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since 30/11/-0001

86 23/04/2003

Do you know...where I'm going to Shock Horror! Look at me posting an op when I said I wouldn’t again. Well Ciao have finally paid out my cash and I can go properly now. Now don’t worry, I have had a good think and have decided not to close the account after all (although I still stand by my mini rant) and may decide to make a dramatic (don’t laugh) comeback after I have finished my exams, which are taking up so much of my time right now. But before I go I want to post this last op about where what little time I have will be spent, given the amount I’ve won from there over the past month I figured I owed it that much. Now this is a long one, there’s a lot to say. So bear with me. I expect you will have heard of this place already. The people in the opinionating world don’t often stay out of the loop for too long when it comes to developments in the field of their hobby of choice. But many I imagine will have taken a cursory look and thought ‘Nah!’ or perhaps you don’t feel you have the time to contribute to another place, well that’s fine. But read on and let me see if I can change your mind. U-rate-it is, for those that aren’t already aware, a consumer review site just like Ciao and Dooyoo. It’s new, very new, the site has only really been an option to most of its member since December and the changes it has undergone between now and then are dramatic and surprising. Some members like all the changes, some don’t, but there is one thing that sets these changes apart from any other site, what ...

Everything that starts with M ... 17/03/2003

I'm going slightly mad

Everything that starts with M ... Right, before you read this I think that I should point out a few things: I am not mad, I am not on any medication, not drunk, on drugs or suffering from LSD flashbacks. I’m not under any psychiatric care (although you may end up thinking I should be). I’m normal, honest. But, you see I have a sister. My sister is fifteen and therefore has an answer for everything. Winning an argument of wit with my sister is becoming harder and harder so I make things up, outrageous things, to perplex her because I can keep a straight face and it’s fun (she usually ends up stomping out of the room LOL!). So this is the reason this idea came into my head, to annoy my sister, and as I’m within a hairs breadth of my 50th op and as I can't think of a thing to write about for number 49 you’ll have to put up with this crap. She is studying ancient Egyptian history; she seems to think I know a lot about this kind of thing so asks me for help. I suddenly get this flash of memory that somewhere I’ve read a theory that the pyramids were built by mice (I may have imagined it though). I tell her this in jest and she gets this look in her eyes and I know she thinks I’m serious, so I run with it. “Did you not know that Jo?” “No, that’s just stupid, you’re lying” “I am not! I read it in the paper, a proper one to, not the Sun” “Rubbish!” “No, really, I’ll tell you the story…” Many years ago, before the ancient Egyptians that we know of, a tribe of giant mice ruled the known ...

10 Most Embarassing Moments 13/03/2003

So bad I count each one twice.

10 Most Embarassing Moments I don't have an awful lot of embarrassing moments in my life so far. But there are some small, seemingly insignificant incidents that still haunt me to this day. Just five of them, but they're so bad I'm counting each one twice, I hope you have a good laugh at my expense. 1 - DINNER TIME! *************** * When I was about 11 my mum sent me out to fetch my little sister in for dinner. So of I go up the street and I see her sitting on the wall in the front yard of one of her friends houses facing away from me. I know, I thought, ill make her jump. So I crouched down below the wall and snuck up slowly trying not to let anyone see me. When I got to the wall I jumped up waving my arms shouting 'Dinner Time!!!' A la Jim Carey in 'The Mask' I wasn't my sister. Some girl I've never met before turn round and gave me the filthiest look I ever got, and all the other children in the yard laughed at me. Then I saw my sister walking down the other side of the road, waving at me. But everytime that girl saw me again she pointed at me and laughed :O( I never showed my face along that side of the road again. 2 -WOLVERHAMPON BUS STATION (warning, a bit gross) *************** *************** *************** ***** About three years ago I was at works Christmas do in Telford. The company paid for the meal, the room and the drink. Needless to say I drank a lot. About two bottles of wine, half a litre of Jack Daniel's and an absinthe. The next day I ...

Experian 11/03/2003

Fancy nosing into my business

Experian I have recently decided to take the final step in being a grown up. The big one, the scary one, you know what I’m talking about… MORTGAGE! Yep, we have decided that now is the time to sign our life away and spend the next twenty-five years paying of thousands upon thousands of pounds to ‘der management’ Now when you apply for a mortgage, indeed when you apply for most credit, your credit file will be checked. The company will assess you according to the information provided on your credit file in addition to the information you provide. However, sometimes you get turned down, when this happens the company will tell you what credit referencing agency they have used and refer you to them for further information. Such a thing has happened to me on a number of occasions so I have recently obtained a copy of my credit file. As I have only had dealing with the credit reference agency Experian this opinion will focus on them, however a large proportion of what I write applies to the other main reference agency Equifax. I’m confused, what’s a credit reference agency? *************** *************** ******** Well a credit reference agency provides a service to people who you want credit from, from mortgage lenders to mobile phone companies. The agency will provide the company with a copy of your credit file, which contains such information as your addresses, if you are registered to vote, your payment history on credit accounts and any searches other ...

Wella Viva Colour Mousse 02/03/2003

Viva La Diva

Wella Viva Colour Mousse Oh, it has been so long since I have seen the sun. When you have dark blond hair, the sun is your true friend, a few hours in its shinning glory will bleach the hair and make it shimmer with gold. However, this affect can only really be achieved while lying on a beach in the Mediterranean, in my experience, the British sun just won't do. Yet I have not been on holiday for nearly a year and it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere fast, the fantastic bleaching affect has long since worn off and I am left will a mass of mousy blond hair that just hangs there, lacklustre like a nihilistic teenager. My desire for gorgeous hair led me to the hair colour counter in boots, I am faced with an array different colours, permanence and prices. I chicken out; I'm not brave enough to buy a permanent or a semi-perm so I decide to pick a colour mouse. Wella Viva colour mouse is a cracking little product, it's a tone on tone product, which means it enhances natural colour rather than makes a dramatic change. Lasting around six to eight washes, if you have a disaster and hate the colour it's not the end of the world. The first time I used it I picked an apricot shade, which turned my hair bright orange! I washed it eight times in one day, and although my hair ended up little dry most of the colour had gone. Viva now makes a 'colour off' product, which I am reliably informed, removes the colour from the mouse as well as permanent dye. This time I was a little more sensible and ...

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider (DVD) 25/02/2003

Bilge with breasts

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider (DVD) I wasn’t expecting much from Tombraider, some mindless, no brain required action for a boring evening in. God, I can’t believe I even got less than that. Angelina Jolie plays Lara Croft, the incredibly wealthy orphaned Daughter off an eminent archaeologist who everyone in the film seemed to have met at some point or another. She lives in a huge mansion, bungee jumping in the atrium and going tomb raiding for fun. Living with her is Bryce, a bit of a techie scruffbag. I’m not sure weather he was supposed to be her brother, staff or what, and the butler Hillary, played by Chris Barrie (Rimmer from Red Dwarf and Gordon Brittass from the Britass empire) who I think is ace and I’ll have nothing said against him. Lying in bed one night at the time of the great planetary alignment, which conveniently is the anniversary of her fathers death, she hers a clock ticking under the stairs of an 83 room mansion in a secret room (believable so far?). So she drags everyone out of bed because this clock is ticking and low and behold there is an ancient key to the triangle of time in the middle of it. The triangle of time is and relic, broken in two, which if joined on the day of planetary alignment will give the holder the power to control time. This day comes once every 5000 years. We are told this through some flashbacks to Lara’s Father, which are frankly subtle as a brick. She takes the clock to her Father’s old friend Wilson (the fantastic Leslie Phillips). Que. Clumsy ...

10 Things That Really Annoy Me 20/02/2003

Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering

10 Things That Really Annoy Me Well it was hard to cut it down to just 10, im usually a very laid back person but there are a few things that really get on my tits....... 1 - DRESSING BABIES UP TO LOOK STUPID *************** *************** ******* I know kids are supposed to be cute, but when I saw my new born nephew in a teddy bear outfit I could have cried for him. There were pictures of course, these pictures will be brought out to show the first girlfriend he brings home and damage his self-esteem for life probably. One of my aunts likes to put hair bands on her babies, nothing wrong with that expect they haven't got any hair. I saw this mostly in the early nineties; those big pink bows that she thought were oh so trendy looking. We told her, if you want to dress up your kids like an Easter egg that fine, but don't get upset when we laugh at them. 2 - PESTER POWER *************** I don't have kids, but I do have an eight-year-old brother. It's really quite frightening to see pester power in action. 'Mom, mom, mom, can I have this mom, mom............... ........' Seriously, no. Shut up. Jeez I don't know how my mum puts up with it, I know I never did that, I knew better than to ask for things I knew I couldnt have. My mum once said to me she used to despair because shed have to guess what I wanted 'cos id never ask for anything, but now she wishes for ore children like that. Off course the blame lies on TV, peer pressure on toddlers and those awful cartoons ...

Everything that starts with C ... 19/02/2003

Ciao is not important

Everything that starts with C ... It’s not easy to upset me y’know, people have tried and people have failed. They fail because I have always maintained a good perspective on what important. Things that aren’t important don’t upset me. What does upset me is when things that aren’t important get under my skin and I spend too much time thinking about them. I don’t have a lot of time, what little I have I like to waste and when things get in the way of my enjoyment of time wasting, that upsets me. You’re probably wondering where this is going; it’s not very coherent is it? Well this is my round and about way of saying that Ciao isn’t important, it’s one of my ways of wasting time and lately things are getting in the way of my enjoyment of it. Now I don’t tend to involve myself in controversy, partly because I can’t be arsed, partly because I think it’s childish and partly because I think that if you cant say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I’m sure most people are aware of the unpleasant undercurrent that is running through the sites ‘community’ at the moment, over the past few weeks I have become more and more aware of it. Cat fights played out publicly in people’s guestbooks. Factions are appearing, I can see it, The people who think that a H rating is a crime against their very being and the people who wear their harsh rating stances on their sleeve as if it something that makes them better than the rest of us. There are the people who try to put forward constructive argument and ...

If You Could Write a Humorous Eulogy for Yourself, What Would you Write and Why 13/02/2003

Llama Loving, Chocolate and a Sick Sick mind

If You Could Write a Humorous Eulogy for Yourself, What Would you Write and Why Why? Because I worry even myself sometimes. Excerpts from the Evening Mail: 27 October 2015 ************* Grim revelations today with the discovery of the decaying body of a woman believed to be in her early thirties, in an East Birmingham suburb. The alarm was raised when the postman, prompted to investigate by a build up of mail, saw the woman lying motionless on the floor of the front room. The body is believed to have lain undiscovered for up to three weeks, police are not treating the death as suspicious. 28 October 2015 ************* The name of the woman found dead in East Birmingham was today revealed to be Michelle Aird. Michelle, thirty six, shot to notoriety in 2002 when she appeared in a pornographic film on the internet involving a llama and three other people who’s identities were never revealed. The film, which became a national sensation, led to Miss Aird’s expulsion from the Association of Chartered Certified Accountants and effectively ended her career. It also spelled the end of her seven-year relationship and her family severed all ties with her. The police have been unable to trace any of Miss Aird’s family and neighbours have commented that Michelle had become a recluse, leaving the her house only to collect her weekly groceries from the ASDA delivery van An inquest has been planned to investigate the circumstances surrounding the death. 10 January 2016 ************* An inquest opened today in order to ...

Everything that starts with D ... 13/02/2003

Striking fear into the heart of millions

Everything that starts with D ... So, what is this terror? This black shadow, which when faced by those who fear it strikes terror deep into the soul of the victim? What earthly thing can bring an ordinarily sane and rational person out in a cold sweat, shivers and complete disregard for their own health and welfare? Is it death? Illness? Flying? Spiders? No of course it’s not. It’s the DENTIST! A trip to the dentist can be uncomfortable, demeaning and sometimes downright painful. But think it could be worse: Imagine a universe where time ran backwards. Where everyone dies then grows young before disappearing as a baby back where they came from. In this world everything would be reversed, thieves and muggers are philanthropists that un-stab you and give you all your money back, deliver high spec electrical equipment to your house when your at the cinema. Father Christmas is an evil old alcoholic that comes and nicks all your Christmas presents on Christmas Eve and Saint Francis of Assisi is a sadist who maims small animals for fun. In this world the dentist still cant win, you go to them feeling fine, they cause you loads of pain and discomfort, them you leave with toothache. Right, we’ll return from Chelle’s fantasyland, back to the real world. I’m going to tell my story about what happens if you don’t go to the dentist. I was never afraid of the dentist; my mum started taking me at about the age of two. We went every three months whether we needed to or not. I grew up associating ...

Max Factor Lipfinity 30/01/2003

The drumming bunny of lipstick

Max Factor Lipfinity I do try with make up you know. I regularly apply it on those mornings when I manage to drag myself out of bed more than twenty minutes before I have to leave the house. Okay, so that means maybe once a week, but it’s all relative here, all relative. Unfortunately I’m one of those people who will apply make up and half an hour later the foundation has melted off my face, the lipstick has worn away leaving only a scrap of mascara left intact. Hardly makes for all day gorgeousness does it? This is mainly because I don’t reapply, I cant be arsed with it, popping off to the toilet every hour to touch up. Waste of time and effort I say. So what I really need is a foundation and lipstick that will stay put and wont budge for the whole day. A number of products claim to be able to do this, in the majority they are telling porkies but there is one product out there that really does what the manufacturers say it will. It stays put, all day long. Lipfinity, by Max factor, is paint for lips. Sounds rather scary when you put it like that doesn’t it? Well don’t worry it isn't scary. It comes in a pale gold box that looks very classy and contains too bottles the lip paint and the moisturising topcoat. The lip paint has a clear section where the colour is kept and a long golden applicator wand for, well applying. It looks rather stylish too. The applicator is a soft pad style thingy (I don’t know what the technical name is, does anyone know that?) I haven’t found there to be ...

Primark (Shop) 20/01/2003

Cheap as Chips

Primark (Shop) Did I ever tell you I was cheap? I mean really cheap, mostly when it comes to things that are a chore, such as work clothes. While I will happily spend £40 on a casual t-shirt or a pair of jeans I refuse to spend a small fortune on work clothes, they are a chore. So a few months ago I happen to come across an opinion on a shop I’d never heard about, Primark, it seemed like my kind of shop, simple and cheap. Imagine how chuffed I was to be able to test this out when the opened a store in Birmingham in December. The Shop ^^^^^^^^^ It’s a very plain affair, white décor bathed in harsh white neon lighting. Its not trendy, its not fashionable its just functional. It reminds me so much of C&A that I keep thinking that it is located in the old C&A shop and keep having to detour whenever I go there. There has always been plenty of staff on duty during my visits with three large checkout counters, one on each floor, each one with at least three people serving. This has been during a busy rush hour Saturday as well as a quieter, yet still busy, Sunday afternoon. And it does get very busy. Especially at the weekends, although Sunday is usually less manic than Saturday. Scores of people milling around crazed with cheap, cheap, cheapness I can almost hear them squeal it. It’s like going in poundland just before Christmas (its also why I never go in poundland) but the novelty seems to have worn off over the last couple of weeks and it isn’t so bad. The clothing is well ...

Toblerone 20/01/2003

Triangular Chocolate Challenge

Toblerone Oh, what a day. I have painted the entire living room single handed today (well not entirely single-handed, I did use two hands, but I did it on my own) and I’m knackard. I’m also starving. Two slices of toast is not enough to sustain a girl right the way through the day, not when she has work to do. So as I send him indoors into the room to put the new lights up and smile sweetly and ask him if I can nick one of his Christmas Toberones. It shouldn’t be a problem, he got six! As a nice little side bonus I can now join in with Deano’s chocolate challenge. He gave me his 200g one as he knows I like a large portion. The long triangular prism in nicotine yellow pronounces in big red letters that it is indeed a Toblerone and at the bottoms it points out that it’s Swiss, there is also the obligatory picture of a mountain which seems to be required on all Swiss chocolate. The chocolate itself is a long strip of triangular peaks in a rich dark milk chocolate. The chocolate itself is mottled with tiny pieces of almond nougat. A standard bar had nine chunks each with a letter of the word Toberleone stamped on it. As this is a larger bar there are more chunks and no stamp. Now you can do this the easy way or the hard way. Eating it that is. You can put the bar in your mouth and attempt to bite off a chunk. Be warned you will probably rip the top of your mouth of if you try and do this. This course of action is only recommended if you're well hard. The second option is to ...

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien 08/01/2003

Not the greatest book of the century

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien Well I did it, it was hard work but I managed it. I took a whole year too. Well actually I started it a year ago but having got a third of the way into the first volume I just gave up, bored to tears. But after moving house at the end of the last year the dusty copies found their way from the top of my bookcase and I vowed that I was going to read them if it killed me. I started them again last week and have managed to finish them in just seven nights, at a thousand pages with a life to lead too aren’t you impressed? The word epic could have been invented for The Lord of the Rings, I tend to stay well clear of the ‘classics’ as I find then hard going and I read as a means of enjoyment not intellectual challenge. I did however enjoy the film and have yet to read a book that wasn’t far superior to the film. Also I couldn’t wait another year to find out what was going to happen. This is the tale of the great ring forged by the evil lord Sauron in the fires of mount doom. Sauron bound the majority of his power in with the ring and when it was lost in a great battle many, thousands of years ago, he was struck down, but not forever. For as long as the ring still remained Sauron did also. The ring became lost until by chance it was found by a creature named Gollum. Gollum worshiped the ring and it twisted him and drove from the light until one day in his cave Biblo Baggins, a hobbit from the shire, found his ring and took it. Sauron seemed to know that the ring had been ...

Birmingham in general 31/12/2002

A totally non biased opinion, honestly

Birmingham in general Well, recently Birmingham was short-listed to be the European capital of culture in 2008. We face stiff competition from Bristol, Cardiff, Liverpool, Newcastle & Gateshead and Oxford and the decision has had many people who do not know the city well cry out ‘what, that grim dirty hole! What do they have that’s cultural?’ Well, apart from Theatres, the Royal ballet, symphony hall, great shopping, bars and restaurants and a vast redevelopment of the city centre due to be complete in 2006 we also do our museums pretty well too. So, for the museum minded of you here’s an overview of some of the historical places you might want to visit when visiting the city. Not too many of course, I don’t want to bore you do I? The Museum and art gallery *************** ******** Founded in 1885 the building is as beautiful as the art it contains. Located in Chamberlain square, a short walk from new street station the classically designed surroundings are marred only by the hideous sixties designed central library and a McDonalds (soon to be redeveloped I hear). This is where I spent a large portion of my youth. Not exactly appreciating the fine artwork on display but usually running around like lunatics on a Saturday afternoon until we got thrown out. Its fine art collection includes a renowned permanent collection of pre Raphaelite art, Renaissance art and the work of Edward Burne Jones. This is in addition to a vast and varied collection of art from all over the world, ...
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