MY Room 101.
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1. NOISEY NEIGHBOURS!
You know who you are!
Or do you?
Perhaps, just perhaps some Noisy Neighbours really are thick as pig pu and don’t realise how much they impact on other peoples lives.
I suspect though, as with my neighbours, they just don’t care. They are living their noisy, careless little lives without a thought for anybody else.
It seems to me that this is becoming more common and is certainly worsened when ‘They’ breed and have noisy off spring who are left to roam the roads like little street rats. It’s the children I feel sorry for who will grow up thinking its just fine to act that way.
And they are our next generation.
“Where all Doomed !!!”

2. TRAFFIC WARDENS.
I suspect many street rats grow up and become traffic wardens, creeping around inflicting illegal parking fines on poor defenceless motorists. We have one near us and she is so small she has been seen hiding behind a pillar box waiting to pounce and make her 5% bonus per ticket issued. Get a real job and stop stalking us decent hard working folk.

3. SHOPPING.
Oh I really do hate shopping.
Perhaps it’s a man thing? But whether it is food shopping or general shopping it is a soul destroying act. I traipse along behind my better half making grunting sounds or hmmm when asked whether we should get margarita or pepperoni pizzas, all the while steering my trolley and trying to make it look like pushing this trolley is a work of art and showing its not only women who can multitask.
Then when we get to the last few Isles, I am convinced my wife deliberately starts to move more slowly as if extracting every last ounce of my dwindling will power before we get to the checkouts.
Oh I really do hate shopping.

4. AIRPLANES.
The trip to the airport is not too bad.
The check in and long queues, bearable.
Even the pointless 2-3 hour waiting around is durable.
But once on the plane and packed into your tiny sardine sized seat then it turns into a feat of endurance. The obligatory trolley blocking the isle preventing you from moving around and encouraging DVT to begin, the plastic meal which a spider would struggle to open and contain on you tiny table and the stewardess’s who like to hide up there behind the curtain (we know your there) all adds up to a very unpleasant experience from which you promise yourself never again but once back home you go right ahead and book it again for next year.
Will we ever learn, I suspect not. .

5. SPIDERS.
Now don’t misunderstand me, spiders per say I have no problems with its those fast little buggers who shoot off when you try to catch them. I'm not into killing them so I always try to catch them then throw them out of a window (probably to their deaths). There should be a spray that you can use to dope them up a bit making their capture so much easier.

6. CALL CENTRES.
I want to speak to someone who speaks my language not someone who speaks broken biscuits. If I want that, I’ll go around to my nans and chat to her whilst her false teeth are sitting in a glass of water.
When you ring a call centre you are ringing usually for help not to make things worse which always happens with me because I always end up hanging up half way through.
There are nuances that someone whose first language isn’t English simply can’t pick up on and oh forget it I’m off…

7. BANKS.
Legalised robbery backed by the government.
Take our money, be wreckless with it without any worries of the consequences and then when it’s all gone get some more from the big free money pot. But if YOU make a mistake and go overdrawn for 5 minutes they charge you £25.
They are all robbing..’Unprintable’

8. PEOPLE WALKING AROUND OUTSIDE IN THEIR PYJAMAS!
Lets get right to the point, is this a Scouse thing?
I live in the Wirral which is only a stones throw from Liverpool, and that’s where I first spotted these wanna be Chavs. I say wanna be because at least the much dispised Chavs have a modicum of taste, if you stretch ‘taste’ to its Nth degree but these ‘People’ think it’s cool and fashionable to walk around , outside! in their jimjams.
No. its not. You look like you have just escaped from one flew over the cuckoos nest and in Danni Devitos words I wish someone would ‘Hit you’.

9. BENEFIT SPONGERS.
The social system was set up to help those who find themselves in need of a helping hand and not to be abused by perfectly fit and healthy lazy people who simply don’t want to work. It seems to be a way of life for them.
It is not there for people, free and gratis because they think that, having been born, someone else can now take on the responsibility of clothing, feeding and housing them.
It is there purely for those people with real disabilities or the elderly and the vulnerable and all these scroungers do is take from the most vunerable people in our society.

10. WRONG SIZED CLOTHES.
As a man I generally do a ‘Bombing run’ when it comes to shopping and the idea of actually trying clothes on, in a shop, fills me with dread. I just want to buy the shirt I like and scoot off home. But the problem is that a large in one shop is a medium in another and an XL in yet another. Half my wardrobe is clothes that one day, I promise myself, I will fit into, fat chance or should that be slim hope?

Hope I didn’t offend anyone with my Room 101 rant, I mean choice. If you have a dry sense of humour you will spot the genuine from the tongue in cheek.
Hope it raised a smile at least.

Greg.