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I'm placing this under the depression category because I don't know where else it may fit, but I want to make it clear now, I don't know if I am depressed. I don't have a diagnosis, I've never told anyone how I feel; I'm scared.
As some of you may know, I moved to return to university earlier this year, and I've been happy happy, so content, I've found my calling and life seemed good, but then
Hello Rock Bottom, we meet again, I always forget your face, and yet when next we meet, You're my home.
I sail and I soar, but when I fall I fall hard with a bang. Rock Bottom, I see you coming UP to catch me.
Same signs every time, same feelings: Lost Alone Lonely Scared Fat Ugly Worthless
I know the feelings, know the signs, But I can't stop the fall. Strange sense of relief when I hit. Here come the tears.
Crying often, always in secret. Who can I tell? How? Tears can't fill it, that dark Black hole inside.
Its tendrils clasp my stomach. My heart. They grab and they twist, Crippling in their power. They're winning.
I hurt. I cry. The hole swallows All my life, all my fun. Hobbies? Hah! Friends, what? Smile? Never, it seems.
But I'm stronger than that.. Than them. When they grab and they tug I fight. I battle. Cut them. Stop them in their tracks.
I begin to regain control, The tears lessen, The black hole diminishes. I'm numb inside.
I come out smiling, I'm back. I become me again Wave goodbye, à bientôt, Bye Rock Bottom.
So here I am. Not quite whole. Every encounter Leaves scars.
Some are physical, they'll fade, Can't cut the tendrils Without a blade to the stomach, Their home, their heart.
Worse are the emotional, Memories persist. And When I sail and soar again, I may crash.
That was an extraordinarily powerful review! Having opened up here, I hope it gives you the strength to actually seek the right kind of help. Facing this, head on, as you have done so very eloquently, should be seen as the first step towards a much brighter future. R. xxx
anonymili 24.09.2011 12:31
Sorry to hear of your pain, hope you're feeling better these days x
chrisandmark_is_here 14.07.2011 12:34
Thanks for sharing, I've a lump in my throat after reading that. x