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since 10/09/2001


How to Be Good - Nick Hornby 29/05/2002

taught me a fing or two...

How to Be Good - Nick Hornby My mother has always said that I have no idea how to be good. ‘Behave’ was a term I was incredibly comfortable with by the age of, I dunno, bout three months. If there was ever trouble, guaranteed it was my sticky paw to blame. I thought I was cute; I called it ‘mischievous with a smile’. My mum thought I was ‘brat like’. Looking back she was probably right… Anyways… I’m sure if I’d had Nick Hornby’s latest by my side to keep me straight with my good doings it would’ve all been so much simpler. Printed in black and white, Hornby’s newest bestseller offers us a fantastically poignant and hilarious bible, showing us inner goodness, the humane struggle with it and how bloody difficult it actually is to attain along with ones sanity. ‘How to be Good’ is a smashing book, the fourth of a smashing, eh, foursome from Mr Nick. Smashing smashing smashing! And that’s all I’ve gotta say about that!!! Only playing…. Like I’ve EVER written a review under 6980 words. .parp! Well here goes… Nick Hornby has been one of my favourite authors for quite a while now. I have a favourite author depending on what I want from a book. Nick Hornby suits for dreary nights. Other peoples weird and wonderful lives, quirky, feisty, fantabulous to pick up my world from the drear and drab. He makes me laugh out loud, he’s perplexed me, his bare-naked human oddities amuse me no ...

10 Things You Couldn't Live Without 27/05/2002

it's all about MEEEEEE

10 Things You Couldn't Live Without This could be the hardest piece of writing I’ve ever had to…urr… write I guess. Ten things I could not should not and would not live without. Ten things. Only ten things. Just ten things?!! And me in this big bad world overdressed in glitz, indulgence and chocolate variety. How ever will I cope?!! However, never one to step away from a challenge, not I, one will attempt. However ladies and gentlemen, (uh-huh, flattery gets you everywhere I’ve been hearing,) I do not promise a fascinating opinion nor a tantalising read. Nope, instead, welcome to the whims and ways of a very peculiar Daysleeper – be prepared to be bored whilst I revel in my own self-indulgence…. Oh dear, I’m stuck already. Concentrate gurl…. TEA: Just milk, lots of milk, and more milk than that please. At least six cups a day, several in chain, if it’s been a particularly horrible one. My father always scorned the television. English movies, and soaps and adverts. He’d get drunk and blasphemy off bout how ‘bloody stupid’ it was that when times got tough they stuck the kettle on. Have you guys ever noticed? It’s true. They do. Nora runs in to her friend’s house, mascara running down her face… ‘Oh Doris, the Hoovers just exploded, the rents overdue, baby Emmanuel won’t stop howling and me hubbies ran off with the milkman – for the love of God whatever should I do?’ Doris looks on…. ...

Under Rug Swept - Alanis Morissette 23/05/2002

long awaited - much appreciated

Under Rug Swept - Alanis Morissette Inspired at last to get off my cute little ass and write again (thankyou littlemissdrunk J). Its been a while. I swear I will WILL make a conscious effort to be more active, someone dog gone went and stole their trust back – sniff. This make Sara gloomy, but she gonna fix it. Right here, right now. And how else to put a smile on me face but to present me with one of the all time greatest artists of all time, and then ask me to write about her. Alanis Morissette. Cast well in ‘Dogma’ – this woman is indeed God. Meep. Owning all her singles, three bootleg cds (that are, sadly, pants) and her measly four released cds I stand my ground and scream: I AM ALANIS MORISSETTES BIGGEST FAN!!! With this sorted, my topic of conversation for today boys and girls, is her newest release – ‘Under Rug Swept’. The long awaited and painfully anticipated trilogy in her completely fantastic collection. After her infamous ‘Jagged little pill’ Alanis has been under a hell of a lot of pressure to release some kick ass stuff – a newcomer landing the fifth top album of whatever year it was. I know no person who did not love and play this album to its death. It’s immense, catchy and differing from all else that existed at that time. She stood alone. Loud, feisty and angry. The release of her second album ‘Supposed informer infatuation junkie’ led to her cult following flitting away – it was less poppy than the ...

Nescafe Cappuccino Coffee 21/03/2002

How can you fit Paul Daniels in a sachet

Nescafe Cappuccino Coffee I’m not going to pretend I’m an avid coffee drinker. Pretend that I know what’s good coffee, what’s bad coffee, what’s real coffee and whats ‘manufactured sh**e’ as my father would say. People moan at me constantly about how Nescafe instant doesn’t taste like the ‘real stuff’ and whilst I can tell the difference obviously! (I have taste buds!) I’m not too good with the quality status. Whatever you hand me I’ll drink and smile. Or plough sugar in at an unhealthy, heart attack destined rate (sinful I know to all you good coffee guru’s, I feel similarly when it comes to tea.) However, always up for a challenge, and desperately needing a product that got me in a big enough tizz to write about, I embrace ‘Nescafe instant Cappuccinos’… you have been warned!!!! (plus its been a long time since I’ve scribbled so go easy on me k?!!) Take a moment. Relax your brain and picture the scene. I’m in the supermarket with my darling mother. I’m bored…naturally. It’s amazing how long you can deliberate over Heinz or HP spaghetti shapes. It’s also incredibly infuriating how my mother should have the blooming world record! I’m amusing my four year old mentality with my version of the supermarket schweep game: Plying items into the trolley, seeing how much can go unnoticed and what delightful surprises mother brings home with her, baffled by how the ...

Sourz Apple Sweet & Sour Liqueur 17/12/2001

Sour iz yummy

Sourz Apple Sweet & Sour Liqueur I'm just back from Dublin - flew in three hours ago, have been up since five thirty so be prepared for more than the usual nonsense. Haven't written in a bit but having been to the Guinness factory and drinking a fair bit of the stuff over the last 72hours (indeed i still believe i could be drunk)i thought me enough of an expert to write a review on the Black magic. That said i came on Ciao, flicked over to the alcohol page and lost all enthusiasm for Irelands signature alcohol. No - i don't know why either. But instead this stuff caught my eye, and whilst i know nowt about it, i feel i'm gonna share my lack of knowledge with the world. if all else fails, my enthusiasm should prevail. here's hoping. Now fundamentally I'm against all things green (except leprauchauns - but thats cause they have irish accents -grr- and they're lucky and i'd be a fool to not be loving the luck of the irish, yeh?). Broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, lettuce, peas...ew,ew,ew,ew,EVIL!!! My philosophy on life is to stay away from the green stuff and smile loads - but then rules were meant to be broken right? and in my opinion it is MORE than just to bend the rules for the del-sticky-iciousness that is the very very green (drum roll pwease)-Sourz Apple sours. It was infact the vibrant colour of this drink under the strobe lighting of my favourite pub that first appealed to me. My mammy always says i'm on the Autistic spectrum so i guess that'd make sense. bright lights and pretty ...

Kelloggs Corn Flakes 29/11/2001

don't believe their lies

Kelloggs Corn Flakes “Wake up to a sunshine breakfast,” screams my dinky pack of Kellogs cornflakes sitting beside me. Ice-cold milk and large deep bowl should therefore lead to a happy start to a wondrous day. Woohoo! But it’s all lies!!! Now I understand that it’s one of the biggest selling breakfast cereals in the whole universe. Sure if Kellogs where to be believed then even the little purple pokadotted being’s (‘alien’ is very stereotypical, ‘beings’ is more PC) on Jupiter where munching away the start of a sunshined day. But it’s still raining! Nae pouring! And I’m bored already just looking at the bowl! Now it’s maybe a tad unfair to slag a cereal because it’s dull! But I feel it has to be done! Why? Well to enlighten all of you poor misled beings (do you see how correct I’m being?) out there because Kellogs slogans, and television adverts are all wrong, and nasty and evil and FIBS FIBS FIBS! Old adverts: the neighbours spotting young couple eating Kellogs corn flakes at ridiculous unbreakfastly (can’t find a word MAKE IT UP!) hours of the day. They are shocked and disgusted by such behaviour. SCANDAL!!! Tell the papers! Oh the shame! Whit? Why is it remotely interesting to be eating ‘toasted flakes of corn’ regardless what time of day? They are dull! DULL I tell you! Stop trying to pretend like they’re interesting guys, they are soooo not! New adverts: (more fibs and ...

Smarties 27/11/2001


Smarties “Red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and bluuuuuue, I can sing the rainbow, sing the rainbow, sing the rainbow………and EAT ‘EM TOO!!!!” Ah the songs we sing as youngsters…. or not so youngsters as this case is, my young daughter looking on at me, her face contorted into a look of disgust and disbelief as I stuff the little blighters in me gub and giggle whole heartedly to myself that life really can’t get any better! Yes, at the ripe old age of nineteen I have rediscovered the joys and wonders of Nestles ‘Smarties’-and check out my cheeky chocolaty multicoloured grin at the discovery of this hidden suppressed treasure. From the onset Smarties promise to deliver. Screaming out at you through the mundane world of Mars Bars and Fry’s Chocolate creams are these irresistible sugar coated chocolate delights. The packaging is bright, cheery and utterly appealing - a blue box/tube/packet speckled with those delightful little tweeties, all colours of the rainbow (and brown ones too, but brown doesn’t get a place in the song – but check Nestle fighting against the discriminations of the ages and including all colours …hehe) dancing around, jumping back and forth, laughing at you, teasing you. Big bold letters state their name loud and proud across the centre. It’s a visual delight and sets itself aside from the rest of the competition. It’s a BIG bit of fun amongst a ...

AIR Live 13/11/2001

who needs oxygen when we have AIR!

AIR Live Monday 29th October ‘Air’ came to Glasgow! Nope, some brilliant entrepreneur did not take a huge hoover and vacuum the smog and grime up, super glue the ozone layer and save our souls – wouldn’t it be nice! However, something equally as fab :s did happen: one of the most genius acts of our time came to the Barrowlands, and created harmony in my fast and furious and generally unappreciated world! ‘Air’, as a band, mean something to me. They remind me of a beautiful time where I rediscovered a lot of me. And they represent a moment in that time that never fails to be beautiful. When I hear their music I float into that place…and then I tend to fall asleep. So was a tad ambiguous about this gig. A concert is best when you jump around, sing along, get very drunk, throw beer over your mates and watch some strange eejit throw themselves into the crowd – isn’t it? So what was to be done throughout the set? Especially since I set up the R.S.P.A.H.B (for all you non-members it’s the -royal society for the prevention of all head bopping – DUH! Tis my biggest pet peeve!!!) EXTRA pressure being I was taking someone as a surprise, to say thankyou, for being and for making a difference – what if they felt just as uneasy – sheesh, why didn’t I just get tickets to see Linken Park or something, then we could bounce and…..dang, it’s too late now! We arrived a tad after eight, doors opened at ...

The Fast And The Furious (DVD) 22/10/2001

beer and tits, UG UG UG

The Fast And The Furious (DVD) SPEED - of the FAST variety, CARS - of the incredibly sexy and fantastic variety, WOMEN - of the scantily clad and attractive variety and TESTOSTERONE - of the oozing buffed up male variety… all join forces to make this visually stunning movie that will leave you literally aroused at the edge of your seats. Grr, grr, grr, gRR, GRRR and WOW! Now, that’s the advantages covered, now over to the dark side: I have fought this fight with everyone I know. So I’ll continue to fight it and all you guys can slander me for my opinion on the infamous ‘The Fast and the Furious’. I’ve started this opinion loads of times, truth being it never got beyond the title (which I see grasped your attentions – good job!) Can’t seem to spur up enough enthusiasm to write a semi-decent review on this movie, but my stamina will prevail, this time (mainly cause I don’t like the colour green and want to change the dot that’s attached itself to my name!) Lets get the slagging match out of the way now boys. Yes I’m a woman, and seemingly this fact seems to make my opinion on this movie null and void. I’m a ‘chick’ I just ‘don’t get it’, and so say all the lads I’ve ‘discussed’ this movie with. I agree this is all round male movie magic, the anti-thesis of a ‘chick-flick’, and a true ‘beer n tits ug UG UG!’ moment for you guys to share. But I, and all my ...

Winnie The Pooh [TV Advertisement] 13/10/2001

a magical wonderland that puts Alices to shame

Winnie The Pooh [TV Advertisement] “I’m so excited, yeh yeh, and I just can’t hide it, no no, I’m about to loose control and I think I like it!” Dancing round the room like an idiot, pretending I’m an extra from FAME, trying to think of something clever to write … and why? Because I just discovered that Ciao covers Winnie the Pooh! I get to write about Winnie the Pooh! What an immense topic, I pray I do it justice. Welcome to the most magical world that ever was…. ‘…A donkey called Eeyore is his friend, with Kanga and little Roo, there’s Rabbit and Piglet, and there’s Owl, but most of all there’s Winnie the Pooh…’ Picture a little boy, a real little boy, flesh and blood. For his first birthday, August 21st, 1921, daddy gives him a bear - Edward (from which we take ‘teddy’), purchased from one of London’s top department stores, Harrods. Boy loves this bear, every child has one toy, and as he grows he takes this bear with him. Eight years go by and said boy receives more toys as gifts: a donkey, a tiger, a pig, a kangaroo or two. He takes these toys with him on his childhood adventures, they are his playmates and companions, and they provide him with his childhood magic. Daddy observes and smiles at a Childs beauty and imagination. Said boy is Christopher Robin, said observant father, with notebook and curios imagination in hand, is A.A.Milne – said adventures told by father and lived by ...

The Eagles - Live in Glasgow 11/10/2001

taking it too easy

The Eagles - Live in Glasgow When i was five i remember being in the car in the France watching my dad drive singing 'Take it Easy'! When i was nine i remember me and my little brother pretending we where the Eagles and equipped with broom, pots and pans (obviously a guitar for me and a drum kit for him) screaming 'Hotel California' in my kitchen. When i was 12 i remember going to my dads gig and hearing him sing 'Desperado' and cried. When i was 19 i got to experience them, real, live and in the flesh and blood! Ever since i was a glint in the milkmans eyes i have known and loved the Eagles! I grew up with them and all the greats thanks to my dads musical influence. But whilst my passion for Rod Stewart (would he ever admit he's getting old already) and Brian Adams (he was so good in the ol' days, but think he's lost his magic attempting to keep up with today) has faded, i have never stopped listening or appreciating the Eagles! As a gift i recieved two tickets to one of their last performances in Hampden park on the 21st of July. Excited i was, for two months prior i played their album, reminised and relit the love i had for them. We was all set...we went, we watched, we sang, we danced, we got bored, we got irate, we left! All in all, ofcourse it was a good concert. Their songs where brilliant as always, their peformance was immense and for the first section of it i was on a high. Although considerably younger than the majority of the crowd, and apparently one of the only few that was ...

Member Advice on Sleep 08/10/2001

There are NOT enuf sheep in this world

Member Advice on Sleep Sporting a period of insomnia right now, Fun! I seem to go through stages of it throughout the year. It amuses me when I put my body to rest my mind wants to explore hidden depths of the unknown, well it did for the first few hours – days later its beginning to get a little annoying. So, the personal facts behind this opinion…. DUM DUM DUM… It’s now (time check) 3.40 am Sunday morning. I’ve been lying in my bed since eleven thirty, the point in the evening when my body gave up and screamed ‘SLEEP!’. I’m kitted out in my trackies and fleecy jumper. My Horlicks (just in-case its malty deliciousness helps me out) is cooling beside me. My eyes aren’t functioning and the computer screens a bit fuzzy. My head hurts just a little a - this is the 11th day of my no-sleeping spree (however on Friday night I slept a whole seven hours, the BigMan brought me a miracle, so I had a little break from my madness) and it’s DAM cold! What better conditions is there to sit down and write a useless (but please don’t rate it that way – hehe) opinion on the wonderful art of sleep. Maybe I ain’t the right person for this job, offering advice on something I can’t attain. Hmm…? It’s sort of like offering vegetarians recipe ideas when all vegetables have a devastating effect on my upchuck reflex… BUT – I need something to take me through the night and Ciao’s addictiveness passes the good ...

Echo Park - Feeder 05/10/2001

momentary magic

Echo Park - Feeder Okay, got the music on in the background (surprisingly enough it’s Feeders ‘Echo Park’), got me cuppa beside me, and my photo’s of T in the Park just incase I forget my enthusiasm at some point! I’m ready, are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin… I was at T in the Park this year to see a load of my favourite bands. Feeder where playing on the main stage and to be honest I had NO clue who they were. Fortunately my friends were a tad more educated than myself and we hung about to experience them. So they came on, (Sorry took a few moments to come back to you, ‘buck Rogers’ was on in the background, and kinda had to bounce about for a bit, quieter track now so, where was I?), eh, and started playing and I recognised their music immediately from the radio, well their big hits anyway. They where incredible! They’re music is catchy and loud and expressive and borders on a lot of genre’s captivating various different audiences. They’re maybe indie/rock/nu-metal all rolled into one fabulous sound AND they’ve a really cute bass player (grr). One of the best acts of the weekend, and everybody in the house (field) was jumping JUMPING! Came home, bought their album and intended becoming a big fan. Listened to it, and I’ve owned it a while now and I’m still listening, and loved it, still do! It is a fabulous album, a great mix of the quiet, the wishful, the obnoxious, the jumping and the ...

Break The Cycle [PA] - Staind 02/10/2001

bag it, i'll take it

Break The Cycle [PA] - Staind My music taste is so influential, not that I influence people, more they influence me. Hence my cd collection makes no sense at all and grows at an incredibly alarming rate – what else are student loans for? My latest buy was ‘ Break the Cycle’ by Staind – a new band with a newish (?) sound. Came across them whilst going through a bit of a nu metal/punk/rock stage. I blame my new mates at uni, visit them so often with it being played in the background and its bound to stick. So they got me into this phase of heavier stuff and hence added Kerrang to my viewing channels. Was ‘flicking’, much to my mothers distress, through the channels attempting to find anything that wasn’t Britney or worse, Victoria Beckham, and bala bing bala boom, heard this tune that caught my eye. (Hmm, that was really bad English.) It was ‘Outside’, featuring Limp Bizkits front man Fred Durst. Now here’s where my phone bill, or rather my mothers bill, shoots through the roof. I became a bit addicted to this song, I tend to do that, and phoned MTV and all channels to hear it over and over again. Figured it would be just as expensive to buy the album, so searched high and low. It hadn’t been released yet but I got an imported copy of it through Fopp. Listened to ‘Outside’*on repeat all the way home (the addiction was beginning to hurt, thank god I got my hit) and once there, kettle on, I preceded to explore the album. *My ...

Gordon - Barenaked Ladies 02/10/2001

DON'T do it

Gordon - Barenaked Ladies Okay okay, before I go any further I’m gonna say from the minute I saw them live at T in the park three years ago, without knowing who they where, I have loved, nae worshipped the BareNaked Ladies music. With that said…. What de hell is this album all about? Disappointed I was and thank God I heard their newer stuff first or the band would never have discovered their biggest fan and I would never have discovered my ‘happy’ It’s not that’s its bland, no there’s a lot going on in this album, nor that the lyrics are bad cause they’re far from it, and the tunes and melodies are, eh, fine. In amongst this album there is musical genius, some of their best work – but what is all the nonsense surrounding it? Seriously boys, what’s going on? Maybe it’s just in comparison to their newer stuff from ‘stunt’ and ‘maroon’ that’s caused me to doubt them – maybe if I’d heard this album first I would think higher of it – but then again…just naw! When it’s good its very good, and for those four tracks (yes a measly four out of fifteen) its heavenly – but when its bad – it’s bloody sinful! let me explain… Lets start with the ups cause I don’t find it easy dissing my boys. Their four fantastic tracks – ‘Brian Wilson, What a good boy, If I had a million dollars’ and, at a push, ‘You can be my Yoko Ono’ ...
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