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chedude

chedude

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since 13/06/2002

9

Everything that starts with J ... 01/11/2002

J is for more jokes

Everything that starts with J ... Here’s a little joke I got sent Bill Gates dies and goes to meet God, and God said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go. " Bill Gates said, "What's the difference between the two?" God said, "It might help you decide if you took a peek at both places. Shall we look at Hell first?" Bill was amazed. He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. "This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven." God said, "Let's go!" and off they went to Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would prefer to go to Hell." "As you wish," said God. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being tortured by demons with pitchforks. "How ya doin', ...

Sony Ericsson CMD-J6 27/10/2002

sony's other slim phone

Sony Ericsson CMD-J6 Sony CMD j6 I’ve had this phone since January this year. I got it as my Christmas present from my dad; it’s on the vodafone pay as you go smart step tariff. My first thoughts were that is it’s so light and thin, and I started playing with it immediately. Within a few minutes I managed to unlock it with a little slide switch on its side. And just above this switch there’s its ‘jog wheel’ where you just push it in and then scroll through the picture icons in the menu (some of my friends find it entertaining just spinning through this,) from this menu you get to all the functions: - Messaging - SMS messages and picture messages (these only can be sent to other Sony phones.) Sounds - the polyphonic ring tones (sound so much better than the nokia tones,) and the sound recorder to record your own ring tones, you get five ten second tracks for the ring tones and five two second tracks for other sounds. Settings - preferences, security and call data in here. Divert – to divert calls (I would have thought this would go under settings but its got its own section) Phonebook – all you’re saved names and numbers, (its possible to squeeze 1600 numbers on this phone) Call History – the last numbers you dialled, called received Extras – this has clock, calculator, games and e-mail. The clock has a world clock, alarm, countdown timer and hourly chime. The calculator is a basic utility calculator ...

Jokes 09/08/2002

five funny jokes

Jokes None of these jokes are meant to be racist, sexist or homophobic but are here for their comedy value alone. Here’s the first one A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little Lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and Asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or Maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?" She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a Quiet voice, "I don't fink my pyfon weally gives a phuck!" And now for the second A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back there, standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when you hear the price." Now the third Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to ...

Goldfinger - Hang Ups 27/07/2002

hang ups

Goldfinger - Hang Ups Goldfinger – Hang-ups I’ve just got this album and all I can really say about it is dude!! It may not be my favourite goldfinger album, but it is totally awesome! It’s an amazing example of goldfinger’s brilliance and after you hear this you can see why they are one of my favourite bands. The album has some pretty emotional songs juxtapositioned with some songs that are equally brilliant but are just cool fun silly songs, which shows goldfinger’s amazing sense of humour. The track listing: - 1. Superman 2. My head 3. If only 4. This lonely place 5. 20 cent goodbye 6. Question 7. Disorder 8. Carlita 9. Too late 10. I need to know 11. Authority 12. S.M.P. 13. The last time 14. Chris Cayton Superman – such a happy song its one of my all time favourites, it always makes me happy when I listen to it and that’s just from the music without even trying to listen to it!! It’s an amazing example of a ska song upbeat and happy it really is up there with Reel Big Fish – sellout, Less Than Jake – all my best friends are metalheads. (10/10) My head – ‘where are you now I wanna talk to you’ the opening line to a magnificent song. It’s only the second song on the album and u cant quite skank to it like superman, its quality and little quirks throughout the song will bring a smile to your face no matter what. (7/10) If only – this was the second goldfinger song I ever heard ...

Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against The Machine 15/06/2002

know your enemy

Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against The Machine I bought this after I saw the matrix and heard 'wake up' and this album has changed my life. Firstly it’s musically amazing. Just the opening bass of bombtrack blew me away and tom morello's guitar work (I stand in awe of him) not to mention Zack's vocals (wow), but what this album really did was to make me politically aware and now I realise how much America has sh*tted on the world (no offence intended anyone). The front cover is so cool it looks; well it is this dude on fire (ouch) but its just showing how lovely and nice the rest of the album is. Bombtrack - the opening bass line is just a glimpse of how funky the whole album is and how political it is. The lyrics are simple enough but are so effective and amazing. (10/10) Killing in the name - simply the best song on the whole album. The funky bass, the riffs its just wow! (11/10) Take the power back – I just love the bit bout the teacher in the class ;) (7/10) Settle for nothing – just another amazing song, yet it’s still just a filler. It has one of my favourite quotes ‘having never seen the colour of my father's eyes’ I just really like this song! (7/10) Bullet in the head – wow such a funkay song. It doesn’t quite make my nipples erect but wow it’s just so energetic with so much power, and it has another amazing quote ‘They say jump, you say how high’ (8/10) Know your enemy – this is just super duper (not sounding really camp ...

Brain Teasers 15/06/2002

what are they

Brain Teasers See how long it takes you to get this one. It took me quite a while! What is greater than God? What is more evil than the devil? The rich want it. The poor have it. And if you eat it you will surely die! What is it? Ok it isn’t the best riddle ever but it got me stumped. And here’s another. Just for you. "The beginning of eternity, the end of time and of space, the beginning of every end, and the end of every beginning." What is it? Take a guess go on. Oh look another riddle. "I never was, I always am to be. None ever saw me, nor ever saw me. And yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball." What is it? Tell me what you think and I’ll tell you if you’re right or not.

The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien 15/06/2002

the epic begins

The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien Once upon a time in middle earth there lived a hobbit, that hobbit was Bilbo Baggins. Little did he know how important his role in the changing of the world would be. This is an amazing adventure in itself, but it is a small tale prequelling the whole saga that is lord of the rings. Gandalf the wizard invites Bilbo to join an adventure with 13 other dwarfs to get their gold and treasure from their ex-home the lonely mountain, which now is occupied by Smaug the dragon. And so the adventure begins Bilbo is on an adventure he never wanted to be on in the first place he’s also a supposedly expert thief! If the idea of a dragon isn’t terrifying enough they have to get there and it won’t be an amble in the daisies! They have to get past the misty mountains and Mirkwood forest, let alone the creatures they meet on the way, trolls, spiders, goblins all posing nasty threats to the lively hood of the party. And there’s also a little matter of a certain Gollum a dual of riddles and a very special ring… Each part of the journey is a mini adventure in itself, while the whole book is only a prequel to an epic saga. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone! Its simply outstanding, even if you don't like the idea of hobbits, elves and wizards, you should at least give this a read if it doesn't make you love them it will help you understand why everyone else does!

One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night - Christopher Brookmyre 14/06/2002

seek no absolution

One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night - Christopher Brookmyre My friend recommended this book to me and I wasn't to optimistic about how he described it 'piss funny Scottish terrorists on an oil rig' (a bit confusing yes). So I borrowed it off him through his complete nagging, and I’m thankful I did. From the start this book had me in stitches 'being knocked out by a dismembered arm' (it happens in the book). Even though the book is absolutely hilarious, there are so many character each playing their own mini-role too major to be called minor roles and vice versa. The whole introduction of the book become so lethargic the only thing that kept me reading was the humour (which is just outstanding). Basically its a school reunion, with some famous ex-students on an oil rig that’s about to be turned into a floating holiday resort, that goes horribly wrong when a bunch of terrorists come and take them hostage thinking they're mega-rich businessmen. This then breaks out into a mutiny when one terrorist gets a conscience and starts to save the day until the next twist, it isn't a hostage situation, its insurance fraud there’s a bomb aboard!! And yet again it goes horribly wrong with more sidesplitting cracks. But it is worth a thumb. And remember 'seek no absolution'

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien 14/06/2002

the best book ever writen

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien When I first read this book I finished it two hours before I went to see the film, and the film itself made me love the book even more than I already did! But I have to say that the book its self is far superior to the film, there’s no Tom Bombadil =(! He was such a powerful character in the book. (I’ll say more about the film when I get round to giving my opinion on that) I found myself captivated by the first words (of the book, I still haven't read the 'note on the text'). I found this great book with many ups and downs; it brought many a tear to my eye, both tears of joy and sorrow. The shocking surprises at the end of the second book, were the ones that moved me more than anything else in the whole book (even more than Gandalf and the Balrog!), well making me believe that Frodo was dead was such an unexpected shock the only thing that stopped me reading was the tears in my eyes, and then Sam's heroic rescue (wow). It was twist upon twist each as unexpected as the last and more moving by each one! (My eyes are even welling up now as I remember Sam's torment, poor Frodo... poor Sam!), but enough of my mementos of the book. Except this little one (heehaw), its so cool when Merry and Pippin are three inches taller =D (I bet you can tell I’m short can't you!! grrrr!! Any who saying this book is great, epic, amazing would be an understatement! It is the best book ever written and I love it! If you haven't already read it, why haven't you? I pity you! Go ...
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