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I read Scarlet Ribbons op on smoking and it reminded me of a poem I wrote. I have been a smoker like her, since I was twelve.. Now that is a revelation. I bet all of you out there thought Teacherofhooch would not be so daft. But she is. I have packed it up many times in my life. During both my pregnancies I packed it up completely. Then gradually went back. I packed it up for six months, nine months, a year, two years, the list is endless, if I go out with a friend who does not smoke, then I don’t either. One time when I started to smoke I actually passed out! Silly woman!
This review does not give advice of how to give it up in the sense of how to give it up using commercially produced anti smoking products; it is more to make you think – to use will power, as many people can do this without the products. I sincerely hope it may make someone shy away from it. Or at least think about it. I would never preach to anyone on this issue. Not while I am a smoker anyway!!!!!!
Really I should not be a smoker and I really cannot understand my denial of it all. I will have a couple before I go to work and then I will not smoke all day (10 hours plus!) Although, my friends go for a cigarette at lunch time and ask me to go, I stay with friends who do not smoke. I think , how could I say to children that smoking is wrong, if I smell of smoke my self. I am always aware of the smell, I shower every morning and always wear clean clothes, my bag is full of mints and fresh breathe spray. At work they did not
find out until after about five years, when I told them. The look of shock and horror on their faces was still not enough to stop me. I am a hypocrite when it comes to this and young children and I will admit that. When people find out that I smoke they are flabbergasted.
So what is it about smoking? I really don’t know! I often feel embarrassed that I smoke when I am out in company. As a non smoker for some of my life, I will become the most vehement anti- smoker in the world. I detest the smell. I hate the ashtrays I hate it all. Sometimes I even feel embarrassed buying them in the shop! I think we all have weaknesses and unfortunately this is one of mine.
I know I am a fool when it comes to this. This is a poem I wrote once to pack the smoking up. At the time it was a matter of cigarettes or food for my children, as I was a single parent and just could not afford both.
One evening in desperation, I sat down and wrote a poem to stop me from smoking. The poem worked for two years. Lets see if by digging this out I can become strong enough again to recognize what an idiot I am.
MAY 2nd – 6pm
As I draw my lips together, (Inhaling poisonous fumes) It triggers of my brain cells, Produces cloud around the room.
Mustard coloured curtains (an extension of my lungs) I can scrub and clean you, Sponge lungs, the damage done.
The pleasure from the nicotine (while gassing inner self) relieves stress, gives redress boosts up my self esteem.
I wonder- Would I eat soot and tar? (with a cup of tea – for dinner?) No! of course not, I don’t want that sort of gunge, sticking to my inner.
A puff of pure delight, (attacking larynx, mouth and throat) niggling my bronchial tubes, Slowing down my heart rate.
OH! That never ending fag! (Smoke, dancing through my veins) let’s have another drag… But really – what a drag!
Flippancy, so easy, (To laugh, blow smoke away) the smoke lingers outside to non-smokers dismay.
Listen to the cough- Oh! What a smell (Bad breath, stained teeth) What more? We all know well.
The slicing of the surgeon’s knife, (deep inside of me) Or could I just shrivel away Not knowing about big C?
Morphine mind induced, (Wracked pains about my body) a cigarette has seduced and made me feel quite shoddy.
Oh no! I have made a promise (as I have just convinced me!) I’m not smoking anymore- I prefer – Cold Turkey.
This is another one I wrote many years ago when smoking was seen as okay and I worked in the advertising business where huge amounts of money was spent on cigarette advertising in glossy woman’s magazines.
Y = (£/H)
Money over health A mathematical equation, health should prevail, but it’s open to persuasion.
Food crops essential For all people to live, Feed the nicotinia, Precious water to give.
Two sides of the story, Advertise, strong and sexy, Forget about gory state of apoplexy.
The government needs taxes Forget about the pain, insensitive to truth, N.H.S take the strain.
Hard up –poor are most affected, For a smoke, kids have bad diet, vital needs rejected, a fag – peace and quiet.
What is this complacency? The parties’ undercoat, Government a whole vacancy worried about their vote.
Smoking was a major part of my young life all my family smoked, now they have all given it up. Not one of them used anti-smoking products. They just used pure will power and common sense! I am the youngest so maybe that was short in supply when I was born as far as smoking is concerned! When I visit the family, I feel like a leper because I would not dream of smoking in their houses. So I will be one of the garden brigades often with only one or two other visiting people. The strange thing is I can go for hours and hours and yet……..
This is the only thing I really hate about myself. When I see the adverts on the television showing what smoking does, I cringe and walk away, I suppose it is denial. I am glad I took the time to read Scarlet Ribbons op –I have seen others but I refuse to read them – denial again.
To write this op and pull out these old poems is a start. I know it has always been a long and tiring journey for me.
I started at school, I wanted to be a member of a gang, we were in the school playground standing in a circle, the cigarette was passed round and we had to take one puff and ‘take it down’ then everyone cheered. They soon moved on to the next girl as my mind was swimming and I felt dizzy. It was a rotten gang of girls anyway after that initial smoke. We were all chicken if we didn’t do what the gang leader wanted us to do. Peer pressure. This was during those teenage years when I was extremely unhappy in my home life. Luckily I moved and came to my senses! Or did I? With the smoking it seems it was too late! Both of my parents died of cancer. It is an addiction like alcohol can be for others. Do they have a smokers Anonymous? Sometimes I wonder is it in my genes?
Had such similar experiences as you! Started when I was 12 with mates and smoke about 15 a day now, tried to quit so many times but just can't do it!!! Tam -x-
salem_witch 10.07.2004 02:31
I'm soooo glad I never started smoking!
Bronze224 09.07.2004 22:43
I gave up over a year and a half ago...it was suprisingly easier than I thought and I only had cravings during the first few months. Now I'm the worlds WORST ex smoker (you know the sort cough in front of smokers and complain about the smoke all the time!!!! lol)
All the best of luck! TJ