Advantages You can now learn the Klingon language without attending university in America
Disadvantages Do you really want to admit that you sent away for a set of pet pyjamas?
There are several words and phrases in the English language that evoke strong emotions, I have in my infinite wisdom decided to name but a few.’ I love you’ seems to have caused more reactions than most and ‘take me roughly and make me beg, you bronzed love god’ is another (or is that just me). ‘Would you like fries with that?’ has probably set more stomachs churning than ten pints of beer, three milkshakes and a packet of peanuts, followed by a ride on the Nemesis. But I do feel that the word that causes the most heads to turn, the most eyes to light up and the most wallets to remain firmly in their rightful place (in my case, a heavily guarded vault) is the following one;Free.
Seems like a little thing doesn’t it? Have a think for a second. How many times have you accepted something you never wanted, would never use and would probably discard immediately after accepting it just because it was free? Have you ever bought that stereo, couch or car that you always wanted, knowing you would pay more later, simply because it is advertised as ‘Free until 2002’? I’m quite sure that all of us have registered countless times at the Family Planning Clinic under various assumed identities just to collect the vast quantities of free contraceptives, only to blow them up, make water bombs or some particularly hilarious balloon animals. No? Well that one probably is only me.Well then, you can imagine my elation to learn of this wonderful site where everything is free. My reaction was like Meg Ryan’s legendary orgasm in ‘When Harry Met Sally’, I can tell you (except I wasn’t faking it) and thanks to you cuddly people at Ciao, I can send off for all the useless rubbish in the world and take up valuable space in my house, totally gratis!
So how is the site? It was easy enough to register, marred only by my poor keyboard skills, to blame, at least in part by my nervous anticipation of free cat food and mouse mats. Registration is (surprisingly) free and means that all the new freebies can be accessed only by the select few (thousand) members. My own personalised username and password were e-mailed to me in a matter of minutes after registering and I desperately returned to the homepage faster than a cheetah on jet skis.It can be a little frustrating to actually reach the new offers, due to the volume of pages that must be displayed before entering that particular section, but as ever, I persevered. I was not at all disappointed.
Without question, my quest for Valhalla had well and truly ended. There were more free odds and ends available to me than to Stig of the dump and the range of utterly useless items made our local pound shop look pathetic. I quickly registered with as many sites as possible and awaited the arrival of my free umbrella, pet pyjamas and tampons.The amount of advertising banners can be a little frustrating, if understandable, but there are links to other sites and the sites of FreeUKstuff’s sponsors. The freebies are neatly categorised for easy access and there are even sections that show the press received for the site and information about it’s inception, which added a nice personal touch.
The site is not particularly attractive or inventive and the lack of visual stimulus may be enough to deter the casual surfer. Do not be put off, though as you may realise that the instructional manual you always dreamed of owning ‘One Hundred Uses For Vinegar’ or ‘How To Learn The Klingon Language’ is just a few clicks away.All joking aside, there are literally hundreds of useful freebies to be delivered to your doorstep. Free mobile ring tones, driving test advice, aftershave samples, washing powder or disposable cameras are all waiting to be sent to you, without costing even the price of delivery.
I have received a copy of ‘Web User’, the Internet magazine and a natty little pen (which has already saved me significant biro expenditure) and I await the arrival of many more lovely freebies with much the same excitement as I did the arrival of my GCSE results (which were incidentally, were a big let down).One word of warning; this site can be addictive and can result in loss of friends, employment and the ability to discriminate. I now order utterly useless items that I know I will never use; the membership to the ‘Panda Pops club’ really has to be an all-time low for me and I think my self-esteem has begun to suffer.
Sitting by my letterbox on mornings when I should be at work, idling away the hours in the hope that my limited edition Doctor Who trading card will land on my carpet is starting to concern my fiancée. ‘I’m sorry dear, I have a headache’ has now been replaced with ‘I’m sorry dear, I must send off for that Anbesol teething chart’ knowing full well that at this rate, I will never have the time to make any babies, let alone check their gums.The site is easy, fun and rewarding. It also connects you to web sites you would have never otherwise have visited and so acts as a handy networking tool in addition to its already obvious merits. FreeUKstuff is worth a visit, if for no other reason than to say that you’ve been there (very much like the Millennium Dome) but you never know, you might realise that to suck on a Fisherman’s Friend for free, no less, was just the tasty treat you were waiting for.
I know someone would have to pay me an awful lot so suffer the taste of those god-awful things.
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