Bulmers Scrumpy Jack Cider > Reviews (18)

OI LOIKS COIDERR!!!

The above sentence, is my best literary attempt at writing the sentence "I LIKE CIDER." in a English country accent. It is not intended to insult anyone, or to extract the michael out of anyone who resides in any of the major cider making areas of England. It simply expresses, in words, the type of mental image I get when I drink a good cider.

You see, these cider-supping countryfolk, or wurzels, as I believe they are known, have things all worked out. Here we are, drinking beer or lager without ever fully quenching our thirst, and there they are still able to wear a sack cloth, and suck on a bit of corn in blistering heat. I, however am still sweating in my back garden, wearing nothing buy my best tighty-whities!

So, with this knowledge in my head, I started drinking different ciders recently, especially now that the temperatures have been slowly rising. The results speak for themselves. No longer do I have to humiliate myself by sitting in my pants, with waves of sweat dripping from my brow. I do not live in fear, any more, of the neighbours phoning the zoo to report a missing chimp, and also complimenting the zoo for teaching a primate to wear boxers.

The best by far, that I have sampled so far is scrumpy jack. Using such apples, as the dabinet, or the chisel jersey amongst others (my personal favourite being the brown snout!), the cider combines great thirst quenchability, and a lovely crisp taste. It gets you at the back of the mouth, and does makes you smack your lips together. It gives you the look of a dogs bum. You know, like you have just sucked a lemon. But the result of this is, that it is not sickening like some of the sweeter ciders out there.

And, I suppose these guys should know, having brewed cider since the 1700's. That makes them one of the longest running cider producers in England. Experience, it seems, counts for a lot with cider making.

The drink is well finished, combining crispness, and fruity taste at the same time. All this, in a honey coloured, apple smelling liquid! And at 6.0% alcohol, after six or seven of these you will be singing "I've got a brand new combine 'arvester" at an annoyingly loud level. Also, it's one of the cheaper ones out there. I wouldn't say that I am tight, but when it comes to money, moths don't fly out of my wallet. They are usually dead due to the time they have been stuck in there. This stuff is a great bargain, at just 74p for a 500ml tin.

So, as the temperatures start to soar, try some of this stuff. Embrace your inner country yokel. buy a bail of hay to sit on, and get a ukelele. You won't regret it.

P.S. Please do not take offence to this review, all the references to countryfolk are purely in jest. Please don't be sending 'the lads' round!