one occasion having my nose broken but he would not do it as much knowing he would get a reaction from me. This did however bring out a much more nasty monster the psychological kind he would lie to my mother about things I had done and drive me of food when hungry, buy things like sweets etc and leave them in the cupboard for weeks until I ask for one when he would say their mine and eat them all in front of me. He would also promise to buy this that and the other then say I never said that and get me to jobs saying he would give me some pocket money and then give nothing at all.

On one occasion he took me out in the car to the and whilst walking around he said right you wait here which I did but two hours later he had not returned. I eventually found someone to help me and they took me home when I arrived he said he had lost me whilst out shopping and beat me for wandering off. I swear to you now I had not moved an inch as I was scared in a large shopping centre on my own. What was my mum's reaction to all of this her man just couldn't be lying could he. My mum I must add has always been insecure and needed a man about, she has also always even to this day been scared of growing old alone even if at the expense of her children. My brother luckily escaped most of the violence but still received the mental torture.

As I got older and more mature he slowed the bullying down but at the age of 14 he told me I had to leave the family home and my mum did nothing to stop him. That night I could find nowhere to sleep so in the car park where he parked his car I found a piece of old carpet and curled up to try and sleep, my mother walked past me to the local shop came back with bag's of food and didn't even acknowledge I was there so I slept for a very cold night on the streets. I was still attending school as this was a safe place for me and staying with friends when I could. One day I was so hungry I went to my mums when I knew he was out and asked for some food. Reluctantly my mum said I could have some stew. I was over the moon and sat down to eat but as I did he walked in giving looks that could kill. He sat opposite me and began to eat then looked up at me and said you are going to have to pay for that meal. I laughed thinking he was showing some humor but he said no I am serious that's £1.50. I threw it at him and ran out to spend another night on the streets.

Strange thing parents even though she had treated me like shit and never cared what happened to me I still looked after my mum when she hit trouble with Tony. I was 16 and semi sorted in my life about to join the Army, had passed most of my exams and felt the happiest I had in my whole life. Then when I went up to my old school where my mum now worked I noticed she was limping. On asking her what was wrong she said nothing I fell but my old primary school teacher told me no he has beaten her. I flared and went to see some friends for advice they were surprisingly calm and told me to not get involved I owed her nothing. For me this was not an option who was he to beat my mum to this extent and besides I had a score to settle. I waited in the car park outside their home on a wet raining night with a lump of wood at the ready. He pulled into the car park and got out of his car and was nice to me very weird. He asked what I was doing in the rain and I said this and began to beat him. It felt so good every blow I landed that wind being hit out of him, him begging for me to stop but there was no way. When the wood broke I began stabbing him with the sharp shard left in my hand and then I slipped back. I fell to the floor and my head cracked open. I got up and felt my head and noticed the blood gushing out of my head no way back now so I attacked again. He eventually made it back to the house and safety my mum closed the door hiding him inside.

I stood outside bleeding and fuming then he emerged at the door with a sledge hammer. I stood my ground and my mum got between him and the door he made out like he could not pass her what a load of rubbish he was shown up for the true coward he was and two weeks later my mum kicked him out whilst me and my friend looked on for her safety. After all was said and done I still loved my mum some may say bizarre but it's true. The Police did attend his house and he wanted to press charges my mum later told me that the Policeman had advised him not to press charges unless he wanted charges pressed against him for assaulting my mum for the first time in her life she had defended me. From there my life turned around I joined the Army for a year and then after a horribly failed relationship I met the most beautiful woman in the world an old fellow school pupil whom gave me my first slap for being a bully really strange how things turn lol. I am now happily married to Jenny and have five great kids and could not be happier. The next part will show the consequences of my life at home at school.

The Life Of Bazzaoleary77 At School
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Elfrida Primary School was my first and I attended there until the age of 9 when we moved to our new house. I was a very quiet and subdued child and this was reflected in all my school reports. I was bullied on a regular basis because I was from a single parent family, my mum was a slapper, my mum cut my hair, my clothes were second hand (Yes They Were) and I suffered badly with face sores. I was both physically and verbally bullied on a daily basis on one occasion being shoved in the playground onto a bench and my knee split open. This combined with my home life made me feel worthless and I just submitted knowing that whoever I told they would not care, why should they my own mother didn't. When I reached the age of 9 I knew we were moving and I though good an end to the bullying but little was I to know how badly it would turn out.

Kelvin Grove Primary School was my new school and a place where I was hoping I would be able to change my life around. Moving house and mum seemingly meeting a nice man I thought things were going to be on the up for me from here on in but I was wrong in more ways than one and some very unexpected. My home life seemed good but the bullying began at school again same old story just in a different place. A small group of boy's one of whom was to become my best friend started to pick fun at me mild at first but then it got worse. Things were getting bad at home and at school so I made a subconscious decision to fight back I was doing so at home so why not do it at school. One day in the playground David the boy who became my best friend started on me but instead of standing down I stood up and bloodied his nose and eye this earned me enough respect for the bullying to cease. But then things took a massive turn I found I enjoyed the notoriety and thrived on it at last I had found something I was good at being a bully. I started on as many of the weaker kid's I could and eventually nobody tried to mess with me. This is when I met my current beautiful wife for the first time but not in a way you would expect. I was picking on her friend who was mixed race and using some quite frankly disgusting comments that I am deeply ashamed of now when Jenny came up and fought back for her friend. A big slap across the face and the failure of me to act earned her a great level of respect from me. The bullying however was getting worse and I was out of control and not being stopped in anyway nobody even adults would challenge me and I was fitting in with the in crowd.

Forest Hill Boys Secondary School was my first and only big school and I had a reputation to keep up when we started. This began by sticking with the crowd I knew from primary school and singling out the weakest members of each house group making their lives hell. Bullying the teachers also gained you tonnes of respect from fellow pupils and on one occasion we even cut the brake cables of a teachers bike dangerous and foolish I know but thank heaven nothing happened. I went through my whole life at the school bullying and getting into trouble and this continued at home and in the street where I spent most of my teenage years.
I used all kinds of bullying physical and mental using everything from appearance to sexuality as a tool.
Then life changing news hit me like a bulldozer a kid who I had bullied on a daily basis had tried to kill himself I was so horrified that I could have caused this I went to see him in hospital even explaining to his parents who I was and what I had done. They were surprisingly calm agreed to let me see him to say sorry, he was a real mess in hospital but we made our peace and I believe that boy's forgiveness helped turn me around. For the last year of schooling I left people alone kept to myself and got my head down completely shocking the school when I passed my exams. I had turned a corner in my life and was beginning to think about my future and the feelings of others. I had been a disgrace to human society but I was trying to make it right. I tried in the little time I had left to make my peace with all that I had terrorized and thankfully most excepted my sorrow and hopefully felt some level of peace themselves.

The Life Of Bazzaoleary77 At Work
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After leaving the Army I had many jobs and only one can I say that I witnessed obvious workplace bullying at fortunately I was a Store Manager at the time so was able to deal with it swiftly and implement my own system of reporting being confidential and to me. I dealt with two main cases in my time and I like to think I used my experience of both being bullied and being a bully to help resolve these issues fairly. Where there is a bully there is always a reason behind their actions be it justified or not and understanding these helped to deal with any problems that arose. I was even bullied at work by an Area Manager who soon learnt that trying to abuse a position of authority or superiority was fatal to his career. Because he did not like my views on where to take the company and the fact I was getting positive feedback from higher management he attempted to bully me out of the company using methods such as setting impossible targets, reducing store bonuses and reporting anything he can find in the shop that was even slightly wrong without checking with me. He was sacked upon a company investigation when I produced a comprehensive diary of all his negative actions against me.

The Life Of Bazzaoleary77 Now
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Now I am a very proud Father of five wonderful children and have a beautiful wife of 4 years whom is Jenny yes Jenny the girl who slapped me in the face all those years ago(Thanks FriendsReunited.com lol).
I have used all the experiences in my life to try and be the best father and step father I can and if anything my life experiences in the past however nasty have really shaped the person I am today. I am fortunate enough to have learnt from the huge mistakes of myself and others through my life and used these experiences to shape my life to come. I was once a victim, bully and then resolver but all of these experiences have taught me that behind every action there is a history and a future consequence that should be considered where possible and we all learn as we grow right the way through our lives till we die it's what we do with these lessons that counts.

I thank you for taking the time to read this review and hope it has given you and insight into my life and that of someone who has been through the full circle of bullying. I hope that you understand where I am coming from with this review and should you wish to know anything further please leave your comment either in the review or should you wish to speak privately in my private guestbook.

Barry  

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