Microgynon 30 Contraceptive Pill

I started taking the pill in July 2005. The nurse failed to mention the more extreme emotional side effects Microgynon 30 (or combined pills with progesterone) can have as it only affects a few women. According to the nurse, 'few' is 0.1%, but according to my doctor 'few' is up to 10%! So I feel it necessary to tell my story, because if I had known what I do now back then, my life could be taking a very different path...a path, at least I had chosen.

Being unaware of such emotional side effects, as women do, I blamed myself for the change in my personality.

The side effects I suffered were:
• Extreme emotional behaviour - found myself crying at anything, getting overly heated, acting out of panic;
• Anger, sometimes with no sense of control, sometimes morphing into aggression;
• Continuous waves of anxiety;
• Depression so severe and deep that you question life and yourself. It actually became a daily struggle to try to be happy or pretend to be. It's like a different mindset and becomes a inescapable mind trap;
• Suicidal thoughts - with all the above to contend with and no ability to see light or even believe you can get out of it, death feels like an option to set your mind free.

From a physical aspect, the pain and duration of period was reduced and gave me clearer skin.

I spoke to my doctor and she identified my emotional side effects as a result of the pill stating that my reaction was extreme, but by no means only me. The progesterone in the pill inhibits the production of testosterone, which is the hormone that carries the signals to use the rational part of your brain. Further, progesterone is known to cause depression. No wonder I was a walking emotional wreck...I wasn't able to use my brain! If you conduct your own research on the web, there are more than a 'few' cases citing some / all of the above emotional side effects if not more! For me, reading other women's experiences and relating was setting me free. It was like the answer I had been crying for, for the last three years of my life. This is NOT me.

The unjust thing about the above is that women take the pill without fully being briefed of the emotional side effects. And anyone knows emotional stability is key to the health of any relationship you have, especially, the one you have with yourself. And the spill over effect (from the emotional side effects) only surface in you and your closest relationships...

Truth is I don't think sufficient research has been conducted on the emotional side effects. Why? Firstly women don't like to admit THEY are emotionally out of control. Until now I thought I was crazy, hysterical loon and too ashamed to admit that. Secondly, emotions are so subjective leaving no physical evidence behind, but just shuddering memories of negative experiences. Thirdly, emotions are a result of a number of intricate and interlinked factors and therefore, you can never really attribute it one cause i.e. the pill in isolation. In my case, the pill was the catalyst, making any testing situation lose control. Speaking to other girls and even girl's boyfriends (more girls seemed to have gone through a negative experience than I expected!!!!) and until you have been through it, most can't emphasise.

And what is sad, is that I find myself having to recover and rebuild from issues I knew were not 'me.' Others that were once close, who experienced the brunt of the side effects, can't distinguish between your personality and the pill when the majority of time together has been dominated by the pill's side effects. And when the pill disguises itself as your outward behaviour i.e. you, an uncontrolled chain of events and reactions can happen and it can completely alter that fate that you were after. I remember (pre pill) knowing that my life experiences had taught me enough to handle testing situations with strength and principle. And I used to be able to do that in a dignified way! And then when I was on the pill, I was so emotionally carried away that I was unable to actually apply those life lessons! Although I would incessantly question why I was this way now unable to live and learn, I never found an acceptable answer. So I would hopelessly search for a solution but as they never worked, I just hated who I had become, believing I couldn't be helped (since I didn't know the cause, I didn't know the cure)! Until now. When I was questioned about 'What had got into me?' I should have answered literally! I believe and even know that it was the pill that caused me to lose control emotionally and time is telling.

Some reading this may take a sceptical view assuming I'm using the pill as an excuse. I am an emotional person so I'm sure my reaction was more pronounced. But, pre July 2005, I was effortlessly happy and now (having been off the pill since 23.04.08), I do not feel angry, anxious or depressed. The tears are almost gone and I think myself ludicrous to have ever been enchanted by thoughts of death. I feel back in control, even after breaking off with my boyfriend (of over 3 years, who I loved so deeply). And of course, whilst I'm hurting over the loss of what could and should have been back then and now, I am gaining perspective, so I am no longer so emotionally possessed that the only thing I do is feel depressed or suicidal.

And with my mind set free of that, I'm slowly feeling good about ME for the first time in a long time...So I know being off the 'psycho pill' is only a positive.

The advice that I can offer fresh from my experience is the following: (and please note I am no professional)
• Is there a real need for you to go on the pill?;
• Do your research. (Use the internet, the clinics, speak with other women, doctors, nurses etc).
• If you have any history of any emotional instability, consult your doctor. Really suggest that you know and listen to your body, mind (and intuition!!!) and communicate any hint of concern to the doctor so that they can find the right pill for you;
• Once you are on the pill, monitor your physical and emotional reaction to it. Keep a diary! If you find you are not being yourself, consult your doctor immediately;
• Many girls have had no reaction to the pill and in fact state many positive factors. You, of course, could more than likely be one of them.

Anyway, the whole objective of revealing such a private painful experience, is so that women are AWARE. So women can make an INFORMED CHOICE - I did not give consent to take a pill which I feel has stolen three years of my personality and life - I had no chance of being my true self. And I don't want any other woman to go through what I did.

If there are any women who relate, please show your support by:
• Joining this group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=13​524057286
• Or merely passing this onto friends and family.

Thanks for your time with reading all this! And here's to happy days now.