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since 11/08/2001

41 16/10/2004

The Lair of the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom The web – it’s full of junk, it’s full of porn – it has the bizarre to the downright freaky! But every now and again you’ll accidentally come across something that you’ll add to your list of favourites… Hears one that I first saw way back in 1999 and very quickly got added to my list of favourites What are YOU looking for in a website? Angry Kittens? Kittens (from Oop t’ North) playing “Independent woman”? what about flying Viking Kittens wanting to take you to a gay bar? No? What about sponge monkeys? Or Chinchillas who will make you rock! No!! Well surely you want to check in and see what’s going on in Iggy Pop’s Ocelot shop, or see Jamie and the magic Todger (his magic happy lamp)!!! These are some of the many things that will have you giggling, belly laughing, cringing and thinking “what the hell?!” was created and is updated by Joel Veitch – from the UK, and some of his work has been on TV last year he had a series on Channel 4 on Wednesday nights lately he had done the advertisement for maestro (the one with the penguins getting married) I have also seen other adverts on the net by him. This site is general humour often with adult content – like the Touretteaphone on your first visit you could spend hours going through it all, but after that you need only pop back once a month to check the updates etc. This is the only bad thing, the owner of the site obviously works and it is sometimes months before anything new ...

Lest We Forget (The Best Of/Parental Advisory) [PA] - Marilyn Manson 09/10/2004

Daaaad! your too old to listen to this!!

Lest We Forget (The Best Of/Parental Advisory) [PA] - Marilyn Manson Those of you who frequent my opinions on certain matters could not have missed the fact that I am a devoted dad! No seriously I am! Today I had a father son bonding session with my oldest – affectionately known as TJ or Teej, I was able to palm off the youngest (Sam (with Alistair his teddy)) to a friend for the day. this involved getting our hair done and some serious retail therepy - including CD buying... I’m getting back into the social circuit – this has revived my music sense massively :o) all I’ve listened to recently was purely old music (80’s, House and dance) I have a huge selection of music though. Recently though I’ve been adding to it Scissor Sisters, Snow patrol etc and today I bought Marilyn Manson’s Best of album (Lest we forget). Teej was horrified when I beat him at paper scissor rock (this is the democratic way of deciding who gets to play their CD of the day in the car (god help us when Sam wins! I hate listening to “I’m a flippy floppy scarecrow in a flippy floppy hat”)). Today I won the obligatory 3 rounds of PSR “Rock always wins!” So, gloating over my son’s loss I removed the CD from the case still in the bag so he couldn’t see what I bought… Seat belts on – check, check Sun glasses on – check, check Windows down – check Volume on loud – Check Grumpy kid to my left expecting to listen to crap – Check. CD on – turn straight to Track 2 “REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME…” There is a little bit of boy/girl racer in all of us… he he ...

P.Kai Hairdressers 08/10/2004

Daddy gone got a nut cut

P.Kai Hairdressers Being a typical Cornish “tight wad” I have either cropped my own hair with the clippers (No 1 all over) or gone to the cheapest hairdressers in town. I never felt the need to do anything with my hair. This way of thinking possibly stemmed from being a fire fighter in my past… short hair is easy to manage, doesn’t need much looking after and you don’t have to fill your hair with gunk! Well, Friday the 10th of September 2004 saw an end of all that! For the past 2 months I have been growing my hair from the Grade 1 clippering I last gave it – it has looked an awful mess, but I feel the need to modernise and update myself. So over the past few days I have been looking for a decent hairdresser in my local area. We have a Toni & Guy in the fabled city of Peterhorror, uh, Peterborough, but I am not paying Toni & Guy prices (being the typical Cornish tight wad that I am). What I did find was a new (ish) hairdressers called p.kai that has appeared in my local Tesco Extra (Funnily enough I have a Op on that – why not check it out if you haven’t already!). So I went in, had a look nearly fainted at the prices! For a gent’s shampoo, cut and finish I was going to pay £16.00 if a stylist did it, £18.00 if a senior stylist did it or £24.00 if Kai did the “nut cut”, Kai being the owner. So taking a deep breath and keeping my mind off the money, I tried to make an appointment – nope, no walk in’s available. Friday? Nope fully booked. Saturday? Again fully booked! Oh go on then! ...

Trust 302KS Silverline Wireless Desk Set - keyboard and mouse set 28/09/2004

Trusssssssst in me, jusssssssssssst in me

Trust 302KS Silverline Wireless Desk Set - keyboard and mouse set Yesterday, I went out and I bought me a game for the computer. I thought “To hell with the bra…. Uh, kids! I haven’t splashed out on me for a long, long time… I bought “DOOM 3” It cost £150.00 - I know – I know! You can pick it up for £30.00 in MVC, but what dad did was buy before reading the small print… I quickly drove home from the MVC at my local Tesco’s (observing all speed limits) dumped the kids in front of the telly and piled up to my room (where I keep my comp) and inserted disc1 of doom. It needs Win XP to run I have Win ME…. “Bugger!” I am a DOOM fan, I love the game, but do I love DOOM enough to buy Win XP upgrade for £89.99 at the local PC World? Well the looks that I was given by the 2 irate boys who’s Finding Nemo I’d rudely interrupted by dragging them back to the car and driving back into town to the PC World proves that I am… In PC World I very quickly located the upgrade I needed because I had in the past spent time looking at this, but had always decided that £90.00 was too much… But DOOM3 was calling… Win XP upgrade in one hand, TJ behind me, other hand free! Sam had wandered off, little sod was wasting my loading time so that I could play DOOM 3, a quick look round told me he had only gone up the isle and was looking at the keyboards, after his talking to about the dangers of leaving daddy and about the importance of staying with daddy so daddy didn’t do dumb things, I looked at what Sam had been playing with. It was a ...

Moral Dilemmas II 16/09/2004

Take the moral high ground

Everything that starts with L ... 10/09/2004

everything that starts with an L

Everything that starts with D ... 31/08/2004

Disco's, Dad Dancing and Delinquents

Everything that starts with D ... As the above title suggests, this is a volatile mixture, especially when the kids have been set up! Kids I believe were put on this earth to give parents hell and grey hair, so just occasionally its nice to get one back on them…. The names have been changed to protect the innocent – except TJ! My oldest son, who, when he reads this will go into Strop No 2 hehehe. It’s Wednesday 25th Aug 2004. And TJ and his mates have set up a surprise party at a friends house, they are borrowing a mates disco deck, there’s loads of lads going, not many girls – and one massive (Mwa ha ha ha ha (Evil laugh)) suprise… Meanwhile in a pub not far from Peterborough some dads have gathered in a dingy corner and are plotting – only there is no gunpowder in this plot – but the explosions could possibly be felt UK wide if it goes to plan… Ding Ding “Time Ladies and Gentleman please!” The meeting adjourns and the dads head off under the cover of darkness (and alcohol fumes) it has begun… My role involves me going home and gathering the most awesome collection of vinyl the world, nay! The universe! Has ever seen… this is going to be good. The next few days and the bongo drums are beating hard… Dad’s communications are in full flow – illicit Emails sent from work place to work place, faxes faxed, surreptitious phone calls, the air literally buzzes with digitised info planning the ultimate horror in any young persons life. Everything is set, it’s all in order, watches synchronised to ...

Monologues 30/08/2004

It was only 14 hours! (Adrenaline is brown)

14 hours. Not a long time, say, a nice long family day out? A long journey in a car from Cornwall to Scotland with a nice long break somewhere? Or 14 hours of sweat, fear and hell… I’ll tell you about it. It’s 1999 and I’ve been sent to Pristina, in Kossovo, Yugoslavia. I’m sent because I’m a RAF fire fighter and I’m part of a team which keeps the airfield open as there are no qualified fire fighters at that time (indigenous ones at least). My arrival in Macedonia (no military aircraft were allowed at Pristina airport – thanks my Russian friends) saw temperatures below –20 degrees, its cold. We were given a safety brief by the army – land mines, terrorists, loose lips sink ships that kind of stuff, then I was bussed to Yugoslavia – and eventually Pristina. I arrive at the airport – well what’s left of it and am left with a few others at the side of the road next to a fence – this chain link fence is part of a compound, basically a corralled area with a load of tents in the middle – tents, it’s minus bloody 20! Home for me along with 5 other fire fighters is an 18” by 18” tent with some thermal lining and a rubber hose pumping out warm air… Sounds grim for the first few weeks it was but it soon became home and I rather missed it when I left. Next morning I’m taken to the fire station on the airport, to get to the airport you go into the Russian compound down a road – tanks and guns looking at you all the way – till you get to the airport. The airport is ...

Fiction 25/08/2004

Waves like mountains

The year is 1997 and I am currently working at Mount Pleasant Airfield way down in the Falkland Islands. For those of you who don’t know the Falklands are a group of islands southeast off South America – and in the early 80’s we had a little set too over the ownership of the Falklands and indeed South Georgia with Argentina 15 years later I am down there as a Fire fighter, the Falklands are a wonderful place to visit especially if you enjoy the outdoor life and scenic views – but oh boy did I get a trip of a life time! One fine morning a sergeant fire fighter came into the rest room and asked me if I fancied a working trip out, he picked me as I tend to volunteer for the grotty jobs as I’m a bit keen, the kind of stuff no one wants to do – except someone wanting to advance their career! So without asking what the job was I said yes to which the Sgt informed me that I would be getting on a RFA (royal fleet auxiliary) ship and sailing for 4 days to South Georgia spending a few days there servicing fire equipment then sailing 4 days back! Woo Hoo!!! A jolly! – A gash trip out – free time – and other assorted military saying for a free trip! 2 days later and packed for 10 days or so I get dropped off at Mare harbour (Military (ish) Port) and I get my first view of my transport and I’m reasonably impressed, it’s called the “Gold Rover” and is a refueller. It looks in good shape, what I do notice straight away is that I’m not the only guest on this trip – some RAF officer ...

Tesco (Shop) 15/08/2004

Single parents dream!

Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters 14/08/2004

Dont run with Scissors in your hand!

Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters The first time I heard of the “Scissor Sisters” was the summer of 03’ (not a song title in itself sadly) but at the time I was “between” careers and driving HGV’s for the summer, so I had long periods of just me pic’s of the boys in the cab and the radio :o) this summer was fantastic for music! Franz Ferdinand – Snow Patrol etc and of course the group in question Scissor Sisters… I first heard Comfortably numb (originally a Pink Floyd track) on the Joe Wiley session on Radio 1 and I was awe struck! I should have been horrified to what they did to ‘Floyds song, but Scissor Sisters didn’t just cover it they reinvented it and made it well – Dancey! (Yes I know Dancey isn’t a word!). So here we have it a mellow 70’s tune revamped and electrified! They made this psychedelic song more 3D bit like having 15 pints of Stella and a big curry then stuck on a Wurlitzer on fast… needles to say there was an up cry! Loads loved it Loads hated it – I loved it… 2004 dawns and I’m in my new job and then this weekend Aug 7th whilst out buying kids DVD’s in Tesco’s I happened to see the Scissor Sisters album a snip at less than a tenner!! Bargain! Daddy decided to treat himself! WHAT AN ALBUM !! I got the ‘special edition’ edition And you get the following tracks: - Laura 3:36 Take your Mama 4:31 Comfortably Numb 4:26 Mary 4:40 Lovers in the Backseat 3:18 Tits on the Radio 3:14 Filthy/Gorgeous 3:47 Music is the Victim 2:57 Better Luck 3:08 It can’t ...

Everything that starts with A ... 26/07/2004

it's all about me!

Stella Artois Premium Continental Lager 24/07/2004

Stella ("Spouse Beater")

Stella Artois Premium Continental Lager I, like millions of men, women and all to frequently children enjoy a beer. Over the Evolution of me I have evolved from a Bitter drinker to (when I was living in Germany) a Pilsner drinker. Some of the best drinks in the world come from Europe for example – Warsteiner (A.K.A Wobbly) from Germany to Grolsh from Holland. But over here in the good old UK we have embraced Stella from Belgium to our bosom… Like most European lagers and pilsners Stella Artois is a basic mix of water, hops and barley…. Sorry? Were you expecting more ingredients? Well I hate to upset but there aren’t! Sorry! No chemicals, no colourings in fact I’d say it’s better than most herbal remedies! (XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX) Slanderous joke removed hehehehe. Stella is a fairly strong drink and at 5.2% alcohol by volume 1 pint is going to put you over the legal drink drive limit (for the average person), Stella has also been given a bad name – usually from the men – its commonly known as “Wife Beater” as us Brits tend not to be able to drink socially, we go out get pissed have a fight in the street or go home and slap about the other half! (Crass Generalisation I know and I do apologise to the average consumer). Like most European lagers Stella is best drunk out of a smaller glass (330ml) with a thick head and drunk slowly (Chilled to @ 4 – 6oC). UK drinking habits tend to mean this drink is drunk in pint glasses to excess causing us to become drunk possibly leading to our arrest and a night ...

Philips 170B4MG 23/07/2004

suffer before the pleasure

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