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Autarkis

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About me: 23:01.2012: Received autism diagnosis for my precious son. Everyday is magical with my little boy.

Member since:04.12.2008

Reviews:237

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Take action against bullying

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23.02.2009 (03.11.2011)

Advantages:
?

Disadvantages:
Everything !  Destroys your confidence .

Recommendable No:

Detailed rating:

Effectiveness

Value for MoneyVery Poor

Price

Side effectsVery strong

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Why is it still happening?

Bullying is something that people can be a victim to, no matter of their age it happens in schools and in adult life too. Why do people feel they have the right to make you feel bad/unhappy, does this make them feel good?


I was bullied in secondary school, by my supposedly friend who thought she was being funny and craved attention from others by making me look stupid! She was nice to me at times and I used to spend a lot of time at her house and even sleep over! You must think I’m mad – well I probably was. She was quite cruel and manipulating which is probably the reason why I stayed at her house quite often. Although when I was at her house she was fairly nice to me, it was only at school in front of other people where she liked to be cruel and would get our friends to join in with her nasty games. I have always been a happy person and an outgoing person; I was a little shy in secondary school because there were lots of other lively characters so I never got to be myself. My ‘friend’ made me feel upset and embarrassed at times. She would just laugh and think she was being funny, I think she liked to get attention and she got a buzz out of it – nice!


Since leaving secondary school, I somehow became a nanny to her son, I never had the strength to stand up to her, she would drop her son off to me in the morning and not provide him with the daily essentials that a little one needs. I felt sorry for her children as she was not a good mother either. She would also make rude comments to my friends because we liked to dress differently; I was quite embarrassed and apologised to my friend for her rude insulting comments. If ever there was a person that I dislike it is her. I always see the best in people but I really don’t see any good in her at all.


One morning when she dropped her son off she came in and started her usual behaviour and by this point I had just had enough of her ways, she was not aware that she was making me upset, this was quite a few years back now so I don’t remember exactly what she did on this particular morning but she left and I just broke down in tears which is very unlike me. She peered around the window and knocked on the window looking confused, I then explained how I didn’t like the things she had been doing and the way she was towards me, I’m not sure if she was aware of just how evil she was or what affect it had on me, she was oblivious to it as she was getting her ‘kick’ out of making me feel bad.


Some time after this my parents got divorced and my dad took this out on me being the eldest. He then started seeing my ‘friends’ mother and they got together so I was seeing her again, other things have happened since then so I don’t see this girl anymore. So I am finally free of her bullying ways.


Will she ever know how much she upset me? Will she ever care, I don’t think she would even think back to all the horrid stuff she had done. However I don’t think about that part of my life now.


In brief: I was living with my dad I got pregnant with my daughter and decided to go live with my mum. I have since moved out and no longer see any of my family – which is another story.


I put all of this behind me (well to the back of my mind)


My daughter started primary school she was a lovely lively bubbly character who became popular with the children and teachers and people would always have good things to say about her. Unfortunately we had to move house and she had to move school, I was told that she would ‘go back’ with her work if she changed school, I thought no she will be fine she was advanced in school as she loved going to school so she put a lot of effort into her work and she was very confident. So I thought she wouldn’t have a problem settling into a new school.


How wrong was I!


She had moved from a catholic school into a mainstream school. I started working there as a classroom assistant and lunchtime supervisor, as the head teacher knew my mum, I didn’t get interviewed I just started soon after my daughter started attending the school. She was excited about this and was happy to see me about the school, this meant that I could keep a close eye on her and would speak to her teachers whenever I saw them around the school. It took her a while to settle in, as she got to her final 2 years in this school she became unhappy, the other children were quite cruel to her and they were always giving her a hard time, there was a bunch of girls that were picking on her on a daily basis, this had a huge effect on her work and her attitude towards school, she never missed school and never made a big deal of it. I didn’t think it was that bad and just thought it was ‘normal’ that children fall out but then soon realised that they were making her very unhappy she only; had one friend and she would sit and cry through lunchtime and the staff did very little about this! The final year of school came and she really didn’t enjoy going to school as she said “all of the children all horrible and no one likes me” I always found this hard to understand because she had always been a popular child and people would always sing her praises and tell me that she was a credit to me. I spent a lot of time at the school and volunteered to help out with anything that needed doing, when I became pregnant with my son I was spending more time at school to pass the time to keep myself busy and would even help out in the office. I knew the staff and I was not overly impressed with the way that the school was run and how slack they were in certain areas. It wasn’t worth moving my daughter we was just anxiously waiting for the final day to come!


I sat in the playground and watched through the gates during lunchtimes to make sure my daughter was okay and to see what the problem was. I soon realised it was because she was ‘different’ to the other children in her year group. The boys would be playing football and the girls would be sitting on the steps or standing in the corner in little groups chatting. My daughter thought this was boring! She wanted to play! That’s what children should be doing. My daughter and her friend would play games and run around on the playground and she was easily excited. The other children would pick on her for this and tell her to ‘grow up’ and ‘shut up’


I spoke to her teachers on numerous occasions about this, and they said they would keep an eye on her. The teachers did very little to help or change the situation, and said it was normal and that children are always falling out and that it had stopped, but it hadn’t. There was nothing more that I could do. My daughter was brave and didn’t make a big deal out of it, or maybe she didn’t like to cause trouble. She would never go to the teachers about it as she thought they would make it worse.


The final day! Hurray!


We were so pleased when the final day was here, and unlike others that were sad to leave my daughter was relieved!


We had chosen a secondary school, there were not many to choose from that were within a distance that she could travel by bus. The best out of the three was an all-girls school. I wasn’t sure about this, but I had heard good things about the school and others that had sent their girls their highly recommended it. The stats were better than other leading schools, so we decided on this school.


My daughter was the only girl to be attending this school from her primary school and she was pleased about this. She was able to leave behind the people that made her time in primary school miserable.


Secondary school is quite daunting for most, it is a big change. The first year is always the hardest as the other year groups usually give the newcomers a hard time. So when my daughter came home and started saying that the older children were not nice I told her to ignore them. I thought this was going to happen for the first few weeks. She then started coming home saying she didn’t like her bag and making excuse that she needed a new bag, and then she wanted trousers and not a skirt. After talking to her and explaining that she couldn’t have new things just yet as she had only just had these things and she chose them, she then told me that the other children were picking on her because she was the only one to wear a skirt. The other girls would laugh and make fun of her and give her a hard time for anything they could pick on just to feel good about themselves.


She is now in her second year, and the bullying continues! She was picked on and was made to feel uncomfortable and upset by a lot of children – bullies never work alone. Then this girl who was friends with the nasty girls decided to make friends with my daughter, they have become best friends and spend a lot of time together in and out of school, but now the bullies are giving them both a hard time.


I have gotten to know my daughters friends mum rather well, as we speak on the phone a lot. My daughter stays over a lot as she lives nearer the school and has no one to get the bus home with. So I agree to letting her stay over if they have been doing homework and it has got dark instead of letting her travel back on the bus alone. This has become another thing that some of the other children have been nasty about because they are jealous, my daughters friend lives in a pub so there is always things going on and they invite my daughter to different events. Now the teachers are causing a problem because they both came down with the same illness and had time off together, the teachers have been very unprofessional and 2 members of staff grilled my daughter about her having time off at the same time as her friend. I have spoken to the head teacher and I hope that the problems will be resolved as I am ready to make a formal complaint. I also made the head teacher fully aware of the fact that my daughter was already very unhappy in school, and she said she would look into the problem – only time will tell.


Why does my daughter get bullied?


Because she is different, she likes to have fun and she is a child! She is 12 years old however she appears to be a lot younger than her peers. I have noticed that a lot of the children that are the same age as her are a lot more grown up, they like to be sensible, I am shocked when I am out I see girls in town that are the same age as my daughter with more make up on than what I would wear on a night out and barely enough clothes to cover them up! I think this is disgusting! My daughter dresses appropriately and like me she doesn’t follow fashion or trends. She also likes to have fun as do I; she is a child after all. I wouldn’t like her to be like her peers, she is a child and an individual, but she is being destroyed by cruel children.


The bullying has had a physical effect on my daughter, as when she was in primary school her eyes had become red and puffy and she was rubbing them saying they felt irritated, I took her to the doctors and to the opticians to find out that this was caused by stress. She is now having the same symptoms and has a rash on her chest and back which is also caused through the stress she is under right now. It has also had a huge effect on her work as she has now fallen drastically behind and struggles because she has no interest and is distracted at school.


I decided to write this review as last night, my neighbour had knocked on my door and pushed a rude note through my post box to complain about the amount of noise that my son and I make when we are PLAYING! Yes that’s right playing! We like to play during the day and our TV is hardly ever on, we like to make our own fun and play games. I can hear them but I don’t complain! This made me think that my son is probably going to have the same problems when he goes to school as he is very playful and easily excitable much like my daughter, we are different to other people and ‘different’ never fits in.


This has made me think – should I change the way that I am? Should I raise my children differently and make them ‘hard’ because we are sensitive individuals that are soft and caring.


I am lucky that I have a close relationship with my children and my daughter can talk to me openly about anything. Some children are bullied and suffer in silence, it is always good to build a good relationship with your children so they can come to you when they need to, always look out for signs of bullying, don’t just think your child is being difficult or grumpy, children act out for a reason, and their behaviour and mood can change also.


I teach my children how to be kind and caring and at a young age when my daughter didn’t know better if she hurt me or said something that was hurtful I would make her understand that it hurt my feelings I would say to her “that makes me feel sad” and if she was to hurt me physically I would say “ouch that really hurts” and exaggerate it, so she would know not to do it again. When she was with other children playing I would teach her to share and be kind to others and if she hurt them even by accident she must apologise because it hurt. What must the parents of the bullies teach their children?


I think it is important as a parent to instil good habits and behaviour and respect from a young age. You should be a role model to your children, and how you act and react in situations teaches them what is acceptable. If you show anger and other negative behaviour then they will think that this is acceptable.

How to cope – what to do

All schools have an anti bullying policy find out what it is.

Talk to your child and make them understand, also make them feel loved and boost their self esteem and LISTEN to them, take them seriously. Then speak to your child’s teacher if nothing is done from this then go to the head teacher. If your child is still being bullied then go to the governors.


I have taken this action so far and if the problem is not resolved then I will be going to the school governors. As a last resort I will change my daughter to a different school, although this won’t stop the bullies as they will find another child to pick on. It is not the best way of going about solving the problem, but in my case I’m not happy with my daughters form teacher or the year manager who has been very unprofessional in regards to the problems we have been having.


Stay in contact with the teacher and keep them updated on anything that is happening.


Are you a bully or a victim of bullying? Do something about it.


If you are being bullied, then stand up to the person that is bullying you tell them how they make you feel. A bully is a coward who hurts other people to make themselves feel better. Never hit back as this will not help or solve the problem it will only make it worse.

If you think your child is being bullied then talk to them.
Always listen to your child, and pay attention to what is being said. Some children find it hard to talk about their problems and may feel embarrassed.
If you think your child is a victim to bullying then try to talk to them, without grilling them on the subject.


Ask them how their day was, and what they did – if they are abrasive and don’t have much to say and don’t seem to want to tell you about their day it is most likely because they have nothing positive to say. Ask them who they have made friends with, and what they did at lunchtime. Who did they play with?


If they can’t talk to you, find someone they trust that they can talk to. There are also help lines and organisations available.


We have now decided to keep a diary and record all of the things that are upsetting my daughter.

**

What is bullying?

Bullying can emotional or physical, deliberate hurtful behaviour that continues.

• Name calling
• Abusive comments
• Threats
• Teasing
• Damaging or taking the property of another
• Rumour Spreading
• Being hit or physically hurt

How to spot the signs

• Lack of interest in school
• Not wanting to talk about school
• Self esteem lowers
• Moodiness
• School equipment or dinner money has been 'lost'
• Change in behaviour
• Diet may change your child may eat less
• Bullying is bullying no matter how big or small


People need to learn how to have fun - and be nice!
Organisations that can help


www.childline.org.uk

www.direct.gov.uk

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Comments about this review »

Graygirl 31.10.2012 14:53

Superb review x

K2705 23.01.2011 23:11

Excellent review xx

newby2 02.11.2010 15:58

some great advice xxx

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This review of Member Advice on Bullying has been rated:

"exceptional" by (63%):

  1. Graygirl
  2. K2705
  3. newby2

and 54 other members

The overall rating of a review is different from a simple average of all individual ratings.