Tabasco Habanero Sauce

One fine day, Chris was moseying along down some food isle, pondering the mysteries of the universe and working on his plan to tow the Earth to distant galaxies with the use of giant spaceships and one helluva lot of rope, when a question popped into his head... “How can I get rid of those pesky taste buds that are taking up valuable space on my tongue?”

So he searched and searched, and what did the idiot find? Tabasco Habanero Sauce! YAYYYYY!

The idea of this stuff is, well, basically... you get some nice hot Tabasco sauce right? And then you think, hmmmm, this doesn’t burn enough, lets add a little cane sugar, vinegar, and then just for effect, the world’s hottest pepper! Sounds like a winning combination to me...

Then you put it into a 60ml glass bottle, much like the normal Tabasco except with red and yellow labels instead of red and white ones. Then that goes into a red and yellow box with a picture of said bottle on the front, with flames, y’know, because fire is generally hot and burny. Just like the sauce... I can see what you’ve done there Mr McIlhenny!

The sauce itself looks like original Tabasco, being the same colour, though it’s a little bit thicker because of the habanero in it. It also tastes like the normal sauce, except taken to the EXTREME (wooooooo!). Try putting a drop on your fingertip and then drink it off, if you’re not used to hot foods then it might well make your eyes water... be careful not to let it hit the back of your throat mind, or it WILL hurt (Speaking from experience here!). Personally, I like the taste of it, and the really crazy smell that it has... kinda sharp and pointy, in the biggest way a smell can be sharp and pointy, that is. Some people (i.e. sane ones) will find it a bit too strong and painful, and will probably throw the dinner back at you if you’ve put any in there. I always tip bucket loads in and I’m still alive, so I think that means it’s not dangerous to your health, although there is a 1teaspoon amount recommended by the Food and Drug Administration (!!). I can't remember how much I paid for it but it's usually sold for around £2.26, which is quite expensive... but then it's one of my luxury things.

☼ Suggested usage in the style of Chris ☼

Some good uses include in chilli, curry, on top of fish or chicken things, noodles and other sauces (try getting mayonnaise and sticking some in). The best way is to cook by yourself, for yourself and then you can put as much in as you want. But if you are cooking along with somebody else... it’s another story. Wait until their head is turned so you can splash loads into the food, and then pretend you didn’t do anything. Or failing that, use distraction tactics such as lobbing cutlery across the room, making animal noises, tripping them over or by putting a bag over their head.

☼ And finally... some recipes by me! ☼

1) Couscous surprise:

Oven cook a piece of chicken or fish in breadcrumbs. Meanwhile, cook up a saucepan of couscous. Put the chicken/fish on a plate and splash on the Tabasco. Cover totally in couscous, and pour more Tabasco on top. Eat.

2) Insanity chilli:

Cook up some chilli, and also some rice. To the chilli add a couple of spoons of chilli powder, and then a stupid amount of Tabasco. Mix well. Put rice on a plate and then put the chilli on top. Eat.

3) Pizza of death:

Get (or make if you’re very clever) a pizza. Top it as you want, freedom of expression right there, cook, and then slosh as much Tabasco over it as you can take without passing out from the fumes. Eat.

Always be ready with a big glass of water, or other drinks if you want, because you’ll need it to cool your mouth down.

Have fun with my recipes and hope you don’t actually try fighting over how much sauce you can put into something... Thanks for reading, Chris.