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since 07/09/2000


Nokia 3330 12/04/2002

Ah ah ah ah Staying Alive, Staying Alive

Nokia 3330 Nowadays mobile telephones in today’s society are what a hammer is in a toolbox… an essential tool. The device has enabled us to keep in contact with friends and family with a simple push of one of the speed dials. The technology advanced to text messaging for short messages, and now we have the capability to send an email to the office via our WAP capable mobile to tell the boss we really cannot be bothered to get out of bed today… or that we have a migraine again. Being a young lad with a need for technological innovations to be in my trouser pocket (I do not mean a rubber penis with hand pump) I decided it was time to dump my Savvy C12 and go for something more upmarket. Genie offered me a ‘free’ 3330 with their lovely contract, so I took that, and left the Savvy to gather dust on the shelf. The 3330 is a 3310 with WAP and a little bit more as far as I know. For those of you who do not have WAP, it is quite good fun. I have free WAP with my Genie contract, so I gladly check my BTinternet email on it, download free games and icons/screensavers (there are a couple of free sites) and even check the train times and love it. The battery does not as much because the WAP does seem to take a lot of battery power from this compact phone. The phone has the usual Nokia features with speed-dials, voice tags, icons, a few games, a wide range of ringtones, composer, (congratulations if you have managed to build yourself a decent one with the guide of the manual) reminders, ...

Member Advice on Choosing a university 18/10/2001

Its That Time Of Year Again

Member Advice on Choosing a university As the ‘Phonics sing. As I’m sure you may know if you have read my profile in the last month, I am at university now, and as I was not sure if I would get to write much I thought I’d set the target of 100 reads for my last op, and then think about writing another after that. That time past a few days ago, and so I had the trouble of thinking what I could write about. This seemed the obvious choice. So, firstly, you cannot just pick the right university. It does have a certain amount of luck about it, as there are so many external factors out of your control when choosing. Firstly, I must say ‘UCAS’. (University and College Admission Services) This organisation is who you will be contacting universities through, and it is important that you make sure you communicate with them well when you need to. Firstly, I would suggest that you pick your course. There is a category on Ciao for advice on that, so I won’t go into it. After picking your course I would go onto the UCAS website ( and do a search. Choose your course, and then do a search. The search will include what areas in Britain you are willing to go, (e.g. if you are in Newcastle, you may not want to go past the Midlands) and you can narrow the search down by the grades that you think you will obtain… or what your school/college/sixth form think anyway. Once you have narrowed the search down to areas and universities who have your level of acceptance ...

Community Page & Cafe 14/09/2001

Take You Up To Bring You Down - Feel My Wrath

Community Page & Cafe So, I am off to University tomorrow (Friday), probably will not be writing on Ciao for a long while depending on access, and you expect me to write a normal op? I really do not see the point in writing an opinion seriously when I am going off for a while. I do not have anyone to answer too, so have decided to speak my mind. Although I do feel guilty after a great response on my last opinion. Firstly. To make you give me at least a Helpful rating, better say about the community centre. To skip the info, skip to the ***’s below. This is a very handy part of the site. It allows Ciao to communicate with us. The main body of the page is the ‘newsflash’ from Ciao which is usually full of explanations for operations not going smoothly, and general information about the site. We also have the charts which were slightly controversial at first. Certain members were against them, one in particular being Ken/Cuimmy/Mad Cabbie bloke who refused to write until the site scrapped the idea. The poll taken by members suggested that people did actually like them, with only one chart being scrapped, ‘most referred friends’ which I myself voted to be removed. The charts include weekly charts and charts with statistics since launch. These include the most read authors, most read opinions and the products with most reads of the week. Also, the most trusted members, most read authors and best performers in the Premium Fund. These charts… I do not mind ...

Member Advice on Pulling 13/09/2001

Pull Pull Pull - Come On Lads

Member Advice on Pulling LOL! Ciao are having a laugh! I asked for this to be put up, partly because SnotSlut suggested I ask AGES ago, and have only just remembered. First of all, I claim to be no expert, but am writing this for a bit of a laugh, after-all, pulling is not exactly a serious subject! Where do I start? I dunno, was not expecting to write this, but want to be the first to write in the category! OK, I will firstly write TO blokes, here are some tips and hints that may come in handy. Firstly. Let’s imagine you are in a club/bar. If the place is loud, there is obviously a limit to what you can do. I should point out, actions speak louder than words. Guys, dancing is something we are generally crap at. Even worse sober! Firstly, have a bit to drink, get your confidence up, but don’t get to the state where you cannot talk, as your dancing abilities, (whatever you may think!) will be made a lot worse! Just get into that relaxed mode where you have a bit of confidence. Women do not like blokes who dance all over the place making a prat of themselves. If you are dancing and want to pull, consider your approach and its results. Going straight in for the kill is likely to make you look stupid. Immediate rejection is more painful to your ego. There is no such thing as a long rejection, as, if you move in slowly, signs of disinterest are easy to pick up. Looking away, moving away from you are usually signs the lady is not interested! This is the less painful way, and ...

Scary Movie 2 (DVD) 12/09/2001

Sex With A Ghost Blowjobs Vomiting and Pissing

Scary Movie 2 (DVD) I saw this film with a different female friend, this one platonic in fact. We were meant to see Planet of the Apes, but it turned out the showing was in the delux screen… so didn’t! Instead, we saw this was on shortly, and as I had loved the first scary movie, I thought this would be up my alley. I have read and heard only bad things about this movie from critics, but I think they are taking the whole thing slightly too seriously. I will firstly point out (a disclaimer) that I bear no grudge against homosexuals, I do not think being disabled is funny, and the p*ss should be taken out of situations, not necessarily people. Paedophiles have a problem, and although I thought Brass Eye was on the edge but OK, this is, well… I’m being serious, read on and see why. Anna Faris, Marlon Wayans and Regina Hall are three of the kids that are chosen to go away for the weekend in a (large and haunted looking) house for… some reason. It escapes me. The reason they were given was so that the professor and his disabled assistant could study their sleeping patterns. The classic setting for a scary, haunted house movie - exactly what the directors (Wayans brothers) are trying to take the mick out of. We basically just see the kids getting set up to go into the house, this after a few minutes of totally sick and immature spoof of the exorcist. I have not seen the movie, but like most of the spoof scenes, you do not need to have seen the movie. As long as ...

Dorsacharm's Venomous Colours - Eclipse 11/09/2001


Dorsacharm's Venomous Colours - Eclipse Mark and Lard have become my idols over a period of months, and when I discovered that the Shirehorses was actually their band, and not an ongoing joke, I thought I would have to buy and see what was what. The band line-up is: Mark, Lard, The Dark Prince and Dick ‘The buttocks’ Scruttock. Right….. Just looking at the track titles, you know that this is one album to not take seriously. I will write it out later. Well, I would have already typed it out before posting, just that I’ll type it out later from now. My time, not reading time. Forget it, here it is; If you tolerate the p*ss - Manic Street Sweepers No big sizes - Radioshed Ars*holes - Robbie and William Why is it always Dairy Lea - Dave Lee Travisty F*cking around - Dave Lee Travisty Pardon? - Indecipherable Boys Quorn Medley - Status Quorn Bellow - Foreplay A roll with it - Po Fasis Horny - Chocolate Mousse Tea Feel like Sh*te - Doofergrass Country Spouse - Blurb Tony - M&M featuring Birdie from the canteen Planet of sound - The Pixiedancers The idea is that the band has moved through time changing their name as they went along. I say this because on the CD-extra’s, there are three videos - A roll with it, Feel like sh*te and country Spouse - and Radcliffe talks about this. They then accuse bands of doing songs very similar to theirs, and taking names similar also. - A big joke, which does kinda work. The bands who did the ‘real’ songs are ...

Angel Eyes (DVD) 06/09/2001

J LO NakedO In FilmO FlopO

Angel Eyes (DVD) I should firstly explain that I watched this film because: Amy and I had a time gap. We did not know what was on, when it was on, just that the cinema was open. The choice was this, Rush Hour Two and Josie And The Pussycats. I said that I would normally just go for the film with the higher rating normally when stuck, so we did. This being a fifteen certificate. Being twelve o’clock or something stupid on a Sunday morning the choice was not great, but it did mean not many people around. Walking into the Peterborough cinema we were confronted with four other people. We made our way to the far end of the screen and plonked our tourist bags down. The adverts and trailers passed and we settled down to get drawn into what was hoped would be an epic film. After all, Lopez does those films all the time… yeah? Labelled as a romantic drama (stop laughing), I thought the drama would be good for me, the romantic bit good for the female half. Anyways, the film starts with the camera rolling around a dark night on a bridge where an accident has happened, and the police and services are out in force. We see Sharon Pogue, (Lopez) a policewoman, at the scene trying to keep somebody conscious. It is obvious from the start that as soon as we see Catch (nice nickname?) (Jim Caviezel of Thin Red Line fame) that he was the person Sharon was trying to help. If you think that is a plot revealer, then I can say it is. I will explain about the plot dynamics a bit ...

The Perfect Storm (DVD) 04/09/2001

I Was A Fish In This One

The Perfect Storm (DVD) Being a human fish, I have had an unbelievable amount of opportunities to participate in acting roles, mainly because I have a very high intellectual level for a fish. It was only to my delight that I was chosen to be one of the fish in this film. I got paid a lot for the role I can tell you! As the film was released a couple of years ago now, and I have earnt enough money to not work anymore in my life, I can be very open and honest about this film, I can sacrifice my acting career for this opinion. The film is set in 1991 in America, where the living seems to be very basic. I have to say, the fashion people were spot on as nobody would be seen in the clothes worn in the film nowadays. The clothes the humans were wearing of course. The film centres around a fishing company who fishes for fish from the sea in trawlers. Accurate so far. The fish that they catch are swordfish (I play one of them, but not being a swordfish I did have to wear a costume etc.) which are obviously worth a lot of money if caught in numbers and stored properly. The skipper of one ship is called Billy Tyne (George Clooney) who is starting to get the reputation of being quite unsuccessful at grabbing the swordfish the company needs to sell on. After another poor trip, Tyne decides that enough is enough, and that he wants to go somewhere different to get a better catch. This does mean that the trip will be more risky, and his crew will have to leave their loved ones again, so soon after ...

Origin Of Symmetry - Muse 30/08/2001

Symmetrically Originated Differently

Origin Of Symmetry - Muse After the success of ‘Showbiz’, Muse’s first album which was released in 1999, I knew that the band had potential, and that the next album would show the band maturing and progressing. Matt Bellamy’s vocal range was shown on the previous album with his high vocals blending in with screeching guitars to the note on ‘Muscle Museum’, and on this album we hear the same. His ‘normal’ singing voice will not be hailed as one of the greatest ever, but the high pitch levels he can reach are tremendous. Both live and recorded, he performs solidly, and shows that the recording studio people do not have to alter his voice too much. I chose to not review this CD on a track to track basis, but prefer to talk more generally. The album does open with ‘New Born’, the bands second single released from the album, and can only be described as typical when compared to the rest of the album. The introduction of songs with keyboard melodies before bursting out into blasting guitars seems to be popular with Bellamy, a couple of the songs here doing so. On TOTP he stole the show performing ‘New Born’, firstly on the keyboards, then flicking his guitar on with his big toe before screeching the notes out. Just what is needed in this kind of indie-rock genre… an entertainer. The album does contain a lot of variation. ‘Citizen Erased’, ‘Screenager’ and ‘Micro Cuts’ to an extent ...

Gossip - DVD 27/08/2001

As An Extra Human

Gossip - DVD I’m surrounded by actors and actresses on the set, and there is a bit of a buzz. The cast contains some well known people, and I feel slightly nervous as I am called up to be one of the ‘milling people’. Still on the learning track I pay great attention to all scenes I am able to watch, and am impressed by the young talent that surrounds me. Near the end of the shooting of the film I am slightly tired. Although a small part, I have had to get up early and do my stuff. When people first start to watch this film they will be immediately introduced to the three flatmates who are the main focus of the film it would seem. These three are Derek Webb played by James Marsden of X-Men fame, Cathy Jones performed by (a intelligent and good looking) Lena Heady and Travis, played by Norman Readus. The first scenes are meant to give the viewer the impression that the place they rent is quite high-class, and at least one of them is obviously rich - turns out Derek is. I did actually say to the script editors that the way in which they created the storyline was well thought out. A university lecturer speculating to the students about gossip, news and the truth, and the distinctions between them. Derek and Cathy (or Jones as everyone calls her in the film) are in the same class, and decide to start a rumour to see how people like to talk. Travis is an art student of creative proportions who also gets involves, saying how the tracks of the gossip can be retraced ...

Cats And Dogs (DVD) 24/08/2001

No Bitch Fight

Cats And Dogs (DVD) Is it me, or are the number of films with good reviews out at the mo declining? Tomb Raider, JPIII… others. Didn’t fancy Shrek. Blah! Anyway, saw the advert, thought it was OK, my film reviewing website place I go to said it was OK, and if it was sh…ockingly bad, it is only a short film. Likened to ‘Babe’ because of the talking animals (not the fantastic storyline) this film is about cats and dogs. (I am pretty sure that is where the title of the film came from, confirmation would be appreciated) Bit like Titanic I suppose. (Can you tell yet that I’m not going to review the movie with a great deal of seriousness?) COMPUTERS are obviously involved. As far as I know, the cats and dogs in the film do not talk in ‘real life’ (although there are rumours, or cross-genetic experimentation) and so the computer had to move their lips around for us. This is done very well, and I was impressed for a good fifteen minutes before I thought about how the special affects are actually basic compared to other films which have been made… i.e. the novelty wore off quite quickly. Dog chases cat, cat escapes, dog looks silly…. Bit like Tom and Jerry really, I won’t explain how, you can work it out. This is how the film starts. With a great scene actually, butt-clenching almost, (tone that ass) we see the cat whipping around the place with the dog scampering after, trying to catch up. Some nice camera work follows, ...

Reflexology 20/08/2001

Get A Tingling Head For 14.50

Reflexology This is opinion is going to be a bit different to the usual stuff you read from me because I am writing about something I have experienced, but do NOT know much about. I have therefor done some research on the subject (trawled through some websites) and have got some information. I say this because, although I have NOT copied any of the contents of this opinion, it may sound like because of the terminology I plan to use. This is me trying to write professionally! What is it? *********** Reflexology has been practiced for thousands of years, and is said to have been used by the Indian, Chinese and Egyptian people of a long time ago. To cut a long story short, Dr. Fitzgerald of the USA noticed pressure on one part of the body had an effect on another part. The body was split into ten vertical zones, and as the fingers and toes were at the end of these zones, the hands and toes were linked to other areas of the body. Twenty years later in the 1930’s, Eunice Ingham then developed foot reflexology from these theories, and noted that congestion or tension in the feet corresponded with other parts of the body. For example, the big toe is related to the head (on your shoulders) and treating the whole foot will have a positive effect on the whole body. How does it help? *************** ** Reflexology will not have much of an affect on somebody who is 100% healthy. You need to have an imbalance in your body to benefit. An imbalance will be present in your body ...

AdSubtract v1.66 SE 14/08/2001

What An Equation

AdSubtract v1.66 SE I first came across AdSubtract on Ciao - so Ciao does have its purposes apart from the pocket money. It was Cujimmy’s opinion that I read, and he hyped the product up so much that I just had to give it a go, especially being a male with a computer with hard drive available… you get my drift, boys and their toys (no Sarah) ‘n’ all. So, off I went to and within a minute was downloading the 2.66 MB of AdSubtract 1.66. - I have now upgraded to 1.68 I believe, but this does not affect the opinion category as it has not changed much. Anyway, you save the file to your desktop, open it, install it, and delete the downloaded file. What you are left with is a 3.80 MB piece of software on your hard-drive, which will provide you with a small yellow icon on your taskbar, a nice little face with an + and a - as eyes = very neat. The software is simply designed to block adverts and cookies. Clicking on this icon will bring up a small window from which you control AdSubtract. You have six main tabs at the top of this window: Main: Bit of information, and the button to upgrade your piece of software. Filters: You can choose whether to filter all advertisements and cookies from all sites or not, as well as choosing five custom sites which AdSubtract will not filter if you tell it not to. Browsers: Pick your browser. Advanced: Some fancy stuff only the techies now about - bits bout Proxy etc. which you will not need to ... 12/08/2001

Lots of Information-Freezing-Frustration and Porn I thought it would be nice to have the same instant messaging service as my girlfriend (now ex funnily enough) so that if did we were online at the same time we could have a short chat… both having ‘unlimited internet’ at some point in the day it would be handy. I quite simply adore MSN Messenger. It is a small download, has never frozen on me, and you can use those neat little symbols. I did try and put this forward to her, but she reckoned ICQ was really good, so being the nice person I sometimes am, I went to the ICQ site ( (it was a good guess at the time)) and went straight to the download page and got started. It was eleven o’clock at night, and I realised the seven or 8 MB download was going to take me forty-five minutes. I stopped then. Went back the next night and started at a more reasonable hour. Fair enough, it was a very easy download and installation process. But the 850-ish KB download of MSN Messenger compared to the seven or eight MB of ICQ, MSN Messenger already has a massive advantage over its competitor. Next is the size on your hard drive. MSN Messenger is only 1.57 MB, whereas ICQ version 2000beta is 27.5 MB. This is why I am deleting ICQ from my hard drive now. I do not use it, I do not like it and it uses up a hell of a lot of space! I would have deleted it earlier, but Ciao was calling in my ear. You will get an ICQ help book installed onto your computer, something that is not always a necessary ...

Member Advice on Bullying 10/08/2001

The Story of Joe

Member Advice on Bullying Joe was an ugly little kid, he is the first to admit that when looking back at old school pictures, and that is maybe why he did not have the greatest appeal to the female population at that time. This led Joe to half despise the opposite sex at around the time he was ten or eleven, apart from a few of the female friends he had through junior school. Joe was very sporty. He had trials for and played for his district at both cross-country running and at football when he was ten, and he knows that he must be grateful to his mother that she pushed him a bit when it came to sporting participation. Without this, Joe would not be as strong physically, and would not have made friends through sport. Without this slightly muscular frame (for his age) who knows what would have happened to him? He was able to take physical bullying, and that is why that did not occur, but Joe seems to carry many scars emotionally on the inside from bullying. The sporting activities allowed Joe to vent his hurt and anger through pushing himself at sports. As previously mentioned, Joe was an ugly kid. He had full lips, larger than average, and due to a fall as a child, had buck teeth. Names were thrown at Joe left, right, and more occasionally right down the centre where it hurt. Sharing the playground with year 6’s when Joe was year 5, was probably the year he looks back on with the most anger and hurt. The year above were not a bad lot, but Joe was clever in the head, as well as clever on ...
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