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M.Newcastle

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Member since:23.07.2009

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Where've I gone?

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19.04.2011

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53 Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful See ratings
exceptional by (13%):
  1. RICHADA
  2. Funzo
  3. Gooseydyoo
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very helpful by (86%):
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helpful by (2%):
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I'm placing this under the depression category because I don't know where else it may fit, but I want to make it clear now, I don't know if I am depressed. I don't have a diagnosis, I've never told anyone how I feel; I'm scared.

As some of you may know, I moved to return to university earlier this year, and I've been happy happy, so content, I've found my calling and life seemed good, but then

Hello Rock Bottom, we meet again,
I always forget your face,
and yet when next we meet,
You're my home.

I sail and I soar, but when I fall
I fall hard with a bang.
Rock Bottom, I see you coming
UP to catch me.

Same signs every time, same feelings:
Lost
Alone
Lonely
Scared
Fat
Ugly
Worthless

I know the feelings, know the signs,
But I can't stop the fall.
Strange sense of relief when I hit.
Here come the tears.

Crying often, always in secret.
Who can I tell? How?
Tears can't fill it, that dark
Black hole inside.

Its tendrils clasp my stomach. My heart.
They grab and they twist,
Crippling in their power.
They're winning.

I hurt. I cry. The hole swallows
All my life, all my fun.
Hobbies? Hah! Friends, what? Smile?
Never, it seems.

But I'm stronger than that.. Than them.
When they grab and they tug
I fight. I battle. Cut them.
Stop them in their tracks.

I begin to regain control,
The tears lessen,
The black hole diminishes.
I'm numb inside.

I come out smiling, I'm back.
I become me again
Wave goodbye, à bientôt,
Bye Rock Bottom.

So here I am. Not quite whole.
Every encounter
Leaves scars.

Some are physical, they'll fade,
Can't cut the tendrils
Without a blade to the stomach,
Their home, their heart.

Worse are the emotional,
Memories persist.
And When I sail and soar again,
I may crash.

Thank you for reading

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Comments about this review »

RICHADA 08.05.2012 11:41

That was an extraordinarily powerful review! Having opened up here, I hope it gives you the strength to actually seek the right kind of help. Facing this, head on, as you have done so very eloquently, should be seen as the first step towards a much brighter future. R. xxx

anonymili 24.09.2011 13:31

Sorry to hear of your pain, hope you're feeling better these days x

chrisandmark_is_here 14.07.2011 13:34

Thanks for sharing, I've a lump in my throat after reading that. x

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This review of Member Advice on Depression has been rated:

"exceptional" by (13%):

  1. RICHADA
  2. Funzo
  3. Gooseydyoo

and 4 other members

"helpful" by (2%):

  1. thedevilinme

The overall rating of a review is different from a simple average of all individual ratings.