As a High Court judge, during trials I often hear about some of the new-fangled artefacts of the modern age. Some recent cases have involved the use of mobile, or cellular phones, and I became intrigued by what they might be like. I asked my young nephew Eustace to procure a (modestly-priced) example of the genre so that I could familiarise myself with these curious devices.
Eventually he produced a little apparatus called a 'Trium'. As a Latin scholar, it took this to be a diminutive form of 'triumvirate', relating neatly to the tribunals upon which I sit. So it is very aptly named, if nothing else. He said he purchased it from an Amazon, although why a South American female warrior should purvey such goods, I know not. The price: £39.99, seemed eminently reasonable. So let's hear it for those redoubtable fighters.
The device is small and admirably light, although the little buttons are slightly fiddly to my palsied digits. It is made of a slightly glittery plastic material, grey on the reverse and a striking blue to the front. A small screen displays the words 'Vodafone UK', the day and time, and some symbols relating to signal strength and battery life. There is also a fetching little animation of a toucan, no doubt the pet of one of those feisty amazons.
A veritable panoply of features is available via many 'menus' (not unlike those at my club; although Brown Windsor soup appears not to be available). You can store many dozens of names and phone numbers by this method. I will be instructing the clerk at my chambers to programme these in very soon. There are several simple games on offer, most of which involve moving little blocks around. Most diverting I must say.
I have made one or two calls on this little machine, although I have yet to receive any. I have also sampled some of the ringtones, which would chime out, were I to have any friends. Several are by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Again, very agreeable, if rather like a cheap doorbell in timbre. I fear if these were to ring during a trial, they may very well wake me up with a start. Luckily there is the facility to silence them, or to make the phone vibrate most pleasantly whilst ringing, or in place of a ring. The device is powered by a battery, which has to be recharged every week or so, or sooner if you make use of the vibrate function.
The phone also boasts the ability to connect the Internet, whatever that is. I fear this would prove costly. It would surely be most troublesome to appreciate the delights of sites such as briefsinbriefs.com via the small screen, so I have yet to try this feature.
Eustace tells me that he would not be seen dead with a "Forty quid pay-as-you-go tat", like my Trium. He requires a telephone costing at least £500 with colour screen and camera. But for those of us new to the field of mobile telephonic communication, this appears more than adequate.
Indeed, so emboldened am I by this foray into technology I am thinking of acquiring one of these televisual receivers from that clever Mr Logie Baird...
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Amusing and informative, sounds like the Amazons are not only ferocious but excellent dealers. On the other hand, considering their mono-mammalian states, I wouldn't like to make any bets on the potential radioactive level of your phone!
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Jun 24th, 2004
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