Member Advice on PMS

Pre-menstrual tension (or pre-menstrual syndrome) is something that just about every woman will experience in her lifetime to some degree. We girls can all relate, our hormones rage a riot in our bodies and we turn into mad shrieking banshee type women, wielding weapons and causing havoc and misery with everything we say and do……. well, according to most males anyway! But as Ian (Excelle) is joining me in this opinion, I shall allow him to add his experiences as a ‘victim’ and express the male point of view! But as I’m currently in the throes of mad axe wielding maniacal tendencies myself (PMT!), he can wait his sodding turn! I’m going first! LOL

In all seriousness, PMT can be downright unpleasant, and in some cases, potentially very dangerous. Not only for the sufferer, but for their families and friends. The symptoms normally appear ten days to a week before a woman starts to menstruate and can include a variety of unpleasant and painful changes to the body, as well as changes to your normal state of mind. Most women experience severe mood swings and a tendency to being over-emotional and bursting into tears over the simplest of things that normally wouldn’t touch us at all. We can be depressed, anxious, very irritable, more aggressive than usual, suffer from sleeplessness and feel generally lethargic and unwell. Physical symptoms can include an aching back (and sometimes legs), headaches and dizziness, painful and swollen breasts, swelling of the ankles, a distended stomach caused by water retention, and in my case, a severe craving for sweet things, chocolate in particular!

What most men fail to understand however, is that we have no control over how we feel. The symptoms are all caused by a natural change in our hormone levels and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it (well, mostly!) until the pre-menstrual time runs its course. The minute we start to actually menstruate, the symptoms disappear altogether. Then life becomes bearable and pleasant again……

Ian says: Unfortunately for us blokes, we sometimes have a little trouble figuring out when the moods are PMT-related, or when they are just plain bad moods! And after a bad night on the beer, it might not exactly be what we need either. But before we go off in a storming mood, it's probably best if we try and understand what it is and what it's like for the poor little darlings. After all, we love them don't we, and if they're having a hard time of it, we're going to do our best to make it easier for them. Even if it does result in a metaphorical axe in the head (or a real one for that matter!)

The thing that is so hard for blokes to understand is just what it's like. So this is my view of what it's like! Imagine, if you will, that you've been out all night in the company of that harsh mistress we like to call alcohol. You've had about 17 pints of the 'headache-beer' Kronenbourg, followed by 5 doubles of vodka, 5 doubles of Bacardi and a Smirnoff ice to wash it all down with. Then you've passed out on someone's rockery. With a gnome in your back. Now someone comes along and wakes you up with a bucket of water over your head. Hey presto - you try and kill your assailant, nearly vomit across the driveway, and your back is killing you. Your stomach doesn't feel so hot either. Right Louise?

Louise says: That's pretty close Ian, the sad thing is that us girlies don't have the fun of the all night raging that goes before it! We're poodling along quite merrily, being all lovey-dovey and sunshine and light and then suddenly, bam, out of nowhere we undergo a major personality change and start wanting to kill people, men in particular! But then, some of us want to do that anyway, PMT or no PMT.......!!!!

But Ian, there are things that can help, and the love and support of an understanding partner can go a long way to easing some of the stress and angst. Jokes are good, but never ever at the expense of the affliction itself, make some glib remark about the joys of PMT and you're likely to lose a limb at least! Only we girls can joke about it, men have to be understanding and supportive, or else!! Reminds me, why does it take 3 women with PMT to change a light bulb?

Ian says: why DOES it take 3 women with PMT to change a light bulb?

Louise says: IT JUST BLOODY DOES, OK???

Now, where was I? Oh yes, things that can actually help to alleviate the suffering, both for him AND her!

Exercise is one, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing! But if you can manage some gentle exercise, you’ll relieve a lot of the pent up stress and it really does help with the bloatedness, insomnia and aching back! Ian, I’m sure you can think of ways to get physical with Lizzie to ease her suffering! . Also, eating smaller and more frequent meals high in non-sugary carbohydrates can do wonders, even if you just nibble on a Ryvita every couple of hours. Doing this keeps your blood sugar levels from falling and can combat the lethargy that can sometimes take over. But of course Ian, if you really wanted to be the ever compassionate and sensitive partner, then the best thing is to lovingly spoon feed your woman chocolate or ice cream on demand. Even if she insists on it at four in the morning! It’s the least you can do whilst she’s suffering!

Lots of women swear by Oil of Evening Primrose, which you can buy over the counter at most pharmacists and health food shops. Other supplements which can help are vitamin B6, calcium, magnesium and zinc.

Reducing your salt and sugar intake can also help, particularly in reducing the distended tum caused by retaining water. And again, doing the same with alcohol and caffeine can make a difference with some women.

Most of all, it’s important for women that they are given support at a time they can feel quite dreadful. Cracking sexist jokes doesn’t help, most women feel particularly lacking in confidence and not at all attractive or sexy during the worst of PMT, and ill thought out cracks are only likely to send her into a mad hormonal rage from which you, mister, will feel the backlash! Ian says: Ouch! Getting physical you say? Well, me and Lizzie play tennis quite often ;) Well, that's how women can try and sort themselves out, but what can us poor blokes do? Well, apart from hiding under the nearest table and calling in the nearest paramilitary unit, a good place to start is to know what's going on. If you have a good, how shall we say, rapport with your lady, you should easily be able to sit down and chat about these things. Although instigating a discussion about her mood swings while she's primed and ready to kill isn't the best of things to do, but it's a chance you'll have to take. If you're lucky you'll have caught her while she's out of 'the zone', and you can sit down and have a chat about when her 'time of the month' is. Just make sure you explain that it's so you can be a little more understanding! It's important to remember that the period varies from woman to woman, so claiming you didn't realize because "That's when it was for my ex" is liable to get that axe through your forehead that little bit quicker! And no, I don't know from experience :)

There's being understanding of course, and there's being downright annoying! Treating your lass like she's some sort of invalid is definitely NOT the way to go. Just understand if she feels a bit ill, try not to have all out wars with her that she may (or may not) regret later, and don't go up to her friends and go "It's alright, she'll be on her period soon…" (NO, I haven't done that one either!)

The thing is with PMT is that there isn't much we, or them, can really do about it. We've both got to live with it, and really after a while it doesn't become so much of a problem for us anyway. One last tip though - if she's bawling her head off at you, don't just smile at her cheerfully and say "It's OK, I know it's only your PMT talking!". There are a few bodies in the morgue that said that. Any exes of yours Lou?

Louise smirks evilly and says: Well, seeing as I'm now on partner no. 23,456 I'd hazard a guess that I might be solely responsible for the rather surprising and staggering over-crowding at my local morgue! And local newspapers have reported that hospitals nearby are astounded by an extraordinary large number of unexplained deaths to young men caused by axes in the head! Seems the number is on the increase too Ian, dear buddy! Mwa hahahahaha

I think Ian is trying to be the nice caring sensitive guy here, and yes, he understands that PMT is something that us ladies have no choice but to endure, and that it's just as unpleasant for us as it is for the poor sods that choose to live with us. Sometimes, cases can be so serious that women have actually murdered during a blind rage over which they have no control. Some have even appeared in court charged with first degree murder and have had their cases quashed if it can be proven that severe PMT was responsible for a crime of passion. If anybody is concerned at the level of rage they are experiencing before menopause, I would suggest a chat with your local doctor as soon as possible. There is help out there, you just need to find it. And most symptoms can be controlled, even if they can't be stamped out altogether. Various medications can be prescribed if the level of your symptoms is high enough to warrant them.

So Ian my old chum, over to you to conclude this op once and for all and to share the secrets of how you manage to keep your lady happy, calm and rational, despite having to spend time with you for long periods of time!

Ian says: Blimey! I didn't realise that! Maybe the under-table options sounds more promising after all! But seriously lads, we have little to compare with the monthly pains and troubles our lady friends have, so the least we can do is be a bit understanding and try our best to make things as easy as we can for them. Well, relatively easy anyway, or they might start thinking all they have to do is claim PMT and we'll start hand feeding them chocolate! Hehe, only joking

Oh, and lady you say? Of course! Calm and rational - well, that's another story........