Top 10 TV Programs ever

...It has been at the top of the ratings chart pretty much from the first few episodes, and its constant link to current affairs allows people to relate to it in such a way that people feel disappointed if they miss an episode. People hang on every line, and although not the most dramatic production ever, it does work. New viewers may struggle to acclimatise to the programme at first, but once familiar with all the characters, Corrie sort of becomes ...
...to TV coverage of every top flight goal. As well as covering the Premier League, or the old first division as many of you will remember it, Match of the Day also showed highlights of all the FA Cup ties.

Presented by Des Lynam for so many years, his departure signalled a dismal future, as ITV bought the exclusive rights to the highlights. So, not only did they nick Des, but they robbed the highlights as well. To be quite honest the ... more

Having spent only 22 years on this planet, I have probably missed out on some extraordinary TV experiences. I am told that Dr. Who and Dallas were amongst the ultimate TV programmes, but having only seen a couple of episodes of each, and being at such a young age, they really had very little meaning to me, therefore I feel I have to leave such marvels out of my list. After all, we are encouraged to write reliable informed reviews about products we have some knowledge of. Anyway, there’s my disclaimer out of the way, now on with the job in hand.

10. Coronation Street

Most of you will be totally unaware, but I am a secret soap addict. Not as serious an addiction as drugs, for instance, but still frowned upon by several people I know. Anyway, sod them, I love them. Coronation Street came about way back in 1960, first being broadcast on Friday 9th December at 7pm and a new era had begun to unfold. Granada, the company responsible for northwest TV, had been established five years previous and was supposed to present programmes with regional content. Sounds logical. They were not fulfilling this promise at this time, and Tony Warren was the man given the responsibility to fulfil these criteria. He came up with what seemed like a bit of a drab affair, with the idea of a programme about peoples everyday lives. Originally given twelve episodes to prove itself, a final episode had already been written where the street would be bulldozed if the show didn’t go down well in the ratings.

Coronation Street was an instant success and has not looked back since. The storylines have kept flowing down the years to reflect life in an ordinary street in Manchester, as well as tackling key issues in current affairs. These issues have down the years included rape, murder, homosexuality, love triangles (on several occasions), and even Hayley, the local he-she. Strange really how everything happens on Coronation Street, yet nothing seems to happen in the adjoining streets. Most people say soaps are far-fetched because of this, but I do not look at it as a true-life thing like the uneducated viewer will immediately try and perceive it as.

Corrie reached a landmark 4000th episode in April of 1996, signalling its continuing popularity with the British public. It has been at the top of the ratings chart pretty much from the first few episodes, and its constant link to current affairs allows people to relate to it in such a way that people feel disappointed if they miss an episode. People hang on every line, and although not the most dramatic production ever, it does work. New viewers may struggle to acclimatise to the programme at first, but once familiar with all the characters, Corrie sort of becomes a second family, in that the viewer develops feelings about the characters. Corrie makes you feel involved. Look at the “Free Deirdrie” campaign a few years back.

9. Big Breakfast

Do you remember a few years ago there used to be a reason other than work to get up for in the morning? Well this was it. Maybe not for all the time it was on TV, but certainly in the Johnny Vaughan-Denise van Outen era. At 7am on a Monday morning, what better to look at than the radiant Denise. I’m pretty sure at least three quarters of the male viewers had a thing about her for a while. And then there was Johnny Vaughan. He more often than not had the viewers in stitches, and the chemistry between him and Denise made for fantastic viewing. They just worked so well (Bit like that Honda advert lol).

The light hearted approach Channel 4 had taken to this revolutionary morning TV programme was something that TV had been missing for years. Look at GMTV, for instance. Reliable and informative, but where’s the fun? Just a load of boring people telling you about the news and weather, etc.. With Big Breakfast, Channel 4 had brought joy to the mornings of many. Instead of thinking “just five more minutes”, the British public was now beginning to think “mmm Denise van Outen” in true Homer style, or maybe even “mmm Johnny Vaughan” if you of the female species.

Too many breakfast programmes take everything seriously, and Big Breakfast was a refreshing break from the mould. Admittedly, it went downhill very quickly post Vaughan/van Outen, but they were what made that show if you ask me.

8. The A Team

Every young lad dreamed of being in the A Team throughout the eighties, including me. Who was your favourite? Mine was Mr T, with all his gold. Having recently acquired Sky TV again, I have had the chance to watch a few episodes again. These days the programme looks dated and by today’s standards, rather shoddily made. But that is the beauty about it. It was so simple. A bunch of men going around beating people up for money, but in a massively glorified manner. Realistically, they were just a bunch of henchmen, who remarkably never got outdone. No matter what the situation, the A Team had the answer.

The A Team included far fetched characters, such as mad Murdock, who even now reminds me of Jimmy Corkhill out of Brookside. B.A. Baracus was the ultimate muscle man in those days for us kids, and everybody wanted to be him when out playing. Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith was also a key part in the show, but I can’t remember the name of the other fella. Together this bunch of oddballs turned into seemingly superhuman beings called the A Team.

Everything about them was awe-inspiring to a young lad in the eighties. The music could not have been more aptly chosen, and the van they used to drive around in was amazing to a young boy in them days. The A Team was not just popular with young lads though, it appealed to the wider market too. Several recreations of the van mentioned above could be seen driving up and down the country. For once, America got something right.

7. Eastenders

Here we go, I’m back onto my addiction. Pretty much in the same mould as Corrie, Eastenders portrays every day life in Albert Square, situated in Walford in East London. Having been graced by the likes of Leslie Grantham, Ross Kemp, Barbara Windsor and Martine McCutcheon, the Eastenders set could tell you some stories. Again, key issues in current affairs are regularly encountered in this soap, but for me Eastenders provides more interest than Corrie. I would say Corrie is more for the older generation, and Eastenders is for the younger generation.

Recent events have seen Leslie Grantham return from the dead as east end gangster Dirty Den, Phil Mitchell, a fat short gangster, who I rarely remember getting his hands dirty, being fitted up by the above mentioned zombie, and this xmas saw a crash up in Scotland as a minibus full of young party-goers were added to the long list of people to have been involved in an incident in the cult TV programme. Never a dull moment in the east end then.

The gangster storyline is something that the producers seem to like in this programme, with several being included of late, such as Steve, Dan, Phil, Grant, Dirty Den and his son, Andy… the list just goes on and on. Oddly, however, they rarely end up fighting. It’s like all the gangsters are friends with each other at times.

Having covered issues such as wife-battery, rape, murder, breast cancer, and of course the amazing nail bar, Eastenders has kept in touch with what the British public wants for over 20 years now, and continues to dominate the ratings, eclipsing Corrie’s achievements year in year out.

6. Match Of The Day

Well, I couldn’t leave this one out now could I? For over ten years, this was THE must watch programme of the week for me. As many of you have probably already realised from previous reviews, I love football. Match of the Day, was shown at various times on Saturday nights, depending on the rest of the BBC’s schedule, and of course what ITV were showing.

I think a lot of the time, it was on too late, as the younger kids had to go to bed before it was screened. It usually broadcast between 10pm and midnight. Match of the Day provided a key highlights of either two or three of the Saturday football fixtures, as well as a round up of all the other matches. If you watched Match of the Day, you were treated to TV coverage of every top flight goal. As well as covering the Premier League, or the old first division as many of you will remember it, Match of the Day also showed highlights of all the FA Cup ties.

Presented by Des Lynam for so many years, his departure signalled a dismal future, as ITV bought the exclusive rights to the highlights. So, not only did they nick Des, but they robbed the highlights as well. To be quite honest the ITV’s attempt at Match of the Day, in the form of The Premiership, is frankly poo. I would much prefer to have kept on tuning in to Alan Hansen, Gary Lineker, John Motson and good old Des. The combination of these presenters made the show as well as the football. In comparison, The Premiership pays people like Robbie Earle (sorry, what did he achieve again?) and Andy Townsend to provide analysis on the matches. At least Match of the Day presenters had success behind them.

Unfortunately for the viewer though, money talks. ITV came up with the money for The Premiership, probably funded by not paying for the Nationwide football. Match of the Day still hits our screen today whenever there is an international tournament such as the World Cup or the European Championships, but how I yearn for the return of the programme to Saturday night’s viewing.

5. Friends

Friends is an American sitcom that follows the shallow lives of 6 very different, but equally humorous characters Being played by six extremely overpaid stars, reportedly on a million an episode each, you would expect good viewing. Well, luckily, the overpaid stars have delivered. The six characters of which I talk are

Ross David Schwimmer
Chandler Matthew Perry
Joey Matt Le Blanc
Monica Courtney Cox
Rachel Jennifer Aniston
Phoebe Lisa Kudrow

Ross is a bit of a spoilt kid type character, throwing hissy fits quite regularly. These are quite often highly amusing to watch.

Chandler is a bit of a gimp really. The guy who tries really hard to be popular, but never really gets there.

Joey is the one who loves himself. He is a woman’s idea of a typical man in that he is a lazy slob who thinks of nothing but food, football, beer and sex. He fancies himself as an actor, but in reality, is pretty poor.

Monica is Ross’ sister and is Chandler’s bird. She is obsessed with being tidy and is a bit of a high class bird, if you like.

Rachel comes from a rich family, and ends up in this circle of friends mostly to prove to her family she can live in the big wide world. In reality, she knows very little about life to start with and along with being drop dead gorgeous, is highly amusing.

Phoebe struck me as crazy to begin with, but is extremely funny to boot. She has blond hair and acts in typically blond fashion, saying stupid things constantly. After watching just a few episodes, though, I warmed to Phoebe, and she is now one of my favourites.

4. Only Fools and Horses

Way back in 1981, the year before I was born, BBC took a bold step with its first broadcast of Only Fools and Horses. Like many other classics, this was not expected to hit it off in a big way with the ever-so critical British public. How wrong could the critics be? This was just the sort of thing the British public was looking for. Loveable characters, hilarious one-liners, and ever intriguing storylines.

Before I go any further, I feel I must introduce you to the three lead characters. Del Boy and Rodney are brothers and live with their grandad in a block of high-rise flats in sunny Peckham. Del is the older of the two brothers and, as in most sibling rivalries, often pulls the wool over Rodney’s eyes. With their mother having died before the story started on TV, Del has been left to look after his grandad and kid brother and, although sometimes misguided, couldn’t be more caring.

Rodney left school after gaining two GCE’s in the form of art and English. Although most of us would be ashamed of this achievement nowadays, Del Boy thought it was great and was really proud of his kid brother. On the other hand, Rodney is not quite as stupid as he looks, and realises from an early age that he will never amount to much so settles for a life alongside his brother selling cheap knock-off goods, or goods that simply don’t work properly. These goods include alarm clocks that go off randomly, and he even bought a mobile phone in one episode that interfered with a passing aircraft, pulling it towards his block of flats.

Del and Rodney’s grandpa is quite often the funniest character in the programme, with stupid one-liners confirming he is out of touch with the modern world. He is a happy-go-lucky sort of guy who anybody would be pleased to call grandad. Although sometimes frustrated by his antics, Del and Rodney probably care more about this old duffer than they do about each other.

Del is played by the great David Jason, who has appeared in several hit series, including The Darling Buds of May and, more recently, A Touch of Frost, in which he is also highly amusing, playing a police officer called Jack Frost. He drives round in a battered old Ford Sierra, yet still commands the respect of the entire nick.

Rodney is played by Nicholas Lyndhurst. Not so much of him is seen these days, but if you have Sky, you could always catch an episode of Goodnight Sweetheart in which he plays a man who can go back in time and leads two lives, with two different wives 50 years apart. For me, Lyndhurst makes this series and his true acting quality shines through.

Although this series has finished now, it has to go down as one of the best sit-coms ever to grace British TV. Its constant originality, based around just a handful of characters is a tribute to its writers.

3. The Simpsons

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie make up the cartoon family, The Simpsons. I find it hard to imagine anybody not being familiar with them, but just in case, here is a run down of each character.

Homer

Homer is the stereotypical dumbass american. He has a low paid job and does nothing other than watch TV and drink beer. Oh, I forgot he occasionally goes to a baseball match or two. His stupidity is the making of him. When confronted with a question, you will often hear his thoughts, in which he will tell himself not to say something. What does he do? He says it. Homer works in the local power plant run by Mr Burns, the local tycoon, and is entrusted with the title of safety office, not that he knows, or cares, what that means. Homer is more interested in sleep and donuts in the workplace, and is rarely seen to do any work. In appearance, he is an overweight middle aged man with just a few hairs left on his head.

Marge

Marge, the wife of Homer, is the perfect partner for him. Ever-caring and diplomatic, Marge can make Homer feel better, even when disappointed in himself. Marge keeps the family in line. Marge was Homer’s childhood sweetheart and, despite being advised (I mean begged) by her family to ditch him, has remained with him ever since. Marge is, if you like, the politically correct member of the family having constant conscience battles. In appearance, she is similar in age to Homer and has about two foot of blue hair on her head.

Bart

Bart is the lad every young boy wants to be. He has a huge armoury of practical jokes. I would call Bart mischievous rather than naughty as there is a decent person below that façade. Pranks include phoning the local pub, run by Mo, asking for people who don’t exist, such as Jock Strap. To this Mo would shout out asking for a jock strap. The pub would howl, and Mo would go mad. Silly humour like this is what Bart is all about.

Lisa

Lisa, apart from her mother Marge, is the most sensible member of the family. Having a father with the brains of a rocking horse, if we didn’t know Marge better, we could start to believe maybe she had had an affair to produce such an intelligent child. Behaviourally, Lisa is impeccable, and has a good relationship with the teachers at her school. Her and Bart generally get on well considering they are brother and sister. They are most amusing together when Bart leads her astray. In appearance, she is about the same size as Bart with spiky hair.

Maggie

Maggie is the baby of the family, and is so sweet. She rarely cries, and when she does it isn’t for long. It must be hard to produce storylines for babies, but Matt Groening often does for this little marvel. One storyline involved her and Homer trying to establish a father-daughter bond, as he realised he had neglected her. After failing for much of the episode, Homer somehow ended up in the sea, all set to drown. Maggie was the only person around and swam out to rescue him. Far fetched, I know, but the storylines are more about messages than direct messages.

Each episode delivers a new storyline, and quite often celebrity appearances too. A recent episode included Tony Blair, with past episodes including stars such as Led Zeppelin and The Smashing Pumpkins. One episode featured a whole host of baseball stars as Mr Burns led his power plant to the local final, finally deciding to ditch his regulars in favour of the best his money could buy.

Other characters include

Milhouse - Bart’s best friend
Nelson - The school bully
Edna Krabappel - The school teacher we all dread
Seymour Skinner - The headmaster who still lives with and by his mother
Otto - The school bus driver
Willie - The illegal immigrant Irish school caretaker
Apu - Sticking on illegal immigrants, the Asian Kwik-E-Mart assistant
Mr Burns - The local rich man
Smithers - Mr Burns’ right hand man (in more ways than one if Smithers had his way!!)
Ned Flanders - The politically correct and extremely religious neighbour
Chief Wiggum - The stereotypical donut-eating local copper

The Simpsons has been around for as long as I can remember and appeals to all audiences.

2. Phoenix Nights

Just like everybody else at the moment, I absolutely love Peter Kay. Phoenix Nights was the first thing I ever saw him in, even before those John Smith’s adverts. Funny just isn’t the word. Phoenix Nights is basically the story of a shoddy social club, you may well find a similar one not far from where you live. What you won’t find, however, is Brian Potter in charge.

Brian Potter, played by Peter Kay, is the wheelchair-bound owner of the Phoenix Club. He has total disregard for health and safety and is your typical penny-pinching small club owner. He hates to see money wasted. He is constantly hiring acts that are so bad they don’t even justify their paltry pay packets.

One such act was this guy who reckoned he was psychic. He went round the room telling people about their future. After discovering a girl had been recently ill, he said to her - “And it is terminal, isn’t it?” The audience gasped, she burst out into tears and he added that he was only telling us what he was seeing himself. He continued to upset the audience including telling a paranoid woman his husband had something to tell him. Obviously, she went up like a bottle of pop and the psychic was merely stirring. He was finally banged to rights though when he told a rather large guy that he was “seeing the word puff” when he looked at him.

The comedy is sometimes more pathetic than anything else, stupid sometimes. It makes you laugh though. The two doormen, one also played by Peter Kay, have got to be the worst doormen ever. They are your typical stupid doormen, constantly trying to pull the women. Bear in mind though that this is a small club - it’s mostly all dogs anyway.

Phoenix Nights is the most refreshing comedy to have hit the screens during the last few years. On what looks like a shoestring budget, Peter Kay has engineered a real gem. The characters, although not stars on their own, come together so well that you could almost see them running your local social club, or is that wishing…

1. Countdown

Before you go off thinking I am crazy for choosing this as my number one programme of all time, I feel I must justify this claim. I will argue my case simply by saying - what other programme do you wait up until 5:15am to watch. I know I can’t think of any others.

Anyway, what is it all about? Presented by Richard Whiteley and Carol Vorderman, Countdown is Channel 4’s word game. There are three ‘halves’, so Richard tells us. The first two halves have three letters games and a numbers game in each and the third ‘half’ has three letters games, a numbers game and a conundrum to finish.

The Letters Games

The contestant is asked to choose nine letters simply by selecting consonant or vowel. Only recently I learned something new about the rules. You must select a minimum of three vowels and no more than five for each game. Once nine letters have been selected, the two contestants have thirty seconds to come up with the biggest word. Whoever has the biggest (ooh er missus), wins the round. If it is a draw, they both win. A point is awarded per letter in the winning word and if a nine letter word is found the contestant receives eighteen points.

The Numbers Games

Six numbers are selected from Carol’s table. There are four big numbers (25,50,75 and 100) and several smaller numbers (1 to 10). The contestant is free to choose which numbers are selected from the table. These numbers are all face down though. Most contestants make life easy and choose ‘one big one and any other five’, but some will choose ‘four big ones and any other two’ or ‘six small numbers’. It all depends on how good they are at maths I suppose.

Once the numbers have been picked from the table, Carol will put them up on the board and then press a button next to it. This button activates a random number generator between 100 and 999. The contestants then have 30 seconds to try and get the big number by adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing the six numbers chosen.

For a correct answer, 10 points are scored. If the contestant gets within I think it is 10 of the number, they get 7 points.

The Conundrum

The last round of the game is the conundrum. This is where a nine letter word has been jumbled and the contestants have thirty seconds to unscramble it. Some are really difficult, but nine times out of ten I can get them.

Richard and Carol first presented this programme back in 1982 when Channel 4 received its first broadcasts. It is testament to its simplicity and fun that it has stuck with us this far. The studio recently had a face lift but now looks really tacky. Mind you, I suppose they had to make it fit in with Richard’s ties.

Richard’s stupidity often causes much humour. He rarely knows how to spell simple words and rarely boasts about getting the numbers right. Recently though, Carol and the audience were stumped and guess who got it. You’re right, it was Richard!!! Surprising really considering Carol is the brains in the show. Her mathematical ability is excellent and she is rarely stumped by a numbers game unless it is impossible.

All in all, Channel 4 have probably done pretty well out of this show. It appeals to all ages, although maybe more to the older generation with a gimp like Whiteley presenting it. The format is easy to follow and it is more a test of word power and arithmetic than general knowledge. I wonder who will replace Richard and Carol when they retire. Maybe that’ll be the end, we’ll have to wait and see I guess.

 

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