Pork scratchings, if ever there was an unflattering yet functional name for a foodstuff that's it!!! Before going any further I had better explain to the uninitiated that there are two types of snack bearing the name "pork scratchings" one is merely expanded corn snacks (fake pork scratchings!!)the other is real pig cooked up and put in a bag (that's the one I'm referring to "real pork scratchings")!
Now I'm not 100% sure of how pork scratchings are made but I believe it involves roasting a live pig over an open fire until the skin blisters and starts to drip fat at this point the pig is released and runs to the nearest wall or tree where it vigourously rubs it's back against said stationary object thus causes the curly "chips" you may all be familiar with. Before the pig is trussed up it is given a quick shave but rogue hairs do occaisonally slip through the net leaving to sheer horror upon uncurling one during the eating process. Unbelievably this whole process only causes minor discomfort and the pig soon grows a new back due to its gluttonous lifestyle.
Pork scratchings are commonly only found in pubs and rarely in peoples homes! This is because they truly come into their own when eating them along side a pint and for many years a pint of brown booze suffised for this until a true revelation:- Guinness extra cold (obviously further details of this black gold in a glass will take place elsewhere as this blatantly isn't the right section!!)
The combination of Extra cold Guinness and pork scratchings really is a wonder of modern times I'm sure that research was undertaken pre-release as there is no way this happy accident could not have been foreseen!
Back to the fake scratchings. These are often peddled instead of the real thing and really are pretenders to the throne. With the fake scratchings there is no fear of an extremely hard one where you can lose a tooth, which really adds excitement and danger to eating the real thing (Kind of like russian roulette, By the way I'm sure it's actually toenail!) and leave a very strange taste in the mouth! The bottom line is that if you haven't tried the old scratchings give em a go! One last word of warning: don't under any circumstances eat the dusty stuff in the bottom of the packet it's almost 100% salt and will leave you with a dry mouth for at least forty days and forty nights!!
And remember:- keep it real!!
Ingredients:- PIG
Where to find them:- PUB
Packaging:- BAG
Cost:- 50p-ish
BEAUTIFUL!!!!
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May 5th, 2002
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