I have spent a couple of weeks now getting used to this site and have written a couple of reviews based on my collection of girly films and cheesy pop music! However, I noticed that many people had written creative writing type pieces that were not reviewing products and I toyed with the idea of submitting one of my poems for several days as I hate people reading my work (it's not so good!) but in the end I have decided to go for it (I'm still not sure, however, whether I will end up clicking on "Publish"!) I thought I would submit this poem that I wrote a while ago after seeing a news story about drink driving. I don't drive myself but I have certainly made my share of bad decisions after a few glasses and wanted to demonstrate how it can happen to anyone and how one bad decision made in a weak moment can change your whole future, and that of others. I hope it's OK and you don't find it too awful! I'm really nervous!
Now She Sleeps
Work tomorrow, more to follow, drowns her sorrow, downs her drink. People laughing, glasses clinking, voices singing, stands to leave.
Cold air hits her, icy winter, makes her shiver, spots her car. Head still clear, car is here, home’s so near, what’s the harm?
Drives intently, road is empty, eyes are heavy, needs to sleep. Nearly home now, just a moment, keep them open, don’t be weak.
Lights are blurring, colours swirling, car is swerving, something’s wrong. Needs to focus, hands unsteady, eyes so heavy, what’s that bang?
Heart is pounding, pulling over, quickly sobre, starts to shake. Sound of screaming, someone’s crying, girl is lying in the road.
Cars are beeping, mother weeping, blood is seeping to the ground. Air is chilling, noises dimming, colours spinning, what’s she done?
For three glasses, was it worth it? Can’t reverse it, now she lies. Two years old, a life untold, just mum to hold her as she dies.
Leaves are blowing, grass is growing, noses blowing, put to sleep. A conscience aching, hands are shaking, hearts are breaking, RIP.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
You have an excellent talent for poetry, You have done what every poet should do in a poem. You have communicated a message in verse with clear metre and imagery. Well done, be encouraged and keep up with the writing.
Tricksty 06.09.2008 19:52
Wonderful.Very sad but I really like the metre. xx (And I agree with Kissmydonkey!) xxx
thecrowe 09.10.2007 17:05
That's excellent. Not only are your descriptive skills superb in their minimalist imagery, the metre of the poem is so fluid. I think you must know that you're a good poet ;-)
Jun 25th, 2006
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