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TheTravellingShowAndTellMan

TheTravellingShowAndTellMan

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Reviews written

since 30/11/-0001

11

Marks & Spencer Honey Roast Cashews 05/09/2011

Cashew say - Nuts I reply - UPDATED WITH MY TEST RESULTS

Marks & Spencer Honey Roast Cashews Some people think it is OK to buy bags of crisps and pretend they enjoy them. Some people think it is OK to steal those crisps and pretend they have done nothing wrong. Well that is why I buy nuts. Nobody even wants them - I get to eat them all myself and you can throw them at people and they never know what hits them. These Cashew nuts from Marks and Spencer are a whole different kettle of monkeys - you'll see as I saw, accidentally, until I saw the receipt, that I have spent £3.75 on the b****y things I will make very sure I share them around anyone who is nearby - a man in a suit, a party of school kids (the teachers frowned at that), the guard on the train. I think they were impressed when I told them how much they were and how privileged we all were to be eating such finery. I don't think anyone really grasped the concept - in fact one lady mumbled something about impoverished Brazilian workers, but I didn't really listen too well. BASICS The bag was made of the finest plastics imported from China; the nuts came all the way from South America and I come from the Home Counties - that is how I can afford such luxury. I even paid for my own train ticket. CRUNCHINESS Cashews are not very crunchy - that is because they live in constant fear of gunfire and the threat of burrowing gopher birds. This is why the cashew nut has developed a very quiet sound when eaten. Being nuts they cannot run away from gunfire or burrowing gopher birds, but if they are quiet ...

Mackeson Stout 31/08/2011

IF YOUR BEER NEEDS SLICING - DON'T DRINK IT!!!!

Mackeson Stout MACKESON'S STOUT v GENERIC BEER There's nothing like a nice cup of tea to refresh you at the end of a hard day's labouring - unfortunately this is nothing like a nice cup of tea. Even more unfortunately, this is nothing like a nice glass of beer. Irritatingly further, this is nothing like a half nice glass of passable beer like the kind you would resort to drinking at the end of a pleasant BBQ. To be honest I am loathe to suggest that this is even food.... So what's going on and why, oh love of God, why is this stuff still selling and who is buying because it sure ain't even the tramps and alcoholics. The History - where it began - aahh a lovely story Mackeson's Stout used to be made in a little lovely place in Kent where the birds were always happy and the mayor donated cherries to passing tourists and fixed their broken horses by the sides of the tracks. This was way back in 1801. However, soon people realised that although they appreciated the cherries and Kent certainly was a pretty little place to breakdown, the beer you were forced to drink was weird. WHY IS IT WEIRD? It is made partly from milk (well lactose - that is a milk churn on the can) It was, like many other crazy ignorant schemes of the 19th and early 20th century, given to people as a health supplement, especially breast feeding mothers. the present... what going on now.... awww a typical sad story This beer is produced by Wells and Youngs, but not in England so don't go ...

Laurel Plastic Paper Clip 15/08/2011

I Quip, You Quip, We all Quip for Paper Clips

Laurel Plastic Paper Clip Paper Clips - WHAT ARE THEY? Many years ago when people still wrote on stone and dogs were wolves, man looked for ways to advance himself. Stone writing was hard work and many people gave up and became hunter-gatherers instead. The stone carvers liked it this way as the loud disruptive men were gone for most of the day and asleep for the rest. The stone carvers produced many stone tablets - sometimes just little notes like "Cave men do it in the dark." Other times they wrote beautiful poems and even laws. One famous poet / law makers even combined the two "Thou shalt not kill; Thou shalt not spill If you do - you be shunned and have to live in Warrington." It so happened that one day the famous stone carver had to go to the grand law makers / raw meat eating conference and that meant carrying his great stone tablets with him the long 50 miles. He had no transportation as the wheel had not yet been invented and he tried to carry all his tablets under his arms. This proved rather difficult and the tablets kept slipping out of his grip. "If only I could tie these tablets together somehow - then they wouldn't slip about all the time." he thought. The great stone carver thought long and hard about how to do this and after much head banging (they didn't scratch so much in those days) the great stone carver had tried many possibilities. He tried bashing two stone together to fuse them into one - this later became known as The Worst Way to hold tablets ...

Tesco Smooth Peanut Butter 22/07/2011

OLD JOKE - BRAND NEW PUNCHLINE!!!

Tesco Smooth Peanut Butter WARNING! THIS PRODUCT MAY CONTAIN NUTS!! Indeed it's an old joke and this jar certainly does state that this product may contain nuts. But like a good comedian - I shall not rush the punchline for I have something to say about this product (naturally) WHY BOTHER? Peanut butter is a bit like marmite, except it's not made of bitumen, and it's not black, neither does it stain clothes. Apart from the colour, the smell, the taste and the ingredients, peanut butter is like Marmite. Please stop arguing - it just is OK because some people either like it or hate it. Hate? Some people and when I say people I mean fully grown adult people with brains and chewing ability seem to come unstuck (or rather 'stuck') when it comes to peanut butter. They say, "Nyung Heungahungmwam" Now this is no help at all, but after years of studying peanut butter haters in the mist I have been able to translate this noise. I believe it translate into human language as "Oh no not again this peanut butter has stuck to the roof of my mouth and now I can't talk or even look at you for fear of eternal shame and embarrassment." They are of course right. OI! Focus Please - Talk about Tesco Peanut Butter WITHOUT Rambling Fair Enough Tesco Peanut Butter is not as good as Whole Earth - I like Whole Earth as it has peanuts and virtually nothing else and tastes of peanuts. Tesco Peanut Butter, I feel, ladles the vegetable oil in and I am sure there is too much salt in it. I don't like ...

In the wake of the News of the World scandal, how far can newspapers go to get a story? 19/07/2011

I'm Hacked - You're Sacked - World Feel the Impact!! - UPDATED!!

In the wake of the News of the World scandal, how far can newspapers go to get a story? ***UPDATE No. 1*** In light of comments I thought it best to offer a clarification to my clarification so that there is no confusion as to my thoughts. I put this at the end so please read through and see my addendum. ***UPDATE No. 2*** To remove all doubt and to apply my thought process to this News Corp saga: News Corp is wrong and went too far without good reason. The media are not elected by us to assist governance. To Hack or not to Hack - a Typically News Corp story Anybody can do whatever they want to do whatever they need to....... Let me qualify that.... Anybody can do anything they want as long as they are ready to justify themselves in front of everybody. Let me qualify that....... If I think somebody has kidnapped my family and I think they are in some building, but that building is not mine, I will enter that building and rescue them. Now, if I am wrong I will face everybody, apologise and pay whatever damages the court sees fit, because I am wrong. If I am right, then I am justified to enter the building because kidnapping is worse than breaking and entering. So after that rather obtuse introduction let's answer the question: Newspapers are run by people and people can do whatever they like so if a person wants to write a story he can do what he likes to get that story. If he has broken a law then he must be ready to be accountable for why he broke that law in the first place. If it turns out that the action is justifiable and acceptable then ...

Do you support the public sector strikes? 13/07/2011

Strike a Light - Whatcha all Doin' 'ere & Where's my Usual Nurse?

Do you support the public sector strikes? Hello How are you today - I hope you are well - let me tell you a story about me, about you, about what I know and what I think - for all it's worth - which may be nothing. Who am I? I work in the public sector as a customs officer. I have been an officer since joining in 2004. I used to work in various private businesses from restaurants, to law firms amongst others. I am not a member of any union - and oh yes - I like my job - I think it has a purpose. I am 33 years old and I am your typical white, middle class, suburban, male public servant. So, do I support the public sector strikes? Well - that is a question and for those who know me you will know my answer will not be straightforward when I get a bee in my bonnet so please take a stroll through my thoughts (however naive and / or misinformed you may think them to be) and when you get to then end and only when you get to the end please let me know your own thoughts. A Brief History The union movement began when a bunch of people, quite legitimately felt aggrieved at being treated like slaves. They marched from Tolpuddle in Dorset to Islington in London. They were the Tolpuddle martyrs. Don't worry they didn't die, which I guess means they weren't martyrs...erm... anyway they certainly put themselves out a bit with all that marching and the outcome was a trade union movement that protected workers against any extreme evil management. And this was good. The Current Debate The current problems ...

Onepollcashback.com 08/07/2011

Onepoll Cash Back .com - by heck does it work!!!

Onepollcashback.com "OnePollCashBack.com" www.onepollcashback.com I have been a member of this site for around a year or more now and I have made about £500 in total in actual money paid into my actual bank account that I have actually squandered on debt and essentials. "What is it?" There are a few cashback websites on the internet where you can earn a little bit of money every time you buy something from a website by first clicking through another website. This one I feel is the best Best in terms of content Best in terms of advertisers Best in terms of payment amounts per transaction Best in actually paying So much so that I have cancelled all the others and gone with these guys. "How it Works" Simple - you log in to the site and choose your product you wish to buy - click the special link on onepollcashback and you are taken to the website you want to visit. If you pay something on that visit (i.e. without closing the web page and going back later) you will see an amount of cashback in your onepollcashback balance. This is real money that is really yours. When you reach £25 this company will pay you the money into your bank account (or if you prefer as Amazon voucher - for this you get a 5% increase in the value as well) It is that simple. Who is on the site Onepollcashback has company from John Lewis, Ebay, Direct Line insurance and BT and Sky - you name it the big names are on this. So are hundreds of small fascinating websites selling all ...

Flashforward - Series 1 - Complete (DVD) 07/07/2011

FLASHFORWARD - that's no way to watch this DVD

Flashforward - Series 1 - Complete (DVD) "FLASHFORWARD - Ignored / Dismissed and Removed from the scheduling - twice" But why? Exactly "The BACKGROUND" Flashforward was originally a book written in 1999 by a multi-awarding winning writer, Robert Sawyer, of many science fiction / science fantasy novels. All high concept - some better than others (but even his worse is worth paying attention to). After 10 years of procrastinating about how to film any of his books - Flashforward finally got its time on prime time TV courtesy of ABC in America starring Joseph Fiennes in the lead role with a load of other people you will maybe not have heard or think you do, but not quite figure out from where. In the UK this came out on Channel 5 (but don't hold that against them). Halfway through the series Flashforward just disappeared from the UK and US TV screens. A few months later it appeared again late at night with no warning so many people who started watching may have missed its return. Even before the final episodes had been aired it was announced that there would be no further series and an ending or sorts was thrown together which was not wholly unsatisfactory. Do not despair, however, because the series does resolve and I believe it goes further than the book and to good effect. It is a shame that this series, which was the first of these drama series I decided to actually sit down and start watching (I ignored 24 and the Wire, etc), was the one that was pulled. I won't watch another in case it happens ...

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown 06/07/2011

I'm just amusing myself really

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown A note to the wise - this review is written purely to amuse myself - you may believe it is off topic or not helpful and I would understand completely why you would think that. The story is a little old now, but Dan Brown and I have had words before which puts this little piece of puerile nonsense into some kind of context. (Screw you Stewart Lee, we may agree on some things, but I got there first with this one) Anyway, for what it's worth here is my thoughts on the Da Vinci Code (but feel free to read an earlier review if you are intrigued). Oh and I still don't care about these Ciao points, but maybe I should have waited till I got past white first!!! FIRE!! This one goes out to the one I hate This one goes out to one I thought I'd left behind A simple plot to occupy my time This one goes out to the one I hate FIRE FIRE This one goes out to the one I hate This one goes out to the one I thought I'd left behind A simple plot to occupy my time This one goes out to the one I hate Fire. (he's writing down monosyllables, now) Fire. (he's making out it's all true, now) This one goes out to the one I hate This one goes out to the one I thought I'd left behind Another plot has occupied my time I'm gonna read Postman Pat instead Fire. (please burn his books now) Fire. (please burn his books now) Fire. (please burn his books, now) Fire. (please burn his books, now)

Bent - Kinky Machine 05/07/2011

What's the Point? You don't know them anyway

Bent - Kinky Machine If you know this band - you don't need this review. If you don't know this band - then there's no point reading this review because you'll either get upset because you can't find the album (oh yes the three sellers on Amazon marketplace claim to have, but they lie.) or you won't be remotely interested in the band. I don't want to ruin this review, before I've even started, but now that I'm the king of wrecking everything - for what it's worth - here is my review of an unknown band who produced a forgotten album and whose music you'll propbably never hear. And I will do all of this without the gift of sound. Let's face it whatever I write here is redundant becasue you're thinking - yes, yes, but what do they sound like. So let's start at the beginning: THE COVER You're eyes are not wrong - it is a load of fried egg with a fly on it. Does that tell you anything - not really perhaps the picture of a load of soggy chips on the back will help. no, well there's always the picture of a row of cigarettes with one smoked down to the filter. Sounds a bit depressive maybe - something about 4 skinny indie kids and the drudgery of existence, maybe? BANG! you've hit the nail right on the head there - because that's exactly what it's all about. Well you heard all of that befroe - why waste your time pouring through another forgotten band and they raspy pathetic mid '90s bleatings about alcohol and cigarettes and the pain or the isolationist period that is Tuesday evening ...

Everything that starts with R ... 30/06/2011

Is "R" for RETURN or REVENGE? ANYWAY I'M BACK - Ahhh! That's nice

Everything that starts with R ... Hello!! I was here once before - but you probably don't know me - that's too bad. It's partially my fault really for not sticking around. I had things to do you see, people to see, places to go, but now I'm back, or as you see it - Hello for the first time. I was here before on this very page, but I never wrote anything here - so this time I thought I would. You can't spend all your life writing pointlessly futile reviews of Marks & Spencer's honey roasted cashew nuts. Well you could,but it would be rubbish. Anyway I'm back, but this time I've got a name that doesn't confuse people; a name that makes sense and a name that sounds a little intriguing. So for those who don't know me (and for those who might, but can't remember (and for those who can't remember, were told once, but have now forgot)). My name used to be "coleecip" and "I want to play a game" you see when I was here before I didn;t really care whether I got a very helpful, exceptional or an unhelpful rating. In fact on one occasion I got all the ratings possible for a single review. BEAT THAT PEOPLE!!!! In case your interested it was about Dan Brown (Grr!! Shake of the fist, grimace on the face, inaudible murmerings). I also used to write pointless reviews about pointless things as well as stupid little stories about even less than nothing. Some people liked it I guess. Anyway R Yes R is definitely for Return - because I am back and this time I am 15% funnier, 15% older, 2% richer ...
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