So I don't go to the barber's anymore. In any case, I don't have that much hair these days. It may be something to do with me being the Most Virile Man in the World, or it may be to do with me stressing so much about little things like: will ebony and ivory ever live together in perfect harmony; and war: what IS it good for. Or it might just be that I'm getting on a bit. Point is, I don't have the flowing tresses I once had so I'm buggered if I'm going to spend five pounds - that I could be buying all my family's Christmas presents with - on a haircut.
That's why I bought the Phillips 5010 Super Easy hair clipper.
WHAT'S THAT THEN? It's like an electric shaver for your head hair.
WHAT DO YOU GET WITH IT, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE? You get the clipper itself, a "flexicomb" attachment, the power cord (which is about 3m long) and a brush for cleaning the blades.
WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS A FLEXICOMB? It's an attachment that slides over the blades of the clipper, allowing you to determine what length your hair will be when you shave it. The flexicomb (see picture below) slides into the body of the shaver itself and locks firmly into place with a satisfying click. And as you run the comb attachment over your hair, its springloaded action enables it to adjust itself to the shape of your head. Luckily, my head is a perfect cube shape; I don't know if it would struggle with someone who had a dodecahedron-shaped head. If YOU have a dodecahedron-shaped head, then please buy a PHILIPS QC 5010 and let me know how it works. But don't come anywhere near me.
HOW DO YOU CHANGE THE LENGTH ONCE THE FLEXICOMB IS LOCKED IN PLACE, EH? You twist the base of the razor till it increases/decreases the distance between the flexicomb and the blades. There's a little window at the bottom with a number indicating what length in millimetres it will cut your hair. It goes from 3 mm to 21 mm, at 3mm intervals. This is roughly equivalent of grades 1-6, if that's what you're used to asking for at the barber's. If you take the flexicomb off and just shave with the blades, you get a cut a fraction of a millimetre long and your grandma will say you look like a convict/one of the gays.
WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT ALL THAT, THEN? The main selling point for me was the flexicomb. All the clippers I'd used in the past came with a selection of length attachments which kind of snapped into place over the blade. Which is all very well, but once you use them for a good while, the attachments stretch and are prone to falling off, mid-cut. This happened one time while I was shaving the back of my head and I didn't notice until I had shaved a three inch square of near-baldness into my hair. I went to karaoke that night looking like a right mental. The flexicomb slides a good inch and a bit into the body of the shaver, so there's no budging once it's locked into place, and so you'll only go to karaoke looking a right mental if you actually are one.
IS IT REALLY "SUPER EASY" TO USE? I think "super easy" is taking it a bit far. Drinking a glass of Tizer is super easy. Using the Philips QC 5010 is just easy.
YEAH, WHAT ELSE? Er, it's pretty light. The boxed weight is only 1kg, so unboxed it's, well, a bit less than 1kg. This may be a good thing if you are a weakling, or a bad thing if you ever drop it and it breaks. I am unwilling to drop it on purpose to see if it smashes; I would do anything for love (of Ciao) but I won't do that. It's not cordless, but frankly, I don't care about that. Imagine you were using a cordless, rechargeable clipper to shave your hair in preparation for the Ambassador's Ball and the battery ran out half way through! What the hell would you do then? Go to the Ambassador's Ball with half your hair long and half of it short, like Phil Oakey off of Human League? I know I wouldn't: I'd probably just stay in and watch telly instead, if there was something good on. Oh, and it's "lubricated for life" (too many jokes) so you never have to oil it. And the nature of the flexicomb means that you don't really get much hair stuck in the blades, so it's dead easy to clean with the brush provided.
IS THAT JUST FOR BOYS THEN? No - if you are Sinead O'Connor or Demi Moore in that film or a lady who likes ladies you may also wish to have very short hair, and you can buy one of these.
CAN I TRIM MY BEARD WITH IT? I suppose you could, if you wanted your beard to be 3mm long. Or 6mm. Or 9mm. But what if you wanted it to be 4mm long? You'd be buggered, that's what, and should probably buy a beard trimmer instead/as well
DO I HAVE TO CUT MY OWN HAIR? No, you could have a friend do it for you as long as they are a responsible adult. Best not to call them any bad names or sleep with their wife or forget to feed their cat for them when they went on holiday or anything before letting them loose on your hair, though.
CAN I WASH THE QC 5010 WITH WATER? No, that's crazy talk.
SO SHOULD I BUY THIS CLIPPER THEN? If you want. I don't really care, I'm not on commission or anything. But if you were going to buy a clipper anyway then you could do much worse than this one. It's reasonably priced (usually £24.99 but mine was reduced to £19.99 in Argos. Oh, and I've just found it online for £17.99 . Bollocks.) And it gives a good, even cut, without fear of bits falling off (fnar). So yeah, buy one, if you feel like it. Maybe I should be on commission, Mr Philips (first name: Philip. Probably.) What are you waiting for? Go and get a PHILIPS QC 5010 Super Easy hair clipper and give yourself a pretty sweet haircut.
I may have looked like a right mental, but I sang brilliantly; people shed real tears.
Select from 0-21mm cut length (3mm increments). Length lock prevents accidents. Contour following comb glides for an even. easy cut. Mains only operation from 240V...
wave technology Ultralight ergonomic design for easy handling Swing away clipping system Maintenance free cutting element lubricated for life, no need for oil or...
