31/07 I'm back. Yeah, I know I've been slacking but I'll catch up I'm sure. Thanks for all the messa...
31/07 I'm back. Yeah, I know I've been slacking but I'll catch up I'm sure. Thanks for all the messages, and special thanks to the best Shakespeare co-conspirator anyone could wish for.
I’ve just come down to make breakfast and there’s a package in the icebox. It wasn’t there last night and it’s not anything I’ve seen before.
OK Jack, first things first, where are Teri and Kim?
In bed
Good, go tell them to stay there, I’ll get the people together here. Call me back on the mobile, I want to be able to see what we're dealing with.
8:18am
**** Bauer mobile to CIA ops mobile
Tony, the girls are ok. Who is there with you?
I’ve got Kel from covert ops here, he’s gonna help identify the package, I’m gonna pass you onto him now.
Jack, it’s Kel tell me what you see.
Hi Kel, it’s about 5.75 by 1.5 by 1 inches,
lying flat on the grids of the top shelf.
Is it attached to anything?
No, on its own
Describe the package, any markings?
Dark brown, some sort of plasticized paper I reckon, crimped at both ends, markings all over, some not even in American. Can I move it?
*NO*, not yet Jack. I need to see this. Wait…. Tony can we record the video from this phone?
Sure, let me hook you up.
Jack, it’s Kel again, we’ve got the video feed on here. Can you *carefully* without touching the package pass the phone along its length and down the sides. Tony, get this down will you.
(Jack does as asked)
What are you getting Tony, call it out as we go along.
It’s fuzzy, no..wait..that’s it. Looks like a list, we got chocolate, peanuts, peanut butter, glucose syrup, sugar, hydrogenated vegetable fat, skimmed milk powder, salt, lactose, whey powder, egg white, milk protein, flavouring.
Whoa, that’s some heavy stuff.
Yeah it reckons 100g. Get Jack to hold the phone over the top of the package.
(Kel does so) What’ve we got now Tony?
OK I’m getting some sort of logo, red border, white background, blue writing.
Well what’s it say for Chrissake?
E..N..O..G..I..B…....S..R..E..K..C..I..N..S That’s all. I dunno, Czech maybe, Hungarian, Slav, those guys’ll use anything.
Don’t know, we’re gonna need help here.
Jack, we’re calling in some specialists. Don’t move anything I’ll call you back.
9:15am
****CIA ops mobile to Bauer mobile
Jack, it’s Kel, we’ve got the boys from weapons here. We’ve gone over the video and I’m not gonna bullshit you, this one’s a biggie. All the list of stuff we saw turns out to make up a mean ol’ recipe. We’re betting that it’s about 34gm carbohydrate, 18gm fat, and 6.1gm protein but ,and this is the real doozy, it’s got 300 calories! Jack, there’s some energy packed in that little package. The guys reckon there’s gonna be about 17% peanut inclusion as well, just to give it some real hitting power. These are whole nuts, this isn't some wimpy frag' device.
Thanks a lot Kel, make my day why don’t you, what are we gonna do about it then?
The labelling’s no help, it reckons it’s made on Mars. God, these people must think we’re dumb. We’ve put the list through the computer and it turns out it can all be neutralised with dilute hydrochloric acid, any in the kitchen Jack?
It's a kitchen for Chrissake not a science lab!
OK, OK, calm down, it was just a thought. Look the guys here think it’ll be stable enough to move from the icebox. Get a cakeslice or something and slide it out on to the counter top.
OK I’ve done that, now what?
Carefully peel apart one end of the wrapping and gently push the contents out on to the counter. Done? What’ve you got now.
It’s brown but darker than the wrapper, smooth sides, rippled top.
Right Jack, that’s what we thought, Now we need to get inside.
I’ll cut it.
NOOOOO, no metal. Look, none of the stuff on the list is poisonous, just bite it, but don’t swallow it yet. Watch out for your teeth on those inclusions. Done that? What can you see from the end.
OK, it’s laminated construction, held together by a thick chocolate shell, base layer looks to be some kind of paste, nougat maybe, top layer looks like caramel with loads of those peanut inclusions.
Right, chew and swallow, tell me what you notice.
Pleasant taste
Yeah, these things often are. That’s how they get to you.
I’ve got chocolate, peanut flavoured nougat, oversweet caramel and those dammed inclusions keep cracking between my teeth. OK that’s done
How do you feel?
Fine why?
We’ll just wait a little and see if the stomach acid acts as a neutraliser. I’ll call you back.
9:45am
****CIA ops to Bauer mobile
Jack, it’s Kel. How are you doing?
OK, fine, no effects at all.
Right, you’re gonna have to eat the rest of it now before it’s safe for us to send in a team.
Don’t worry Kel it’s already done, I found I just couldn’t stop after one mouthful. I feel fine, honestly. Just need some juice to clear out the bits from between my teeth.
(Kel hears glass smashing)
JACK, JACK, speak to me. What’s wrong?
Kel, you’d better get the team over here now. I’ve found another three in an outer wrapping, there’s a note underneath, looks like Nina’s writing but I can’t make out the words, and the countdown’s started.
WHAT, what countdown?
Kel, hurry up with that damm team, the red figures say 99 already……..
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