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thedevilinme

thedevilinme

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RATE you lazy sausages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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since 13/05/2008

2227

The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown 30/05/2016

As clunky as a tap-dancing Frankenstein with new shoes..

The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown "In 1991, a document was locked in the safe of the director of the CIA. The document is still there today. Its cryptic text includes references to an ancient portal and an unknown location underground..." That is the teasing first page in the book and typical Brown, mixing fact with fiction to hook you in from the off. It is true that there are things the CIA know that we would never be able to know as it would be too much for us to comprehend. The look on Obama's face after his first press conference as President after being told those secrets and threats would suggest there may well be some startling things in that safe. It also would surprise me if there's a copy of the DaVinci Code on the director of the CIA's desk to make up some of those threats to keep us all scared and on our toes. If two things were certain about this book one would be it would sell very well, some 80 million copies pre ordered world-wide so far, and the other is it would be written as a film script and even more in caricature than the previous Langdon books, insuring the movie rites early. The first line in the book is: 'Since the beginning of time...'. Browns prose is still reassuringly as clunky as Frankenstein's tap dancing. So huge were the DaVinci Code sales that publishers Bantam Press could make or break book shops by the speed they get 'The Lost Symbol' out. The fever pitch excitement meant a resulting price war which meant you could pick up the hard back for half-price at pretty much any ...

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (DVD) 30/05/2016

Shameless rehash but give me more!

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (DVD) Stars – Harrison Ford Genre – Science Fiction Fantasy Run Time – 136 minutes Certificate – PG13 Country – USA Oscars – 5 nominations Awards – 30 Wins & 94 Nominations Amazon – £10.00 DVD (Blue Ray £15.00) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ‘Star wars: The Force Awakens’ has become the third highest grossing film of all time and with world-wide DVD sales to come, sure to pass the extremely over-hyped Avatar in top spot by the end of the year. It has been a phenomenal success and has got the franchise back on track after moving to Disney and employing JJ Abrahams to do his magic behind the camera. Disney bought the rights for $2.5 billion and Abrahams signed for three films. They can’t lose. George Lucas had run it into the ground with way too much special effects going on in his chaotic mind and space vistas, only because he wanted to squeeze in as many characters as possible to merchandise them in toy stores across the world. He made us fall out of love with a franchise we needed to rekindle with. Interestingly the second best selling Star Wars film of al time is the Phantom Menace down in 21st. The Top 5 grossing movies of all time (1)Avatar $2.7 billion (2)Titanic $2.1 billion (3)Star Wars $2.05 billion (4)Jurassic World $1.6 billion (5)The Avengers $1.6 billion --------------- --------------- (21st)The Phantom Menace $1.02 billion (48th) Revenge of the Sith $868,000 million This one rocked because of one simple word: nostalgia. Bringing back Captain Kirk ...

La Nina Santa (DVD) 30/05/2016

As perverted as a Catholic Priest!

La Nina Santa (DVD) Amelia (Marie Alche) is a gentle God fearing Argentinean schoolgirl who is getting to that curious time in her life of the sexual awakening, given plenty of opportunities to explore these strange new feelings in her parent’s hotel where the family live-in. Her latest fascination is Dr Jano (Carlos Bellose), a rather seedy individual who’s at the hotel for a medical conference, the balding middle aged ear nose and throat specialist spending his downtime rubbing up to young girls in the town centre. Seeing Jano as a normal guy rather than a bad person, Amelia sets about saving him from temptation, her latest project for her rather intense Religious Education classes at Catholic school. She only sees a troubled married man and not a pervert in Gods eyes and tries to engineer his redemption before the devil gets the better of him. Her butterfly and attractive mum in Helenita (Mercedes Moran) also has an interest in the good doctor, a suitable sutor for a respectable divorce like her. But Jano is married and far more interested in Helenitas daughter, and if she finds that out then all hell will break lose in the rustic hotel, especially when Amelia’s best friend Josephina (Julieta Zylberberg) blabs it *************** When the Almaldovars are involved in movies, as they are here, their projects tend to resonate around the person, close and intimate camera work the signature. The eyes are always the magnet for Pedro’s lens, the ears the conscious of the piece. Although only ...

Gavin And Stacey - Series 1 (DVD) 30/05/2016

TV for idiots??

Gavin And Stacey - Series 1 (DVD) Not only are the new sitcoms that come along getting increasingly naff (if that's possible) but also rather patronising. We have seen with the reality TV genre that those shows are cheap to make because you can cast unpaid idiots for no fee, their reward the chance to change their lives on national TV, as long as they can get all emotional on queue and do lots of dumb things. If you're watching The Restaurant (is it me or is Steve a really fat Jamie Oliver look-alike without any cooking skills?) on BBC2 then you have a good idea on who to cast to make an entertaining TV hour and who not to pick to run a professional restaurant with world renowned chef Raymond Blanc, who seems to qualify as that just because he has a fancy French ascent. So the TV ethos seems to be why not transfer that to sit com, my huge problem with Gavin & Stacey. As Reality TV show has been so successful for TV they have a few quid to spend on new sitcoms. Channel Four have a winner on their hands with the I.T Crowd and the BBC has Gavin & Stacey, the latter one of the most popular new sitcoms to hit terrestrial for a very long time, although lucky to scrape three million viewers on BBC1, which makes me wonder if this is really all that it seems. Successful sitcoms aren't easy to make and so you at least have to congratulate the BBC for that much. Episode one of the new series on Thursday night bagged an impressive seven million up against I'm A Celebrity... I absolutely love one of the above two ...

Undercover Boss 30/05/2016

Cynical but fair enough...

Undercover Boss So 'Undercover Boss', the latest documentary to look at the effects of the recession on Great Britain, and very much a contradictory show, which makes it all the more interesting to watch. The more gullible will see it as it seems - a documentary about various chief executives going undercover into their own companies and organisations to identify any problems with their staff and the way the company is run, so to try and fix it. The more observant would say this was clever corporate manipulation by a company through the mainstream media trying to paint a more positive picture of their business that has been messed up and cost-cutted to the bone by the very same chief exec going undercover - and its free advertising of course. This happened with the recent BBC2 series 'Mary Portas, Queen of Shops', where the small companies involved didn't really want her brash and in your face help to turn their failing businesses around but a free refit and more customers to come in who saw them on the telly. TV documentary and reality shows have their uses to those organisations and businesses. The format of the show is for the boss at the very top to agree to go undercover in his or her business and, first and foremost, not to be identified by the staff and so pass themselves off as shooting a documentary about low paid workers trying different jobs for the day, so the boss getting a chance to do those often dirty and confrontational jobs and mingle with his staff and get to grips ...

Populaire (DVD) 30/05/2016

A film that hit all the right notes!

Populaire (DVD) Star – Romain Duris Genre – World Cinema > Comedy Run Time – 111 minutes Certificate – 18 Country – France Awards – 1 Wins & 9 Nominations Amazon – £5.00DVD (Blue Ray £6.99) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = So Populaire, the 2012 French remake of a 1957 French film that was called something else I can’t recall, Populaire relating to a make of typewriter. The new version received multiple César Award nominations but not much attention outside of France. It’s a subtitled Technicolor blast of nostalgia made for French people to remember the old Paris they long for of handsome cigarette smoking men and beautiful stylish women, not a city full of Arabs and West Africans they rebel against today. I did not see one black or Arab person in this film. It’s quite sad how racist the French are. It stars the rather excellent Romain Duris, a French actor who is super cool in films like ‘The Beat that Skipped my Heart’ and The Big Picture. The romantic female lead is Déborah François and the third party on this love tryst and a typewriter that comes between them. Yes, a typewriter. You will see why when you watch this, of course. If you love foreign films then you should watch this. It makes the heart sing for a filmmaking style long forgotten. If you like typewriters you should watch this even more. Common Keyboards The 'AZERTY' keyboard is a popular style used especially among European-based French speakers English typewriters use QWERTY. Switzerland and Luxembourg use a ...

Royal Mail Online Postage 30/05/2016

Get your postage quicker so they can lose your parcels faster?

Royal Mail Online Postage You often read long angry complaints about Royal Mail and the Post Office on here and dismiss as a bad experience with out national carrier and simply consumers getting it off their chests. But when you use the likes of the Post Office and Parcel Force to actually send a package you realize how poor the service is and why they are so pi**ed off. My last three EBay and Amazon returns through th Royal Mail have simply not arrived at their respective warehouses in Jersey, Milton Keynes and East London. I became immediately suspicious of the possibility of theft in transit to be one reason for the non arrival of one package when the Post Office clerk asks me one too many intimate questions about what was in the package when I got it weighed and sized up for postage. He wanted to know what was inside the box, how much it was worth and then what brand it was….stuff like that. I told him it was some non brand sunglasses worth less than twenty quid, which it was. I sent the parcel at letter post at £2.80 second class. They never arrived at Amazon. From a different Post Office it was the same again with the second class price for another two parcels with Royal Mail although minus the questions this time. So if they are not being nicked in transit what’s going on? Another theory is that Royal Mail are losing or delaying mail and parcels deliberately to encourage you to use more secure and expensive tracked mail. You want it to get there after these bad experiences so why not pay a ...

TV Choice 30/05/2016

Got to ring my favorite shows!

TV Choice My dream writing job is to be a TV and film critic. Sports writing doesn’t pay that well and I always enjoy those caustic critics in the newspapers that hey stuck into what is pretty poor TV these days. I love being opinionated (you noticed) and why I - and most of you - love Gogglebox on a Friday night. If you want honest TV reviews then Gogglebox is the place. They represent a cross-section of the public and as equally critical and cutting as you and me in front of the box, minus the swear words and libel. Now, in the real world to enjoy TV we need a TV guide to find where our favorite shows are and the new good stuff is. There are people out there who don’t need to plan their week around telly and have lots of things to do out and about with their friends in the evenings and weekends but in general most of us need TV and movies like Joe Brand needs chocolate. Its part of our routine and the brain needs routines to function. My chosen TV guide in the summer is the cheapest one, normally TV Choice or Whats On. They cost between 50 and 60p and available in all major supermarkets and in most newsagents and minimarts. For the football season I buy the Mail on Saturday or Sunday as it’s the best paper in Britain for sport and has two great TV guides over the weekend. The Saturday one is probably the best in the country. It has all the main terrestrial and cable channels primetime viewing set out in front of you in two simply se tout pages and off you go with your pen to ring ...

Just for Men Autostop Foolproof Haircolour 29/05/2016

50 shades of grey but I still got it!

Just for Men Autostop Foolproof Haircolour A recent survey found that early grey hairs on a woman makes her look older than a man of the same age with the same early grey hairs. But a grey haired woman full stop makes her look much older than her male equivalent of the same age. In short woman have to dye their hair or men are simply going to ignore them where as grey men can appear stately and so attractive in other ways to women. It’s not fair but women make the rules on dating as they go for money and status over looks and body shape when it suits them. But what is the right age to dye ones hair? It’s a cathartic moment when you do as you know you are officially middle aged. No one wants to get old so it’s a good rime to start trying to look young. The temples grey first and just as women used gravy to brown their legs in the war then men can use what they like to brown their sides. I use those staining pens you get for furniture and they work a treat but not for very long. There gets a point where you have to dye your hair and take the plunge – usually in the sink. Just for Men Auto-Stop has the brush delivery thing where you actually comb it into your hair rather then the full plastic glove thing and sitting in the dark waiting for it to set and then the washing out bit to see how silly you look. It’s a laborious process and you don’t want to get it in your eyes. Make sure you do the skin test first. I washed my hair and then popped the cap and combed it in with the attachable tooth brush size thing provided. ...

Nike Short Men 26/05/2016

Hot legs here girls!

Nike Short Men I have great legs. Not even Bettyboo 47 has my pins. Hell, not even fashion model Kissme2070 (Peacocks and Matalan casual range) can live with my sculptured thighs and fetlocks. This means I look great in shorts and women ogle me up and down. Hey, what can I say? And its not genetics. I had to work hard for these babies! I ran long distance at a very tender age (youngest ever to complete the Northampton Marathon at 16-years and 340 days!) and that gave me enough stamina to play other sports quite well so excellent hybrid footballer thighs. Let’s just say my trophy cabinet is packed like my trunks! Ok, that’s stray seaweed in my trunks. Alas the top half has lapsed a bit over the year so no photos of the pec’s girls. And as those girls with great legs will tell you - they can wear any length clothing and the legs still look amazing to flatter the body and bottom. Ok, I have nice bottom to. Only those Mexican ‘cholo’ length shorts (the ones that only show your ankle gang tats) don’t look cool on me. I’m a little old to wear really short shorts now and would feel like one of those old rockers from the sixties that die their hair and still wear the same jeans, mullet and cowboy shirt they did in 1974. I’m not saying I have a gut or anything but at some point you have to say I’m too old for that look. Jeans and leather jacket is my thing. I like the cargo shorts that come down to the kneecaps as they have lots of pockets for your phone and wallet and stuff. But the material is ...

Tell No One (DVD) 26/05/2016

Tell Everyone!!!

Tell No One (DVD) Now here is an excellent little French movie that doesn't want to make you cut your wrists for once! Although based in and around a busy and predicable Paris, its enigmatic central premise and superb leading performance from François Cluzlet makes this intriguing and highly watchable (even for those who hate subtitles) right from the off, the mystery alone of the missing lover keeping you enthralled and wanting to know where this is going and what sort of film it will play out as. Although starting out as a bourgeois romance it races through the genres at breakneck speed, ending up as a taught thriller full of more twists and turns than a CIA torture chamber. Cluzet plays Dr Alex Beck, married to beautiful wife Margot (Marie Josée Croze), the couple enjoying a lazy summers weekend at their farmhouse escape with good friends and even better food and wine. But tragedy strikes whilst the couple are enjoying a skinny-dip at a deserted moonlit lake alone, Margo abducted and seemingly killed by unknown assailants for unknown reasons after she swims back to the shore alone. We, the viewer, then flash forward eight years to the day, Beck meeting up with Margo's lesbian lawyer friend Helene (Kristin Scott-Thomas) for the anniversary of the tragedy. But this will be no ordinary day, Alex receiving an email from his dead wife on his surgery computer on his return to the office. Confused, disorientated and given hope the one woman he loved is somehow still alive, even though he had ...

The Theory of Everything (Blu-ray) 25/05/2016

The Theory of Boredom?

The Theory of Everything  (Blu-ray) Star – Eddie Raymane & Felicity Jones Genre – Drama Run Time – 123 minutes Certificate – 12 Country – U.K Oscar – I Win & 4 nominations Awards – 24 Wins & 114 Nominations Amazon – £5.49 DVD (Blue Ray £6.99) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Einstein: ‘Both religious believers and physicists are ultimately looking for the same thing: The creator’. So we all know if actors play a Holocaust hero, a disable character, a gay man or someone with autism there is a good chance they will be nominated for an Oscar. It proved the case with Eddie Raymane with his worthy Oscar winning performance here as world famous cosmologist Stephen Hawking. One big qualification to go on and actually win the Oscar is to be posh and very British. The Academy loves that stiff upper lip stuff. 40% of BAFTA winners were privately educated and most British Oscar winners from public school in recent years. Film, like music, is becoming increasingly middle-class as working-class kids can no longer afford to do the unpaid apprenticeship for the arts. In the year of 2014 it was a straight fight between Redmayne for this and Benedict Cumberbatch for the Imitation Game, two Oxbridge posh boys playing two Oxbridge posh boys. Hawking, of course, is the most famous scientist since Einstein, and as recognizable although more known for his wheelchair and funny voice over the equations none of us will ever understand. Now 74 he is still doing his magic, 50 years after a doctor back in the 1960s gave ...

Nymphomaniac Vol. I & II (DVD) 25/05/2016

'The secret ingredient to sex is love'.

Nymphomaniac Vol. I & II (DVD) Star – Charlotte Gainsborough Genre – Arthouse Run Time – 1 Hr 57 minutes Certificate – 18 Country – U.K/USA Oscars – 0 nominations Awards – 14 Wins & 28 Nominations Amazon – £11:0DVD (Blue Ray £9.62) = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = There were a lot of ‘cringey’ right-of-passages to go through as a young kid in England and, indeed, a young adult but none more so than trying to procure porn. The arrival of VHS video meant you didn’t have to check all the bushes on the way home for discarded porn mags anymore, which was good, but had to somehow pretend to the video shop clerk you weren’t buying films to get off to, all along knowing that’s exactly what the clerk was thinking when you handed over your membership card. It would be the latest erotic soft porn thriller with Sharron Whirrey or alternatively seeking your naked ladies bits in exotic and pretentious foreign art house movies like this one. The safer option was to go for the art house to avoid embarrassment. I have seen a lot of terrible movies before my 25th birthday. But now you can get free internet porn and so no need for film and DVD to even contest that, long since past the point where you can see ‘everything’ in mainstream cinema and DVD now. Briefly the experience of seeing the ‘moneyshot’ and other graphic sex acts in mainstream cinema and DVD passed by the sensors was appealing but now its just directors trying to be edgy, as is the case with one of my favorite foreign directors in Lars von Trier ...

Wheeler Dealers - British Classics - Jensen (DVD) 25/05/2016

Jensen on the Button

Wheeler Dealers - British Classics - Jensen (DVD) Anyone that likes to flick around on Freeview will know that Dave (Ch12) and Quest (38) are where the best reality and factual TV shows are. For snack TV I love those auction shows like Storage Wars and Auction Hunters and I’m recently getting into classic car restoration stuff. Shows like Pawn Stars and Storage Hunters are getting too scripted now and so I’m straying towards shows like Salvage Hunters, American Pickers and Chasing Classic Cars. They feel more genuine and we actually get to discover interesting and historic things and sometimes restored to their former glory, rather than larking around chasing an idiot audience. There is something about old stuff being re- purposed that appeals to me. We have a small family antique business and my mom tends to buy all that ghastly brown wood stuff and mantle piece clutter that older people tend to buy for decorative reasons and just look at, rather than use it. I just don’t get that. Shabbychic and vintage is all the rage, of course, but restoration is more my thing. The mark up can be big if you know how to fix old stuff. It’s amazing how much money people will pay for old stuff. My classic motor interest started with Chasing Classic Cars on Quest. It’s a really laid back and relaxing show as a highly experienced and avuncular American chap called Wayne Carini buys, restores and sells expensive classic cars, be it barn fresh restorations or the top end show cars. The guy knows his stuff and loves the cars as we dig out ...

Wakolda (DVD) 25/05/2016

The Boys from Argentina ...

Wakolda (DVD) Star – Joseph Mengele Genre – World Cinema > Drama Run Time – 93minutes Certificate – PG13 Country – Argentina Amazon – £5.71DVD Awards – 18 Wins & 22 Nominations = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = So what happened to the Nazis after the war? We all know Hitler died in his bunker along with other Third Reich high ups although there is an absurd CIA report going around that he is not dead and took a submarine to Brazil. But South America was the Nazis chosen escape plan and many rocked up there to be as far away from the Nuremburg Trials as possible. Somewhat surprisingly President Peron was all in favor of it and even sent agents ahead to smooth their passage from Europe. Most of you know South America has European empirical links and the German Empire having strong connections with Argentina and places like Paraguay and Namibia. The nastiest of the nasty were not only allowed into Argentina but continued their hate, including Dr Josef Mengele, the so-celled ‘Angel of Death’, who continued his eugenic experiments on young children and babies in Argentina, the subject of this creepy and atmospheric drama, based on the time Mengele was in Argentina. The most controversial aspect of post war Germany is other countries ‘cherry picked’ the Nazi talent and used them to further their countries needs and science. America took V-1&2 rocketeer Von Braun and his team to work on American Inter Ballistic Missiles and NASA Space rocket technology and many others sent to Russia to ...
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