What gives me the authority....
 Oct 20th, 2001
Advantages:
FAR TOO MANY TO MENTION
Disadvantages:
YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR SANE LIFE WORRYING ABOUT THEM
Recommendable:
Yes
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  sue.51
About me:
Sheesh - seems like ages since I've been here. So many changes, business up and running - bred my f...
Member since:20.03.2001
Reviews:275
Members who trust:170
Review rated by 49 Ciao members on average: very helpful 
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When you have kids your responsibility to them NEVER ends - you are there for them when they are born, as they grow up, when they leave home, when they have their own kids, when their relationships break up - it is most often their parents that they look to - So anyone who hasn't got any who thinks they are going to be tied down for the next 18 years or so, dream on, in the words of that well known Carpenter's song - "...its only just begun..." the problems don't get any easier, they just become different - having said that, remove a moody, cheeky, hormonal teenager away from our house even for a few hours and there is definitely something missing.I never set out to have kids - Where I live, people still automatically assume that two people meet, fall in love, get married and build a home, and then along comes the 2.4 children to make that family complete - my sister did that, and now in her early forties, she's a single mum - my partner did that and now he's divorced - oh so cynical - the remainder got pregnant and got married before the bump started to show, even though the gossipmongers really ain't that thick - Me I bucked the trend totally - and now my Mum would be the first person to agree that for once in my life I was right (I was 22) - see that word MUM and 22 year old child in the same sentence and remember what I said about responsibility.I never wanted kids, in fact I loathed them - I was devastated when I got pregnant, yet because of events that had happened to me a few years before, was in a no-win situation - also in a violent relationship and afraid to tell my parents I was even pregnant until a few weeks before she was born - I was stuck. Giving birth, post natal depression, broken relationship (not to mention pride and spirit) it was time to make the best of it, and thats what I tried to do - now the thought that I even considered not having my daughter doesn't even bear thinking aboutShe drives me round the bend, she slams around the house as if shes the parent and I'm the child, she gives my boyfriend hell, she seldom does her homework without an arguement, she runs up massive telephone bills by ringing mobiles, she can text faster than I can type (and thats saying something) - often she sends my blood pressure so high I think I am going to explode - and tonight to cap it all after a sleepover she has just had projectile vomiting all over my new bathroom walls and carpet - but do you know something? I wouldn't change any of it.
- If the phone never rung I would worry she didn't have any friends,
- If she didn't have the sleepover I would be thinking much the same,
- If she did do her homework I would feel inadequate as I seldom did mine,
- If she didn't slam doors I would probably think she wasn't normal
- (and as for the vomitting -we had to hide a few sniggers - poor kid was mortified)
The little things as a parent make everything worthwhile - - When she swum her 5000 metres for cancer research,
- When she plays the piano she once used to bang -
- When she gets a good mark in school, a gold star or does well in cross country;
- When she puts her arms around you and tells you she loves you (even though these days it because you know she probably wants something)
- When she is asleep looking like an Angel whose butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
All these things and much more, give you feelings I don't think I can adequately put into words - but that tug at the pit of my stomach is far stronger than anything else I have ever encountered.When you first have a baby, it can be something of a culture shock, you can no longer nip to the local shop for a pint of milk, you are often not welcome in places where those who speak in adult voice socialise, you cannot nip to the pub after work, holidays can become a chore rather than a pleasure - and UNLESS you earn a really good wage, YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE LOTS OF MONEY - but you will become rich in a different way. You will seldom have nice expensive clothes, you'll spend the first four years looking forward to them starting school, and then guess what, many people decide to have another one (if they haven't done so already) The people who amaze me (a bit like my mother), who say that if their first child had been like their second one (how did you guess my sister is older?), they would never have had any more -if you split up with your partner, do you go looking for someone just like them? - I know I wouldn't - kids too are different - and through my partner I have acquired a second child of the same school age as my daughter - and two kids at more diverse ends of the spectrum you couldn't care to meet - she talks (whines) all the time and you can never get her out of the bathroom, he's the strong silent type who is afraid of water -but that cheeky grin and the gapped tooth smile will I am sure break a good few hearts in the not too distant future.Ooh - Am I whinging too much - if you are having kids, they are often not planned, is there a right time to have them? I hear of people criticising teenage mums - yet many of them make very good mums - just like some older women make bad mums - there are no hard and fast rules - and as a mother of a nie on teenage daughter, I am not naive enough to believe I couldn't be a grandmother before I get to my 40th, a mothers love is unconditional, you have a duty to stand by them, its devastating, but there are still far worse things that can happen to your child - and to anyone out there in that situation - a child does not have to be the end of your life - you can make it the beginning - I DID. IF YOU HAVE GOT KIDS - A FEW POINTERS TO REMEMBER
* If you are single, take some time for yourself - remember I said they are for life (but conversely they do usually leave home/get married etc), don't be afraid to have some time for yourself, don't be afraid to get yourself a new partner - some people say they will wait till the kids grow up - life is too short and everyone deserves a little bit of happiness - remember though - before introducing a new partner to the family - make sure it is quite serious, kids are sensitive and do get hurt - if one relationship fails it can be harder to introduce someone else than if an original marriage breaks up;* If you are part of a couple don't forget it - your relationship is what made the child in the first place * Don't expect to be rich (in money terms)* If you are going to work, make sure you have adequate child-care support (I still cannot believe the amount of kids younger than 10 I see wandering the streets) * Don't leave them home alone until they are 12 years or over (and then no later than 9pm)* ENJOY THEM - I am not a religious person, but I have come to recognise that children are the greatest and most priveleged gift we can be blessed with - if you don't want them - GOOD LUCK - theres a lot to be said for that too and believe me what you don't have you don't miss - but once you've had them - I for one wonder what I used to do before!! AND FINALLY, DON'T EXPECT TO BE RICH - GET VINYL ON YOUR BATHROOM FLOOR AND TILED WALLS - AND KEEP TAKING THE BLOOD PRESSURE TABLETS!!!SUE - OFF TO GET SOME SLEEP TO RECOVER FROM THE EVENTS OF THE NIGHT BEFORE - A GAGGLE OF TEENAGE GIRLS GIGGLING UNTIL 5.30AM TODAY.
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27.01.2004 16:30
I have had many problems with my 3, all different but i would never change them. Lovely op
28.10.2001 09:25
my daughter has just started school - the days aren't just the same without her. i dread the day when she turns around and says she's moving out. i just hope she feels able to come to me with any problem that she has no matter how small. as for projectile, vomit, i can do without that!!
23.10.2001 13:56
Great op, made me smile. I still do the projectile vomiting thing all over my mum and dads house and i'm 21 and married!