My Synopsis
'Shame' is an honest account of a woman who grew up in an Asian community ruled by the gossip of the Gurdwara in Derby. This book outlines the pressures and restrictions of being a girl brought up by strict Sikh values in a community where 'Shame' and 'Dishonour' is the ultimate ... Read review
8/1/09 'I listen to those stories -- told by women who have been drugged, beaten, ... more
imprisoned, raped and terrorised within the walls of the homes they grew up in. I listen and I am humbled by their resilience.' Jasvinder Sanghera knows what it means to flee from your family under threat of forced marriage -- and to face the terrible consequences that follow. As a young girl that was just what she had to do.
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My Synopsis
'Shame' is an honest account of a woman who grew up in an Asian community ruled by the gossip of the Gurdwara in Derby. This book outlines the pressures and restrictions of being a girl brought up by strict Sikh values in a community where 'Shame' and 'Dishonour' is the ultimate betrayal and leads to being shunned and disowned by the entire family and local community.
************************************************************* ... ...Jasvinder Sanghera (or Jas as she refers to herself in the book) is the co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a community project that supports South Asian women. This project was set up to support those affected by domestic abuse and honour based crimes, the making of the project is detailed throughout the final 12 chapters of the book where Jasvinder explains how her return to education and own personal experiences inspired her to provide the services she ... more
My Synopsis
'Shame' is an honest account of a woman who grew up in an Asian community ruled by the gossip of the Gurdwara in Derby. This book outlines the pressures and restrictions of being a girl brought up by strict Sikh values in a community where 'Shame' and 'Dishonour' is the ultimate betrayal and leads to being shunned and disowned by the entire family and local community.
Jasvinder Sanghera (or Jas as she refers to herself in the book) is the co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a community project that supports South Asian women. This project was set up to support those affected by domestic abuse and honour based crimes, the making of the project is detailed throughout the final 12 chapters of the book where Jasvinder explains how her return to education and own personal experiences inspired her to provide the services she desperately needed from the age of 15 onwards.
The book is written as a life story, Jas starts with a prologue, which is set, aged 15 after running away from home to avoid a forced marriage. Chapter one - three goes back to her childhood where she saw her elder sisters be shipped off to India to meet their husbands and return to save enough money to bring them to England. From an early age Jas saw what her parents chose not to, the abuse and pain her sisters suffered for their honour.
In chapter three Jas outlines the differences in family values when it comes to children of different genders. The daughters are restricted to learning to cook and greeting family and friends. Jas and her 4 sisters shared a bedroom whilst her brother, the only son of the family was given his own room and very little in the way of restrictions when it came to growing up. Jas describes how young men were allowed to have white female friends and enjoy their time with them providing they settled down eventually with an Asian woman of the same caste.
Jas explains how her parents, especially her mother felts that being associated with a person of a different caste was unacceptable and turn them into the local gossip.
At 16 when Jasvinder ran away from home with her chosen Asian boyfriend Jassey, she was officially disowned.
Her mother described her boyfriend as 'Chamar' whereas their own family are 'Jats'. 'Jats' are landowners in India and high caste, whereas 'Chamars' were seen as the lowest caste, "people who pick up dung in the fields; some people call them untouchables".
In her first correspondence with her family since she ran away Jas recalls the conversation she had with her mother
"Thanks to you I can't walk the streets of Derby any more; I can't go to the Gurdwara because people are talking. People spit at me" "You'll get what you deserve for ruining your family. You'll see. In a few months' time you and your Chamar boyfriend will be rolling round in the gutter which is no more than you deserve. You will amount to nothing, nothing, do you hear me? I hope you give birth to a daughter who does to you what you have done to me, then you'll know what it feels like to raise a prostitute".
As the book goes on Jas raises her daughter Lisa, sees from afar the problems arranged marriages caused her sisters, one of whom was treated so badly by her husband she committed suicide, and struggled on knowing that she did not love her daughters father, her husband.
As time passes Jasvinder moves into the market trade with her husband and they make a reasonable living, buy a nice home and she is proud of what she has achieved by herself. She watches her sister's marriages fall apart one by one as the truth about what they have experienced is revealed. They turn to her, most of whom had disowned her when she left home.
Chapter 17 sees Jas having restored some kind of relationship with her mother, though a secretive one which not even her family could know about. By this time she had had a brief fling and experienced the controlling aspect of a man brought up to expect women to do everything for them and if they don't then the answer is to be violent.
The book goes on to see Jas leave the marital home and move on with her life, and in with another man. They had a child together and Jasvinder sought to revive her education, which she left behind at 16 unfortunately the relationship was not a happy one and Jasvinder found herself trapped in another abusive relationship, this time in wedlock.
As she progresses she runs aerobics classes, trains in listening skills and eventually starts up her own business Karma Nirvana in Chapter 23. Jasvinder's vision was to help women who were trapped, who had to work to a set timetable in order to keep their husbands and family happy and who couldn't 'shame' their family. When Jasvinder's mother died it made her realise that many people were ignorant to the culture and language barriers between older Asian women, her mother was shouted at in hospital by staff who thought the louder they spoke the more chance there was of them understanding her, Jasvinder made it her aim to help those women overcome such barriers and make facilities available and accessible to them.
This book isn't the best-written book ever made, but it is one, which will really tug the heartstrings. I work in the field of supporting women who have suffered domestic abuse and I learnt an awful lot about the culture by reading this book. It has really opened by eyes and I would recommend it to anybody who wants to learn that little bit more about the lifestyle, honour based crimes and arranged/force marriages.
It is an honest account of a woman who was at the bottom of the ladder and worked her way up to the top through sheer determination and without the support of her family.
I have already passed this book onto my colleagues because I feel it has really given me a greater understanding of how some Asian women struggle in the western world when forced to follow cultural traditions and values.
Karma Nirvana was set up in 1994 and can be contacted on their helpline 01332 604098, they now make referrals to refuge, offer advocacy and support, make referrals for counselling and legal support, assist with budgeting, finances, and re-housing and help women with parenting and lifestyle skills.
The link below is a true story from a survivor of domestic abuse who was helped by Karma Nirvana.
carysb 24.01.2008 (24.01.2008)
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Quick review of Shame - Jasvinder Sanghera
I believe this a breath-taking book. The story itself is true, and revolves around a young girl growing up as a woman. It elaborates on the pressures of culture and religion as an asian woman living in Derby. The story takes you through a variety of emotions, and you may feel sympathy towards the author herself as this is her story. ...
xoxaartixox 01.08.2008
Ciao members have rated this review on average: helpful Review of Shame - Jasvinder Sanghera
