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As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see my future and my past: I see warning signs that I really must be aware of. The future represents a fire, a fire I have seen often in my life, our weekly burn up in the garden where all old papers go up in smoke. I also see the sign of money, all £2.95 being licked at by the blue and yellow flames. Through the minds eye, I see another glimpse of burnt money £23.32 for a year’s subscription but I know that does not belong to me. I have a premonition which has come too late. I realize how my well earned money has been wasted.
In the present I see a magazine called Prediction, a glossy magazine produced and printed by IPC Media Ltd. What do I see? Shush! I need to concentrate my powers. (Daughter please turn that 3 of a kind – Baby Cakes music down- how can I read and concentrate!)
Silence reigns, I caress the crystal ball and it goes blank, leaving me with a copy of Prediction magazine with my black cat lying beside me.
“What are you reading?” My black cat purrs, I look at her and tell her to be quiet. I mean, I escape from the daughter only to have one hundred and one questions from my familiar! As I open the magazine a little blue envelope falls out. I put that aside thinking to open it later. The familiar chews the edges.
Confronted with a whole page spread of an advert telling me they are my Spiritual Advisors, offering me insight and guidance. I see a telephone number and a twenty minute psychic reading for ONLY £29.95 then £1.50 per minute thereafter. Free phone, payment by credit or debit card. At those prices no wonder they can afford one of the best advertising spaces in the magazine.
Warning -The crystal ball lights up again. Flashing - Financial advisor. My familiar twitches her whiskers and shakes her head. My eyes stray across the contents page, the cat settles down, as the light goes out in the crystal ball.
August, 2004 - Volume 70 - Number 8, it looks as if this magazine has been around for a while. My crystal ball confirms that it has been in print since 1936 – a well established magazine. Astrology, features, regulars, it is a pretty normal layout. This appears easy to read. My cat begins to scratch her head, pretty bored by all accounts, reflecting what I am thinking.
I read the note from the editor. The first paragraph throws me, I re-read it. The editor cannot understand why people go abroad for hot weather as Britain is also hot in the summer months. My familiar looks at me warily as I laugh. “Read on; Read on” she head butts me. Winter, yes go away in winter much better for SAD sufferers.
I consult my crystal ball – June, July, August, wind and rain. Winter - probably sunshine. Read on, the cat the begs – ‘August is the month when most Leo’s have their birthday’s ‘
My crystal ball gleams figures at me and tells me that the astrology calendar is roughly 22rd July to 22rd August, for Leo, statistically the ball agrees with the editor.
Features - I decide to look at one of the cover stories.
* Beat Stress Naturally. – I know a lot about this, I do not even have to consult my crystal ball on this one. The cat stretches knowingly and relaxes gently -not a stressed muscle in her body.
Holistic healing – Saying that we all suffer from stress at times - The article mentions very briefly about the biological process ‘fight or flee’ Then talks about every day stress and that we all suffer from it. The cat yawns.
Adrenalin pumping in my veins, my heart rate increases, my blood pressure rises. All of this can make our immune system weaken. So tell me something new? Oh, I am a human being so it is normal. Relax. There is mention of playing soft music, having time out for a relaxing bath and using Lavender. Exercise daily, but a word of warning only do what you can do, and if you are not sure see your doctor. Eat fresh fruit and vegetables and try not to smoke, drink or take prescribed drugs. Remember you could talk to friends or a counselor. Changes do not happen overnight. I turn the page – As a large yawning mouth appears in the crystal ball.
Oh! Bikram Yoga, a room heated to 100F and twenty six poses. The crystal ball flashes the £ sign – Only £11.50 per session.
Have a cup of tea? A calming drink which contains less caffeine than coffee
Time for me to consult my crystal ball.
What can I see? The haze clears, two messages –
My crystal ball jerks rapidly, it tells me, tea CAN contain more caffeine than coffee – Caffeine, yes that white drug that is put into our food and drink – the drug that causes over stimulation, excitement, anxiety and abnormally increases sensitivity. It is the white powder that is also known as xanthine. Don’t be fooled though, as caffeine free could be just as bad, it depends on how the caffeine has been eliminated.
STRESS – Make love – if you have a partner. Play with your familiar – if you have a cat. Animals are wonderful for helping with stress. Go for a long walk, daydream, have plenty of rest, sleep, fresh fruit and exercise. And above all take time for the pursuits you enjoy and ones which make you laugh. Laughter is one of the best remedies for stress.
Back to the magazine.
*ZINC – An essential mineral which stimulates the activity of approximately 100 enzymes. It tells us that an easier way to take Zinc is by taking a supplement. Consult with your doctor, but of course. It is has also been linked with low sperm count in men. Oysters are an excellent source of Zinc.
My crystal ball tells me.
Zinc is an essential mineral which stimulates the activity of approximately 200 enzymes. Men need more zinc than women, especially if they are sexually active. Vegetarians must be aware that there could be less Zinc in their diet as the main source comes from meat. Protein is the main source. Too little Zinc could mean diarrhea, too much Zinc can cause diarrhea. Yes, oysters are excellent but how often do we have these on the weekly menu? Chick peas, baked beans, and cheese all have Zinc - message from the cat – eat a balanced diet. And men - more beans on toast and as an extra why not have that little bit on top.
A selection of books, websites and CD reviews, at full price, spells, fairies, every day magic and sex and spirituality. The cat nudges me and points to my Cygnus magazine that she is flicking through. The magazine that is sent to me free and is full of books and C.D’s I like, and at a reduced price. I stroke her head in appreciation –Shrewd pussy.
The magazine shows me glossy pictures of San Francisco and Tales from the City. At last, something where I can learn something new.
*Do I believe I am ‘a transexual alien from the planet Nanoo-Nanoo?’ Apparently San Francisco is a place where ‘Anything goes’ That is of course unless you are a smoker as this is restricted in most public buildings including bars. Talk about the weather, bookshops, healing centres, money, transport and some history. Oh yes and apparently there is some quite unusual behaviour. That must be why I thought I was an alien. The cat scratches her bottom.
Letters to a Ghost Hunter *A selection of letters to Jason Karl, a T.V presenter.
The first letter is about a haunted inn. A photograph, is it a ghost, or a fault with the camera? The letter makes for interesting reading.
My eyes scan the page for the answer, is it an advertisement? Oh sorry, my mistake, the answer offers the writer to buy Karl’s book that just so happens to be published in October, or failing that why not go back to the Inn in September. for a special evening that will cost you £100 per head. B&B with a two course meal.
50 ways to become a psychic part 2 - this starts from number 26 If I want to find out the first 1 -25 ways I will have to fork out another £2.95 for a back copy. The familiar snarls thinking of all the extra food I could buy her and the crystal ball flashes – Do you really need to know what you know already, just use me as your guide.
My amethyst sitting at the side of the bed gives a wry smile as I read out loud; take a crystal to bed with you. Sorry, no threesome’s in our house.
Inspire a trance state by dancing like a Muslim in a religious exercise which can lead to a trance. – I can think of far easier ways of going into a trance without ending up in hospital with high blood pressure and multiple fractures after falling over my barking dog.
And last Number 50 - Joining or forming a psychic group for development. My crystal ball tells me this should have been number one if you are that interested, the rest would have come naturally.
My black cat, born on 31st October begins to pull the pages, nudging me; she is fed up with the giggles and sighs that keep shaking the bed. Read the horoscopes she demands. I deftly put my finger across the picture of the suitcase on her 2nd week – I have not told her yet that she is going to a cattery for two weeks. More sulking from her I suppose. Mind you in the second week it looks as if she will find a cattery romance. August shows me that she will receive my postcard but I think she will be annoyed as quarrels are on the horizon. Finally in the last week when I pick her up she will know I love her and that she will have good luck.
And my horoscope? Expect the unexpected – there may be financial problems, yes I am going on holiday I suppose that means another delay at the airport and I will spend a lot of money as usual.
*Diary dates –
Here we have a whole page of events in the United Kingdom - From Visions of the virgin to the Science of Vibration.
*An article on the Lovers card in the tarot pack
Tarot my cat jumps up smiling – Fame at last. A whole two pages named after her. She walks across the page, smiling. Love and Sex - She flops down dismayed, she never did like being neutered. The way I see it, if you read the cards you would have needed a book to begin with. So what’s the point of reading the article?
*Dreams - discover what hair and the head means.
At last something which is quite interesting and I can pull it out and put in my dream book for future reference.
*** It is now your turn to make a prediction – Before you read on, I want you to predict what I think of this magazine?
First of all I would like to know why it costs so much money. The companies pay for their advertisements and believe me, for a magazine with 90 pages and with over one third of it adverts, in different sizes, half pages and quarter pages as well as smaller ads and larger ones the whole magazine looks like a yellow pages for psychics and the like. I was wondering where all the money goes for this magazine, it is not spent on models as there only appears to be one or maybe they just look the same.
Perhaps it was spent on the trip to San Fransciso to find out whether we are all transexual aliens from the planet Nanoo- Nanoo.
The editorial is not always correct and I found that if something is suggested then doctors were always mentioned, it is as if they are always covering themselves legally. Why don’t they just put a Prediction health warning? Warning – Don’t try some of the ideas in this magazine without consulting a doctor first.
The editorial on some pages remind me of a jumping jack rabbit One piece of editorial actually starts on one page and continues half way down the next page, underneath another piece of editorial. In newspapers this happens but we are normally guided to the rest of the text, not so here, I had to consult my crystal ball.
Another feature is, black font on a background that is predominantly different shades of light and dark blue and white. I found it so tiring to read I did not bother which was a shame because it actually started off as pretty interesting reading.
I think what really annoys me is the price of £2.95 per month, for to me, there was no real editorial that one could really ‘get their teeth into’. Also there are no real special offers. I also get annoyed that the services advertised are so expensive, because from my experience apart from people seeing a psychic for the experience and the ‘longing to know factor’ a lot of vulnerable people phone the expensive help lines and to me, that is taking money from other people’s misery. I know we live in a world that is money orientated but peace of mind and help from others should be freely available. I am not saying do not write and sell books about the subjects, what I am saying, is the exorbitant prices only help to put the whole subject in the corner of a greedy money making industry. I know the magazine does not set the prices for the advertisers but the whole magazine to me appeared to be huge money making venture with an exorbitant price and very little worthy information.
All in all I found it to be one of the worst magazines that I have ever bought. So I would give it zero. The website for interested readers is WWW.predictionmagazine.co.uk (There are some interesting website links on here)
I am not a skeptic when it comes to matters of the psychic nature, having experienced many strange phenomena myself and having seen into the future in dreams and paranormal experiences. I attended a spiritualist church for a few years and I have sat in circle, this was all very helpful to me when my mind needed answers . I have also read many books on the subject.
I read healing books and do believe that under certain circumstances healing can take place. I believe in nature as a healing source through various plants. I believe that unconditional love can overcome many obstacles in this life.
I also believe that a mishmash of information that this magazine gives it’s readers cannot really help anyone.
If you want to learn about plants read a good book on healing therapy. If you want to learn a bit about healing read a Harry Edwards book - go to the public library. Similarly other subjects like stress and minerals - off you go to the library and hey, you can even buy yourself a little bottle of wine to drink while you are reading and de-stressing, much better than me di – stressing over wasted money! If you really do need help with personal problems there are some free sites on the internet where you can get help.
My crystal ball now tells me it is time for the cat and I to rest. – Her final prediction is that I will never waste my money on this magazine again and I shall think of ways of using this magazine instead of just giving it to my husband to burn. (Yes, I know it can be recycled – what a waste of a tree!) Hey, I just thought of an idea, I could line the cat litter tray. Oh! I forgot she doesn’t use one. I shall just have to think harder. I shall let you know.
P.S. I opened that envelope and guess what? If I spend at least £6 in phone calls, I may become a millionaire. Just off to phone Del boy.
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Brilliant review and well written
Tried this magazine myself and agree wholeheartedly with you
Am always on the lookout for stories etc for my club members so often buy magazines like this but will never get this one again. Too expensive and not enough info
Floon 02.09.2004 18:44
A highly original and entertaining review...Les
kthdsn 29.08.2004 18:29
Not my kind of thing anyway but even so it doesn't sound that great. Kate xx