Want handsome hair? Read my latest review to find out how you can.
Want handsome hair? Read my latest review to find out how you can.
Member since:08.03.2005
Reviews:14
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I've had pretty much no energy lately. I think it may be something to do with the fact that I have been carrying out my own version of Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me" called "Beef-and-Tomato-Pot-Noodle Me". I don't seem to have gained as much weight as that dude did, but I have noticed that I've been a bit more confused lately, and I don't think I can see the colour green as well as I used to.
Anyway, I decided that I needed to motivate myself, and at times like this, I find that nothing is more inspirational to me than the music off the Bodyform advert, so I went down to HMV all full of hope, but it turns out that that shit is Not Available in the Shops. By this point, I was pretty much ready to blow my brains out, but then I remembered this shit-hot poem that we did in English once that is by the guy who wrote the Jungle Book (before he got pissed off with writing and went to bake exceedingly good cakes instead).
The poem, as you will probably know, is called "If" and luckily I managed to find it on the internet, thus saving the hassle of going to the Library, which is a big building full of books where people go to talk on mobile phones. So I read the poem again and god damn it if I wasn't motivated as hell in about 43 seconds. Trouble was, I was only motivated to write The Jungle Book and bake exceedindly good cakes, and since I wasn't going to get any Ciao points for either of those things, I thought I'd tinker the words of the poem a bit so they were a bit more appropriate to the story of cool that is my life.
Here it is. I hope you like it (so much that you give me an E, even though it is only a poem and thus not six pages long).
If…(you can be arsed) by Robbo D. 2000
If you can write and punctuate and spell And your grammar is the stuff of dreams, And you care not that that which you do oh so well Makes you freakish round here, or so it seems, If you haven't a job and more cash do you seek And have you a life? Well, no, not as such, Write sixty reviews in your very first week Then wait for the cash, but don't expect much
If the words that you type both inform and amuse If your writing is succinct and clear and concise, And you care not that fools here may all air such views As "It's not long enough: write more - that's my advice" If the praise of your peers brings a smile to your face And to make others laugh makes you happy and proud, But you don't care that though they all think you are ace They won't type the longhand of "I laughed out loud"
If you can write about beans in a comical style Or microwave meals or tinned curry paste, And not mind that while many a person will smile There'll be one bore who wants to know more 'bout the taste If your life is lived out with your virtual pals Whose kind words assure you that you're Number One And you don't care that all normal guys and gals Are out on the town having actual fun
If you care about points and bright coloured dots And rush home at night to see if you've turned green If you're lured by the diamond or prized golden spot But haven't a clue what that shit really means If you can fill the unforgiving day, With twenty four hours sat on your bum Then Ciao is for you, and all those who use it And - which is more - you'll be a massive, absolutely colossal, complete no-life loser, er, my son!
Shit, I have pretty much got a tear in my eye from reading that. I am so motivated that I am going to go and take up Yogacise or something.
Later,
Robbo
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Apr 4th, 2006
exceptional by (47%):
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