Great concept; useful tool for the writer's toolkit
Disadvantages:
Some phrases will make the reader blush - or laugh out loud
Recommend to potential buyers:
yes
Full review
>She tried to throttle the dizzying current racing through her<
>their lips met and she felt buffeted by the winds of a savage harmony<
>his tongue tantalised the buds which had swollen to their fullest<
With phrases like these, is it surprising that professional authors whisper and giggle about this book like teens over an adult novel?
At first glance the book is not impressive: A small, slender paperback. But then, size isn't all that matters, is it?
As I browsed its pages, I became intrigued. The authors obviously knew what a writer needs: phrases for every occasion.
A writer myself - though more tending towards 'dark suspense' than 'romance' - I'm often stuck for the right phrase to describe an experience or a feeling.
This neat little booklet contains phrases for several categories writer of romantic fiction - or indeed a writer of any genre involving romantic scenes - might require, 'Physical Characteristics:Male'; 'Emotions: Anger' and so on.
When writing a scene, I can look up the category, and there are dozens of phrases. I can use them as they are - one or two at the time - hopefully nobody is so stupid to cram them all into their scenes - or rephrase them.
The drawback is, of course, that it is aimed almost only at romance writers. I don't object: the title makes clear what it is about. So I won't complain when I don't find something about how to deal with sadistic kings, raging psychopaths or battle scenes.
My serious complaint is that the phrases are such poor writing.
Instead of imaginative phrases, they are dull and boring. Usually 'he/she/it was [adjective]'. or 'He/she smiled/looked/walked [...]ly and [...]ly.'
Lots of adverbs are a sign of poor writing. A good writer of any genre will use them sparingly, because they slow down the pace and make the writing feel heavy. Most of the time, we authors are concerned with how to avoid them.
So I turned to the Phrase Book to find alternatives. But it is crammed full with exactly the kind of phrases for which I'm trying to find better alternatives.
It's a shame, really, because the concept is a great one.
Still, despite the poor quality of the phrases, I found the book inspiring.
I picked out a few useful phrases for one of my chapters. I had fun highlighting possibly useable phrases and crossing out daft ones, and rephrasing the poorly written ones.
At the end of it, my mind was in the right 'gear' and I just flowed through my revision. So that's good.
Another odd thing is that the authors of the Phrase Book seem overly fond of the word 'tapered'. Everything 'tapers' in this book: fingers, hair, shoulders, legs, waists...
I was annoyed that when I looked for a way to paraphrase 'smiled'. ('Smile' is one of the most overused verbs in fiction manuscripts, almost as bad as 'look' and 'nod'). So it would be helpful to get some altneratives. I found not a single synonym or paraphrase, only lists of adverbs which can be tacked to the smile:
He smiled [...]ly
That's not much good.
Now, let me give you a taste of what's in there. Here's a selection.
Are you ready? Oh, don't drink while you're reading it. You may sputter your coffee, laughing. Because you're going to have wicked, wicked fun.
***
PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS - MALE
>His long, sturdy Viking legs< ahem, I suppose for some novels it might fit.
>he stood there, devilishly handsome< That's ok.
>He stood tall and straight like a towering spruce< I can't visualise it, but the alliteration is nice.
>He towered over the other men by a full eight inches< ok, step off that chair now.
>the rich outlines of his shoulders strained against the fabric< ah well, it's a refreshing change from women's bra-less breasts straining against the fabric.
>Reflected light glimmered over his handsome face like beams of icy radiance< The snowman?
>Dark eyes framing a handsome square face< Uh? I can see hair framing a face, but eyes?
>His thick hair tapering neatly to his collar <
>Even in a crowd, his presence was compelling< Ok.
>He had a monopoly on virility.< Uh? Oh? Ah.
>he was even more stunningly virile than ever.< <cough>
>She found herself extremely conscious of his virile appeal<
>she was totally entranced by his compelling personage<
>his closeness was so male, so bracing<
>she felt drugged by his clean and manly scent<
It gets better in the next sections, just wait…
BODY MOVEMENTS
>His fingers took her arm with gentle authority< >He wound a hand in her hair< >He held up a hand to silence her< >She placed her hand on his forearm< >He reached out and caught her hand in his< >reaching for the solid strength of his arm< >he waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal< >She bent her head and studied her hands< >she shook her head in dismay.< >He moved his shouldersin a shrug of anger< >He stiffened at the question< >Her brow creased with worry< >His smile widened in approval< >She took a deep breath and adjusted her smile< >She flushed but remained silent<
I've actually used some of these to break up dialogue, so I owe the Phrase Book my gratitude. However...
>he grasped the neck of the heavy muslin nightgown< Well, in the right context and setting…
>She inspected it quickly, then looked up suspiciously< hm. If anyone suffers from adverb-deprivation, this sentence would sort it out.
>He spun and was gone< Nice in its simplicity.
>He swung her around, revealing her slender legs and thighs< That's some kind of swing.
>She remained absolutely motionless for a moment< Grrr. The editor in me wants to cross out the 'absolutely' as absolutely unnecessary.
>A tremor touched her smooth, marblelike lips< That's a bit too purple proseish for me.
>His grin was irresistibly devastating< Hm. I like the grin, but I don't like writing.
>His laugh was low, throaty< >his laugh was scornful< >his laugh was triumphant< I'd like a phrase book to show me how to *avoid* the 'was+adjective' phrases.
>His eyes gleamed like glassy volcanic rock.< >A twinkle of moonlight caught in his eyes as he glanced at her< >olive-black eyes, unfathomable in their murky depths<
I'm suppressing giggles here.
>Her eyes moved upwards to his broad chest< Is she a child?
VOICES
>His voice rang with command< >She spoke with as reasonable a voice as she could manage< I've used those two in a novel.
>He said firmly< >He said matter-of-factly< >she spoke eagerly< and so on: more adverbs on a single page than greenfly on a Chinese cabbage leaf.
>He ground the word out between his teeth<
>his tone was coolly disapproving<
>His words seemed worn, thin and hollow, used so often by shallow men<
>her voice rose an octave< I'm trying to remember how much an octave is. A lot , I seem to remember. I don't want to hear it.
EMOTIONS
>Joy bubbled in her laugh and shone in her eyes< >even her walk had a sunny cheerfulness< >she basked in the knowldge of her power< >she straightened herself with dignity< >girding herself with resolve<
I like those and have filed them for use.
But I'm less impressed with: >tears were gone, as if evaporated by an onrushing wind< >she had no intention of permitting heself to fall under his spell< >the heavy lashes that shadowed her cheeks flew up<
>A tense silence enveloped the room< I could imagine 'filled' - but enveloped? From the outside?
Lots of anger phrases:
I quite like >each assessed the other's anger< and >anger singed the corners of her control< and have used both. But not that one: >He looked at her with a sardonic expression that sent her temper soaring.<
>Mercifully, the moonlight hid the extent of her embarrassment< Can't visualise that.
SEX
By far the biggest chapter. Let me see if I get some help here for my own erotic scenes.
Ah well, it all... ahem...well everything tapers totally with stunning virility around her tantalisingly sensitive nipples.
>her body ached for his touch< >it was flesh against flesh, man against woman< I liked and used those.
But I don't think the following are quite suit my style. Not even after they've been put on a low-adverb diet.
>She tried to throttle the dizzying current racing through her< >his glance slid rapidly to her bathing suit and his mouth softened< >she was totally entranced by his compelling personage< >she moved toward him, impelled involuntarily by her own passion< >he was even more stunningly virile than she remembered< >she felt an immediate and total attraction< >he pulled her roughly, almost violently, to him< >the cruel ravishment of his mouth< >his lips feather-touched her with tantalising persuasion< >their lips met and she felt buffeted by the winds of a savage harmony< >first he kissed the tip of her nose, then her eyes, and, finally, he satsifyingly kissed her soft mouth< >his ardor was surprisingly, touchingly, restrained< >his tongue tantalised the buds which had swollen to their fullest< >the real world spun and careened on its axis<
>She was fully aware of the hardness of his thigh brushing against hers.< His <cough> THIGH?
Anyway, it's fun.
And it has inspired me to create my own 'Phrase Book' where I note phrases when I find, hear, or create them, for future use. I find dialogue breaks and phrases about the feeling of fear particularly useful.
Maybe there ought to be a Horror Writer's Phrase Book with sentences describing fear, suspicion, terror, running away, darkness, and assorted shivers and quivers.
The book costs around £7 new. You may get it second hand for around £3. That is, if you are lucky. Because however much authors mock this booklet, they're seldom willing to part with it.
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