Members Advice on Labour And Birth

Positive Birthing

There are always stories to be had about all the things that can go wrong during the birthing process. Negative stories abound in magazines and books, in canteen conversation - it seemed to me that as soon as people found out I was pregnant, they wanted to impart their experience. I found that quite difficult, and tried to find a way to overcome it. You see, whilst I understand that the best thing you can do if you ...
...don't think it's always the best idea to talk about it to someone who is about to journey the same path of pregnancy. I wanted to hear positive stories, and so that is why I have decided to write this review - you share with all you lovely pregnant ladies, (partners and birthing partners too - don't want to miss you out!) what a wonderful birth I had, and how easy it is to prepare yourself for such.

Now I know that nothing ever goes ... more

Positive Birthing

There are always stories to be had about all the things that can go wrong during the birthing process. Negative stories abound in magazines and books, in canteen conversation - it seemed to me that as soon as people found out I was pregnant, they wanted to impart their experience. I found that quite difficult, and tried to find a way to overcome it. You see, whilst I understand that the best thing you can do if you experience something slightly traumatic, is to talk about it, I don't think it's always the best idea to talk about it to someone who is about to journey the same path of pregnancy. I wanted to hear positive stories, and so that is why I have decided to write this review - you share with all you lovely pregnant ladies, (partners and birthing partners too - don't want to miss you out!) what a wonderful birth I had, and how easy it is to prepare yourself for such.

Now I know that nothing ever goes to plan when you're having a baby, mainly because the baby hasn't read the books, and so doesn't really get that he or she is supposed to perform in a certain way! You may decide you want a natural birth and in end up with every intervention known to man, and that's okay. Having a happy, healthy baby at the end of it all is all that really matters, but I have to say that the preparation I did before Eva (my gorgeous girl who is nearly 7 weeks old!) was born really helped me and her to have the natural birth I had longed for, despite it being in a different location to the one I'd planned (hospital instead of home).

My Birth Experience

I had no idea that my labour and birth would be so amazing. That's not something you hear very often I'm sure when you read the opening line of someone's written experience of giving birth. To be fair, I was all geared up for the hardest work, the most pain, the darkest, nastiest few hours of my life because that was what everyone else I knew who'd given birth (perhaps with the exception of my sister's second baby) had gone through. Plus I figured if you are prepared for the worst, then you're more likely to be able to cope. I did a lot of reading, a lot of breathing and meditating, a lot of stretching (though not much else by way of exercise it has to be said!), and a lot of dreaming. Now by dreaming, I mean visualising - thinking of hard physical work, like the hill walking I used to do, and how it feels to be tired but still have to keep going - that really helped when I was in the throws of labour.

My labour began proper, after 2 weeks of fairly strong and convincing Braxton Hicks, on a Monday morning at 1am. I paced a bit, had a bath during which Derek timed the contractions, then I took 2 paracetamol and managed to get an hour or so of sleep before I had to get up and pace again. Almost immediately, the contractions had a shape to them that was quite different from anything else I'd felt thus far and I realised that the midwife was right. You really DO know when labour has started. At 7am I sent my sister (who was to be a birth partner alongside Derek) a message to ring me when she was up and Derek went to catch a couple of hours sleep - he would need his strength for me later. The early part of labour is a fairly strange thing. It felt very much the way you feel shortly before you go on holiday. You've packed - everything is ready, you're at the airport or railway station, and you're waiting. Just waiting. Except that labour has the added bonus of contractions every once in a while to keep you amused and on your toes!

I had planned to have my baby at home, in a birth pool, but when the midwives came out to examine me they clearly were quite concerned at the idea of me birthing at home when I was so far overdue (17 days to be precise) bearing in mind all the things that can go wrong with an overcooked baby! My opinion on the matter had always been that she would arrive when she was ready, but their visible concern made me nervous and when they suggested I go to the hospital for the scan I was already booked in for (you don't have to be induced if you go over your dates - you can ask for conservative management where the hosp monitors the baby and you, and as long as everything is okay with you both, nature takes it's course) and see how baby was doing. So that was what we did.

Bundling all my gear into the back of my sister's car felt strange, but somehow right. Making that transition from home to hospital should have been horrid, because my heart had been set on having Eva at home. But somewhere inside me I knew I was doing the right thing, and that it was all going to be okay.

At the hospital we were seen straight away by my consultant, a lovely doctor called Andrew who had 2 children, both born at home, and who had a very calm and positive view of my labour and birth. His opinion was that if I was happy to stay they could monitor things and let me progress in the normal, natural way that I wanted, and he promised they would only intervene if there were problems or if too much time passed without any progress. I had half expected to have to fight my corner against induction once we got to the hospital, as it seems to be assumed by most medical staff as the only way forward once you go over your dates, but I felt such support in that room for the way I wanted to birth. Maybe he was humouring me, maybe he didn't expect me to deliver without intervention, but he certainly didn't let on if that was the case, and I feel indebted to him for the confidence he showed in my birthing abilities.

After that meeting, Dr Andrew informed the senior midwife on the delivery suite of my wishes and I went first to the induction room where I had a little bed and chair. My sister went out to the car to get all the gear and something to eat and Derek and I walked the corridors for a little while, breathing through the contractions, and feeling both excited and nervous about what was to come. Once Mia came back with the stuff it wasn't long before we were shown to the Birthing Pool Room. Which was private and full of wonderful stuff like a birth ball, a cd player, a lovely IKEA lamp, as well as the pool itself. The pool was much bigger than I'd expected and for a while I stayed on the ball, bouncing away and sneakily eating cereal bars and drinking lucozade in-between contractions. I think I was a little scared of it to begin with, or perhaps I just knew that once I got in there, there was no going back. I really would be having a baby!

When you are in labour you are examined by a midwife every 4 hours. Internal exams are never nice at the best of times, but when you are contracting they are nasty. Out of the whole birthing experience the only part I remember in a negative way was the internal exams. Being flat on your back and having to have your contractions that way was really hard, and it made the pain of the contraction almost unbearable. I remember saying to the midwife that I could not understand how any woman could give birth lying on her back.
The first exam was quite disappointing as I was not even quite 3 cm dilated, having been 1-2 what felt like hours ago (well, mid afternoon, and this was early evening: times are a little hazy m'fraid!) it felt like I'd been doing a lot of hard work for nothing! At this stage my midwife explained that if I hadn't progressed (dilated more) by the next exam in four hours I would need to think about the next steps, which would mean either having my waters broken, or having a drip. The latter would mean being hooked up to a monitor, as too much of the drip causes foetal distress, and would therefore mean I wouldn't be able to get in the pool.

Obviously I didn't want any of this, so I did what I would recommend any of you do if you want a bit of time to get things going. Firstly, I said to my midwife that I needed a minute to think about it please. She duly left, my sister parked herself outside the door to our room in a security guard type manner, and Derek and I got down to some serious nipple stimulation to regulate and intensify the contractions. Stimulating your nipples released oxytocin, which causes your uterus muscles to contract. Staying upright on the ball and rocking my hips also helped a lot and by the time I was next examined about 2 hours later (I asked for this as I wanted to know how far dilated I was before I got into the pool) I was a whole 4 cm dilated.

Stripping off and getting into the pool was very liberating and the warmth and deepness of the water was immediate relief. The contractions still hurt, but were more bearable. I found the being on all fours was the best position for the actual contraction when it came, but would move fluidly to a sitting position in between and rest. The atmosphere in the room was so calm and serene, and I found it really easy to zone out in-between my contractions, reserving my strength for the next one.

During the contractions my sister kneeled on the floor at my head, and spoke very calmly to me, encouraging me to stay calm, to relax into the contraction and let it wash over me. Derek meanwhile stood to my side, and poured jug after jug of warm water over the small of my back whenever the contractions came. When I started to push, which was only about 2 hours into being in the water, they swapped places, and Derek used his upper body strength to brace me from behind with me in a squatting position.

All this time I didn't need any drugs for pain relief or gas and air - at one point after a pretty harsh contraction, my sister asked me if I would like to try some. I said I might have a go on the next contraction, but forgot to ask as I felt I was managing okay. The hardest part of the whole affair was the pushing, and at one point I felt like she was never going to come out, but suddenly there she was - I had done it! My baby girl was born at 05.42 on Tuesday 9th October 2007. She was born still in her membrane sack (known as being born in the caul if you're Scottish, and a sign of a lucky child.)

My baby girl looked so beautiful, with a curly mop of hair and bright alert eyes, drinking me in. We had the usual round of photographs, phone calls were made to grandparents, and after an hour, Derek cut the cord and I got out of the pool to deliver the placenta. While I was pushing out the placenta Derek got his first cuddle with our girl, and when I was done, the midwife brought us tea and toast. Never has tea and toast tasted so very good!

We were left to ourselves for a hour before a nurse came through to take me for my shower, and once I got back, we were ready to go to the post natal ward. We stayed there for a couple more hours, got checked over and were confirmed fit and healthy, before my sister came at 2pm to collect us, and we went home to spent our first night as mother and daughter together at home.

Nearly seven weeks in and I am still loving the whole being a mum thing. My happy hormones lasted for a good four weeks and I've only had two tearful days in seven weeks. And to be fair, one of them I'm sure doesn't count - about a week after Eva was born I was moving potato pots in the back garden and managed to amputate the leg of a baby frog. I think I would probably have cried my eyes out even if I hadn't just given birth, especially since when I went for a hug off Derek he just wanted to know where the frog was! Boys, eh?!!! I've since forgiven him though!

My opinion on natural birth is quite a strong one, and I really do feel that the more natural you can birth, the better for you, your body, and your baby, but the important thing is being able to adapt. Being prepared for all eventualities, and being calm and composed. I know that sounds ridiculous, as composed is not something you generally are when you're in the throws of labour, but I mean inner composure. An inner calm that you can let wash over you. I felt that calmness all the way through my labour, and now, when Eva is crying, I can tap into it and I think it helps us both. In my opinion, that calmness comes from feeling positive about your experience, and feeling positive comes from acceptance of how it all pans out.

How to get a Positive Birth

1) Preparing Your Mind

This comes first in my list because quite frankly in all things body related mind over matter can often be a deep and strong truth. I'm not saying that labour pains are in your mind, far from it, but I do think you can help things along by staying calm and feeling focused. Think about that whole fear factor. When we get scared and frightened, our bodies produce adrenalin so we have enough energy to either fight whatever has scared us, or run away from it. Fight or flight it's called. And guess what? Adrenalin has the power to stop your contractions full stop. It also has the power to make them go faster, but it's not often that it works that way. Being nervous, being unsure, being anything other than calm and composed can effect them too.

2) Preparing Your Body And Understanding You Work Ethic

Labour isn't called labour for nothing. It is quite simply the most work in the shortest time we girls ever have to do. I knew that before I walked into that birthing room, and I knew it even more when I walked out. Knowing what you're facing is half the battle in life, and being able to visualise "hard work" and get deep into the idea that you work hard for great reward, really helped me through my labour.
For months before I would sit quietly at home and bring to mind times when I had worked hard - walking the West Highland Way was one experience that was damned hard work but left me with a fantastic high of achievement that has only been surpassed now that I've done the whole giving birth thing!
Having been unwell last year and off work for some time, I went into my pregnancy very unfit. Having loved walking, even walking or cycling the 6 miles to work and back, I was the most unfit I had ever been. Not ideal if you're going to have a baby. My advice to any of you pregnant ladies is get out and get fitter. Note I don't say get fit - just fitter than you were before. Easy to achieve - even just a gentle walk round the block every day will help improve your levels of fitness and will also boost energy levels and give you that feel good factor too!

3) Understanding and Using Your Breath

I breathed long and low during my contractions - really deep, deep breathes in and slow breathes out again. My sister helped a lot during the contractions by quietly and gently repeating "breath for your baby, breath for your baby" - and that is really what you're doing - your intake of breath sends oxygen to your baby through your blood and I really felt an awareness of that during my labour in a way I hadn't really grasped during my pregnancy. It seemed to matter more, and feel special, that these were the last breaths my baby would take with me, that we were sharing memories that she would forget in the blink of an eye as soon as she was born, but that I would remember forever.

There are lots of breathing techniques to be read about and learned like a song, but my advice is to breath in the way that feels natural to you at the time. It's almost instinctive I think, so just let it flow over you, and you'll find the way that's right for you.

4) Using Gravity The Way You Should

Movement helps you cervix to dilate, and being upright means that the baby's head or presenting part is pushed downwards by gravity, and the resulting pressure creates a build up of hormones which speed everything up, as well as helping to soften and widen the birth canal. Move any way you can - walk, rock, dance, bounce on a birth ball - I'm sure I did all of this and probably more while I was labouring with Eva. I distinctly remember the day after she was born having very sore, aching feet, like I'd walked 100 miles in a day, and when I thought about it, I figured I probably had! I only lay down for internal exams, and then in the pool I was on all fours, rocking and swaying in the water. No wonder my feet hurt so much!

5) Getting Support

People are important when you're having a baby. The right people and the wrong people beside you can make all the difference to how your labour progresses. I was really lucky to have not only my partner there to support me, but my sister - a woman with a positive birth experience under her belt and full of positivity that she shared with Derek and I throughout the whole birth. I had a lovely chat with my midwife afterwards who said it would be great if more women had the same levels of support during labour, as it makes the whole thing more simple.
Research tells us that if you have another woman with you as you give birth, you're less likely to need any pain-relieving drugs or intervention, and you're more likely to have a shorter labour. My labour was as follows: 1st stage 04.40 hrs, 2nd stage 01.52 hrs, 3rd stage 01.23 hrs - so in total I was in established labour for 7 hrs 55 minutes. Not bad for a first baby! With no damage to my perineum or anything else for that matter, and no pain relief required (not even gas and air!) I think I am proof that having the right support can really make a difference. Derek and Mia were both amazing, as was my midwife, and I know that their positivity and calmness helped me to stay focused and relax into the contractions in a way that speeded everything up nicely!

6) Preparing for Change

Things don't always go to plan. Plans are fine and dandy, but being adaptable is the key to a positive birth. I so badly wanted my baby to greet the world in her new home, but it wasn't to be, so I took all my home-birth feelings to the hospital with me, I took my homely things, I took my support network and I took cereal bars, and the whole thing went wonderfully. Sometimes you want to have no intervention and you end up with loads, sometimes you want to have a proper birth in a proper hospital and you end up meeting your baby in the back seat of the family Cortina. Being ready for all the possibilities, and being ready to meet them head on is really important. Even though I was all booked in to deliver at home, I had a hospital bag packed for me with nice treat size toiletries, new nightie and the like, and a gorgeous basket for Eva, full of her first outfits, nappies, and so on. Just in case. And because I had taken time over the contents of them, when it came to using them at the hospital it felt great knowing that I had everything I needed, and wasn't having to deal with a bag full of thrown-together-at the-last-minute items!
The same can be said for drugs. You may decide you want a drug free birth (I can heartily recommend one!) but if it all gets too much, say so. Ask for pain relief and don't feel bad. Your labour will progress the way it was meant to, with the baby at the steering wheel and you along for the ride till the last stages of it, so don't feel like you've let yourself down, or feel disappointed. However it turns out, you'll have a beautiful baby to show for your efforts and that is all that matters.

7) Knowing What You Want (and don't want…) and Not Being Afraid to Ask For It!

I think this is a very important thing in modern child birthing. I was really glad I had written down what I wanted and didn't want as it helped me and my support network to be able to say NO! when the whole induction thing was introduced as the normal next step. It really is not so much knowing what you want, but being able to say, quite calmly and confidently that you are quite aware of all the implications of your decision, and you are choosing to do xyz. I was 18 days overdue and totally confident that I would be able to birth my baby by myself, and I know if I had walked into that consultant's room and not been quite sure of myself I would have been in a bed, strapped to a monitor and with a drip in my arm before you could say bob's your uncle. No doubt in my mind at all.

8) Finding Your Core of Calm.

In the very middle of us all is what I call our Core Of Calm. It's that place you retreat to in your mind in the very seconds before you fall asleep. It's a different place for everyone, but it's there, waiting to be found. Knowing it's there is one thing, finding it is often quite another but you will, if you look long enough. There will be different ways for everyone - for me, I like to think of the back garden in summer. Busy with bees and birds and butterflies, bright with colour and scent and light. In my mind I breath in the scent of the honeysuckle, the warm earth, the ripening raspberries. I listen to frogs splashing in and out of the pond, and the scloop of birds dashing from one bush to another. I feel the sun on my face and the warm air through my hair and I close my eyes…and I am there.

9) Using Your Voice Whichever Way You Please…

Low is best. You'll find it's almost instinctive to make sounds, particularly when it comes to pushing your baby out, but there's something about low, guttural noises that seem to help things along. Perhaps it's the vibrations the sounds send inwards and downwards, I'm not sure, but I do know they work. Having a little mantra to say out loud (or in your head, whichever), is also good - I remember I kept saying "relax" and "let go" and "I can do this" quite a lot, and it really did help. You'll find your own way, but I do have to say, low is definitely best!

10) Happiness is Horse Lips

I've left this one until last as I'm sure a some of you wouldn't read any further for laughing if I'd put it further up! Of all the things I did when I was in labour, this was one of the most helpful.
So imagine you're a horse. Make that noise they make when their big fat horse lips wobble and vibrate together. Like blowing a raspberry really. That's horse lips.
Now then - the midwife Eva May Gaskin (lovely lady, has written lots of very wonderful, empowering books on the subject of childbirth) talks about "as above, so below" which basically means if your mouth is relaxed, your nether regions will be too, and if they are, you have more chance of not needing stitches. I didn't need any, and managed to breathe my baby out into the water. Not needing stitches felt like a wonderful achievement, though obviously not an huge and wonderful as the birthing of my beautiful girl! You may find that the concentration helps, but whatever you do to relax, be it laugh, blow raspberries - have a wonderful time!

In Conclusion

No-one can predict how their labour will pan out. Everything will happen the way it's meant to generally speaking, but being prepared in more than just having your hospital bag packed, is always a good thing. I hope if you are due to give birth soon, that this has helps, and thank you for sharing my baby's arrival with me - we are most honoured!

Thank you for reading, Kate x 

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