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Glorificus1

Glorificus1

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since 30/11/-0001

83

10 Things That Make Ciao a Community 14/02/2003

Web site or web of shite......

10 Things That Make Ciao a Community I suppose this will be the last you will hear of me over hear once the overlords get a looksie at this. Well it's been a pleasure to have read and 'known' most of you , but there are a growing clan who I wouldn't piss on if they were rolling around on fire. Is Ciao really a community anymore? A place where people write opinions about things that we all use in our happy go lucky little lives (Some of us have them you see) or has it become a place where the jaded come to pick fights and pick and swoop at eachother like vultures? Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that the latter is becoming a fact of life here. I would like to say that those who I genuinely like I would like to keep in contact with you know who you are also, or at least you should by now. 1. A Community of Writers. We all use the written word. See? I'm using it now. But just as those little symbols on the blank page can draw us together in bonds of shared experiences and ideas it can also tear us apart as a vitual community. It takes a small guestbook comment to light the touch paper that will go on for days and days. 2. A Community of Friends I have met some lovely people both online and offline thanks to this site and I'm sure I'll meet more in the future. I have had the priviledge of meeting people I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet otherwise and for that I will always look back at Ciao with fondness. I will not name drop them here as it seems tacky and unneccessary, but I ...

10 Things That Really Turn Me On 13/02/2003

Orgasmic Dancing Achieved Through Drink

10 Things That Really Turn Me On It being the day that all women in singledom greet with an optimistic shuffling of the post tomorrow, I thought I would bless you all with yet another glimpse into the recesses of my psyche. I am going to split this opinion into categories. A) Lust, pure and simple. The following physical attributes will have me cursing myself for wearing mismatched underwear as the swopping of bodily fluids looks imminent. 1) I adore men in all shapes and sizes, from the tall to the short. I have been out with men who were 6 ft 7 and 5 ft 6 but what they had in common was that they were comfortable in their own skin, not arrogant, but they knew who they were and that and that alone made me want them. 2) Nice hands. Bitten nails tell me that you're neurotic and slim fingers with broad palms tell me I want them on me. Strange I know, but hands and slender wrists are a major moistness maker. That is why I have wept for joy when I have met a man who wears nail varnish, plays guitar and is good at foreplay. 3) Big Noses. For some reason , it has been pointed out to me that the men I tend to find myself wanting to shag senseless within ten minutes of meeting have all had rather large noses, a case in hand is Chris Noth, Sex and The City's Mr. Big not Steve Martin in Roxanne. B) But when the sex is over I will stay if you... 4) Show me that you have a sense of humour. I like men who don't take themselves too seriously, not in that flamboyant drama school way (No ...

Everything that starts with S ... 09/02/2003

Stay Deano76

Everything that starts with S ... Deano Deano don't you go Ciao needs tall tall men How else will tall blokes know Where to get their trousers from then? And tales of your Nan With her endless food make me smile you silly man And lighten my mood With rants on beer and curry And let's not forget the rice Come back Dean in a hurry I dont like being nice It's like drinking alcohol free beer Not as half as much fun and lacks taste So all of us raise a cheer And bring him back post haste And before you get to think This is just a ditty I'll remind you with a wink Ciao without friends is shitty Bring back Deano Dont be a meano Leave a comment of support For all the laughter that he's brought (The rating is for the site without him) --------------- --------------- ------------- Normal reading rating and writing will be resumed soon ... Thanks for the patience. Jo

Heartbreaker - Ryan Adams 28/01/2003

Shaking my money maker at this heartbreaker

Heartbreaker - Ryan Adams Epiphanies are great. Listening to a CD until it you don't know where you end and it begins is a sweet slice of heaven. It all began with Q magazine raving on and on about this young fellow, Ryan Adams (not to be confused with Bryan.) I downloaded an MP3 to see what all the fuss is about. I was duly transfixed and bought the CD 'Heartbreaker' from Amazon for £9.99 , twenty four hours later. The cover itself is rather moody and James Deanesque, the a soulful shot of Mr. Adams reclining with a cigarette between his lips. The inlay is simple and depicts Ryan in pensive mode, both with and without his guitar.... Bless his unruly hair and bracelets... but enough of that tripe. The important thing here is the music. Recorded in a two week session at , Woodland Studios Nashville, in 2002, and released on Cooking Vinyl, this CD certainly provides food for thought (Grrroan!). Adams is obviously the primary voice on this CD, he also plays both the acoustic and electric guitars , the harmonica , the piano and the banjo as well as being responsible for most of the material. But he also has an eclectic brood of collaborators ... Ethan Johns: Producer, Drums , Bass , Chamberlin , Glockenspiel, B-3, Vibes David Rawlings: Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Banjo, Tambourine Gillian Welch: Vocals,Banjo, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Bass Pat Sansone: Piano, Chamberlin, Weird type storm producing organ type instrument. Emmylou Harris:Vocals Kim Richey: Vocals Allison ...

Top 10 Gifts 13/01/2003

Tomorrow, Tomorrow it's my birthday tomorrow

Top 10 Gifts I love a bit of shameless self promotion every now and then and as I edge nearer to the big 30 it seems that the day I took my first breath seems to be becoming a chore, as would the actual act of breathing if we thought about it too much. So without further a do here are ten things I would wiggle my nose for in an Elizabeth Montgomery type way if I had the power , even if it did mean that I would have to be married to that gimpy Darrin. 1. My Mam Eh? She wants her Mam as a present. Yes I do. Some of you might be aware that my Mam has Parkinson's Disease and I haven't actually had a Mam for a few years now. She has been replaced by someone who hardly ever talks, can't sit up straight for long periods of time and occasionally pisses herself. Now before you sit there thinking 'Poor Jo' I would just like to say that the best present I could ask for would be for my Mam to realise that although she can't beat this but she still has a reason to live because we all love her so much and I know that the person who was my heroine is still inside there somewhere. I look at her sometimes and I don't know who she is. It makes me so angry and sad. After sharing that everything else seems so superficial. 2. My Cats. I would love to be able to have my cats back. I had to get them rehomed when I was in the darkest stage of my depression and I miss them dreadfully. 3. A Human Barcode Machine. This would be a little thing you scan a person with and it would tell you ...

Everything that starts with N ... 09/01/2003

Even goddesses make resolutions

Everything that starts with N ... *Swearing in this opinion. I did try* So here we have it. My resolutions. Some of them I really don't want to do, but some of my good mates haver pointed out that I must in order to nurture my growth as a person and all that jazz. 1. To finish my dissertation. I am not very good at organising things and this whole exercise is turning out to be as painful as plucking my pubic hair with a very blunt set of tweezers or alternatively having Las Ketchup on repeat. 2. To join the cult of the Nine to Fiver's Not in a kitsch Dolly Parton way, Psychology can never be that entertaining, besides I don't have the breasts for it. But yes I must leave the land of the great unwashed and go and get myself a job and pray that I will be able to convince my bosses that my mind is not just a cesspit of useless Buffy related information. 3. To swear less. I am always swearing. It is like I have Tourette's syndrome and the more nervous I get the more F words burst from my mouth, until I sound like Roy Chubby Brown on speed, which is hardly appealing. 4. To stop being a serial snogger (prompted by best mate Virginie) This is going to be a hard one to stick to. It all stems back from my first love as I knew he was the one from our very first kiss, that and hormones and vodka. I am fast approaching thirty and it's all so very teenage. 5. To wear more feminine clothes (prompted by best mate Jon) It has come to my attention that I dress in a rather provocative manner ...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (The Album/Original Soundtrack) - Soundtrack 02/12/2002

Bleeding brilliant

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (The Album/Original Soundtrack) - Soundtrack My love of this show is bordering on obsession; yes, I admit I’m an addict. In fact, even if William the Bloody (James Marsters) left tomorrow, I would still watch. This CD is from when Spike was a mere twinkle in Joss Whedon’s eye. It contains many bands I don’t really know, but because of the Buffster I gave it a go and I was glad I did too, when is the next CD out? Track 1.Buffy The Vampire Slayer Theme – Nerf Herder 8/10 This track is embedded in my psyche as synonymous all things Summers. Great catchy rift, Dunno whether I would buy an entire CD of theirs, but this is a great opening track. Doesn’t drag on either, which is good because sometimes songs without vocals can get on my nerves. Track 2.Teenage FBI – Guided by Voices 5/10 (Not yet featured to my knowledge) ‘ Someone tell me why I act like a fool when things don’t go my way. When you’re around me I ‘m somebody else.’ Quite catchy. Inoffensive little indie sounding vocals with a rather plodding beat and nice harmonies. Nothing to write home about. Fairly standard guitar, not the best track on the CD but still better than Westlife. Track 3.Temptation Waits- Garbage 6/10 (Not featured to my knowledge) ‘I am a vampire, waiting for my moment’ Garbage by numbers, quite cool but not as good as Supervixen . Still very good for when you are feeling a bit hormonal. Good middle section, all kind of scratchy and a ...

Lush King of Skin 02/12/2002

Touch..a Touch..a Touch Me.

Lush King of Skin *Sigh* In the words of Catatonia. Lush ' You've got a lot to answer for, but baby I love you' My recent dalliance with the evil womb seducers of all things whiffy can not be excused. Even the fact that I want smooth skin for the season of festive frolics is perhaps not enough justification. 1.*I thought there's no use getting/Into heavy petting/It only leads to trouble/And seat wetting* If you came up to me last year and told me I would be actively seeking out something beige. I would have laughed in your face. My relationship with the said colour has never recovered since it adorned my room in halls. In the highly imaginative colour scheme of brown and beige that drove me to distraction. I find the idea of something monarchial being beige as disturbing as Camilla 'Audrey Roberts' Parker Bowles in the nack. This 'beige' crown comes in a one size fits all guise (90g) and costs £3.25. It is a Skin Conditioner. Sounds poncey doesn't it? 2. Using King of Skins. *Then if anything grows/While you pose/I'll oil you up/And rub you down* But you must be moist when using this little gem. Moistness is a must. The King of Skins is a solid bar in the shape of a crown. It is best used when you have just climbed out of the bathing instrument of your choice. When your flesh is still steaming and protesting at the thought of getting cold, lightly rub the bar all over your skin. You may at first feel that this is a little greasy thanks to the combination of ...

Member Advice on Coming Out of the Closet 18/11/2002

I am what I am

Member Advice on Coming Out of the Closet This opinion is one that may not come to any of you as a surprise. I love men, but I love women too. I came out to my parents six years ago or so. I really did think I was gay at this stage. It all started at the age of nineteen. I had been having a rather intense friendship with this girl called Linda in sixth-form. It was like I was hers and she was mine. Then we kissed one day and she told me she was falling in love with me. I was shocked. I was scared stiff. This was unlike anything else I had experienced yet it felt completely natural. At the time though I panicked and distanced myself from her. Then again in first year at university, I began to have one night stands with men as if this would make these feelings stop. It didn't. I just ended up more confused than ever. I then began a close friendship with one of the girls in halls and we used to kiss and cuddle. Secretly. Then in second year. I began to really question what I was going through. I was encouraged by the openly gay relationship of one of my hall mates. I decided to see if I had a type and decorated my room in half male posters and half female pin ups. Thanks to the support of some very cool friends, I got quite a Kate Moss shrine going on. What I felt was hardest about the whole situation and what I still do in some respects is that I felt/feel like I'm in limbo. Neither here nor there. I would go out with my 'straight' friends and I would wish that I had someone to take me onto the ...

10 Most Annoying Sayings 15/11/2002

You should be bludgeoned in your bed .

10 Most Annoying Sayings *This opinion is rated PG for mild language and references of a sexual nature* I'm cantankerous. I admit that I am. But if I come across any of these gems in the foreseeable future I may have to gouge my eyes with a wooden spoon. Or maybe have an aromatherapy bath, as it's easier and less messy. 10. The celebrity equivalent of Ant and Dec: It's everywhere and mildly irritating at times: 'Good op' Here at Ciao we have a ratings system that let's me know if you think my opinion is any cop. If you are so desperate for the community points go and skim the Ciao archive. 9. The celebrity equivalent of Lisa Riley : You can't see the point of it and yet it continues. ' I like Jaffa Cakes' Well yes I'm pretty partial to them myself, but these seemingly innocent remark is the devil incarnate when it is a response to a CD based opinion. Unless it is the name of some experimental industrial band I'm yet to hear of. 8. The celebrity equivalent of Victoria Beckham, it just keeps on cropping up no matter how shite it is : 'I'm not being funny but....' Ah contraire, that little' but' tells me something different. I tells me you are about to say something that is about to grate my cheese. Whether it's the online 'I'm not being funny but why did you give me a H' or the eyeball to eyeball 'I'm not being funny but that cardigan does nothing for you' it's a one way ticket transporting me to Narkdom, just a short distance from 'If I hit you hard enough will that ...

Sci-Fi - Buffy the Vampire Slayer 06/11/2002

Bite Me, You Bad, Rude Man...

Sci-Fi - Buffy the Vampire Slayer Garlic? I'd never touch the stuff if vampires were around and the happened to look as good as this. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is more than a clever, cult teen programme, which is bandied about the television schedules more than a ping-pong ball if you don't happen to have the Buffy haven that is Sky. Anyhow, I shall attempt not to rant about my despair with BBC2 and instead concentrate on the show itself. Buffy Anne Summers is no ordinary girl, not only does she have flawless skin and glossy hair, but she's also fairly handy with the martial arts, because she is the Chosen One. No, no, not in a Keanu Reeves type way, but in an ancient tradition sort of groove. Buffy moved to 1630 Revello Drive,Sunnydale with her mother Joyce (Kristine Sutherland) following her parent's divorce and her expulsion for burning down the gym at her previous highschool, Hemery High School, in Los Angeles. But how can you explain to the governors that you were merely slaying the undead and arson was the last thing on your mind? Having also, found herself bereft of a watcher ( a guardian to advise her in her duties) as her first watcher Merrick was killed, maybe a move was the right answer. Lo and Behold Buffy then finds herself under the fatherly and knowledgeable supervision of school librarian and rather dashing older man, Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head). As if this wasn't enough to come to terms with Giles then informs her that Sunnydale is indeed set upon a ...

Tesco Value Pure Orange Juice 05/11/2002

More authentic than Britney's bosom...

Tesco Value Pure Orange Juice but just as cheap looking.... End title ** I'm a slave for you** Tesco Value. A brand that haunts many a student kitchen. Lurking menancingly with its almost bold blue and white packaging brazenly boasting of it's own cheapness. I regularly buy a number of items from the Value Range and the orange juice is no exception as I tend to consume roughly three or four cartons of this stuff per week as I am not a big fan of actually eating fruit aside from bananas. **Ooops! I've done it again** The packaging is minimalistic, with as I have mentioned the now infamous blue and white stripes partnered with a rather basic representation of yes you've guessed it... oranges alongside 'value' emblazoned in red, so other shoppers can spot if your a penny pinching student a mile off. The carton is made of quite rough yet strangely flimsy cardboard. I always end up having a bit of a battle with the alleged spouty bit as either it will not cut or I end up cutting along the dotted line too much and the pesky juice ends up all over the place. Not good. The carton also has a best before date at the top and reminds you that this product is best consumed three days after opening. How nice of Tesco to remind you. **Hit Me Baby One More Time** Some would argue that I have no sense of taste, but leave my choice of men/clothes/colourschemes out of this. I keep buying this juice because it is so reasonable given that 1 litre of the stuff costs a miniscule thirty seven ...

Fanta Lemon 05/11/2002

Worse than a smear test

Fanta Lemon Um...stuck in university today for what seems an eternity (I'm sure I have wandered into a black hole). I got distracted from the ghastly realms of Statistica, a stats program the lurks in the humid and squalid depths of the postgrad pyschology lab, by a fruity little number (no NOT Chris the technician, although I wouldn't need much encouragement) but FANTA. Now let me make this clear from the onset. I hate orange fanta. The only thing possibly with less taste is Peggy Mitchell off Easties. It tastes so false and has so many added colours it makes Kat Slater's skin look peaky. Given that I once managed to use Fanta Lemon as a mixer for a sly vodka in the canteen, I shouldn't complain, but I will anyway. Fanta Lemon is too sweet. It makes my tongue do things it shouldn't (Steady on old chap, I mean like sticking to the roof of my mouth). It cost 60p in the canteen, according to the old crone who works behind the till (I'm sorry but she annoys me because she always give me a funny smile) The bottle is 500 ml in girth and looks not unlike the radioactive water Del Boy Trotter tried to sell in Peckham. No in fact it's growing on me as I type so I might take it to Dulux and see if they can match the shade. Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Sugar (Oh really, I hadn't noticed), Lemon Juice (6%), Citric Acid , Stabilizers (E414, E445) Preservative (E211), Antioxidant (E300), Flavourings, Colour (Quinoline Yellow) Bottled under the authority of THE COCA COLA COMPANY ...

Pantene Pro V Smooth & Sleek Shampoo 05/11/2002

As straight as Graham Norton.....

Pantene Pro V Smooth & Sleek Shampoo Just to set the scene, I used to have straight hair, but then I shaved all my hair off and lo and behold it grew back a seventies throwback nightmare. My hair is very thick and wavy. In a bid to try to win the struggle against Mother Nature I purchased Pantene Pro V Smooth and Sleek. The conditioner and shampoo at £1.79 each. It smelt lovely and fresh, lathered well and I looked forward to glossier hair. I used it for the first time yesterday morning and awoke today to hair that looks like it's been in a deep fat fryer. Very attractive. I phoned the Pantene Helpline on 0800 0283578 where I was informed that the Smooth and Sleek range has extra conditioner in it to smoothen the hair. I was also advised not to let my hair dry naturally and instead blowdry. This is perhaps a fair point but I don't always have the time to do so and so I will have to buy another product for everyday use. I was told that I will be given a voucher to replace this product,which although helpful is perhaps throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You can also contact Pantene at www pantene .com I for one will only be using this product at the weekend, but Bah Humbug I'll still have to use the dreaded dryer. I wasn't expecting miracles. A good job really. ***UPDATE*** It is now the weekend , a time of vodka and blowdrying in my case. Still kinky as a gimp suit (my hair not ME). There's only one thing for it: The Hairdressers. Yes, my hair is ...

Boots 17 Plump Up The Volume Lip Shine 05/11/2002

Moist and sticky all over

Boots 17 Plump Up The Volume Lip Shine Lipgloss isn't just an excellent PULP song , it's something I like to wear every now and then. I don't really like wearing much make up so I find lipgloss the perfect compromise. I also like having a good shopping spree in Boots every now or then. I bought 17 Plump Up The Volume Lip Shine on Friday, so as it has been put through it's paces now, thanks to a waif like charmer named Andrew , I thought I'd share my findings with you. I am never going to have Angelina Jolie's lips. FACT. But does this lipgloss really Plump up The Volume. Umm. No. Not really. It does make my lips look shiney, but so does the grease after eating fried chicken. Anyway a lip gloss that makes your lips look shiney is hardly earth shattering news is it? Taste wise this product is about as interesting as listening to Jordan debate. It tastes of absolutely nothing, other than a strange aftertaste of rubber No comments!) I much prefer the minty flavoured lip shine in the Natural Collection. On application with the little wand, the gloss feels rather sticky. Yes. I am sat here kissing the back of my hand, just to prove a point. The tube is clear and plain , so you can see just how much lipgloss you have ingested during the course of the night. Now, I applied the gloss just before we left and one vodka later it was gone. My Natural Collection one only used to budge if I was indulging in my favourite pastime (Kissing). All in all I found this product very disappointing. It is almost as ...
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