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I laughed when the little girl on Britains got talent fluffed her lines and burst out crying..... does that make me a bad person?

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since 19/08/2001


Dragon Hunter (DVD) 18/05/2009

I'm routing for the Dragon on this one!

Dragon Hunter (DVD) Every now and then a film comes along that seems to have a lot of potential. The Dvd cover looks pretty cool and the plot seems almost interesting. I picked this Dvd as it was very cheap…it soon became very apparent just why! The Story ^^^^^^^^^^^ Darius the warrior and his brother Kendrick live peacefully in their village until one night all hell breaks lose when a Dragon attacks. Fleeing for their lives they head for Ocard, the Dragon hunter training grounds. Unbeknown to Kendrick, he was born a Dragon hunter and his brother Darius leads him towards his destiny in the hope that he can slay the Dragons and bring peace to the land. On their journey they team up with a band of mercenaries including an Elven princess. I will say no more on the plot partly to enable people to watch this film for themselves and also because that’s pretty much all there is to say about that! My Thoughts ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Well… they don’t get much worse than this! It is undoubtedly one of the worst films I have ever had the misfortune to sit through. The acting is absolutely dreadful from a cast that would struggle to even be classed as b-listers. It’s not entirely the casts fault though. The film was written and directed by Steve Shimeck making his directorial debut. Never heard of him? Fine, I very much doubt you will ever will again. The story is bad, the script is worse and the direction so awful it made me cry. For some reason he tried to add pace to the fight scenes by ...

Rocky Balboa (DVD) 11/08/2008

Fighters fight!

Rocky Balboa (DVD) I was five years old when the first Rocky film was released back in 1976. I think it's safe to say I didn't see it at the cinema. But a few years later I watched it on a new fangled invention called a video player and the rest as they say, is history! Love him or hate him, Rocky is a creation that will live on in the memory of many a man growing up in the 70's, 80's, 90's and beyond. Rocky Balboa is the sixth film in the series and an admirable swansong to finally put to bed the peoples hero. Could the man who never knew when to quit….. actually quit? Cast ****** Sylvester Stallone - Rocky Balboa Burt Young - Paulie Panina Antonio Tarver - Mason Dixon Milo Ventimiglia - Robert Balboa JR Geraldine Hughes - Marie The Story ********** Rocky is once again having a tough time of it. Adrian his beloved wife has died and relations with his son Robert are at an all time low. Approaching the age of sixty, Rocky struggles to find meaning and purpose in life. He feels that there is something missing, something restless within. He feels the need to fight again. Nothing big mind you, just local fights to perhaps keep the fire burning in his heart. So he heads off to register for a boxing licence. Meanwhile, the wonders of modern television create a virtual reality boxing match between the Rocky of old and the current heavy weight champion of the world, Mason 'The Line' Dixon. This new technology speculates as to who would win had Rocky fought the current world ...

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (DVD) 09/06/2008

I want my cigarettes too Ratchet you cow!

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (DVD) Some films are ageless, timeless and forever perfect. This is just one of a handful of movies out of thousands that I could happily watch twenty four hours a day, every day, for the rest of my life! What makes it so good? Read on if you want to know more…. The Story…. Randle P. McMurphy [played by Jack Nicholson] is a loud-mouthed fast talking convict. He has learnt that he can shorten his sentence and spend his remaining time in a nice cosy mental hospital, if he can convince the doctors that he's not quite right in the head. So he sets about his master plan and is put in a mental institution for evaluation by specialists. So far so good, the trouble is the experts aren't quite sure if he is sane or not. On top of that, the ward he is placed in is ruled by the strict and uncompromising Nurse Ratched [played by Louise Fletcher]. Attempting to amuse himself by stirring up the "nuts" [Randles term for his fellow inmates] Randle often comes into conflict with Nurse Ratched. But he refuses to be beaten and he tests the rules, and her patience at every opportunity! The Cast…. Nicholson is supported by an awesome cast, most of who are only at the very beginning of their careers. Christopher Lloyd plays "Taber" and wanders around looking startled and confused for most of the film. Interestingly enough he later went on to play "Doc" in the "Back to the future" trilogies and you can see the resemblance from his early performance in this film to the character ...

In The Name Of The King (DVD) 02/06/2008

Wannabe Lord of the Rings clone on a tight budget!

In The Name Of The King (DVD) Sword and sorcery movies have a very simple format. Good guys, bad guys, a few battles and/or fight scenes and a damsel in distress thrown in for good measure. In the name of the king has followed this format sure enough. Stratham known as "Farmer" is thrust into the thick of battle when his village is attacked by "Trugs". His son is butchered and his wife carried off into the distance. Naturally this upsets Farmer, and he sets off to reclaim his wife and to destroy the evil behind these evil actions. Step up "Gallion" played by Liotta, an evil Wizard hell bent on taking over the world. He has sent his evil minions into the world to cause chaos as a distraction, before attempting to kill the King "Konreid" played by Reynolds and ultimately steal his throne. I wont say more on the plot as firstly I don't believe in revealing the whole plot of a film in reviews and secondly because trust me you really don't want to know! I had to check on the internet to see if this was a made-for-television production, because I just could not believe how bad it was. There are some big and familiar names in it, Burt Reynolds, Jason Stratham, Ray Liotta, John Rhys-Davies to name but a few and I can only assume a vast majority of the budget went on paying their wages. Despite the high profile cast, the performances were truly abysmal and made worst by one of the worst scripts in history. They were all badly cast and I am sure this is one film they will all be desperately trying ...

World of Warcraft (PC) 15/06/2006

Want to see a naked night elf dance?

World of Warcraft (PC) Welcome to Azeroth one and all, a land of magic and mystery, battles, conflict, corruption and death! That's right mortals give up a world of hardship and misery and replace it with erm another place of hardship and misery? The world is warcraft, the playing field is online, and your opponents…. Net freaks, geeks, housewives and bin men throughout Europe! "What is this mad former Ciao junkie talking about?" I hear you cry. I'm talking about one of the most successful online multiplayer games in existence! I was coerced into playing World of Warcraft by a few fellow online gamers who had ventured into this mythical land in search of some light entertainment. Once in, it's very hard to leave! Set in the land of Azeroth, two sides battle for existence. The "Horde", comprising of Orcs, Trolls, Taurens and Undead, and the "Alliance", Gnomes, Humans, Dwarves and Night Elves. There is no good and bad as such, but choosing to side with one or the other will open up a different view on the world, allow you to speak to differing non-players characters within this world and effect the quests that you will be allowed to perform. Once you have chosen your race you must chose your class. Available classes at present are Warrior, priest, Mage, Warlock, Druid, Rogue, Paladin, Hunter, Shaman. Some classes are available to both sides and all races, such as the Warrior. Other classes are Race specific ie if you want to be a Shaman you will have to be a Tauren. So what do you do in ...

Panasonic DMR-E 85 20/01/2005

I’m sooooooo sexyyyy!

Panasonic DMR-E 85 Let me start by say that this is a technobabble free review of an electrical gadget. Anyone looking for a more detailed overview on this DVD/recorder should look elsewhere. It is written to inform in plain English, this is what I expect from a review myself and hopefully it will be of use to the average man or woman in the street, looking to make a decision on buying one of these superb gadgets! So what is a stand alone DVD Ram recorder? Basically this DVD player allows you to record television programs like a traditional video recorder and play DVD disks either purchased or rental. As far as DVD recorders go this one is one of the daddies. I purchased this product for the princely sum of £380 in December 2004. Fortunately the company that I bought it from has a “lowest price” policy where they match any price for a product, should you find it cheaper elsewhere. Having trawled the internet, this was the lowest price that I could find it and true to their word they matched it. However I do believe that it is already dropping in price and you will most likely be able to get it for even less now. Silver in appearance, I have to say that the first thing that attracted me to this machine was its appearance. Silver is the new black as far as technology is concerned and my old black DVD player looks dowdy in comparison. The display panel in the centre of the face beams with red and blue characters adding to its appeal. The characters are large and clear making it easy to ...

Anusol Ointment 19/01/2005

Goodness gracious great buns of fire!

Anusol Ointment Inspiration can strike in the most unlikely of places and at the oddest of times. For me, this amazing return to Ciao has been prompted by my first ever attack of the dreaded Piles (haemorrhoids). Don’t get me wrong, any assistance in relieving writers block is gratefully received. But I would have preferred it to be something a little less painful! For those fortunate to live a “pile” free existence I will try to explain a little more about this condition. Haemorrhoids are enlarged blood vessels in or around the anus and can range in size from a small spot to a bunch of grapes. They are often very sore (I can vouch for that), can be itchy and sometimes bleed. Minor haemorrhoids tend to heal up on their own after a few days. Larger, more serious “lumps” will often take longer to heal and can even lead to minor surgery for their removal. The main cause haemorrhoids is straining on the toilet due to constipation. Although they can also be caused through heavy lifting (this was unfortunately the cause of mine). Being over weight or pregnant can also lead to this condition. The best way to avoid piles is to eat a high fibre diet, drink lots of fluids regularly, avoid heavy lifting (if only I could!), exercise regularly and avoid getting pregnant! Ok so now you know what it is, what can this product in question do for you? Anusol ointment is a treatment designed specifically for the treatment of haemorrhoids. It is packaged in a blue and white box which contains a ...

Bridget Jones's Diary (DVD) 25/11/2004

Lock up your daughters Hugh Grant is back

Bridget Jones's Diary (DVD) **This review was awarded as the best Ciao Comedy film review 2001** I hate hype to the point of madness. This film had more than it's fair share and this put me off seeing the movie at the cinema. Under duress from my beloved girlfriend, I finally caved in and stomped off to the video shop, huffing and cursing all of the way there and most of the way back. Convinced of impending boredom, I sat back and prepared myself for the worst. To be fair, it wasn't quite as painful as I had envisaged! Cast List ********* Renée Zellweger– Bridget Jones Hugh Grant – Daniel Cleaver Colin Firth – Mark Darcy Jim Broadbent – Bridget's Father Gemma Jones – Bridget's Mother Felicity Montagu – Perpetua The Story ********* Bridget Jones (Zellweger) is 32 years of age and works as an assistant at a London book publisher. Overweight and wearing large figure enhancing knickers, she smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dreams about romance on a daily basis. Her knight in shining armour appears in the form of her boss, Daniel Cleaver (Grant). But Daniel is at first uninterested in the dowdy Miss Jones and she finds herself at yet another family gathering, being set up with yet another possible suitor, by her mother (Gemma Jones). Enter the moody Mark Darcy (Firth) a Lawyer in a silly jumper. Bridget finds little to attract her to Mark, although they knew each other when they were younger, as Bridget used to play in his paddling pool when she was a child. ...

10 Things That Make Ciao a Community 25/11/2004

It won the competition but does it still apply?

10 Things That Make Ciao a Community ** This review won the Ciao community spirit competiton in 2002** "a place providing social, recreational, and educational facilities for a neighbourhood." At least that is probably the most appropriate definition in the Oxford dictionary. I have read a lot of opinions on the subject over the last few days and the common points are many. So I apologise in advance if I cover some of the areas that others have written about already. This topic certainly makes you think about why Ciao plays a daily part in most members’ lives. The following list is why Ciao is important to me and perhaps to some of you. So, starting in reverse order: 10, Sharing experiences – From eating in a bad restaurant to coping with bereavement, Ciao opinions cover most things and they are all helpful in their own way. Reading someone else’s experience of a product is like trying it out without the expense and perhaps disappointment, of trying it out for yourself. It is also nice to see that someone has enjoyed a product as much as you have or found it particularly good. Reading opinions on more serious subjects such as illness or the loss of a loved one can help you to deal with events that have happened in your own life and perhaps see that you are not alone in your own struggle to cope. 9, Sense of belonging - Trawling the Internet can be a lonely and often tedious place to be. With Ciao you have an Internet home. Somewhere to go back to when you have surfed the information superhighway ...

Panasonic TX24DX1 12/01/2004

Oooooh baby

Panasonic TX24DX1 Having recently bought a brand new DVD player, my old television set was beginning to show its age. So after ten years of trouble free viewing, my old Samsung was reluctantly handed down to a lesser mortal in the Judgee household. My sadness was to be very short lived, I saw the range of new televisions in my local Curry’s Store and was left asking the question “old television, what old television?” Now, the new television that I required had to fit a certain criteria. First of all, it had to have features that would enhance my new DVD player ie Widescreen with good sound. Secondly it would have to fit in to my bedroom. Not as easy as it sounds when you sleep in the smallest room in the house, that would comfortably pass as a cupboard in most other dwellings. Thirdly, it had to fit into my budget range of £300 to £400. Measuring things up, it soon became clear that a 24 inch Widescreen television would be the ideal size and although not the most popular size as far as Widescreens go, there was quite a selection to choose from. One thing that made this Panasonic stand out from the others right from the start was the lack of wasted space. What do I mean? Well I don’t know if you have noticed but most Widescreens have a few inches of pointless plastic either side of the screen. Not a problem in a large front room perhaps but when every inch counts (easy girls!) it really makes a difference. This Panasonic television has a speaker at either side, with no wastage. ...

The Green Mile (DVD) 13/12/2003

You squashed my mouse you bastard

The Green Mile (DVD) The "Green mile", is the name used in the film, for the walk from a prison cell to the electric chair. This film will make you think a little more about the death sentence and how the legal system works in general, although I must emphasise this film is purely fictional and aimed at being entertaining rather than a political statement. The Story ********* Paul Edgecomb (played by Tom Hanks) is a prison guard on death row duty. He has watched men arrive and eventually die by his hand, in the electric chair, but nothing prepares him for a new inmate that will change his life forever. Enter John Coffee (played by Michael Clarke Duncan) a huge bear like man, softly spoken, very simple and afraid of the dark. Coffee has been sentenced to death, for the rape and murder of two young girls and initially Edgecomb is understandably wary of this gentle giant. As time progresses, Edgecombe becomes curious of this new inmate. Finding it hard to believe that this man could commit such an evil crime, he looks deeper into Coffee’s conviction and later on discovers that there is a lot more to the case than meets the eye. There is also alot more to John Coffee himself! Performing mice, gentle giants, evil men and the occasional miracle, this is no fairy tale, but truly engrossing viewing. There are many twists to the story and if I write more about the plot, then I feel it will spoilt for those that have not seen it yet. The Cast and characters *************** ...

How to rate and comment 21/10/2003

Haters Raters Cheese graters and a cat

How to rate and comment Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin….. It was a cold night in summer (as per usual), the addicted ciaoer, carefully checked his last opinion. This was going to be good. Clicking on the loggon button, he waited. The screen was taking a long time to load, his fingers twitched in eager anticipation. The cat strolled in and did his usual little dance on the keyboard to get the ciaoer’s attention, it failed, this opinion took too much time and effort to be ignored. Category selected, good title, the opinion was on. Now to sit back and watch the reaction from the community, surely this was going to be well received. Up and up it went, very helpful ratings flowed like a mountain stream. Sixth place, then forth place, this was going to the top. Even the cat got a stroke, this was heaven all round. Is it? Is it? Is it? Yessssssssssss it’s there, gooooooaaal, number one spot, the cream of the cream, the best of the best, top of the pops baby, a number one opinion! Hang on a minute, where’s it gone? He refreshed the screen again…waiting….waiting it’s gone, it was there a minute ago so where has it gone? FOURTH? FOURTH? What? But? How could this be? He glanced down the raters list, very helpful, very helpful and so it went on and on until BLAM! It hit him in the face like a wet fish, a “helpful” rating! WHEOOOOOEEEEW, the cat flew out the open bedroom door from a skilful flick of the wrist. Sabotaged, yet another opinion destined for the oblivion of cyberspace. ...

A Knight's Tale (DVD) 05/10/2003

More like a Ducks arse than a Knights Tale

A Knight's Tale (DVD) Oops they did it again....another failed medieval romp by the Hollywood movie moguls who brought you other such "classics" of the genre such as "First Knight". The story begins with the lead character William Thatcher (played by Heather Ledger (it's a man honestly!) ), a lowly squire who seizes the opportunity to increase his standing in the world. His master is dead. With just one joust to go he dons the dead knight's armour and hops on a horse. All he has to do is stay on the animal to win the tournament and use the proceeds to feed himself and his friends Roland (played by Mark Addy) and Wat (played by Alan Tudyk). Queue the music "We will rock you" by Queen and the scene is set. Gallop, Gallop, clang, surprise! Surprise! he wins the joust, big smiles all around. They fooled the system, only a knight of noble blood can compete in the tournament and they have got away with it. End of film, or at least it should have been. Not content with the one chance of glory, William craves more, to become a Champion Knight and to please his dear old dad (played by Christopher Cazenove). Can they pull off this big scam? ( "who cares?" springs to mind! ) Having convinced his friends, the three set off for the next tournament and chance upon a butt naked Geoffrey Chaucer (played by Paul Bettany). Luckily Chaucer is a master forger and can give Thatcher the fake legal documents he needs to compete in the exclusive battle games. Chaucer joins the happy band and the ride off to ...

Pantene Pro V 2 in 1 Shampoo/Conditioner 27/04/2003

Slap head shampoo for the follicley challenged

Pantene Pro V 2 in 1 Shampoo/Conditioner Many years ago I worked as a motor claims negotiator. During this time my hair grew a lot thinner. Whether it was down to the stress or the fact that clients made me want to pull my hair out, I do not know. Anyway, my hair was noticeably thinner and finer. Ever since then, I have looked for a more suitable shampoo, that would allow me to make the most of what hair I had left. The answer came in the form of this shampoo and conditioner. I found that shampoo on its own, made very little difference to the way my hair would feel and look. Using a conditioner as well as shampoo did make my hair seem thicker, but the result would always be the greasy 'chip pan over the head’ look. What I needed was a compromise, somewhere between the two. Pantene shampoo and conditioner comes in two sizes, 400 millilitres and 200 millilitres, the larger size will cost you around £3 and upwards dependant upon where you choose to shop. I use the Smooth and Sleek type on my hair, but there are various other choices available, catering for all types of hair from permed to greasy. This product has a light aroma that transfers onto the hair once used. The smell is very subtle, and comes across as fresh rather than perfumed. Leaving your hair smelling clean rather than toxic. Placing a two pence sized blob on your hand and rubbing on to wet hair, creates a good lather. I tend to wash my hair, whilst sitting in the bath. The lather that this product produces, is thick enough to use as a body ...

Gillette Satin Care Sensitive Skin Shave Gel 25/04/2003

Does your girlfriend look like a gorilla

Gillette Satin Care Sensitive Skin Shave Gel Mine does or at least did until she stole my new can of shaving gel! Oh alright I guess that is a slight exaggeration. Her legs are however, exceedingly smooth and easy on the eye thanks to my trusted shaving gel. I used to buy shaving foam, as opposed to gel, for some reason it just felt right somehow? My girlfriend recently visited our local Tesco’s store and offered to get me a new can of foam whilst she was there. Was this an act of love, or a desperate attempt to get me to shave my ape like chin? The latter probably. Anyway, she returned triumphant, hurled the can at me and demanded that I scrape my face. Unfortunately, the can was of gel and my diplomacy and gratitude brains cells had decided to take a day off. Moments later, when I’d fixed the front door and comforted the cat (very sensitive to noise is cherry the cat!), I sat alone and examined my newly acquired gel….. The can is green with white lettering spelling out ‘Gillette’ with a smaller green ‘Gel’ sitting neatly beside it. Below this is a lovely picture of the Gel inside, although it really does look like a blob of green snot! Fortunately, my girlfriend had picked up the ‘sensitive skin’ variety and this was also clearly marked on the 200-millilitre can (I’m just so delicate, only sensitive will do!). So, with nothing better to do, I marched up the stairs and prepared to shave. When it comes to shaving, everybody has their own preferred method, this is mine: 1, Wet the face with hot water, ...
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