Top 10 Qualities

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The top 10 qualities that I admire the most in a person are:

1. A good sense of humour

I know it's clichéd. I'm sorry I haven't come up with a more original No. 1. Top 10 Quality. But humour, I think, means more to me than anything else. I will instantly respect someone if they can make me laugh, and the more they make me laugh, the more I admire them. This has, on the odd occasion, led itself to ridiculous ...
...me from the start; this Top 10 Quality has very much been inspired by him, and it's one that I now want to try and develop in myself.

3. The ability to talk

A lot of the time I'm sure that we admire the qualities we don't have. And I'm sure that this talking malarkey is for some people a lot harder than others would believe. I don't know why, but a lot of the time I just don't know what to say. It is the one thing about ... more

I was surprised that this category didn't exist before I tried to write in it. It's such a good way of really finding out about someone, I think.

(Apologies for lack of proper reviews at the moment, I will write one next I promise! I sort of had this one in the pipeline, as such, and was just waiting for my proposal to be accepted, which is why it has come so quickly after my last review.)

The top 10 qualities that I admire the most in a person are:

1. A good sense of humour

I know it's clichéd. I'm sorry I haven't come up with a more original No. 1. Top 10 Quality. But humour, I think, means more to me than anything else. I will instantly respect someone if they can make me laugh, and the more they make me laugh, the more I admire them. This has, on the odd occasion, led itself to ridiculous situations; when I meet someone who does exude large amounts of wit I will often freeze up around them because I'm terrified that I won't be funny enough for them, good enough for them, and they'll just think that I'm dull. I know that this is, ultimately, incredibly stupid, but it still happens. I suppose it's what I get for placing so much value on this one quality; sometimes, despite all that I try and tell myself, I end up believing that people funnier than me are better than me. I had this problem with my Head of Department at RHUL. I admired him hugely, due to the fact that he is actually a comic God and has wit pouring out of his ears, but I never felt comfortable around him. Whenever we had a conversation, all that would end up going through my head would be 'Must say something funny! Must say something funny! Must prove that I have a sense of humour too! Must say something funny!', and then I'd make a really tasteless joke and curse myself for the rest of the day afterwards.

2. Openness

I think it's wonderful when people open up to you maybe more than you were expecting. And I admire people who make the first move, who will open up without prompting, and who consequently get you to open up more than you might have done in turn. I admire people who can go into the deep and meangingfuls right from the start, without any messing around with the small talk. Maybe it's because he's gay, but my friend Tom has from the beginning of our friendship consistently surprised me by how much information and detail he's been willing to give without any prerequisites, or asking. I love the way that he's launched into conversations about life, feelings, ambitions, stuff with substance, and opened up to me from the start; this Top 10 Quality has very much been inspired by him, and it's one that I now want to try and develop in myself.

3. The ability to talk

A lot of the time I'm sure that we admire the qualities we don't have. And I'm sure that this talking malarkey is for some people a lot harder than others would believe. I don't know why, but a lot of the time I just don't know what to say. It is the one thing about myself that I would change if I could, but I'm not at all sure that I can. Quietness is something that I appear to be stuck with. And so I hugely admire people who can talk so easily to anyone, and who don't struggle to find something to say, and yet still say sensible stuff (people who just spout crap constantly are another matter). My closest friend at RHUL was wonderful at doing this, he was the sort of person who could fill any awkward pauses in a conversation, and always find something to talk about with anyone. I wish I could do the same.

4. A complete lack of Cool

I'm quite a confident person. I didn't use to be, but three years at University did me a lot of good, and I now quite like who I am and don't care too much about what other people think of me. Or at least those that I don't care about myself. But I still admire those who really don't care what other people think about them. Who don't seem to become embarrassed, ever. Who be exactly who they want to be and do exactly what they want to do, and good riddance to everyone else. People who go against the grain when the grain is, in the end, stupid.

For example: what is it about not replying to letters or emails as soon as you receive them? It has, somehow, been built into our subconsciouses that replying promptly makes you a sad person. It is embarrassing. It suggests that you have nothing better to do. Which, when you think about it, is quite frankly ridiculous. Nothing better to do than what? Writing to a friend? What if you want to hear from them? Surely, if you were conversing with a friend face to face, it would be rude to suddenly turn your back on them and do something else, or talk to someone else, or sit and twiddle your thumbs, but if you're conversing via email suddenly your supposed to sit and twiddle your thumbs for a few days before you reply just to prove that you can?

Fair enough if you really do have better things to do, but there have been so many times (and I'm sure I can't be the only one here, can I?) when I've wanted to reply to an email from a friend as soon as I've got it, but have left it for half a week or so because otherwise I would Not Be Cool. Cool has stopped me from getting in touch with someone I really want to hear from. Which, I've recently realized, is pathetic. And I've only recently realized this because a couple of friends have, over the summer, been writing really quick replies to my emails and letters, and it was so refreshing, and got me thinking about the whole thing.

So, yes. I love people who don't do what everyone else does simply because everyone else does it. One of our ethno lecturers at RHUL openly made known the fact that, sometimes, academia just got a bit too much for her, that sometimes she felt like she did it just because of the traveling, that sometimes academics were quite frankly just boring, and I couldn't help but admire her for admitting such things in a University filled with academics (a lot of whom, I'm sure, might often think similar but never, ever say it, for fear of losing respect or face). Our other ethno lecturer at RHUL, in Andean band rehearsals, would really get into the music in a serious way when we were playing, and I just had to smile at him dancing around the room without any care for what anyone else thought about the matter. Another wonderful example comes from one of my music teachers at school, who acted like a slightly eccentric child which had never grown up. She wore teddy-bear tights, and would walk round school with a pink raincoat on, and sit cuddly toys on the piano in assembly, and crawl on her hands and knees into our music lesson when she wanted to speak to our other music teacher without disturbing us…And I loved the fact that she wasn't embarrassed by herself when so many others were. You've got to admire someone like that.

5. Being able to come up with a decent plot

I love writing. I don't think I'm too bad at it, when I know what I'm writing about. But whenever I try to write something that requires a plot, my mind just goes blank. Obviously I lack imagination. And so I hugely admire authors that can create such rich worlds, characters, and stories. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever how they manage it.

6. A chilled approach to life

It is always good to take things as they come. I try my hardest to laugh rather than to cry, to have a shit happens, make the most of it sort of approach to life, and most of the time I think I succeed, but recently there have been a couple of times when I will freely admit I haven't succeeded at all. So I do admire people who always seem to simply go with the flow. As such. I hate it when people get stressed over little things.

7. Honesty

I am an awful liar. If someone looks fat in something, then I'll probably tell them. I think that honesty is such an important quality to have, and I always admire people who are honest, especially when it might be more difficult to tell the truth rather than a lie. I think that false friendships are the worst possible kind, and I hope so very much that all of my friends are honest with me, and I would hate to find out otherwise. I think that if you've got a problem with someone then you should probably tell them. Probably. And if someone's hurt you or upset you then you should let them know, because it's the only way they can learn.

8. The ability to give

Selfishness I think is probably a basic human trait. I know that I certainly exhibit it. I try my hardest to give when I think someone needs it, but the trouble is that most of the time I don't know when it's needed, or I don't know what they need. Something maybe to put down to life experience. It is always so uplifting though, when someone goes out of their way to make you feel better, and to make you feel loved, when you need it, and I admire all the friends I've had who seem to be able to do this so effortlessly.

9. An open mind

I'm a huge believer of the Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover cliché. Largely because I'm so hopeless at first impressions myself. But it was a BBC educational video that fully taught me how important it is not to judge before you know all the facts. We watched it in an Andean music lecture last year.

In the rural Andes during feasts they have fights, mostly one-on-one, called Tinku battles. Feasts in Andean villages can, in a way, be thought of as huge, extended offerings to the landscape, and to the spirits and ancestors that inhabit it. There is a general belief that insiders exchange, and outsiders accumulate. It is all about ongoing reciprocation and respect; the landscape gives to you, and so you give back to the landscape. It's a way of living that's impossible not to respect, especially considering what we do to our own landscape, and Tinku battles are all a part of this. Men will come out of battles boasting of their own injuries that they received, not how much damage they did to their opponent. The battles form a part of this reciprocation with and sacrifice to the landscape and the all the ancestors.

And the BBC made a video. I say it was educational, but they didn't attempt to actually explain anything. They could have given us the background as to why Tinku battles took place, or what they were for. They could have explained the purposes of feasts, and gone into detail about how it was all tied up with sacrifice and respect and reciprocation. But no. Instead we came away with idea that Andeans are an unruly bunch who simply like to get drunk and have a punch up. The entire documentary was accompanied by background music which sounded like it had come straight out of Jaws. The final scene was a montage of various Andeans lying in various doorways in the street sleeping off the alcohol. The BBC asked my lecturer for his opinion on the video, and he wrote such an irate response back that they tacked on a couple of final final scenes with llamas and cute children laughing and happy hardworking villagers working hard weaving, etc, just to please him.

It made me so angry, after watching that video I vowed that I would try to never judge a person or situation again without having all the right reasons for doing so. And I do admire people who have an open-mind, who will give most things a chance, and who don't judge right from the start.

(Although, having said all that, I can sometimes be as judgmental as the next person. Especially when it comes to chavs.)

10. Being able to brighten up a complete stranger's day

I'm not sure if that's really what I mean. It's difficult to put into words. But here are a couple of examples: Once, I was on the tube with a friend and saw a man sitting on the station with an African drum in his rucksack. As a person with an African drum in their rucksack is not something you would frequently come across I pointed him out to my friend, and when this guy saw us pointing and looking at him he pulled a face and waved his hands, then grinned at us. I couldn't help but laugh, and it just made me feel good. I don't know why, but it did. Another time, I was on a train with a couple of friends, and as we slowed down, heading into London, we passed another train and a guy in one of the carriages, as he went past us, lunged at his window in a horror-movie stylee, then gave us a thumbs up after we'd started laughing at him. It was fantastic. And I would love to be the sort of person who could do that sort of thing and get away with it.

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(Blimey, that was a long one. Thank you for reading if you have indeed got this far! And I would love to know what other people's top 10 qualities are…)

 

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