Neither my husband or I are musical. Neither of us were accepted into our school choirs. We both gave up learning the piano after a year or so in our teens, when younger brothers were clearly more talented. We enjoy listening to music, but that's about as far as it goes. When our two children were small, and I talked to parents of musical teenagers, I tended to assume their children showed clear musicality when they were toddlers; hearing about their concerts and practices seemed more like an episode from a soap than a reality we might one day appreciate ourselves.
• Our personal experience •
The more I discussed this with other parents, the more I realised that perhaps there was value in children learning an instrument, even if they never became world-class musicians. So when my first son started learning the recorder at school, I encouraged him and sat with him through some of his practice times. I couldn’t help much, but at least I could slow him down, help him not to worry when it was too hard, teach him the principles of taking it a little at a time. When both my sons asked if they could join a local children’s choir on a Saturday morning, I agreed and even helped them to get up early to be there in time each week.
A year later my older son tried out various wind instruments at school and was offered tuition in clarinet. Both boys joined the school choir, and when they started asking for piano lessons, we managed to buy an ancient piano, and started first the older, then the younger as well, on piano lessons. We did tell them they needed to be committed to anything they started and that they would need to do the practice required by the teacher. We also impressed on them that if they were doing this much music, they would not have the time (nor would we have the money) for other activities - sports coaching and so on.
They thought about it, then my older son heard his great-grandfather playing the piano. After that, he told me seriously that he wouldn’t be able to play football when he was 90, so he felt it was a much more worthwhile thing to learn music!
By the time he'd been learning the recorder for three years, music had somehow become a major part of our lives. During term-time we arrived at school early, two mornings a week, for recorder practice, and stayed late after school for choir and band on two afternoons. After school they both had to practise, and I had to make frequent trips to the city centre for new music. During the Summer term there was some concert or other musical activity most weeks, and I realised that while some families are 'into sport', ours had fallen 'into music' in a big way.
• Teenagers and music •
When we moved abroad (the boys being 11 and 9) and looked at educational options, music was a big priority. The schools, sadly, appeared to do little in the way of music, and this was one of the reasons we opted for home education long-term. One of my husband's new colleagues was a piano teacher who was delighted to teach the boys, and refused to take any payment; the local Municipal Band leader agreed to take our older son as a clarinet student.
Now our older son is 17, playing regularly in concerts with the Municipal Band, and also playing the clarinet weekly in our church music group. He gave up piano lessons when he was fourteen, but continues playing his recorders whenever he has the chance. About a year ago he played in a recorder consort, professionally. More recently he's bought - and taught himself to play - an electric guitar, and has also been learning to play the drums and other percussion instruments.
The 15-year-old is mainly focussed on the piano, and became our main church pianist almost a year ago when the previous pianist left. He plays an electronic keyboard too, and is part of a youth band; he's also has been taking classical guitar lessons for four years. Both sons have sung or played in Christmas concerts. Music continues to be more and more important to them both - which still sometimes amazes me, when I consider how unmusical both my husband and I are!
• The advantages of playing an instrument •
For one thing, music gives ready-made friends. In the UK (and, I believe, in the USA) schools have orchestras and bands; many districts have orchestras out of school which take home educated as well as schooled students. In a band, people are not divided by class or race or size, they are co-operating together to produce something good. If you belong to a church, an instrument can allow teenagers to take part in a music group and do something important, at the difficult stage between childhood and adulthood. Music is something which can be done alone, or with others, and can give a quiet child an immediate acceptance by a large group.
What can you do if you are not yourself musical and are home educating, or your children's school is not as geared up to music as ours was? Private tuition is expensive, and unless a child is very enthusiastic (and you can afford it) it can be difficult to find an instrument which suits the child.
One suggestion is to find a Church choir. Children are well trained in choral singing and music theory, and far from costing anything, they usually get paid a small fee once they are full members, particularly for singing at weddings. If you are not a Christian, or your Church does not have a choir, this may be impossible, and you may feel that Anglican choral music is not where you want your child to start. Nevertheless, if all else fails, this is an excellent introduction to music.
You may also have a local boys' or girls' brigade - these are Christian groups, but usually open to all, and often have good instrumental tuition. Or you may know of a teenager or university student who is proficient in some instrument and would be happy to teach your child for a small fee - considerably less than would be charged by a qualified music teacher.
For a young child you may be able to find a beginner's book and teach them yourself, at least for a while. Usborne do a series of simple books, and the 'Abracadabra' instrumental teaching books have excellent pictures and explanations which allow a child to learn with just a little guidance.
However it's hard to progress very far without someone who understands how the instrument should sound, and how it should be played, so it's helpful if you can find a friend or relative who can give some advice from time to time.
• Finding the ideal instrument for your child •
Some parents assume that the piano is the best instrument to start with, but this is not always true. The piano requires considerable manual dexterity, with both hands doing different things, and it also requires a high ability in reading, as two staves must be followed at once. If you have a piano, and your child wants to play it, then it may be a good place to start; but never try to coerce a child into playing any one instrument: it is likely to lead to rebellion and a reluctance to play anything at all.
The recorder is the easiest instrument for a young child, and an excellent introduction to wind instruments. The very cheap plastic ones sound terrible, but a reasonable quality one ('Aldus' is a popular brand) can usually be bought for about ten pounds. If you think a recorder is not a serious instrument, try listening to some of the Renaissance recorder consorts which are increasing in popularity!
If your child is eager to play some instrument, then it is a good idea to visit a large music shop where children are allowed to 'try out' the various instruments, and perhaps rent one for a few months. There should be a helpful assistant who can explain how each instrument is sounded, and help the child hold them correctly, and (for the wind instruments) see if they can make the right shape with their mouths. Some children are not suited to some instruments due to their stature, or the shape of their teeth, and a 'trying out' at a music store can narrow down the choice.
Some children instantly 'know' what they want to play as soon as the instrument is in their hands: this was the case for my older son and his clarinet. Until he actually held one, he thought he would want to play the flute. Once he had tried them both along with some brass instruments, there was no doubt in his mind. Other children may be captivated by hearing an instrument played by someone else. Since intrinsic motivation is the key to all successful learning, it's important that you take your child's feelings into account - although obviously you may also have boundaries such as the cost and availability!
If, after various experiments, your children decide not to play any instruments, then that probably means that something else will become their passion. If they want to learn for a while, and then give up, at least they have experienced something and made a decision based on knowledge - for the moment. But no decision needs to be final. There's no 'perfect' age to start playing, and a child who shows little interest at seven or eight may still decide to play something as a teenager. It's even possible to start as an adult, although - as with most things - it's harder to find the time and energy to learn an instrument once working full-time or looking after a young family.
If, however, your children take up playing musical instruments and spend every free moment playing them, please do give them space and time to do so. Don't try to correct and criticise, or even to offer more than the occasional word of praise. Encourage your child to learn because of the love of learning, and because they're creating something beautiful for themselves, not merely to please you or whoever is teaching them.
• Final comment •
A few days ago we had some friends over. My older son had just bought an amplifier for his electric guitar, and had borrowed the church's electronic drum kit. Rather than the pleasant classical music which generally emerges from his room, there was a distinct throb of drums, guitar, keyboard and percussion as my sons and their friends 'jammed' for a couple of hours. I had the beginnings of a headache, and inevitably it got worse. They weren't playing particularly loudly, but the beat was pounding in my head.
Did I have any regrets? No. Despite the pain and discomfort, I was pleased that my sons and their friends had such a constructive way of enjoying an afternoon. I can't imagine music not being part of our lives now. I recommend it wholeheartedly to anyone.
Making Music 
