OK!

...'Hello' magazine.

OK! magazine came out in the early 1990s as a rival to 'Hello'. I have only bought it about 5 or 6 times. This review is about issue 313 of OK! dated May 2 2002 purchased from our local Tesco store.


HOT STARS

OK! is sold weekly and costs GBP 1.95. A free packet of Milky Bar Munchies was attached to the magazine. There was also a free copy of 'Hot Stars' magazine.

...
.../> OK!

OK! mainly consisted of celebrity features occasionally punctuated by a few adverts.

The layout of the magazine was very similar to its arch rival 'Hello' magazine.

There were 148 pages in OK!.

There were three recipes featured: chicken spring roll with satay sauce, soft shell crab with spicy polenta and ginger-spiced poached pears with warm gingerbread and vanilla ice cream.
more

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN May 2002

INTRODUCTION

OK I will admit the fact that I am a gossip. I love to know all the trivia about the people around me. There is so much useless information floating around in my head.

Bengali people are the most inquisitive people I know. So I guess my gossipy nature is in my genes. But since I got married I have less interest in the lives of celebrities.

I began reading celebrity magazines like 'Weekend' and 'Titbits' in the late 1970s. I also used to read 'The Sun' and 'The News of the World' newspapers. In the 1980s I used to read 'Revue', 'Chat' and 'The National Enquirer' magazines. In the early 1990s I bought a few issues of 'Hello' magazine.

OK! magazine came out in the early 1990s as a rival to 'Hello'. I have only bought it about 5 or 6 times. This review is about issue 313 of OK! dated May 2 2002 purchased from our local Tesco store.

HOT STARS

OK! is sold weekly and costs GBP 1.95. A free packet of Milky Bar Munchies was attached to the magazine. There was also a free copy of 'Hot Stars' magazine.

The Munchies tasted like globules of Milky Bar filled with biscuit. Yummy but calorific. I doubt if I can get my weight below 20 stone ever again.

'Hot Stars' was like one of those magazine supplements, which comes with Sunday tabloid newspapers.

The celebrities featured included Liam Gallacher, Jessie Wallace, Kate Moss, Lisa Faulkner, Pink, Minnie Driver, J Lo, Louis Theroux, Toni Collette, Holly Valance and Britney Spears,

The strangest thing was seeing Jessie Wallace without her make-up on. She looked so ordinary.

There was an amusing section where 11 pregnant celebrities were featured. These included Melanie Sykes, Sharleen Spiteri, Lucy Henman, Kate Moss etc. This was a cut-out-and-keep guide to who's pregnant.

At the end of the magazine there was a TV guide for the following week's programmes.

'Hot Stars' consisted of 84 pages.

OK!

OK! mainly consisted of celebrity features occasionally punctuated by a few adverts.

The layout of the magazine was very similar to its arch rival 'Hello' magazine.

There were 148 pages in OK!.

There were three recipes featured: chicken spring roll with satay sauce, soft shell crab with spicy polenta and ginger-spiced poached pears with warm gingerbread and vanilla ice cream.

The health section dealt with the benefits of water eg drinking it, avoiding dehydration, bathing, showering etc. Apparently April 29th to May 5th 2002 is Natural Mineral Water week.

The beauty section was quite impressive. The best feature was on cheap shampoos for coloured hair.

The travel section dealt with a holiday to Las Vegas. I went to Las Vegas in 1977 and really disliked the place. Apparently Celine Dion has signed a GBP 60 million contract to sing at Caesar's Palace over 3 years.

The horoscope section was pretty poor with only 5 lines per star sign for your week ahead. I read my own horoscope on www.astrocenter.com.

CELEBRITIES FEATURED

Check out this list:
Ulrika and Sven, Britney Spears, Nicole Kidman, Will Young, Louise Adams, Rachel Stevens, James Nesbitt, Alex Fletcher, Geri Halliwell, Kate Beckinsale, Victoria Beckham, John Leslie, Fern Britton, Julie Goodyear, Fay Ripley, Tony Wilson. Christy Turlington, Jessica Hudson and many others.

This list has everything eg pop singers, actors, TV presenters, supermodels etc.

I found it interesting seeing the photos of 'Cold Feet' star James Nesbitt. They showed him putting his shopping into his car boot. I was amazed that he shopped at Sainsbury's. I would have expected a millionaire actor to be shopping at the likes of Waitrose etc.

I can understand why Victoria Beckham is an A-list celebrity with being a member of the Spice Girls and being married to the England football captain. But why is her sister Louise Adams also featured in OK!?

Louise has 2 children by different fathers. Apparently she runs a boutique in Ware, Hertfordshire. About 12 years ago I went for a job interview with Glaxo in Ware. A lot of animal vivisection experiments were carried out at the site so I was glad when my job application failed.

ADVERTS

The advertisers in OK! included:
L'Oreal, Clarins, Dreft, Sunny Delight, Neutrogena, Revlon, Organics, Indesit, Woolworths, Renault, Sainsbury's, Superdrug, Proviva, Sheba, Nurofen, Bernard Matthews, Typhoo, Comfort, Predictor, Persil, Actimel etc.

Some of the adverts like Comfort were brilliantly devised. But the adverts did not convince me to go out and buy any of their products.

The most useful advert was mps, which was tucked away near the end of the magazine.

A couple of things I used to hate were junk mail and cold calling telephone calls during weeknights. I registered with mps and tps and the results were instantaneous.

The websites were: www.mpsonline.org.uk (mail preference service)
www.tpsonline.org.uk (telephone preference service)

Before registering I estimated that 40% of my mail was junk mail. I also used to get a couple of phone calls per week selling various products. Now most of the junk mail and all of phone calls have ended.

The only junk mail I receive nowadays are from credit card companies. As I do not own a credit card I simply throw the mail straight into the bin without even opening the letters.

I have heard reports of companies advertising their products via fax.

Here the relevant website is www.fpsonline.org.uk (fax preference service)

Unfortunately the mps advert in OK! does not show its usefulness on first reading.

DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE

The photographs in OK! were really stunning and colourful. They made the celebrities seem something special.

I saw a TV programme a couple of years ago, which went behind the scenes of a celebrity magazine. Special software was used to modify the photographs.

This software can even change the figures of celebrities. There was a time when Martine McCutheon was seriously overweight. But the pictures showed that she had a slim-line figure.

The software can even make the teeth of celebrities whiter.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Looking back being interested in celebrity gossip was just a relief from schoolwork. I spent most of my time learning French vocabulary, trying to solve physics questions, doing Latin translations, writing up chemistry practicals, learning poetry etc.

The sad thing is that very little of what I learnt at school proved useful in adult life.

I read that pub conversations nowadays centre on celebrities rather than football.

In my teens I would have probably bought every issue of OK!.

But now I find such magazines too syrupy and artificial to read.

May be I should start reading men's magazines?

UPDATED October 2005

HOT GOSSIP

I feel like a man in a woman's body. Women are not women. They are actually women.

Over the past few years I have read OK magazine on and off. There are quite a lot of gossip magazines around e.g Heat, Closer, Reveal, Now etc. They are all much of a muchness. A university student colleague of mine referred to these magazines as scandal rags.

Given the education upbringing I had, these gossip magazines were a million miles away from school text books. In the 1970s and early 1980s I used to avidly read Titbits and Weekend magazines. I really found it fascinating to learn about the foibles of celebrities. Despite coming from large families themselves my parents rarely divulged gossip to me. Relatives were born, got married, had kids and passed away and I was none the wiser.

About 3 years ago my wife and me were returning to my parents' after a day out. My father was in the conservatory speaking to his brother in India. We could hear his voice booming out from the driveway. When I later asked him about the call, he put on his poker face and denied even speaking on the phone.

A few years ago my mother was in India and my father spent the time with me in London. Early one morning he spoke to my mother assuming that I was asleep. He did not mention the phone call to me at all. But I had just woken up and heard every word via my bedroom telephone.

I do not know what my parents gained from all this omerta. I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if i had a proper family upbringing. I would have better interpersonal skills, be more outgoing and sociable and less of an introverted loner.

But since my marriage I have fully integrated with my in-laws. It's great to hear gossip of someone having a tummy upset, buying a new outfit or seeing a new release at the cinema. I have become so detached from reality that I don't care if I never see nor hear from my blood relatives ever again. But being married has been beneficial for my mood.

I never though that I would be as interested in celebrities in my 40s as I was in my teens. I thought that I would have grown up by now. I must be the first ever Bengali Peter Pan. Usually I obtain my celebrity gossip fix from Teletext e.g Liquid News on BBCi, page 383 on Channel 4 text etc. I simply find useless trivia so fascinating. I guess the celebrities take the place of my blood relatives.

NAIL ME DOWN

Women's magazines usually have a feature about cosmetics. As a potential metrosexual, I thought that it would be fun to write my own nail review. I have rated enough cosmetics reviews on Ciao despite not knowing too much about the subject.

I purchased the Natural Glow Nail Care System from this year's Ideal Home Show. I was attracted to the sales assistant if the truth be known. It costs just under GBP 20 and I am very pleased with the purchase.

There are 4 steps to follow.

Step 1: A crystal nail file which also doubles as a cuticle pusher.

Step 2: A dark grey pad which cleans the nails smoothing the ridges.

Step 3: A white pad which conditions the nail bringing the natural oils to the surface.

Step 4: A light grey pad which shines the nails by sealing the surface trapping the oils.

The entire kit is cleaned by washing in soapy water, rinsing and left to dry naturally.

I'm now off to worship the wild women of Wigan!

UPDATED November 2005

OK DIANA WAS MURDERED

In my other Ciao ops I have outlined my theory about the murder of Diana, Princess of Wales. Over the years I have been fascinated by other conspiracy theories e.g the murders of JFK, Marilyn Monroe, the world-wide UFO cover-up etc. I find Diana's murder compelling as it only took place a few years ago. Diana was only one year older than me and so I feel that we are kindred spirits.

PRINCESS GRACE

My story starts with the murder of Princess Grace of Monaco. The media had us believe that she merely died in a car crash. Ring any bells? I read an article in the mid 1980s that the brakes of her car had been tampered with. A few months before her murder she had revealed to Diana that she was thinking of a divorce. She may have been murdered by a French secret society such as the order of the solar temple. The French security services may have covered up her murder. Like Diana, Princess Grace had married into European royalty.

PAUL BURRELL

Paul Burrell was the butler to Diana. A few years ago he was arrested and acquitted of stealing Diana's possessions. Before the case could reach court, the lawsuit was dropped after the Queen suddenly remembered a conversation with him. Burrell was privy to Diana's innermost secrets and these would be disclosed in court. It would be unfair to use the Queen's evidence against the Queen.

The Queen did warn Burrell to be careful as 'there are dark forces present which are unknown to us.' A few days later Burrell's florist shop was vandalised. By these dark forces perhaps?

THE BODYGUARD

After Diana's marriage irretrievably broke down, she turned to her bodyguard for comfort. But he died riding his motorcycle in a mysterious crash. Who murdered him? Who gave the orders to murder him?

Prince Charles would be very jealous to see Diana showing her affection to someone else. Prince Charles and the Queen often discuss state secrets and have access to the best security forces in the country. Was the bodyguard murdered indirectly by a jealous husband?

BEING SHADOWED

From the early days of her marriage Diana constantly complained of being followed by whoever. When she complained to Prince Charles he merely shrugged off her protestations.

Surely he would have got to the bottom of who was following Diana. Perhaps he knew all along. Perhaps he initiated the covert surveillance himself?

WHY WAS DIANA MURDERED?

There are a myriad of conspiracy theories as to why Diana was murdered. Finding the correct conspiracy theory is akin to finding a needle in a haystack.

As a mathematician I am interested in patterns. If the Diana murder was a one-off then it would be difficult to find the perpertrators. But if there was a crime similar to Diana's murder then a pattern would emerge. I feel that Princess Grace's murder mirrored Diana's murder.

Like Princess Grace, Diana had married into European royalty.

Like Princess Grace, Diana had died in a mysterious car accident.

Like Princess Grace, Diana's death was covered up by the French intelligent services.

Like Princess Grace, Diana was planning to start a new life for herself.

I feel that the same people were involved in both murders. I feel that Diana was going to be murdered once her divorce had been finalised. But at the time of her divorce, the location and time of her death had not been decided.

The fact that she became involved with a high profile Muslim decided her fate. In the past she had an affair with Hasnat Khan who was a Muslim doctor. But he was no-one significant.

If Diana had married Dodi and had children then her new family would have enjoyed unrivalled popularity and the Royal Family would have descended into obscurity.

WHO MURDERED DIANA?

I read an interesting article in the National Enquirer a few years back. One of Dodi's friends spoke to an American government agent who advised them to stay clear of Dodi as something sinister was going to take place.

This proves that the murders had been planned in great detail. We know that the British and French intelligence services have tried to cover up their murders. So there must have been collusion between the American, British and French intelligence services regarding the murders. Someone like the New World Order or the Committee of 300 would have sanctioned the murders.

I believe that the same perpertrators were involved in Princess Grace's murder and Diana's murder. I suspect that a French secret society such as the order of the solar temple murdered Princess Grace. The same secret society must have also murdered Diana. Interestingly I read in Nexus magazine that the British Royal Family has links with secret societies.

I suspect that the files of the Diana murder are kept in Suitland, Maryland, USA. At present the information is too sensitive to be released under the US Freedom of Information Act. But one day the truth will out.

WE ARE NOT AMUSED

The more I read about this case, the more macabre things become. I would love to know the answers to the following questions:

Did the Royal Family know that Paul Burrell's florist shop was going to be vandalised?

Did the Royal Family know about the covert surveillance of Diana?

Did the Royal Family know about the murder of Diana's bodyguard?

If any of the answers are yes then they knew about Diana's murder.

God save the Princess of Wales.

UPDATED December 2005

MICHELLE H FOR HOTTIE

The Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton writes a regular column in OK magazine. I really like her witty writing style and agree with a lot of her views.

Michelle is better than Kelli and Jessica. You may have guessed that she is one of my hotties. We could all do with a night to remember and a little bit more besides. I certainly would not say no to doing her laundry.

A couple of my other hotties are Kimberley of Girls Aloud and Jess of Holby City.

Given my lack of elongation, a little goes a long way!

UPDATED December 2005

LIP UP FATTY

A lot of women's magazines include a section on diet tips. I thought that it would be a good idea to include a few tips of my own having dropped a few dress sizes over the past couple of years. I still look like a beached whale though.

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG (BUCKS FIZZ)

Looking at me now, it's hard to believe that I was once thin. But throughout my childhood until graduation I had the perfect figure. The school meals were sufficient to fill us up. My parents used to buy tasty M&S food for me. There were no fast-food restaurants in those days. I believe that the first McDonalds in Hull opened in 1987.

My parents did occasionally treat me at the Dragon Restaurant in the city centre. But the restaurant was quite formal and full of grown-ups and no other children. I felt that I was forced to grow up too quickly. The restaurant did however spawn my fondness for Oriental women.

At weekends there were Bengali doctor parties where the main fare was curry. Even though the food was free, I hardly ever piggged out. For a couple of days after the party I reduced my food portion sizes and thus did not put on any weight.

At school there was school and sports lessons during the week and football every lunchtime even though I was one of the last to be picked for a team. After school I played football and cricket with the neighbour's kids.

The combination of sensible eating and exercise helped maintain my figure. I though that I would remain that way for the rest of my life. So where did it all go wrong?

FOOD 1 LOVE 0

My life turned upside-down when Sheila rejected me. Unrequited love was impossible to handle. I was totally lost, devastated and began to fall apart. I was in total shock, suffered mental anguish and became severely depressed. All my high standards went out of the window. I became a tormented soul. I had a choice of an arranged marriage or taking my own life. I chose the latter path.

I began comfort eating e.g crisps, cakes, chocolates, cola, cheese, biscuits, chips, fast-food etc. I could not even look at myself in the mirror. I stopped contacting friends and began to live like a recluse. I only had my tortoiseshell cat Honey for company.

My parents were wrapped up in their Bengali socialising to notice my misery, tears and melancholia. I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings for work. Once I told me father that I was low but he simply ignored me. He was probably sick of all his patients telling him their problems day-in and day-out. Meanwhile I grew bigger and bigger.

I know I'll never love this way again - Dionne Warwick.

TOUGH TIMES

After my suicidal tendencies led to my first breakdown I was put on anti-depressants. These increased my weight even more. At one stage my waist size was 54 inches. If it was not for Greenwoods (a clothes retailer in Hull) I would not be wearing any trousers. My parents deliberately bought me high fat calorific food to keep me fat. They always made fun of my weight. Things got so bad that food was the only good thing in my life. And I ate for England.

OBESE AND OUT

I did try to lose some weight but my heart ws not really in it. I did 30-50 sit-ups every morning for a month but lost no weight. But I did get pain in my waist and lower spine and had to stop. I started healthy eating for a few days before reverting back to my old eating habits. I used to starve myself from Monday to Thursday before stuffing myself at Burger King on the Friday.. My father kindly offered to pay for a gym subscription but I was not bothered. My psychiatrist told me to join Weightwatchers but I was too shy.

The fat jibes really got to me. My father called me King Kong. A girl in Hyde Park called me dumbo. An old university acquaintance called me a sumo wrestler. They were all right. I can just about deal with racial abuse and jibes about my mental health. But insults directed at my size hurt me the most.

A CHINK OF LIGHT

In my depressed and vulnerable state I sought help from psychics. I asked the usual questions about employment prospects, finding love etc. I told my weight concerns to a pretty psychic called Trish. She said that I would not have any problems in shedding weight. I hung onto those precious words.

THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER

I knew something drastic had to be done when my wife started chatting up and flirting with guys behind my back. She did not think that I knew but I relied on my psychic sense. The anger from the jealousy was the driving force to my losing weight.

CHOOSING A DIET

I came across the term 'healthy eating plan' recently in Openmind magazine. It is a better nomenclature than diet. Over the years my father has received tons of literature about the latest diet fads e.g Mayo Clinic diet, Cambridge diet, Cabbage Soup diet, Atkins diet, water diet etc. But I plumped for a low-fat diet just because of the name. I was very fat and reckoned that a low-fat diet would reduce the fatness.

Via Encarta, I learnt about proteins, fats, carbohydrates. I originally learnt about these in school biology lessons. But I only learnt the facts parrot-fashion for a school test and forgot them afterwards. Understanding the facts was not part of the equation. But it was nice to read about amino acids, peptide chains, triglyceride fatty acids etc. again.

From the Internet I gleaned a lot of useful information from the British Nutrition Foundation site. I came across a mood for food site which was very interesting. The issue is that certain foods are better for the mood than others.

From the TV I found the Discovery Health Channel very helpful for weight loss tips. I enjoyed the programme about a Leeds slimming club. It put into my mind that I was not the only person with weight problems.

MIND OVER BUTTER

The general consensus is that the key to weight loss is willpower. People with healthy minds have more willpower than those with mental health problems.

The first food I cut out was butter. It contains trans fats which are bad for you. All my life I have put large knobs of butter on toast, sweetcorn, soup etc. I did lose a little weight which started the ball rolling.

WATER

If the body feels full, one tends to eat less. A large percentage of the human body contains water. So drinking more water would be beneficial to both body and mind. Water itself is quite bland so flavoured water is an alternative as it only contains a few calories.

I try to drink as much fluid as possible. The downside is making plenty of trips to the loo. A lot of magazines recommend taking a glass of water every hour.

In the past I only drank sugary fizzy drinks which also rotted my teeth. Nowadays I only drink these occasionally at fast-food restaurants.

Another alternative are the fruit drinks which have no added sugar. Does anyone remember Tree Top orange juice from the 1960s?

BEING FRUITY

The Government's advice of 5 fruit and veg a day is slowly getting through. I read in Shape magazine that eating fruit and veg increases the body's alkalinity.

A glass of fruit juice constitutes one portion. But further glasses do not augment the portion frequency. This is due to the fibre content of the fruit in such drinks being less than the original fruit.

Whenever I eat out now I usually order a side-salad (without the dressing) just to tot up another portion for that day.

I must admit that I hardly bought fruit in the past and only ate it under protest.

REPETITION

Due to my depression food is more important to me than it is for others. During bad times it is the only comfort for me. Sometimes I am tempted to binge on crisps, biscuits, chocolates and other sugary foods. I was addicted to food. These calorific foods together with anti-depressants made my weight balloon.

One tip is to trick the mind that food is not important is to have the same food every day. Eating bland boring food day-in and day-out is the biggest drawback to a low-fat diet.

I virtually ate the same menu for a year. I did lose about 6 stones with a hell of a lot of willpower. But there were days where I could not face yet another plate of fish cakes, tomatoes etc. Nowadays there is slightly more variety to the menus but a lot of sacrifice was made in that first year.

BREAKFAST

A typical breakfast is:

2 slices of toast and reduced sugar jam/vegemite
1 portion fruit
2 small biscuits
1 large pint glass of water
1 cup of tea with no sugar

Breakfast is very important. It refuels the body after sleep. It should be eaten every day. In the past I used to sometimes skip breakfast in the false premise of reducing my calorie intake. But I then pigged out later that morning which actually increased the overall calorie intake.

The body always gets dehydrated after sleep. So water intake first thing in the morning is very important.

I went through a phase of drinking herbal teas. But my mood became elevated from the ginseng in the tea. So now I stick to conventional PG Tips tea bags.

LUNCH

A typical lunch is:

1 low fat microwaveable meal
Boiled vegetables / microwaveable chips / side salad
1 low fat dessert
1 large pint glass of no added sugar fruit juice
1 large pint glass of water

This has drastically changed over the past few years. I used to fry everything in hot oil. Lunch used to be high fat and calorific. dessert used to be high fat ice-cream. Any drinks used to be sugary and fizzy.

The way the body metabolism works, it is better to have greater portions at lunch than at dinner.

TEA

A typical tea is :

1 packet of low fat crisps
1 portion of fruit
2 biscuits / low fat cereal bar
1 large pint glass of no added sugar fruit juice

DINNER

A typical dinner is:

1 mug of low fat soup
Boiled vegetables/baked mushrooms, rostis etc.
1 boiled egg
1 large pint glass of water

One of the drawbacks of a low fat diet is that one often feels physically weak. The boiled egg alleviates this. The dinner portions are less than for lunch.

IN-BETWEEN MEALS

Nowadays I tend to snack on fruit and a no added sugar drink. In the past I filled myself with crisps, chocolates, cakes etc.

EATING TIPS

Nowadays the first 3 bites of food I eat are protein. This makes the body feel full quicker and stops me wolfing down the food which may cause indigestion.

I also eat on smaller plates than before. The psychology is that there seems to be more food on the plate than there actually is.

When eating desserts I use Tommee Tippee spoons. Again the reason is psychological.

Finally I eat until I am full. At school we were taught to clear one's plate every time. Although this is good habit forming it may lead to overeating in the future.

HEALTHY EATING

It is no coincidence that my weight loss coincided with the inauguration of the Tesco Healthy Living food range. In the past the low fat foods on offer were sparse in quantity, overly expensive and almost inedible on the palate. Nowadays the opposite is the case.

The Weight Watchers range of food is just as impressive. Each food is worth a certain number of points. This means that you can keep slim just by eating a fixed number of points per day.

I have also learnt to read food labels. Nowadays I only buy food which has less than 5% fat. I also look at the calorific value per 100g. This makes it very easy to compare different foods on a like for like basis.

I feel that the Government message of healthy eating is getting through. Fast food restaurants have been forced to include healthier alternatives. Even students are less obese than before.

WEIGHT MACHINES

The most important accompaniment for any dieter is the weight machine. The nutrition experts recommend weighing oneself once a week. But I usually weigh myself every couple of days. I even have 2 weight machines where readings are taken in imperial and metric measurements respectively. Believe me that when you are trying to lose weight every gramme lost does wonders for the soul.

I usually weigh myself just before entering the bath. For some reason my weight varies according to the amount of sleep the previous night. The less sleep, the greater the reading. I also get different readings according where in the bedroom I weigh myself.

There are a few weight machines which also monitor body fat. Dieticians use the body mass index as a good indicator. I judge my progress by the number of female heads turned in my direction!

CLUTTER

Ideally there should be some exercise done parallel to the weight loss. My illness makes me feel happier at home than venturing outside. I decided to do more exercise at home by clearing all the clutter in the flat.

Over the years I have accumulated so much junk that only Kim and Aggie could have helped me. The guestroom was a total tip. I literally disposed binbag after binbag of clutter.

I also decided to use some of the items hoarded after numerous shopping trips. When I looked for the shopping bags behind the bed to my horror there were none to be seen. My kleptomaniac mother was the only culprit. This triggered off an intense rage within me. Part by part I physically dismantled the bed which reduced my anger. This was the episode which completely broke the trust with my parents. There is nothing more dangerous than an angry psychotic.

The sad thing was that my mother is rich enough to afford anything she wants without resorting to stealing. But most of the clutter was removed which redistributed my fat.

EXERCISE

I have never been one for callesthenics. My father very kindly offered to pay for a gym subscription but I declined. He even offered to sponsor my weight loss. But I preferred to be fat and miserable.

The only exercise I took was daily 20-minute walks in the locality. It costs nothing and there is no financial burden playing on my mind.

If I am physically fit then I am more mentally fit. The more depressed I become the less often I venture out.

THE STORY SO FAR

I did lose a lot of weight but subsequently put some more back on. Nowadays my weight yo-yos directly proportionately with my mood. I do hope that this advice has been useful.

I am now off to have milk and cookies with Bridget, Holly and Kendra!

UPDATED July 2006

It's a shame that women don't make passes at guys who wear glasses. But love is blind.

HOT GOSSIP - KENNY EVERETT

Regular readers of my ops will know that I am a gossip. the main reasons being that I was an only child, hardly had any childhood friends and my Bengali background. Even now I have difficulty forming and maintaining relationships.

Once people realise that I am a gossip, they will deliberately lie in order to gain a moral victory. But once I find out about the lie, my psychotic anger takes over and things will never be the same again.

Over the past 3 years my father has allegedly lied constantly to us. I believe that one of his patients told him about my ops and that he wanted revenge. I feel less anxiety if I don't speak to him at all. But if one does not trust one's own parents then that is storing up trouble for the future.

Just over a year ago, an Indian restaurant owner completely took the p*ss out of me. He allegedly lied non-stop. I just went along with the charade. Shame that his business closed down soon afterwards.

From Russia with love - Matt Munro.

A similar occurrence took place with an elderly Indian woman a few weeks later. She simply allegedly lied through her teeth. But she has to deal with an Indian mother-in-law which is revenge enough.

At work I had a similar problem. My boss and a few other colleagues allegedly deliberately lied to me. When I found out about these lies I lost my temper. I got revenge by claiming that a piece of software was completely working when there were bugs in it. It was only when I moved to another project that my mistakes were uncovered.

When I moved to London, I thought that my uncle and aunty would give me shelter in their home. Instead I ended up with the landlady from hell. My aunty soon realised that I was a gossip. So she faked a pregnancy thinking that I would broadcast the news. She allegedly told me that she had missed a period.

I was working all hours and was too tired to spend my salary. So she exploited me by coercing me to give her nursing friends interest-free loans. Although the money was later paid back in full, the whole episode caused me anxiety. Also was the fact that I had to keep the loans secret from my uncle. She also allegedly abused her son which was awful to take at the time.

When my aunty got involved with my uncle, my parents were totally against the union. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and befriended her. But her later behaviour with me proved that my parents were right all along.

On my uncle's wedding day I thought that my mother was attending a funeral. She thought that my uncle would be happier being married to a Bengali rather than a Filipina. Mothers are always right. But I have only seen my aunty on a handful of occasions in the past two decades. I hope that I have done the right thing. Every little hinders.

A few years ago I made an acquaintance at a shop I frequent. Initially he was very trusting. But once he found out that I was a gossip, his tone changed. One week he said something which was entirely plausible. The following week he said the exact opposite which was also plausible. But I lost faith in him. Now I just say a quick 'hi' and move on. Every little hinders.

A couple of years ago I was waiting at a Tesco self-till. In front of me were a couple of Fulham FC fans wearing their football scarves. I asked them about the match. They said that the result was 2-0. When I got home, I found out that the result was actually 3-1. I was had. But if they deliberately lied about the score in the FA Cup tie with Leyton Orient, I would have believed them!

There is actually a cure to my gossipy nature. About 15 years ago I attended a family gathering of my father's family in India. They arrived in dribs and drabs. Initially it was quite fun finding out what everyone got up to. But by the third day, my poor brain could not take any more. I am a Bengali, get me out of here!

So the way to cure a gossip is to overload him with information and not include any lies.

DAILY EXPRESS

I only started reading this newspaper after seeing the adverts in OK! magazine. It is a very good read. But the third page is not as good as the Sun! I love reading the latest thoughts of Keeley, Nikkala, Zoe etc. Seeing Page 3 Girls really boosts my self-esteem.

At first the daily newspapers delivered at home always used to be broadsheets such as the Daily Telegraph, Guardian etc. This carried on until my early teens. Reading the broadsheets increased my knowledge and even my behaviour. I was polite, courteous and respected everyone.

Afterwards my father met his best friend Sam who converted him to tabloids. Certainly the morality in the house dipped thereafter. Every time my father had a problem he went to Sam first totally bypassing my mother. I was as useful as the ugly flock wallpaper decor.

I must relate one funny incident. After Sam's influence my father ordered 'The News of the World' on Sundays. I used to race to the letterbox just to see the dirty pictures. On one occasion my father beat me to the paper. And he cut out the naked breasts of a model and hid the cut-out. I spent all morning searching for the missing cut-out but to no avail. Eventually my father relented and my anger subsided.

Nowadays I mainly read the Express for its excellent investigative reporting of the Princess Diana murder case. All the other newspapers merely thought that it was a car accident which killed her. But the Express knows different. Operation Paget will succeed. Remember where you read it first!

Through reading the Express, the events of that fateful night in Paris have become clearer. Princess Diana was soon going to announce her pregnancy. The order was then given to assassinate her.

Both MI6 and French secret service agents were out in force in Paris that evening. The cameras in front of a French Government building and in the tunnel were mysteriously switched off. The paparazzi chasing the Mercedes contained at least one French secret service agent. A laser light was shone into the eyes of chauffeur Henri Paul. Princess Diana's handbag and its contents were also mysteriously stolen from the back of the crashed Mercedes. The crash site was cleaned up within 4 hours of the crash to cover-up any clues. Detergent was used to clean the area again to cover-up any evidence.

The murderer may have been later mysteriously murdered as a cover-up. Two eye-witnesses to the crash were also mysteriously murdered. A bogus ambulance crew was sent to treat Princess Diana but finished her off. On arrival at the hospital, her body was embalmed to prevent any knowledge of her pregnancy leaking out. Henri Paul's blood sample was swapped with that of another patient in the morgue. This rogue sample gave the abnormally high carbon monoxide results.

I suspect that certain newspaper allegations that Henri Paul worked for British Intelligence on the night of the crash may be true. I have no reason not to never believe any other nonsensical argument.

Mr Paul earned a reasonable salary as chauffeur. But the large amounts of money found in his bank account(s?) meant that he had another source of income which was not declared to the taxman.

Espionage is a strange game. My hero Fox Mulder's motto was "Trust no-one". Ethan Hunt of Mission Impossible fame did well by not trusting anyone. Thandie Newton. Jim Phelps was one of my heroes in the 1970s. I spy with my little eye something beginning with...

I can remember reading about an incident in the 1950s when Prince Philip allegedly called the Daily Express "a load of rubbish". Will the past come back to haunt him?

ORDER ORDER

After reading so many articles about Princess Diana's murder, one fact stands out. The order to murder Princess Diana came from the very top. What does this mean?

I believe that the whole Princess Diana murder scenario smacks of Black World politics. My knowledge of Black World politics is very limited. I have mainly learnt about this from watching 'The X-Files', 'Dark Skies' and various documentaries on the Discovery and History channels.

A few years ago I read in the National Enquirer that an US secret agent allegedly told someone who told a reporter that Princess Diana would be dead in a few weeks. This proved to be spot on. If the murder was a collusion just between the British and French Governments then how did the Americans know about it?

In the UK, a lot of politicians join the House of Lords in later life. At least they are visible. But what happens to US politicians? I read an article about General Alexander Haig. He made comments about some forthcoming event but later had his knuckles rapped for disclosing the sensitive information. Do US politicians enter Black World politics?

If the order to murder Princess Diana came from the very top then the subsequent cover-up would be very difficult to uncover. But my experience of UFOs tells me that no cover-up is completely secure. The truth will always find some way of leaking out.

The American courts have already refused to hand over vital documents in the Princess Diana murder case. Under the Freedom of Information Act they should release every document requested.

In future any document will probably have a few pages missing and certain words will be blacked out. But often in these cases the people involved in Princess Diana's murder will make death-bed confessions just to ease their conscience.

There are ways of knowing what the Princess Diana assassination files contain. About 20 years ago I saw an excellent 'Horizon' programme on BBC2 about the parapsychologists Targ and Puthoff. They put forward the concept of remote viewing.

This enables one to mentally tune into a target given some geographical coordinates. Once tuned in, the viewer can describe the target in every detail. The results are very impressive. In effect it is a scientific version of the work psychics do.

I was reading about an unique parapsychology experiment where one volunteer had an out-of-the-body experience. Spy satellites had discoved a new nuclear station in China. No-one from the West had even seen it.
 

...less