Recipes for Desserts > Reviews (217)

I have worked longish and hardish at becoming the chocolate brownie queen. I used to be a relationship with a lying scumbag who said that he would do all the cooking in exchange for never having to use the washing machine, which I thought was all fair and equal and agreeable to my feminist self. My idea of an exotic gourmet meal is stew, which was taught to me mere weeks ago. As it turns out, as it does with lying scumbags, the scumbag's idea of breakfast/lunch/snack/posh dinner party/someone's birthday/barbecue was rice. he would bore me for more hours than I care to remember with daily lectures about how you must always but ALWAYS wash the rice first. Scarred forever, my idea of gourmet is still stew. when the relationship ended, (with lying from various scumbags) I decided to bake. no longer was I relient upon a man and his rice. I was independant, relieved of the relationship and I WOULD BAKE. A fitting start to a new cycle. A rite of passage, if you will. Moving on and moving up.

so I started at the bottom with chocolate crispies and burnt the Dairy Milk. But I lived and Learned. Always melt the chocolate in a pan that's over the pan of water, never directly in the actual pan that's actually directly over the heat. but I got the idea of it and made my way up to fruit scones and, full of my own importance, decided that I was ready for brownies. nobody in the family does brownies so this would be my signiture cake and I would forever be the queen. my old, rashly bought 'Complete Vegatarian Cooking' told me nothing except how to make sandwiches and cook with rice, so I looked in a book stolen from a drunken friend and found a scrumptious looking recipe involving walnuts and real bars of chocolate. I duly followed the recipe and undercooked. I started again and, after making something with a seriously disgusting for and aftertaste, will tell you this: Walnuts are for Christmas and never for cake. I then omitted the walnuts and made something with a seriously disgusting aftertaste, so I was almost there. All that remained for me to do was give up and make rock cakes.

Fate finally found me the perfect recipe after a chance encounter, in a car boot sale, with a book that was written in the the year of my birth. So I shall now reveal my own interpretation to you. use it wisely, please. overdose on them, never waste and never mention the word 'walnut' in it's prescence.

Jasmine's Brownies Extraordinaire:

Born in the wrong era, I use metric:

2 large eggs, medium will be dandy enough
8oz castor sugar
2oz softened marg/butter (melting the marg/butter will ruin everything, and we'd have to discuss the whole aftertaste thing again)
1/2 tsp vanilla esscence
3/4/5 tbs heaped higher the Andes with cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
3oz plain flour
pinch of salt
2oz chopped walnuts (No No No)

Turn your oven on to gas mark 4. Grease a 20cm/8 inch tin with margarine. Whisk (which involves elbow grease) or beat (Far easier) the eggs and sugar until the mixture is thick and creamy, then beat in the butter and vanilla esscence.

If the butter isn't soft enough, you'll end up with lumps of it in the mixture. be sure to leave it at room temperature for about 15 minutes at the very least, or until you can squeeze the sides of the marg tub in easily.
Sieve in the flour, cocoa powder, salt and baking powder and fold into the mixture. No sieve? no problem. You'll end up with little lumps of cocoa powder in your brownies, but it'll still taste beautiful. Next, make a mental note to buy a sieve anyway. So fold the flour etc... into the mixture, then pour into your aforeprepared tin.
Whack it in the oven and sit back and relax for 1/2 hour - 45 minutes. You might like to do the Times crossword during this time, or listen to The Streets. When the aroma of chocolate gently twinkles it's way to your nose, it's almost ready. take a look, and if the brownies don't have a nice brown crust and are still soggy looking, you're being far too hasty. Chill, my friend, with a glass of wine or a can of your favourite lager until such a time comes. After taking the usual safety precautions - oven gloves or multi-folded tea towel - take them out of the oven and cool until you're able to cut them and touch them without fear of blisters. Cut into the squares of your desired size, or eat the whole lot like a giant brownie, you pig. I like to cut them small so that it looks like there's loads more on the plate and just plain looks better when displayed in my kitchen. Also, there's less for the kids to waste and more for me.

With luck, divine guidance and a certain amount of skill, your brownies will taste delicious and will attract new friends and influence people. I'm no food critic and my idea of gourmet is still stew, remember, so I can't really describe the taste. yummy, perhaps, or like little squares of Nirvana (not the band). Bon appetit and au revoir.

PS: Excuse any errors to do with capitals. I got my PC only yesterday and don't actually seem to have Word, just various versions of Notepad.