Member Advice on Communicating with your Child > Reviews (17)

There are many forms of communication with children, this opinion is just about one of them, attempting to prepare your child/ren for the big bad world. There are so many dangers out there and our children have to be made aware of them, talk to them now before it's too late.

As a couple of my close friends on Ciao already know my oldest son, Lee, was the victim of an attempted abduction just before Xmas last year. It inspired me to write in this section.

One Friday around 4pm, Lee, his brother and his cousin were all safe and sound in my kitchen asking me if they could stay at their Nan's house for the night. School had only just finished for the Christmas holidays and I was loath to say yes but they looked at me with those 'please mum' eyes, so I agreed.

Now although my mother-in-law's house is just five minutes walk it had started to get dark, so I gave them all bus fare for the two stops involved and off they trooped. These are by no means young children, Lee is almost 12, Ben 9 and their cousin is 14.

I assumed they had reached their nan's house without a problem, Lee called me from there shortly after he arrived. It only emerged later that someone had tried to 'grab' him.

The boys had decided not to take the bus as they had told me because they had wanted to have a race, to see which was the shortest route to Nanny's house. Lee went one way, Murray and Ben went the other.

A car pulled up next to my son, the driver asked him if he wanted a lift, to which my son replied 'No thanks' and carried on walking. Next thing he knew this guy was out of the car and trying to drag him in, he wrestled with him for a few seconds and managed to break free but the guy soon brought him down again with a crowbar aimed at his ankle. Realizing he was not going to win my son screamed with all his might, shouted as loud as he could and generally made a huge din. Luckily the guy took fright and ran.

How easily this could have turned sour. I firmly believe that the only thing that saved my son from being taken was what I had taught him, a bit of common sense. This is how I have managed to protect him from the outside world and it's very real dangers.

I have always been totally honest with my children. They know right from wrong, they treat people with respect and moreover they have always felt they could tell me anything and talk to me about whatever they want, whenever they want.

We are very open with each other, my son started to ask questions about sex when he was just three years old. I told him what he needed to know at that age and no more, but kept him informed regularly as he grew up.

I remember him asking me about the Jamie Bulger case when it was on TV recently. I told him, in detail, what had happened to this boy, he was horrified but at the same time he learned a crucial lesson. Killers, rapists and lunatics come in all shapes and sizes.

We have spoken about whom you can trust and who you can't; they are both aware that sometimes it isn't the strangers who are dangerous.

We regularly talk about how to get out of certain situations, even act them out, me holding them like the stranger would and them trying to wriggle free, sounds so silly when you say it but it may well have saved his life the other night. They also know if they can't get away then scream as loud as they can, 'if in doubt, SHOUT' is our family motto, it seems to have worked the other night.

So the best way to protect your child is to keep them informed, make sure they feel safe enough to be able to talk to you, let them know that nothing is too delicate or too 'grown up' to be discussed and most importantly that you will be there to listen without passing judgement no matter what has happened.

My son was actually too scared to tell his father, (my ex husband), because he thought he would tell him off for not catching the bus as he was told. Thank goodness he knew I wouldn't be like that or this may not have even been reported to the police.

You can't wrap your kids up in cotton wool, they have to learn about society and it's ugliness themselves, but they need your help and guidance along the way.

Please don't make the mistake of sheltering them for too long or frightening them with stories, my friend is very guilty of this, her son is afraid to go anywhere because he thinks someone is watching him all the time.

It's so easy to overprotect children and scare them to death. Just teach them how to be safe and be happy, they'll learn the rest themselves, if you let them.

You may think that I immediately placed me son under lock and key, quite the contrary, the next morning he wanted to go to a local football match with his cousin, so I let him. Of course I worry, but I am secure that he is sensible and streetwise, and glad he feels secure enough to go straight out into the big wide world again immediately after this happened, I'm not sure I could.

I am so proud of my son right now, he told the policewoman everything he could think of, gave a very good description of both the guy and the car and decided to go for a formal prosecution of the guy (if he is ever caught that is) for assault, even though this means he would have to testify in court opposite him. The WPC told him he was very brave and it brought a tear to me eye when he replied 'My mum taught me that'.