While awaiting inspiration for a new review, I remembered that this one was overdue for an update. Although I rewrote it a year or so ago for Dooyoo, to include selected items from handbag reviews posted over there, I never got round to revising the Ciao version. So here it is. All the ... Read review
Advantages: I don't have one Disadvantages: I don't have one
While awaiting inspiration for a new review, I remembered that this one was overdue for an update. Although I rewrote it a year or so ago for Dooyoo, to include selected items from handbag reviews posted over there, I never got round to revising the Ciao version. So here it is. All the articles mentioned appeared in reviews by women on one site or the other.
*
What have I in my handbag?
I mustn't tell ... ...own
Are those beneath my eyes.
You don't need special insight,
No expertise in rockets,
To guess that, being just a man,
I keep stuff in my pockets.
But if I now said: "Nothing!
So there, and that’s your lot!"
You might not feel satisfied
And rate this Helpful – Not.
*
In any case, the subject
Has made me realise ... more
While awaiting inspiration for a new review, I remembered that this one was overdue for an update. Although I rewrote it a year or so ago for Dooyoo, to include selected items from handbag reviews posted over there, I never got round to revising the Ciao version. So here it is. All the articles mentioned appeared in reviews by women on one site or the other.
*
What have I in my handbag? I mustn't tell you lies; In truth the only bags I own Are those beneath my eyes.
You don't need special insight, No expertise in rockets, To guess that, being just a man, I keep stuff in my pockets.
But if I now said: "Nothing! So there, and that’s your lot!" You might not feel satisfied And rate this Helpful – Not.
*
In any case, the subject Has made me realise how Much women carry in their bags - On Dooyoo as on Ciao.
Just read the lists they've posted; They might make your eyes pop, Bring gasps from deep within your throat, And cause your jaw to drop.
It's not just keys and hankies, Small change and credit cards; Not so much "handbags" one might say As "portable lumberyards".
Purses abound in every shade: Black; brown from YSL; One, blue, has a pink butterfly Or had till off it fell.
There's lipstick and mascara - Warpaint of every kind - A mobile beauty parlour full, With nothing left behind.
"Hairbrush because I'd lost my comb"; "Comb which I thought I'd lost"; "A bottle of 'Red Door' Perfume." To this there's no riposte!
Plasters, medication And antiseptic cream, Pills to arouse or make one sleep, Perchance to make one dream.
Appointment cards for dentists, Repeat prescriptions too, Tampons, urine samples, And bottles of shampoo.
"Sunbed accelerator cream", (With which one should wear goggles) And "personal product, private" - The imagination boggles!
Sunglasses, contact lenses With full eye-test report And specs and glasses cleaners, Plus torch as last resort.
"Pens/Pencils/Rubber/Ruler" Some unmatched pentops too Staplers and calculators, And squashed-out tubes of glue.
There's mobile phone and diary, Scissors, adhesive tape, Blank envelopes and post-it notes, Alarms (to deter rape).
Disposable types of camera - As yet not thrown away - And batteries and adaptor plugs For use on holiday.
CDs and books and tape cassettes, French Dictionary and bible. "Pinocchio read-along storybook" - It's true; no hint of libel.
Soft toys depicting Winnie Pooh, Conkers and lucky charms, And there's "a cuddly penguin" To comfort babes in arms.
"A picture print thing of a moose", And one of J Timberlake, Cigarettes and chewing-gum Enough to make jaws ache.
"Four sachets of tomato sauce", (To smear on one's French fries?) "A flat bag of prawn cocktail crisps", And even a dead fly.
A teabag and a breakfast bar, Bananas, chewy sweets, An empty Werthers wrapper And many suchlike treats.
A plastic knife and fruit knife, A corkscrew ("gift from fella") A "QVC ring sizer", Earrings and umbrella.
"A pair of knickers and a skirt" A "bobble for hair, and clips," A bra strap and a safety pin, A button and a zip.
A sewing kit for all of those And gloves in various shades - One pair in soft cream leather Another in black suede.
An aerosol of glitter spray, For Halloween attire, An "object - unidentified" - Don't ask, still less enquire.
*
So what you might expect to find In kitchen, den or garage, Nursery and bathroom is All lugged around as baggage.
You shouldn't call it just a bag, More of a house with straps; But no matter what it's called, It's quite beyond us chaps.
No wonder that we can't keep up, No pocket could contain Such an array of weaponry, Nor could we stand the strain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Alternative version in haiku form:
Here's a review from A man debagged. Handbags help Women wear the pants.
Advantages: Quite touching towards the end. Genuinely got me thinking! Disadvantages: It's quite scary in places!
...here and there. But hello, what's this?
I think I found the source of the smell. I have just found my old PE kit, unwashed, and VERY VERY SMELLY! It consists of a now rock hard pair of tracksuit bottoms and a once-white T-shirt, wrapped around a pair of ancient mud caked trainers. Both items of clothing are plastered with mud. I guess it must have been rugby on my last day, and in my excitement I forgot to clean the kit. The T-shirt is solid to ... ...for a while. But hello, what's this?
I see a small Tupperware box, with a blue lid. The once clear box is splattered with black completely. A foul stench is pouring out from the corners as I attempt to ease it open. Slowly, it dawns on me what I am holding...
I pull the lunchbox out into the open. Examining it closer with a finger and a thumb tightly squeezing my nose shut, I can see there are a few patches where the dark mould coating the interior ...
reddragonflame87 24.06.2006
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of What's in my bag?
Advantages: Books and child related paraphenalia Disadvantages: It's a helluva mess
Have just read my sister’s handbag contents review and have marvelled at the useful items that are, no doubt, arranged in an organised manner and all in their separate compartments. My own patchwork bag, on the other, needs a patch sewn up before it falls off and has no compartments whatsoever. I try to keep things neat by dividing everything with my diary, but such organisation lasts for about an hour until the empty Smarties tubes and cigarette ... ...Recently met up again with an old mate from school I haven’t seen in years, and when she saw my diary she cracked up. ‘Still the same old Jasmine!’ (Really. People don’t just say that in books) Where would you be without your diary?’ in 1987, probably. I even got out old photo’s of us together and, after laughing at this ex boyfriend who had to be dumped because he smelled musty, and this guy who lost weight and was now seriously gorgeous and this ...
mizzjasmine 14.10.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of What's in my bag?
Advantages: A better understanding of disabilities? - my 40th Review Disadvantages: The dis-organisation of my dyspraxia is painfully evident.
When I first saw this challenge, I thought – there is NO WAY I can do THIS challenge. For a start, Which one of my ‘handbags’ do I choose? Or do I bore you all completely by listing the contents of every one? And what is the question REALLY asking? Do you ALL really want a listing of the contents of a bag that may or may not be in daily use? For instance, do you want the contents of my ‘evening bag’ – which might only see the light of day on a special ... ...that ‘glamorous’ special evening “look” and a pen and mini pad of paper for those ‘all-important’ notes you always want to jot down when you are out. Well, that would hardly fill the prerequisite 120 words (what I have written so far, including my introduction and this ‘aside’ is 153 words!).
Or there is the ‘handbag’ which sits on the side merely collecting bills, bank/card statements, till receipts and so-forth: these await a convenient moment ...
jesi 21.10.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of What's in my bag?
Advantages: More manly than a bag Disadvantages: I still think I may have forgotten to bring something
...I can keep track of what's what (I'm a man, so my memory doesn't work so good for "trivial" things like appointments!).
== Back Pocket ==
=== My wallet ===
As a kid, I always used to think people carrying wallets in their back pockets were stupid but as I have grown older and have had to carry more "essential" stuff, I have realised just how valuable pocket real estate is. Subsequently I have taken to utilising the extra space supplied by the ... ...I would like to know why only rear pockets are constructed to take square items like wallets, as those who overload their front pockets tend to get strange bulges in their thighs anyway....
As for wallet contents; a £20 note - a genuine rarity as I never have cash, I got this for my birthday recently from my mother-in-law. Two credit cards, 1 debit card, library card, Tesco club card, 2 x 5p pieces (also retrieved from the washing machine on a previous ...
ben-lloyd 05.08.2009
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of What's in my bag?
Advantages: It's mine and it's now a lot lighter. Disadvantages: I let you have a peep you nosey wotsits.
Oh look it's my fiftieth review and how better to celebrate than do a deep and meaningful review on the contents of my bag. So for voyeurs and nosey parkers everywhere come and take a peep into the black hole. My bag is only a few months old. It's black and has silver bits on the strap and a little Fiorelli label which I shall refer to again later. If Italian isn't your strong point then just combine the words 'Phwoar ' and 'Welly' and you're near ... ...style bag, small but cavernous with two small handles, for a sophisticated carry in left or right hand mode or sexy slung over the left or right shoulder look. There are no exterior pockets so would be robbers can't slip their paws in for a quick steal. I do in fact keep a good grip on mine since a toad stole all my worldly goods in a café a couple of years back. OK let's unzip and get stuck in. I'll just start with a deep delve and see what lurks ...
susie191 19.04.2007
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of What's in my bag?
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Advantages: Well, where shall I start? Disadvantages: I think I'm shallow
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So... I'm 17, and at college studying Business and Law (reapeating 1st year!! shhhhh), I'm going out with a wonderful man called Neil-he's 22 (23 soon-March 18th), now some of you may thing that's a big age gap-I get funny about it sometimes, but it doesn't make much difference-if anything I'm more mature than him! We've been together for 11 months (on the 23rd!!) and it's going great! We met outside a nightclub (not that I condone underage drinking-obviously!) and it sortof went from there, well no, actually when we first met, I thought he was a sleazy bas***d, and he thought I was a stuck up bi**h! So it wasn't love at first sight let me tell you!
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it hurts my head
my eyes ache too
i take a pen
is snaps in two
the white paper
folded over
starts to fall
i let it.
the noise it makes
i start to smile
she looks annoyed
and all the while
the walls are grey
the papers white
nothings changed
im still bored
sodden
she ate my pear
the silly mare
i sit and watch
i have to stare
so that she'll know
while she sits there
that all the while
i really care
but what she seems to fail to notice
its been inmybag
for over a week
soft and chewy
oh how nice
is it mushy
im not surprised
its sat in the sun
it sat in the car
its quite well travelled
its been real far
some one really ought to tell her
hope she likes her salmonella
some might say
im not being fair
that'll teach her, to steal my pear ...
nictastic 12.06.2003
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