The Book of Dave - Will Self

...all but Britain’s highest points, the book were rediscovered? And what if (the last one, I promise!) the words of the Book of Dave were taken as gospel, and life on the small island of Ham organised according to its decrees?

Will Self’s 2006 novel looks at what happens when (in the author’s own words) “people follow something just because it is written in an old book”. In this post-flood world, the residents of Ham (“Hamsters”) abide ...
...attempt to prove their “davinity". The island’s people are divided into two – men live together, women live together, but rarely do the two meet. Women are either “Opares” or “Boilers”, depending on whether they’ve had children – for it is acknowledged that there are few things more evil than mothers. Children are subject to changeover – living with the dads for half their time, the mums for the other.

Even in the natural world ... more

Wot if vair wuz a buk? A buk vat wuz ritten bi a cabbi driva, bout ow ees pisstoff cuz iz boy azbin taken offim, and ow ees pistoff wiv allavem Mums wots makin life difficult fer gud, onist Dads like im!

What if this book had been made out of metal to ensure it outlived its author? If, five hundred years later, with catastrophic floods having submerged all but Britain’s highest points, the book were rediscovered? And what if (the last one, I promise!) the words of the Book of Dave were taken as gospel, and life on the small island of Ham organised according to its decrees?

Will Self’s 2006 novel looks at what happens when (in the author’s own words) “people follow something just because it is written in an old book”. In this post-flood world, the residents of Ham (“Hamsters”) abide strictly by the wishes of Dave – or at least, what they interpret to be his wishes – in an attempt to prove their “davinity". The island’s people are divided into two – men live together, women live together, but rarely do the two meet. Women are either “Opares” or “Boilers”, depending on whether they’ve had children – for it is acknowledged that there are few things more evil than mothers. Children are subject to changeover – living with the dads for half their time, the mums for the other.

Even in the natural world around the Hamsters, Dave is at work. The islanders bask beneath the headlight (which is dipped at night), their days are divided into tariffs and the sacred texts they recite come from Dave’s “Knowledge”.

Self’s novel tells the parallel stories of Dave Rudman, in the early twenty-first century, and Carl Devush five hundred years later. Dave’s story relates his struggles with his ex-wife, estrangement from his son and slow descent into madness, culminating in the creation of his Book. His difficulties, with which it is hard not to feel sympathy, are closely allied with the kind of problems groups campaigning for the rights of fathers have faced – although he’s not a character without his faults, we feel for his impotence and powerlessness as he struggles to
maintain a relationship with his son.

In the second branch of the story, we see the results of Dave’s troubles, in a comparatively primitive society which has taken some hard-line stances on his laws. Becoming davine, though, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the eyes of young Carl Devush. He believes mums, dads and kids should all be living together equally, and suspects that somewhere along the way, the word of Dave has been a little misinterpreted.

The word is, in fact that there exists a second Book of Dave – in which a slightly calmed-down deity has clarified some of his gospel. Problem is, it is said to be buried deep within the Forbidden Zone. If Carl is to unearth the truth, he will have to go against the laws of Dave, and risk bringing all manner of trouble to his Island idyll.

It’s fair to say that The Book of Dave isn’t instantly accessible; indeed, for the first chapter or so, it’s almost impenetrable. This, though, is the consequence of Self’s choice to make all his future-characters diglossic; they can speak in “normal” English, and occasionally do – they call it “Arpee” – but for the most part, the Hamsters converse in a thick, run-together patois that resembles a phonetic version of Cockney. The opening paragraph is something like it.

As difficult as this is to get into, however, you pick it up surprisingly quickly, and settle down into the story. There are, though, still times when you’re left baffled – usually when you recognise neither the word nor the concept. We understand that when they talk about the headlight on the windscreen, the characters are referring to the sun – and similarly, we can imagine what they mean when they speak of the dipped headlights, or full-beam. What, though, is a Moto? Apparently it’s a great, lisping cowish being with the intellect of a toddler, which exists only on Ham, having evolved at some indeterminate point since the time of Dave.

Once you work your way through the confusing creatures and troublesome tongues, however, the dual storylines are engrossing. Initially, the plotline set in the flooded future is more interesting, although as Dave’s plans start to go wrong, and he becomes an ever more alienated, desperate figure, this part of the novel catches up and probably overtakes the tale set on Ham.

Self is undoubtedly a clever writer, with big ideas and substantial ability for storytelling. His characters here are exceptional, for the most part, especially Dave and his co-stars in 21st-century London. He, his estranged wife Michelle, her new partner and Dave’s son, Carl, all share something that makes them sympathetic and pitiful in equal measures – they all have dreams and aspirations, some grander than others, but each crucial to their respective mental wellbeings; but each one falls short of achieving these goals, and has to deal with the frustrations of failing. Only Dave, of course, deals with it so badly as to make a book out of metal and bury it in his ex-partner’s garden, but then we wouldn’t have quite such a story if he hadn’t.

Clever though he is, Self gets somewhat lost towards the end of the novel, and the future half of the narrative really loses its way. The black humour in Dave’s story works well, but the darker the Ham-half of the book becomes, the weaker, more confused and less readable it turns.

Perhaps a measure of the lost potential and diminishing impact this novel makes is my having forgotten that I’d read it. I only recalled when I noticed it amongst a display of post-apocalyptic/dystopian titles in a bookshop – which is a shame, as there’s plenty of good in this book. The concepts are intriguing, the characters convincingly drawn and the light touches and wry references are a joy – the momentum that’s built up so well, though, dissipates as the book fizzles out, the author unable to construct a satisfying ending. Sitting alongside 1984, The Handmaid’s Tale, Brave New World and the like, it’s in esteemed company – company that it doesn’t quite compare to, but it’s certainly an ambitious attempt at answering a lot of wonderfully imagined “what-ifs”. 

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