Should we celebrate Halloween?
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Review of "Should we celebrate Halloween?"
"The colour of truth is grey." (Andre Gide)
It's that time of year, alas, and Ciao's 'Current Debate' topic focuses yet again on Halloween. I won't be entering, having already expressed my views on the subject in the little rhyme below. Although originating on this side of the Atlantic, the deeply unpleasant festival of Halloween had been all but forgotten here until re-imported from America in the last few decades, presumably at the instigation of peddlers of cards and costumes. It would be best sent back there forthwith.
Call me Scrooge-like, call me mean,
But I just don't like Halloween.
Call me, if you will, a grinch,
For, given half a chance, I'd pinch
This wretched festival and hide it
Far out of sight. I can't abide it
When young extortionists come knocking.
It's criminal as well as shocking.
Don't tell me they're just playing pranks;
Those copying the beastly Yanks'
Trick-or-treat protection racket
Deserve a good kick up the bracket
To teach them not to be so naughty.
Call me pompous, call me haughty
(It comes of being over forty -
All right, plus a decade or two,
Let me confess it, lest you knew)
I can't face eating squashy pumpkins,
A food not even fit for bumpkins
When followed by tooth-rotting candy;
Unless washed down with swigs of brandy
This seems like a cuisine from hell.
Meanwhile, the scooped-out pumpkin-shell,
As lantern having served its time,
Will end up full of sooty slime
Its face caved in as if by bludgeon.
You'll find me skulking in high dudgeon
Come October Thirty-First,
Blood vessels bulging, fit to burst.
I'm all for parties. Making merry
Is something I delight in; very
Much the sort of thing I like
But fancy dress can take a hike
When it consists of sheet and mask
What kind of ghost is this? I ask.
A blatant fake! All costumes ghoulish
Only end up looking foolish
Deserving no more than a snort.
Call me a killjoy spoilsport.
There are some things that really ought
Be left alone. Our autumn feast,
In England's pleasant land at least,
Is Guy Fawkes' Night, with firework fun;
We just don't need another one.
I'm not complaining of the witches;
I'm not the kind of nut who bitches
That it's Satanist or pagan,
Or from the land of Ronald Reagan,
But Halloween's the one to dump
It ought to take a running jump.
It's simply nasty and obscene
And fit for nought but the latrine,
The fetid fete of Halloween.
© torr, first published 2006For views on the vastly superior occasion of Guy Fawkes' Night see: www.ciao.co.uk/Bonfire_Night_Splendid_celebration_or_public_nuisance__Review_5798171
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Listed on Ciao since: 23/10/2006