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since 12/02/2002


One Hour Photo (DVD) 06/02/2003

It's like staring at a photo for one hour

One Hour Photo (DVD) Last week me and my other half were given some free entry and free popcorn vouchers for out local cinema and so we have naturally been taking full advantage of the situation. Last night we chose to go and see One Hour Photo simply because the film sounded quite good and as I have already seen The Two Towers and Ghost Ship, there wasn’t much else on that I wanted to see. One Hour Photo: Plot: The film starts off inside a police station where Simon Parish (Robin Williams) is talking to a police officer about an as yet unknown crime. Then the film is told as a flashback which Williams narrates and we are taken back a few weeks to a photo processing store within a Save Mart hypermarket, where Simon works. His job is to simply process peoples photographs which is a job he seems to be very proud of and has seen him work there for 11 years. It does come to light however, that Simon is taking a rather special interest in one particular customer Nina Yorkin (Connie Nielson) and her young son Jacob (Dylan Smith) and even Jacob’s father Will (Michael Vartan). As the story pans out, it soon becomes apparent that this interest is in fact an obsession, Simon is not only processing the Yorkin family photographs but he is printing himself copies off as well, which he pins to his living room wall, almost like some kind of godly shrine. As Nina and Jabob return to have more photographs developed, Simon begins to get more and more involved with them and as a result ...

Quaker Snack A Jacks 31/01/2003

Shack up with Jack for a healthier snack

Quaker Snack A Jacks Ok as I am on a diet (and it’s costing me a fortune in diet food, cup-a-soups and low cal choccy drinks) I thought I’d write a review on something I recently purchased and try to get back a tad of my small fortune. Being on a diet and sticking to it religiously means cutting out all my favourite foods including chocolate, crisps and cakes. This as you can imagine is very hard work and occasionally it is necessary to find yourself a low fat substitute as a nice treat. Today I did this, and as per usual, here are my findings: QUAKER SNACK-A-JACKS \\\\\\ WHAT ARE SNACK-A-JACKS ////// Quaker Snack-a-Jacks are light and crispy bubbled corn and rice munchies, which come in a variety of flavours both sweet and savoury. The flavours include, Cheddar Cheese, Crispy Caramel, Salt and Vinegar, Original and Crispy Barbecue. \\\\\\ PACKAGING ////// The packets they come in are quite large, although they only weigh a mere 35g they are about twice the size of a normal packet of crisps. The package colour depends on what flavour you buy, blue for Salt and Vinegar, orange and yellow for the Crispy Caramel, brown for the Barbecue, red for Original and Yellow for the Cheese. The Quaker sign appears at the top of the pack with Snack-a-Jacks written in navy blue underneath and a picture of a single snack-a-jack at the bottom. There is then a large swoosh and the fat content written in white, less than 10% for the savoury flavours and less than 5% for the sweet ...

Men In Black 2 (DVD) 29/01/2003

Smith and Jones are back in black

Men In Black 2 (DVD) I had eagerly awaited the 2 disk DVD release of Men in Black 2 for the past two months, ever since I had heard of its imminent parole date. As a huge fan of the original I had naturally pre-ordered my own copy of part 2 and after viewing both disks, here is my summery: \\\\\\ PLOT ////// Men in Black 2 picks up 5 years after the first one ended, agent Jay (Will Smith – Men in Black, Independence day, Ali) is having a few minor problems finding a partner fit to replace agent Kay (Tommy Lee Jones – Men in Black, Volcano, The fugitive) who was deneuralyzed (memory erased) and given a new life as a postal worker at the end of the first film. When a strange and attractive female alien lands on earth, agent Jay is forced to reneuralyze Agent Kay to tackle the problem. This has a very similar story to Men in Black 1, our two agents must stop an evil alien who has come to earth to find a super powerful weapon called the light of zartha. As in the first film, not finding the weapon in time will mean the end of planet earth, as the weapon must be in a certain place at a certain time or boom! Instead of a giant cockroach in a Vincent D’onofrio suit this time around, the nasty alien is a mass of snakes shaped just like Lara Flynn Boyle and answering to the name of Serleena. Along the way, our handsome heroes must encounter more monsters and aliens (including a 300ft worm called Jeff who lives in the underground train network). There is more of Tony ...

Sheridans Coffee Layered Liqueur 26/01/2003

Coffee with bite

Sheridans Coffee Layered Liqueur Not long ago I wrote an opinion on a new alcoholic beverage called Tia Lusso which I wildly enjoyed, in the comments section I was told about a similar type of drink called Sheridan’s. So, me being me, I just had to sample this new delight. Here are my findings: ~~~~~~PRODUCT PACKAGING~~~~~~ Hmm? Odd one this, Sheridan’s comes in a double barrelled 500ml glass bottle, what I mean by double barrelled is that the bottle is really two bottles glued side by side next to each other. On the left hand side is a slim half bottle and on the right hand side is a rather plump half that sort of resembles somebody’s fat arse. In the slim half is some white milky liquid and on the right side is some deep brown (Tar looking) liquid. These two bottles are then supported by a band style black and white label with Sheridan’s original written across it. The same label but this time oval shaped is stuck on the front of the fused bottles. The cap is a large black plastic umbrella shape with a round twist off lid on the front of it. Once you remove this you are greeted by two large holes that look like some kind of cannon staring you right in the mush just waiting to blast your nostrils off. Oh, it does tell you on the bottle that this is a coffee layered liqueur and it is a whopping 18.5% in the alcohol content. ~~~~~~WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THIS WEIRD BOTTLE?~~~~~~ Well, you are supposed to tilt your glass when you pour the drink and from one side ...

Spider-Man (DVD) 25/01/2003

Spiderman SUCKS

Spider-Man (DVD) Okay, me being me, I always seem to be a tad on the controversial side so why should I break the mould now? I will probably end up being hung drawn and quartered for this but what the hey. It is official, I hate Spiderman the movie <> Why do I hate this film? Please, read on. ////// THE PLOT \\\\\\ By now most people should know the premise behind Spiderman and the film does stick fairly close to its origins. Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire – Pleasantville, Wonder Boys, The cider house rules) is your typical high school nerd and can’t get a girlfriend to save his life, he is though (as all movie nerds tend to be) totally in love with the high school bombshell Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst – Jumanji, Interview with a vampire, Bring it on) who he just happens to live next door to. Anyway, on a college trip to the local museum science fair, Peter is bitten by a genetically engineered spider, which has escaped from its tank. Peter goes home feeling most unwell and wakes up in the morning with super human senses, (Example) He can jump for miles, shoot web’s out of his wrists and climb up walls. Peter’s best friend Harry Osborn (James Franco) has a Millionaire father Norman Osborn (Willem Defoe – Speed 2, American Psycho, Platoon) who is dabbling in a super human suit experiment for the National Guard. When complications arise and his company is about to be taken over, he tries the suit experiment himself and is ...

Batchelors Cup a Soup 23/01/2003

Why can't tasty food be low in fat

Batchelors Cup a Soup As some people will know I am now on a diet after the usual Christmas binging session, our cupboards are as empty as Michael Douglas’s knackers and the only things nutrition wise that remain are vitamins, beverages and Batchelors slim and cup-a-soups. What am I doing one wonders? Well what ever it is, it seems to working, I have lost a whole stone in just 5 days on this starvation thingy and as this chuffs me right up, I aint about to quit while I’m in full flow. Anyway, enough bragging, here are my findings on these rather unpleasant soups. ~~~~~~PACKAGING~~~~~~ Seeing as I am looking at a ‘Mediterranean tomato’ box I shall have to describe that particular design. Well, in a word, it SUCKS! Not enough of a description? Okay then, I shall go into more detail. Sky blue box with the red Batchelors logo at the top, next is a navy blue splodge encasing a dark blue cup containing some red slimy liquid that I would so often be tempted to describe as end of the month. It simply has to be the most painfully boring box I have ever seen but it boasts that it is 99% fat free and contains just 60 calories per cup, so who am I to criticise the design? After all, I’m only after something to take away the hunger pains that also happens to contain as little calories as possible. Inside the pack was (Mel’s quite tidy you see and likes to maximise space) about three different flavour sachets but only one Mediterranean tomato, hmmm? The ...

Reign Of Fire (DVD) 21/01/2003

A fire breathing beast of a movie

Reign Of Fire (DVD) I finally got to see a film that I have been wanting to see for quite some time today, I have always been a fan of horror type flicks and I admit to being a special effects freak as well. So if a film includes, monsters, ghoulies, dinosaurs and mythical creatures of any kind, this is usually enough to entice me along to see it, be it at the cinema or from the local video store. When I found out that ‘Reign of fire’ was all about huge dragons invading London, I simply had to see it, unfortunately when it hit the cinemas I was a little low on funds and as a result, I have had to wait for the DVD release. REIGN OF FIRE: ////// THE PLOT \\\\\\ Reign of fire begins with an ordinary little boy walking through the London streets, he is heading to see his mother who is working under the London underground as a construction worker. The little boy then investigates a small hole that has been bored through into a sealed off cave and to his total horror, he accidentally wakes up a huge sleeping dragon. The boy escapes and runs to his mother frantically trying to tell her what he has seen, it is too late though, the awoken dragon is now hungry and has only one thing in mind, to reach the surface and feed. The boy and his mother try to escape to the surface in the lift while the other construction workers are being engulfed in ball of flames. It is too little, too late and the dragon beats them to it. As it climbs past the lift the boy lies on the floor and ...

Weight Watchers Tuna Coronation Style Dressing 15/01/2003

Who'd have thought sperm could taste so good

Weight Watchers Tuna Coronation Style Dressing Well, it’s official, after binging out something chronic over Christmas me and Mel are now on a strict diet to lose those unsightly (Michelin style) tyres around our waistline. Gone are the days when I could scoff twelve bars of chocolate, a cooked roast dinner, five boxes of Pringles and still leave room for a mix and match Chinese take away before consuming almost as much alcohol as your average wino would in a week. Now I am having to live off of cup-a-soups, salad and stock cubes, so obviously I am in need of a little low cal inspiration at the moment. Enter Heinz weight watchers tuna coronation sandwich filler, in the usual Deano style, here are my findings: ~~~~~~PACKAGING~~~~~~ Ok this stuff comes in packs of three and I have as yet to see a single can pack for sale. It comes in a long purple and white cardboard sleeve with navy blue writing and the simple white, red and blue ‘weight watchers’ logo stamped in the top right hand corner. When you remove the sleeve you are then greeted with three small 80g gold coloured tin cans bearing the same designer label. Each can has a large ringpull on the lid for easy opening, this also makes sure you don’t hack off your little finger trying to get into the bloody thing. ~~~~~~WHAT IS IT?~~~~~~ Well this stuff is basically a sandwich spread made with John West tuna, curry paste and coconut, WHOA! Wait a minute, come back, did I say you could leave? Okay, I know it sounds disgusting but trust me, it isn’t. If ...

Cadbury Double Decker 13/01/2003

Only read this if you really, really want to.

Cadbury Double Decker After a tense email conversation with the Ciao team, both parties came to the agreement that it was best to end my chocolate challenge so I have edited my opinion accordingly. Hi everyone, I hope you all had the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years, right now that’s out of the way let me begin on my opinion. Everyone on Ciao should know by now that I adore chocolate and tend to write plenty of opinions on the stuff. Well what better way to start off the New Year than doing another one? CADBURYS DOUBLE DECKER! Being a HUGE fan of chocolate, there isn’t really all that much (chocolate wise) that I dislike, I especially like my chocolate bars to be weird and different instead of simply shaping a lump of milk chocolate into a twin stick and foil wrapping it with a snazzy packet. Trust me when I say this but they don’t come much more different than a Double Decker. These are basically a chunky layer of Rice Krispie filled chocolate at the bottom and a thick layer of soft (so your granny can eat one without losing her dentures), chewy, nougat on top, this is then generously coated in creamy Cadburys milk chocolate. The taste is simply heaven, sweet, chewy and crispy all in the same bite is something that you don’t usually find all that often. I’m not generally a great fan of nougat but with a Double Decker it balances with the texture of the cereal and chocolate to compliment each other perfectly. The soft nougat tastes quite creamy and even has ...

Kraft Dairylea Cheese Spread 30/12/2002

No title could be cheesy enough for this crap

Kraft Dairylea Cheese Spread Right, first off I suppose that I’d better apologise for not being around much over Christmas. No, before you ask Christmas hasn’t been so wonderfully eventful that I have barely had the time to come onto Ciao, it is simply that our telephone connection went on the fritz and we have only just managed to have it fixed. Okay, now I am officially fed up with all the Yuletide niceties (Kisses, cuddles, fake smiles when opening your tenth gift-wrapped pair of thermal socks an all that pollava). I think it’s now time to let off a little steam and aim it all at one crap product in a rant filled opinion. Everytime we do the shopping, my other half ALWAYS manages to slip into the trolley a tub of Kraft Dairylea medium fat cheese spread as she adores the stuff. Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY? WHY DOES MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE SUCH ABOMINABLE TASTE IN FOOD? WHY DO KRAFT KEEP MAKING THIS DROSS? AND WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE WEIRD ENOUGH ON PLANET EARTH TO ACTUALLY GO OUT AND KEEP THIS CRAP COMPANY IN BUSINESS BY BUYING THIS CRUD? > I’m alright now, I can continue with my opinion, Kraft Dairylea cheese spread, here are my findings: ~~~~~~PACKAGING~~~~~~ Right, what can I say about this small 200g plastic tub? Sky blue in colour, kiddie style yellow and red writing for the Dairylea logo, a crap cloud floating past the ‘I’ in Dairylea, and a green splodge that is supposed to represent grass underneath the logo. At the bottom is a stupid looking ...

Pringles Crisps 20/12/2002

Once you pop, oh I won't even go there

Pringles Crisps Christmas is coming and Deano’s getting FAT, well, he will be doing if he keeps on eating stuff like this. With Christmas and the New Year fast approaching, the need to stock up your cupboards with all of your favourite tucker becomes ever more important. Chocolate gateaux, meats, booze, choccies, biccies and of course, crisps. Now with crisps I’ve always been a tad picky and cheap, nasty, efforts are usually given a wide berth. My favourites have always been Pringles and so my cupboard is naturally well stocked for Chrimbo, and as usual in my food opinions, here are my findings: ~~~~~~PACKAGING~~~~~~ Pringles unlike other crisps come in a large cardboard tube instead of the usual packets, the tube is coated on the inside with foil to keep them fresh and they have two lids to keep them doubly fresh, one foil and then a pop off plastic lid. The box is brightly decorated with the name written in snazzy yellow and black writing near the top and the variety flavor in black and white at the bottom of the tub. The Pringles logo to be found at the very top of the tub is an annoying Italian looking dude with a thick dodgy moustache (Don’t ask). The actual colour of each tub depends on the flavor you choose, below is a list of available flavors and the colour box in which they come, (Sorry Phil but I do think this is quite relevant) . Sour cream and onion – Light green box Cheese and onion – Dark pink box Salt and vinegar – Light blue box Original (ready ...

Everything that starts with U ... 15/12/2002

Uh Oh I've run out of letters

Everything that starts with U ... Most people will by now know of the challenge set by Paula (Cheekygranny) to write an opinion in no less than 300 words on each one of your grandparents. So, here is my offering: MY NAN (Nancy) My Nan is 66 years old with the brain of a 20 year old, so what can I tell you about her? Well, first off I’ll start with what she looks like, she is plump (aren’t all grannies?) but she is plump in one of those round ways (I’m sure you know what I mean) this is due to the excess amounts of takeaway food and chocolate that she scoffs. Her hair is grey at the moment but she changes it almost as much as I change my groggs. She’s had it red, blue, silver with a purple strip, bleached blonde and plum in the past few years alone and has had it spiked, cropped, bobbed and wedged (told ya she had a young head). She does show her age with her clothes though, floral, multi colored frocks are always on hand for when she goes to church with her born again Christian pals She has been plagued by bad health problems of late though, she suffers from a diseased lung, chronic asthma, mild angina and she has recently found out that she suffers from Vertigo as well. This doesn’t stop her leading a normal life though, dieting and lots of rest are doctors orders but she still eats loads of junkfood and is regularly seen cleaning the house and walking all over town enjoying her favorite pastime, shopping. At night though, she turns into a vegetable and locks herself in her bedroom where ...

Tia Lusso - Liqueur 10/12/2002

I love a bit of cream going down my throat

Tia Lusso - Liqueur Most people that know me will of course be aware that I have a passion for booze, I’m not quite as bad as Andrea (Tange) or Drew (Proxam) but I like my ale none the less. I’m never really fussy what it is that I drink so long as it has a high enough alcohol content (I know, major p*sshead). Usually though, when I go into a shop or supermarket to buy myself a drink, I nearly always end up with some kind of lager, while my other half nearly always ends up with a carton of fresh orange and a bottle of Voddy. Anyway, after a healthy win on one of the Lotto scratchcards I decided that we would try out something new for a change in our local shop. To cut a long story short, the shop keeper quite uselessly failed to find us the price for a bottle of Sheridan’s (which looked delicious) so we opted for a large bottle of Tia Lusso instead. We had no idea what is was you understand but we’ll try anything once. Useless cow, I ask you, what kind of shop keeper sells products and doesn’t even know how much they cost? Anyway, here are my findings: ~~~~~~PRODUCT PACKAGING~~~~~~ Tia Lusso comes in a rather attractive navy blue, fat glass bottle with a slim neck, the label is also navy blue with light blue and white cloudy things swirled all over the place. Tia Lusso is written in fancy gold letters on the front and surprise, surprise, it has a navy blue lid. The bottle is also recyclable for all you Green peace nerds out there. On the back of the label is a rather well ...

Ice Age (DVD) 06/12/2002

Ice, Ice, Baby

Ice Age (DVD) After reading several opinions here on Ciao about the Movie ‘Ice Age’ I decided to rent myself a copy a few weeks ago and was that impressed that I now house my very own DVD copy. Ice Age is a computer animated feature length film not too dissimilar from the likes of Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Shrek and Monsters Inc. ~~~~~~WHAT’S THE MOVIE ABOUT?~~~~~~ The movie is set at the beginning of the ice age when all of the Earth’s animals are heading for warmer pastures, all except Manfred, a huge woolly mammoth who simply wants to be on his own. He soon ends up running into a clumsy tree sloth named Sid who is pursued by two huge rhino’s with the intention of killing him for eating their salad. Manfred saves Sid’s life and is then relentlessly followed by the daft sloth wherever he goes. Not far away, near a Neanderthal village, a group of sabre toothed tigers are planning an attack on the humans in revenge for hunting the pack to near extinction. The pack leader Soto, wants the Neanderthal leaders baby son, to eat and enjoy as his ultimate revenge. Diego, Soto’s right hand man or tiger if you will, is given the task of retrieving the baby and delivering it to Soto personally. As the tigers attack the village though, the babies mother manages to escape with her son and leaps into a nearby river to save him from the big cats. This incenses Soto who orders Diego the get the child or die. Meanwhile, Manfred and Sid stumble upon the half drowned mother and the baby boy lying ...

Everything that starts with Z ... 04/12/2002

What am I

Everything that starts with Z ... Okie dokie, the lanky one man curry munching, beer swilling, bandit warrior returns, the compy is now working again after a complete nervous breakdown and I’m back to try and earn myself some more Ciao points before the bloody thing explodes once more. As some of you will know Smaggs76 (Sue) or Zippy as I affectionately know her (She has very toned arms don’t ya know?) has set a rather odd challenge to some of us. In Zippy’s own words we have to “write an op in reverse instead of telling everyone straight out what you’re writing about, write an op and see if people can guess what it is your writing about. This way the op writer is challenged to write an op which if done well, people will be able to guess what it is they have wrote about, and it also challenges the reader of the op to guess what’s been written about.” Understand? I’m writing about something and you have to guess what it is, I’ll try to keep it as simple and EASY as possible, okay then, if you’re all sitting comfortably, I’ll begin. I am large and blue (No My other half isn’t squeezing my testicles), I am made from plastic and have a large bag inside of me. (For the second time, I am NOT referring to my bollox and the plastic reference has no bearings to anything sexually related in any way, shape or form). I am impeccably clean on the outside but my innards are full of muck and filth (Draw your own conclusions). I have a great set of utensils (without blowing my own trumpet) which allows me to ...
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