I decided I wanted to use the local NHS birthing centre while pregnant with my first child.

The main reasons for this were that it was very close, a five min drive if that. It was relatively new, with the hospital being only a few years old. The rooms were comfortable and not clinical, more like a travelodge or something similar. Another major reason was the fact that my partner could stay with me during the labour and when our new baby was born for as long as we were in hospital. This was extremely important to me.

Birthing centres are managed by a staff consisting of midwives only. There are no doctors available and this can be a worry. They are a sort of halfway house between a hospital birth and a home birth. A lot of people choose birthing centres when they have an aversion to hospital environments.

In my particular birthing centre they had around 13 rooms, some double, some single. A bathroom was shared between two rooms.

I knew that there were a lot of women due around the same time so was worried they may be full/very busy. There are two other hospitals with maternity wards I could have gone to several miles in opposite directions from me. The distance was offputting, but the main disavantage was that my partner couldn't stay with me.

I had read huge amounts of material on labour and birth beforehand, as I had been pretty terrified by the prospect from the start! I had hoped to take hypnotherapy classes but what with all the baby gear to buy, I just couldn't afford it. My hospital's free antenatal classes just went over everything I had already read, but didn't teach any breathing techniques etc. So basically I went into the birth unsure of how to cope with it.

I'm pretty sure nature makes pregnancy so long partly so mothers overcome their fear of the actual birth, so desperate is the need to see their feet again and stop peeing ten times an hour!

The Labour

With my due date approaching rapidly, despite a few evenings with quite nasty back pain, no sign of regular contractions, and my due date came and went.
A few days past my due date, I woke at 3.30am with the need to go to the toilet, or so I thought. My partner, being an insomniac, was still awake from the night before. As I stood up I had a strange sensation and guessed my waters were breaking. I managed to run to the bathroom and stand in the bath before they whooshed everywhere. (Thank god we didn't have to clean that up!). I was quite excited now, but not really suffering major pains. I rang my birthing centre to inform them, and they said I should be at the hospital by 8am for them to check me over.

By 8am I was having contractions, they were irregular though, some were painful and strong, then tailing off to almost nothing. When I got to the hospital a midwife came to examine me. She was quite stroppy in her manner which didn't put me at my ease at all. Obviously I was very apprehensive at what was to come, as well as being excited and emotional. She examined me and said I was only 1cm dilated so she was going to give me a membrane sweep. This really, really hurt. She said she had managed to sweep the top of the babies head and if that "didn't get me going" nothing would.

She said that there was nothing they could do so I should go back home (I didn't relish this thought as when I came in I was still having a lot of water streaming out of me which was embarrassing when crossing the hospital foyer). Still I went home, she said she didn't want to see me until at least 12 o'clock because I wasn't anywhere near active labour. She also said not to get in the bath because it could cause infection. This dissapointed me as in my birth plan I was hoping for a water birth.

We travelled home, and decided to go to bed as my partner hadn't had any sleep. I laid in bed next to him with my contractions gradually getting worse, I was trying to be quiet so he could get some sleep - I didn't know how long we were going to be up for now! By 11.30 I had to wake him as the contractions were like a really bad menstrual pain with severe back pain. He tried to get me to wait until 12 like the midwife had said but i beggged him to ring them and see if I could come back. They agreed.

We travelled down to the hospital and once again it was an embarassing walk through the foyer, I had to keep stopping because of the contractions. People were looking at me and one nurse offered me a wheelchair but I made to the BC ok. As I walked in the midwife said "what are you doing back - I told you I didn't want to see you yet". Now this didn't sound even as if she was making a joke (which would NOT have been funny). I just asked if I should go back to the same room from earlier. She said yes, then after a while came in and said I'm not going to examine you again because it's not good for us to examine you too much, and you don't seem to have progressed. You should go home and watch a film, or go for a walk, or a drive. A walk, a drive, a film??!! I was in a fair bit of pain now and really anxious (I suffer with anxiety and depression which I have been on medication for in the past). They obviously wanted nothing to do with me so I stayed in the room with my partner as I didn't want to have to travel home and come back! After about an hour there must have been a shift change because another midwife came in. She asked why I hadn't tried having a bath. I couldn't believe it! I said I'd been told not to. The other new midwife came in and asked the same thing, followed by a lady bringing toast who said the same thing!

As if I hadn't even tried having a bath, but I'd been told not to!

She said again there was nothing they could do, as I wasn't progressing (no exam mind) and that it was going to worse than this - I had to get to 10cm dilated and they couldn't give me any pain relief until I was 4cm dilated. Another midwife came in and ran me a bath - she was really nice and said for her this was the worst part when she had her son as a long pre labour is difficult when you don't know how long it's going to be. She gave me an appointment for the other hospital maternity ward for 10.00am the next day, as by then I would have to be induced.

I tried the bath for a while but I couldn't get comfortable. I got out and got dressed and starting pacing the floor. It hurt to walk but it hurt more to be in any other position at that point. I had waves of pain through my back. I asked Phil to call a midwife (again about an hour had passed - no-one checked on us). She said she couldn't give me anything. My contractions were strong and long and painful but irregular which made them think I wasn't progressing. She felt my tummy and said the baby was facing the wrong way, which explained the pain in my back. She actually helped me by saying to kneel on the floor and hold on to the bed to turn the baby. I did this but after 20 mins or so it was too uncomfortable so I started pacing again. The midwife came in and brought a tens machine she had found. She put it on for me and it helped a lot. I was walking back and fore, crying, gradually turning the tens machine up. My partner was getting worried now, he said to calm down as I would distress the baby. I was trying not to get hysterical, as I had been made to feel I was being a baby, and I thought I would never cope with the much worse pain the midwifes had indicated was to come. I tried singing sings in my head to calm me down and got by for about another half hour, 45 mins.

I then asked Phil to call her back as the tens machine was on full and I couldn't really feel it anymore, the contractions were so bad. The midwife came in and asked me some questions. She said she would see what she could do. She came back with a small injection. She said we can give you a little something now. I asked what it was, was it a dose of Pethidine? She didn't seem to want to tell me but then nodded and muttered a half dose to calm you. This was around 4pm.

I felt better almost immediately. the pain was still there but I started to feel almost like I was drunk and very tired. You know how you can feel pain when you;re drunk but somehow it doesn't bother you as much. I was much more relaxed and laid on the bed for a while. I was slurring talking to my partner! Then about 20 mins later I had the urge to pee, so my partner helped me to the toilet. When i got to the toilet I felt the need to push. I said to Phil I think I need to push, but I'm not progressing? I went back into the room and got on the bed. The next thing I remember is hearing myself scream, really scream, and Phil going white!

Midwifes came running into the room saying "you don't need to push do you?". I couldn't stop screaming so they gave me the gas and air. Once the contraction passed, the midwifes were examining me saying I was 4cm dilated.

I had planned to get by with gas and air, and possibly pethidine, but the midwifes said I wasn't coping very well. They suggested I go to the other Hospital for an epidural. I didn't want to go to the other hospital where my partner couldn't stay, but thought if they didn't think I cope maybe I should. I said I couldn't go in the car! They arranged an ambulance and said I could have Gas and Air on the journey. Things were moving really fast now. I was screaming with every contraction. The midwife said you can scream all you want, but it'll give you a sore throat! I didn't really care if I had a sore throat to be honest and found that screaming helped me get through the pain (I'd never make a scientologist!).

The ambulance arrived and I was put on a stretcher. I remember being wheeled across the hospital again! Phil couldn't come with me in the ambulance - he had to drive. I was really upset but what could we do. In the ambulance I kept needing to push and could feel I wasn't far from having the baby. The midwife was anxious and asked the ambulance driver if he could put his lights on. She kept examining me and telling me not to push. By now I was grunting rather than screaming. She asked the driver if he had a birth kit on the ambulance. I was getting worried Phil would miss the birth. I asked her how much had I progressed and she said not much but I knew she was lying. When we got to the hospital they rushed me to the lift, and seemed worried it wasn't there. I knew I was really close and started looking around frantically for Phil. I was trying not to push. Phil ran up to the lift, he must have driven like a demon! We got to delivery room and there was a student midwife already there. Finally I could start pushing but there was no time for more pain relief. I had my gas and air though. I was worried as I had read that the crowning was the most painful part. It really hurt as the babies head was halfway out, I felt my hip bones were going to break, but one more push and her head was out. The midwife told me not to push as the cord was around her neck. The student quickly freed her and one more push and she shot down the bed!

Phil was really excited but I was just exhausted and in a bit of a daze. Mia was born at 7.31pm. Mia was quickly cleaned and given to me for a feed. A little while later I was stitched up, had some toast and a shower and told we could go back to the birth centre so Phil could stay with me. We travelled back to the birth centre in our car with the baby. Once there the midwife came in and told me I had to feed the baby. Apparently my breasts were not my own now as no-one needed permission to touch them! She tried to get the baby to latch on but she wouldn;t so she squeezed me really hard to express some milk! She gave it to the baby from a syringe. Finally we were left in peace with our baby.

I could not wait to leave the hospital. I was in terrible pain from my stitches and paracetamol doesn't cut it! I had to get in the bath every time I wanted a pee, it was so painful. After two nights I begged to be allowed home but the midwife convinced me to stay just until the morning. We couldn't sleep properly while we were there. I felt the staff were judgemental and unhelpful and didn't respect our privacy at all. I was getting more and more upset. The next morning we went home. Things got gradually better from then on.

It took weeks to recover, physically and emotionally. One of the midwives who called out a week later said she felt I may have post traumatic stress from the birth. Every time the baby cried it sounded like my screams during the labour, and all in all it was a very negative experience for me.

I am happy to say it's all better now (well mostly!), and for me I can look at my baby and know she was worth it all. I shudder to think of other women having the same treatment though.

I have to say that in the weeks after the birth I went over and over in my mind why the midwives would have been so unhelpful, and the only reason I can find is that they are understaffed and under a lot of pressure. I certainly don't want to criticise midwives in general, some of the midwives I dealt with throughout my pregnancy and afterwards were lovely.

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