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The dictionary, a book that I’ve misquoted many times I’m afraid, tells us that to Quaver is; To quiver, as from weakness; tremble. To speak in a quivering voice; utter a quivering sound. To produce a trill on an instrument or with the voice. This begs the question, ‘what has this to do with crisps’, which it would naturally and nothing is the polite reply. It also begs, ‘why is David writing such a pretentious bag of ___ (insert your word here, that way different ages can participate with the correct level of profanity) about a bag of potato snacks’? The answer, because I can, you may have not noticed but this is Ciao and we say it how we want to here, as long as we don’t upset anybody, and it’s helpful, oh and well written, and polite….. but otherwise any way we want to.
I am a virgin! ‘No!’ you cry, but it’s true, I have never tasted the snack called ‘Quavers’ before. I was always too much of a man to fall prey to this ‘light textured snack’, sounded far too girly for me. But then, ‘There
were birds, in the trees, but I didn’t hear them signing, no I didn’t hear them at all, till there was you’, moment occurred, a revelation if you like, and I had no choice (do you think I speak like this in real life?). I went to the crisp box in the porch and the only snacks left were ‘Quavers’ (queue Eastender drums) so forced to cast my crisp homophobia aside I was forced to try the campest snack of all.
Packaging Ok, now that’s over. They come in a plastic/foil bag, much the same as a lot of snack foods do now. It’s bright yellow with the logo ‘Quavers’ running at a slight diagonal across the front with the flavour, cheese, below it. As you expect Walkers logo is present top left and, as it is the season for it, a ‘Whoopee! A guaranteed £1,000,000 is going to Comic Relief’ message is included at the bopttom. Onto the back and even more details about Comic relief, plus the fact that buying a packet of ‘Baked Bean’ flavour will add another penny per packet to the total. You also find all the usual information here, ingredients, consumer contact details, best before date and a symbol which indicates that the bag can be recycled.
Dietary information Well these will not help you live longer, make you more attractive or stop you snoring (darn) but they are the lowest calorie snack of this type I’ve come across so far at 84 calories a packet. They contain 3% protein, 61% carbohydrate, 4.7% of which sugars and 29% fat of which 13% saturates fat, which isn’t as bad as some.
Aroma OK, popping the bag now. Not very impressed with that at all, there is a site smell of cheese but nothing like what I expected, I’ll take another sniff, no, just the same. They look like mis-shapes to me, strange little sheet metal extrusions.
Taste In one goes, first to be chewed. Very crunchy and quick to disappear but fun to eat. I would say there is very little taste as such, more like an instant after taste, like I’d eaten something 5 minutes ago but haven’t had a drink. It is proportionate, though, put 3 in and it’s very pleasant, I love the texture. Next to dissolve on my tongue. Well that didn’t work too well, they do dissolve but very slowly and they take on a polystyrene texture, not for me that. Last one, crushed against the roof of my mouth. Not bad, seems to release a lot more flavour but could come quite sharp to a delicate mouth I would think. I’ll be chewing these from now on. I have to say, the taste has built up to quite a nice level in my mouth (where else?) and seems a lot more tangy.
Sexuality still intact So would I buy them, no I probably wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t refuse them either. The lads love them and I’m sure I’ll partake in the odd packet (especially when there are no Wotsits). They are ideal when a sandwich just isn’t enough and at 84 calories a bag they shouldn’t hurt my diet too much. 10 x 17gr at £1.46 is the going rate at Asda but you may find them cheaper. More to the point, I can hold my head high and say I’ve tried Quavers and have faced my phobic demons once and for all, now where my dress.
Thanks for reading, no offence purposely meant to anybody, unless you owe me money.