Disadvantages So many, that can lead to the end,..........
I have decided the time has come to write this, I have been putting it off for a while. Mainly because I didn't feel that I was strong enough to talk about it. Now I feel that its something I have to talk about. The main reason I have decided this is because of something that has happened.Last night I got a phone call from my mum to tell me that my sister's best friend had Hung herself in nearby woods. I had known this girl all my life I used to hang around with her and my sister when I was younger. My sister is totally distraught over it all and deep down I am also.
It all stems from depression. She was a manic depressant, she should never have been allowed to walk the streets, and She should have been treated a long time ago. Society as a whole has failed her. She was only 28. Rachel this is for you………My Story
As everyone who has read my previous review on bullying knows I didn't have a great childhood. I was bullied in school, and never had many friends. My mum and dad basically palmed me off with whomever they could just so they could live their lives, so I always felt alone. There was one person in my life that never wanted to get rid of me, who always wanted me around, who loved me unconditionally and that person was my Nanna. I spent a lot of my childhood with her, I looked after her, as she got older. I cared for her, I took her shopping, and on holiday. She was my Mum.When I was 14 my Nanna passed away, I can remember the day it happened like the back of my hand. I remember every second everything that was said and everything that I did. I was in total shock and denial. I never got over it, my mum sent me to a bereavement councillor but it never helped me. I decided I didn't want to waste my time anymore and so I went off the rails. I started drinking, smoking and staying out all night.
I became pregnant at 15 and my parents made me have an Abortion. I say made, but it was my decision in the end, I just felt pressurised into it. After that I became depressed. I just sat and cried over nothing, whenever someone shouted at me or told me off I would burst into tears. A couple of months later I tried to kill myself. I took a load of paracetamol. I think it was a cry for help more than anything, but no one listened to me. They took me to the hospital and I had to drink this black water that was mixed with a charcoal substance. It was really awful. For a while after I was happy, I gave birth to my first son and I got married, I was really happy. But something changed.I started to go off the rails again. Here I am this 18 year old married woman and I'm out clubbing and drinking every weekend. My husband and me separated and everything went wrong. I was alone again, but I fell pregnant and we managed to sort things out. We got back together again. When my second son came, I knew there was something wrong. I never wanted to hold him I didn't want to look at him at all for hours after he was born. I overcame this and finally picked him up and cuddled him.
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