Advantages Keeps the idiots of the streets? Other than that there aren't any.
Disadvantages Causes misery to thousands if left unchecked.
|Value for Money|
|Price||Loss of enjoyment and freedom.|
The National Crime Prevention Council's definition of cyber-bullying is "when the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person."
This review is by no means exhaustive and I am sure I have missed some aspects out. It's just my thoughts and ideas around what can be a painful and exasperating topic.
The really weird thing about cyber bullying is that it thrives on fantasies. The bully loses sight of the evidence that you are a normal human being and has all sorts of crazy ideas in his or her head about you. They have an investment in making you seem 'nasty' or 'weak' and themselves feel 'righteous' or 'top dog'!Satisfaction from the unpleasant or threatening messages is obtained by the bully by fantasising about what your reaction will be, how you will feel about being powerless to respond. The fantasy that they 'have won', that they were 'right'.
I belonged to a chat site, nothing to do with Dooyoo or Ciao, where a person on there decided that she would argue with everything I wrote. She had arbritarily decided that I had insulted her. I hadn't, but she declared that something I had written months previously was aimed at her. (It was about penguins, so work that one out!) As the days went by it became evident that everything I wrote was being taken personally by her. I remember writing a comment about being glad that Obama was running for presidency. I was accused of being a neo fascist and welcoming tokenism. I made a comment about having good weather where I lived and was accused of revelling in the plight of flood victims. Everything was filtered through the woman's need to be angry with me and distorted accordingly. At first I reasoned with her, then I ignored her, eventually I took action to get her banned.It's important to keep the evidence to present to the web site moderators or hosts. Which I did! She came back with another name and started again. etc etc. You probably know the routine.
That's the thing about Cyber Bullying. The bully is faceless and because of this can hide behind various identities. In real life the person who needs to bully could not get away so easily with the damaging things that they say. Not many normal people will walk up to someone in the street and call them a 'liar' or a 'whore' or a 'power mad fascist'. They could be recognised or identified and sanctions could be used against them. (Or they could just get a good slapping) In extreme cases psychiatric or legal intervention can be used. In the cyber world this is rarely an option.
A fellow Ciao member, PlipplopfromDooyoo, has informed me of an application for the iPhone from MTV. This acts as a resource for young people who may be experiencing bullying. The site invites others to comment on the behaviour and helps the bullies and the bullied to get some new perspectives on the behaviour described.
(Thanks for that Phil!)
If the site moderator doesn't understand what bullying is, or is a bully her/himself the site can become toxic very quickly, only the chosen few survive and that's because the principal bully has organised the other members to back him or her up. The only option is for normal people to leave and let them get on with it. Mercifully the site usually implodes quickly when the trolls have nothing to feed on.
To use a bit of psychobabble; the bully or stalker has weak ego strength, they need to 'feed their ego' and have discovered that getting any response is more tolerable than no response. A normally modulated person will not continually need a response from outside themselves to feel okay about the way they are.
A bully or stalker's hunger for recognition is never satisfied because they haven't learned to 'eat the right food'. A cycle of abuse is established and the hunger goes unsatisfied. It's like they are settling for a total diet of crappy fast food because they have not learned how to tolerate the extra work of preparing and chewing good food. That's why the phrase "Don't feed the trolls!" continues to be true and pertinent.
The bottom line is that Cyber bullying is emotional manipulation. If you find yourself responding in a way that you wouldn't normally, the chances are that you are being manipulated by the bully. Each 'hooked out' response we give, feeds the bully's fragile self esteem.
2. Cut out the middle man. Don't respond to the bully. Once you are clear that you are being bullied, or someone else is, go straight to the people in charge. Let them deal with it. Make it someone else's problem.3. Any explanation or reasoning will be twisted to use against you. Ask yourself "Why am I trying to reason with someone that in real life I wouldn't give the time of day to?" You are being caught on a hook and wound in.
4. Don't give in to the temptation to have the last word. You can't! If that's the bully's need that's their problem. You don't have to make it yours! If you refuse to respond they will be talking to thin air. Like a demented parrot.5. Ask yourself repeatedly, "What am I getting out of prolonging this exchange?" You might be wryly amused at your own response!
6. If you can't get rid of the bully, get rid of yourself. There are literally thousands of places you can have a chat and a bit of fun without harrasment. Find somewhere else. Cut your losses, try and take your cyber friends with you.7. Often the bully will downplay their contribution with the "I was only joking, it was just a laugh" routine. "It was just a laugh." is a classic way of not taking responsibility. Trust your own judgement of what is or isn't funny. Don't let the blame be shifted onto you.
8. Always report what is happening to the relevant 'powers that be'. It might not make an immediate difference to you but it could save a lot of future pain for someone else.
Bully = Basically Unlovely, Loves Limiting You.
Bully = Banal. Unloved. Limited. Laughable. Y bother?
Attention, this is the first review from this author
Instead of giving a negative rating, consider:
Help this member by giving your advice
Report fraud (for example plagiarism) or other issue with the review to the Ciao support team
Add your comment