Neither is the Horse and Other Poems - Rory Motion > Reviews (1)

Andrew Motion is Poet Laureate, which means he is obligated to write reverential poetry about the Queen on demand and generally fawn and prostrate his poetic muscles before her: as she sees fit. He does seem like a nice bloke though.

Luckily for us this isn’t a review of the poetry of Andrew Motion, who will almost certainly NEVER publish a body of work under such a silly and wonderful title as “Neither is the Horse”.

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Nope.

What this IS is a review of that little known poet RORY Motion. As I understand it Rory is no relation whatever to Andrew but will still accept compliments about his Laureate-dom quite beautifully if you feel the need to proffer them.

Rory is the sort of poet who has a one-man pantomime horse that he tends to wander about in. He does a good deal of wandering about, primarily in his home town of Huddersfield. Rory doesn’t like lots of things about the modern world, but rather than harp on about global warming, hippydom and ecowarriorship he tends to laugh at them, laugh at himself, laugh at us and generally, well, have a good laugh really.

Without doubt my favourite poem of this 124 verse collection is the first one. It’s called “I’m a Hippie”: let me give you just one of the verses to give you the idea:

“I believe in the lost continents of Atlantis and Mu
I believe in tahini, tai chi and tofu
I believe there’s a secret language in the stones
I believe in infinity and wholemeal scones.”

He he! Now if any of what Rory writes about in these poems is autobiographical then it means:

* He had tantric sex on the bus with old Mrs Donkersley in exchange for some of her wonderful Chutney (It’s got raisins in it you see).

* He was a stuntman for Ken Barlow (and Ena Sharples was his earth mother).

* His father worshipped fish and chips (“ Hari Ramsden Hari Ramsden, Hari Hari Ramsden Ramsden”…you get the idea I’m sure!)

* Much to his shame he has appeared on the Richard Whiteley Show!

Now for some reason unclear to me, Rory writes some of his verse in French (Eric Cantona, Les, Le Tunnel d’Amour…) but his heart clearly belongs to Huddersfield. His history is as a performance artist and “Neither is the Horse…” is his first published collection of poetry.

I had never come across him before picking this collection up by chance but I could tell he had a performance background without being told: it’s something to do with the pauses, with what is NOT being said and with the whole damned silly, ridiculous, ludicrous and downright funny way he has of letting us know his view on the world without needing to ram it down our communal throats.

Why get all hot under the collar when instead you could just write an “Ode to Swampy”, or Ghandi’s explanation for why the porridge he served Winston Churchill was lumpy (“My commitment is to truth/Not consistency.”) Of course sarcasm does have a minor part to play and I can’t help but offer up another little slice of the Motion worldview succinctly summed up in “Spring”:

"Vile sick stench
Breath of liars
Bile will quench
The Beltane fires
Vernal infection
The daisies curse
General election
May the first."

Titles and first lines are masterly throughout and a read through the index will have you tittering before you have so much as seen one of these poems: let me treat you to some of the best:

I Sing the Body Electorate
Tiny you Maybe, But You’re My Bee
Give Peas a Chance
Sheep Prefer Landscapes

Oh and I could go on…so I’d better stop there or else you will have every one!

I am increasingly finding myself to be a collector of interesting and humorous authorial cover-blurbs and so I was truly delighted to see that Rory Motion:

“…owes his mum everything and his father forty quid.”

I could attempt some pseudo-serious analysis of the poetry but that would be to completely miss the point. This is simple stuff to make you titter, it is all-inclusive because it deals with everyday subjects and issues and contains no bad language to have you worrying about the smallest of kiddies picking up your copy. It does have cows knee deep in excrement though, oh and fluffy toy dogs that only go “woof” when you soak them in petroleum spirit and put a match to them…

Hoorah for having a laugh, for not taking yourself too seriously and probably contributing more to the eco-debate than you could do by less imaginative means!

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I bought my hard-back Cassell & Co. 2001 copy in one of those “everything must go” sort of cheapy bookshops that occasionally sit in empty shopfronts until “proper” people pay full rental on the place, and start selling much more important things…like sandwiches, for example. It cost £2 which is 5p more than a small cappuccino from Starbucks I believe. The cover price is £6.99 but if you want it today from Amazon you’ll pay £3.50 – of course you could get a large cappuccino for that and receive some small change back.

Life is full of tough decisions.

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Overall

It is funny. It’s not amazingly clever or different, but it is funny.
It will appeal to all ages because it is funny.
He won’t ever be offered Andrew Motion’s job because he is too darned funny.

It is funny.

The only person on the planet who won’t like it is called “Michael Jackson”, here’s why:

“Oh, mutant kin of unknown race
With unreal skin and melted face
Your latest dance I cannot watch
I hate it when you grab your crotch.”

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Thanks for reading :o)