Member Advice on Depression

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Member Advice on Depression

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Review of "Member Advice on Depression"

published 19/04/2011 | M.Newcastle
Member since : 23/07/2009
Reviews : 115
Members who trust : 55
About me :
Not for me
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very helpful
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"Where've I gone?"


I'm placing this under the depression category because I don't know where else it may fit, but I want to make it clear now, I don't know if I am depressed. I don't have a diagnosis, I've never told anyone how I feel; I'm scared.

As some of you may know, I moved to return to university earlier this year, and I've been happy happy, so content, I've found my calling and life seemed good, but then

Hello Rock Bottom, we meet again,
I always forget your face,
and yet when next we meet,
You're my home.

I sail and I soar, but when I fall
I fall hard with a bang.
Rock Bottom, I see you coming
UP to catch me.

Same signs every time, same feelings:
Lost
Alone
Lonely
Scared
Fat
Ugly
Worthless

I know the feelings, know the signs,
But I can't stop the fall.
Strange sense of relief when I hit.
Here come the tears.

Crying often, always in secret.
Who can I tell? How?
Tears can't fill it, that dark
Black hole inside.

Its tendrils clasp my stomach. My heart.
They grab and they twist,
Crippling in their power.
They're winning.

I hurt. I cry. The hole swallows
All my life, all my fun.
Hobbies? Hah! Friends, what? Smile?
Never, it seems.

But I'm stronger than that.. Than them.
When they grab and they tug
I fight. I battle. Cut them.
Stop them in their tracks.

I begin to regain control,
The tears lessen,
The black hole diminishes.
I'm numb inside.

I come out smiling, I'm back.
I become me again
Wave goodbye, à bientôt,
Bye Rock Bottom.

So here I am. Not quite whole.
Every encounter
Leaves scars.

Some are physical, they'll fade,
Can't cut the tendrils
Without a blade to the stomach,
Their home, their heart.

Worse are the emotional,
Memories persist.
And When I sail and soar again,
I may crash.

Thank you for reading

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Comments on this review

  • RICHADA published 08/05/2012
    That was an extraordinarily powerful review! Having opened up here, I hope it gives you the strength to actually seek the right kind of help. Facing this, head on, as you have done so very eloquently, should be seen as the first step towards a much brighter future. R. xxx
  • anonymili published 24/09/2011
    Sorry to hear of your pain, hope you're feeling better these days x
  • chrisandmark_is_here published 14/07/2011
    Thanks for sharing, I've a lump in my throat after reading that. x
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Product Information : Member Advice on Depression

Manufacturer's product description

Ciao

Listed on Ciao since: 29/06/2001